Pants, Pants, who has my pants?

The Marauder erupted from the flight bay of the Command Carrier, causing the incoming squadron's pilot's lives to flash before their eyes, as it corkscrewed through them.

"Ah, sorry!" KP said fighting the controls. "Natural? So not." She gritted, feeling the craft trying to spin out again. "At this rate we'll be lucky to survive five minutes."

"Let me try Kim—this is just like the fighter plane in Mission to Antares, Alien Rampage IX!"

"Ron! This is not some video game." Ron looked at Kim. Where had he learned the puppydog look?

"Oh, ok, you can try, but don't hit anything."

Several hours later, the marauder was flying as if an ace pilot was at the controls.

"Boo Ya!" Ron shouted out, doing a series of rolls. Kim rolled her eyes, trying to keep some very unfair jealousy out of them.


"Are they away?"

"Yes Scorpius."

"Excellent, Braca." Scorpius paused, "Well, our lure is in the water, so there is little to do but wait. Bring me our most recent reports on Scarran military deployments."

"Yes, Scorpius."


"Wow…" Ron said, craning his head at the vast buildings, taller than any earth city, the hundreds of strange, alien lifeforms, the stalls full of strange alien foods… it was heaven. It was like every alien movie rolled into one, and here he was in his snappy red and black uniform, one of the Good Guys! He looked over at Kim, and back to where he'd made a perfect, three point landing in the Marauder.

"Ready, KP?" Kim nodded. She got enough help back home and now as a part of an official police group, what could go wrong? She set off, with a huge smile on her face, echoed by Ron.

The smile lasted precisely five minutes.

"We're closed, Peacekeeper." The alien said, slamming down the front of its store so that Kim almost lost fingers. She blinked.

"Ah, Hello-" She asked another one, only to have it turn and hunch its back over, as if it was trying to ignore her. An eyeball in the middle of its back glared at her disconcertingly.

"Oohhhh!" The redhead gritted her teeth and kept from saying many bad words. "What is it with you people… I'm a good guy!"

"Peacekeeper… HAH!" another alien said sliding past her on several snaillike feet.

After fifteen minutes, Kim and Ron were sitting on a bench, looking annoyed.

"That's it." Kim said, "First world we come to and I bet everyone here is a crook—I'm going to put on my old clothes." She looked at Ron. "Ron?" Ron was staring dreamily at the back of a woman who was walking down the street, one wearing a very elaborate headdress.

"ewww, Ron, what are you looking at?" Kim said. "She could be older than your mom."

"Nah she couldn't…she's an alien space babe…"

"uh-huh!" Rufus agreed, and made the universal symbol for Curves: female body type. Kim groaned.

"And Besides, KP, I can turn on the Ronness and get some info." At that, she groaned again. Looking down at the (now useless) Kimmunicator, in the empty holster where the uniform normally bore its gun, Kim reminded herself to get Wade to install something that would let him talk over million's of light years, when they got back. If they got back.

"Ok. I'm going to change, and you keep in touch with the comlink." She said, pointing to the gadget that they'd tested on the way here. She shrugged, "Besides, there's only room for one person to change." Ron turned red at the images that conjured and turned to go. Kim called after him. "Ron, don't spend all the money we have!" Mr. Scorpius had given them money, but she had no idea how far it would go. She paused and got an evil smile on her face. "And don't lose your pants!" Ron frowned at that.

"I am a Peacekