Chapter 13 The End Of My World
Obi-Wan opened his eyes again, he smiled when he saw his Master looking down at him, Qui-Gon smoothed his hair and asked, "How are you feeling?"
Obi-Wan answered truthfully, "As well as anyone who can't use his legs I suppose. I guess I am not meant to be a Jedi after all."
Qui-Gon gently admonished his apprentice, "Don't say things like that! We do not yet know if it is a permanent injury. And if it is, you can still be a Jedi!"
Obi-Wan gave his master's hand a gentle squeeze, "Master, I thank you for trying to make me feel better. But, I seriously doubt many Jedi go into battle in a hover chair." The last words caught on Obi-Wan's throat and in a moment he was crying.
Qui-Gon's heart broke at the sight. Kneeling on the floor next to his Padawan's bed, he cupped Obi-Wan's face gently in his hands and leaned his forehead against his injured apprentice's and wished he could hold him, but knowing he could not because of the injury.
Doing his best to soothe the sobbing boy, Qui-Gon sent waves of love through the bond, unable to talk through his own tears.
After a few minutes Obi-Wan was able to compose himself, wiping his eyes, he said, "Master, could you go and get Klea and Bruck. I don't want them to worry."
Qui-Gon wiped his own tears, and nodded, planting a quick kiss on Obi-Wan's temple he said, "I will be right back."
Qui-Gon left the room, and went to the part of the ship Obi-Wan's friends were in. Bruck looked up from the data pad he was pretending to study when Qui-Gon entered the room, Bruck jumped up and asked, "Is he awake?"
Qui-Gon nodded, "He is, and he wants to see both you and Klea."
Bruck smiled, "I am on my way, Klea is in her quarters."
Qui-Gon smiled at Bruck's enthusiasm. He would defiantly do the injured boy some good. Qui-Gon then went further down the hall and knocked on the door to Klea's room.
An-Paj answered, "Qui-Gon, is everything all right?"
Qui-Gon nodded, "As well as can be expected, Obi-Wan is awake again." Qui-Gon looked at the figure laying on the bed, facing the wall and his heart went out to her, she was not handling this well at all, "He asked to see Klea and Bruck."
Klea stiffened, "He's awake?"
Qui-Gon replied, "Yes, and he is worried about you both."
Klea let out a sound that was half sob and half laugh, "That is Obi-Wan all right, always worried about others. But...but..."
An-Paj grew concerned, "What is it?"
Klea sighed, "I don't know if I can handle this, seeing him that way."
Qui-Gon understood, it was difficult, but Obi-Wan needed them, "I know Klea, but he needs you, needs all of us. We need to be there for him."
Klea agreed and got up, she then followed Qui-Gon to where Obi-Wan was.
Bruck entered Obi-Wan's room, he smile faded when he saw Obi-Wan, looking so small and pale on the bed, but he quickly recovered, and said softly, "Hey, Obi."
Obi-Wan opened his eyes, "Hey, Bruck."
Bruck sat in the chair next to his friend's bed, "Obi-Wan, I am sorry..."
Obi-Wan interrupted, "Bruck, don't. It is not your fault."
Bruck shrugged, "I feel like it is."
Before Obi-Wan could answer, the door opened and Klea stepped in. She looked pale and fragile. She put on a brave smile for Obi-Wan, "Obi-Wan, I am glad you are awake."
Obi-Wan saw through the smile, he knew she was troubled, and in his own troubled mind, he thought she saw him differently now. Obi-Wan smiled a sad smile, "Hi, Klea. I am glad your here."
Klea responded in a troubled tone, "Where else would I be?"
Obi-Wan did not answer, but he thought, You want to be anywhere but here.
Bruck noticed the tension, and tried to ease it by cracking jokes. His heart rose when Obi-Wan actually gave a small laugh.
After a few minutes Qui-Gon, Leona, and An-Paj came in. An-Paj ordered, "Obi-Wan needs to rest. We arrive home tomorrow."
Obi-Wan tried to ignore the quick way Klea got up, "Good night, Obi." She kissed his forehead and left the room like a Sith was after her.
Obi-Wan managed to keep the tears in the back of his eyes. Bruck lingered for a minute, giving Obi-Wan's arm a quick squeeze, "See you tomorrow."
An-Paj followed Klea, and Leona did a quick exam of Obi-Wan, and left Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan alone. As soon as the door closed, Obi-Wan allowed the floodgates of his eyes to open.
Qui-Gon wiped his tears away gently, "Don't cry, Obi-Wan. Everything will be fine."
Obi-Wan answered sharply, "It will not! Klea could not even look at me! I will never be a Jedi. Maybe you should just get another Padawan."
Obi-Wan's words stuck Qui-Gon like a slap, "No, Obi-Wan, I will not get another apprentice. No one could ever replace you. You are my son. My heart, my life."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, "I'm sorry Master. I did not mean to hurt you."
Qui-Gon's eyes softened, "I know Obi-Wan. You are confused. I promise though, you will not go through this alone. I will be here for you. No matter what."
Obi-Wan managed a smile, before he drifted back to sleep.
Qui-Gon stood off to the side as Leona and An-Paj made sure Obi-Wan was secure on the stretcher. They had to be very careful that his spine, neck, and head were aligned, the injury could be aggravated more if he were to move.
Obi-Wan stared at the ceiling through this. While he was glad to be in familiar surroundings, he was nervous. How would he be looked at by the initiates, the other padawans, his instructors, the council?
Obi-Wan let out a sigh, Qui-Gon asked gently, "Padawan, what is it?"
Obi-Wan bit back a sharp response, it would not do him any good to be cruel to the man who he looked upon as his father, instead he lied, "Nothing, Master."
Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes, he knew that 'nothing' was defiantly 'something', but he did not pry. He knew Obi-Wan needed time to come to grips with everything. Now that they were home, An-Paj and Leona would have everything they needed to do a full exam on the boy. And they would finally know the extent of his injury.
This relieved Qui-Gon, yet at the same time it frightened him, as long as they did not know the extent, there was some hope. But Qui-Gon told himself, Wherever the force is, there is hope. And the force is here, it is in Obi-Wan. We will get through this.
An-Paj was finally satisfied that Obi-Wan would not move on the short journey from the landing platform to the med unit, "Lets go, your usual room is waiting Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan knew that the healer meant that to be a joke, but Obi-Wan was not in a joking mood. He shot An-Paj a sharp look, but did not say anything.
Qui-Gon was relieved to see Yoda waiting patiently on the platform. Yoda was the most calming being he had ever met. And that was what they needed right now, a calm presence.
Yoda hobbled forward, "Glad to see you all I am. Worried we have been."
Qui-Gon bowed, "Thank you Master. It has been difficult."
Yoda nodded, "Difficult path in front of you. Hold on to the force, guide you it will. Save you it can."
Obi-Wan remained still, tears in the back of his eyes. Yoda saw this, and laid a gentle hand on the boy's head, "Strong you are, Padawan."
Obi-Wan responded, "But not that strong."
Qui-Gon's heart dropped, Obi-Wan could not give up. He could not stop fighting. Qui-Gon would not allow that.
The remark did not phase Yoda, "Hmph." Turning to Bruck and Klea, he said, "Go to Nik-Ka you will, heal you both must."
Klea closed her eyes and nodded, she did not want to go to the mind healer, but she knew she had to. Her dreams were haunted. They all ended the same way. Ren finding Obi-Wan, and making him suffer, "Thank you Master Yoda."
Darick led, Klea and Bruck away. Yoda turned to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon again, "See you both as well, Nik-Ka will."
In a sharp tone Obi-Wan responded, "I don't want to."
Qui-Gon was taken aback once again, "Obi-Wan, he can help you..."
Obi-Wan interrupted him, "Help me what? Come to accept what has happened to me? Well, I won't, EVER!"
Qui-Gon was at a loss at what to do, he knew he should reprimand Obi-Wan for his disrespect, but he could not. Yoda then stepped in, "Love you we do. See you whole again we will."
With that the small Jedi master hobbled away.
An-Paj then ordered, "Leona, lets move. Obi-Wan, try to remain still."
Obi-Wan nodded, and closed his eyes so he could not see the hurt expression in his Master's face.
Qui-Gon looked at the chrono, more then an hour had past, and Obi-Wan was still in the exam room. He was beside himself with worry. What was taking so long? Qui-Gon almost insisted on staying through the exam, but he heeded An-Paj's request and remained in the waiting area.
A few moments later An-Paj and Leona stepped out of the room. Qui-Gon noted that they had relieved expressions on their faces.
Qui-Gon asked, "How is he?"
An-Paj answered, "It is going to be a long recovery, his spine is severely bruised, but not fractured."
Qui-Gon then stated, "I want to take him home."
An-Paj and Leona traded glances, and Leona gently said, "are you sure you can handle him. He is an invalid right now, it will be a lot of work caring for him."
Qui-Gon answer was matter of fact, "I am his Master, I will care for him. Just tell me what I need to do."
An-Paj sighed, he knew he could argue with Qui-Gon for hours and not change his mind, "You need to love and support him. Make him see it is not the end of the world. Help he learn to do things for himself during his recovery. I will have an outline for you tomorrow. It will state the physical therapy he is suppose to have. And Master Nik-Ka will be by to see you both tomorrow."
Qui-Gon nodded, "Very good, can I see him now?"
Leona nodded, "Of course."
Obi-Wan opened his eyes when the door opened. Qui-Gon stepped in, and Obi-Wan noted that Qui-Gon looked ashen, and the lines in his face were deep with worry. The older man looked exhausted.
Obi-Wan managed a small smile and said in a small voice, "Hi, Master."
Qui-Gon returned the smile, "Hello, Padawan. There is good news."
Obi-Wan managed to look interested, "What?"
The Jedi Master sat in the chair next to Obi-Wan's bed and took his hand, "Your spine is severely bruised, but it was not fractured. An-Paj assures me that with some intense physical therapy, you will be fine."
Obi-Wan's eyes took on a relieved look, but then he asked, "How come I still can't feel or move my legs?"
Qui-Gon answered, "Because, the swelling has not gone down, it may take some time. In the mean time, I can take you home and you will begin physical therapy. You will also see Master Nik-Ka."
Obi-Wan shook his head, "I don't want to see Master Nik-Ka. And how long will it take before I get feeling back?"
Qui-Gon was not surprised in Obi-Wan's sudden attitude change, both Nik-Ka and An-Paj had warned him that it was common with injuries such as this, "Master Nik-Ka can help you, and we do not know how long. Perhaps six months or so."
Obi-Wan asked in disbelief, "SIX MONTHS? I will be a helpless invalid for six months?"
Qui-Gon rubbed his eyes, "You will not be helpless. You will learn how to do things for yourself. You will still be able to go to class..."
Obi-Wan interrupted Qui-Gon, "If you think I am going to class in a hover chair, your out of your mind! And what about the sparring championship in a couple of months. I am supposed to be in it, I am the defending champion." His voice took on an insolent tone.
Qui-Gon chose to ignore the disrespect once again, "I am sorry, Obi-Wan. But you will not be participating in this years championship. As far as the classes, we will discuss it later. Now, I can take you home now."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, "But everyone will see me. I don't want their pity."
Qui-Gon smoothed Obi-Wan's hair, "No one is going to pity you, they are going to care about you and your recovery."
Obi-Wan, to Qui-Gon's surprise, moved his head out of Qui-Gon's loving caress and did not answer. Qui-Gon's feelings were hurt, but he did not say anything. He moved his hand away and said, "Are you ready to go home?"
Obi-Wan sighed, "I suppose. I have nothing else to do."
Qui-Gon again did not respond. He left the room, and came back with An-Paj who had a floating stretcher, An-Paj explained, "Even though your spine was not fractured, I still don't want you to move around yet. For a week you need to remain on your back."
Obi-Wan responded sarcastically, "This just gets better and better. What else do I have to look forward too?"
An-Paj raised an eyebrow at Qui-Gon, who, to An-Paj's surprise, said nothing. An-Paj answered, "Well, young man, you have therapy to look forward too. And an appointment with Master Nik-Ka."
Obi-Wan argued, "I am not going."
Qui-Gon finally spoke up, "Obi-Wan, that is quite enough. An-Paj is trying to help you. You are out of line with your disrespect."
Closing his eyes, Obi-wan muttered, "Whatever."
An-Paj let it slide, he seen injuries like this before. The aftermath leaves the victim feeling utterly helpless. Mood swings are normal, with a depressed mood being predominant. An-Paj hoped it would pass.
An-Paj said to Qui-Gon, "I will accompany you back to your quarters and get Obi-Wan settled."
Obi-Wan's eyes popped open, "Get me settled? I am not a baby!"
An-Paj then lost patience, "Then quit acting like one."
Obi-Wan turned red, but then closed his eyes again. Deep down he felt ashamed. He did not want to treat his Master or An-Paj badly, but he felt so helpless that lashing out made him feel better.
A little while later, Obi-Wan was in his room. He looked around at the familiar surroundings. His room had a beautiful view of the meditation gardens. He always loved looking out at the gardens. But now things were different. He could not take joy in the view. Laying flat on his back, Obi-Wan tried to release his anger into the force. But he could not. He was angry, depressed, helpless. And he hated the feeling.
In the next room, Qui-Gon and An-Paj were having a quiet conversation, Qui-Gon was speaking, "I don't like this. He is not my Obi-Wan."
An-Paj tried to reassure him, "He is in there somewhere Qui. He has been through a lot, his body is learning to adjust, so is his mind. That is why it is important for him to see Nik-Ka."
Qui-Gon nodded, "I agree, he will see him. Now of the therapy?"
An-Paj pulled out a data pad, "Tomorrow, we will start with the limb massages. This will keep his muscles tone. But after he starts getting feeling back, he will feel tingling. Like "pins and needles", It will not be comfortable, but it is necessary. Also, try to keep up his appetite, if he starts to lose weight, or starts to dehydrate, he will need an i.v. And we both know how much he loves them."
Qui-Gon had to smile at An-Paj's remark, "I will do my part, good night An-Paj."
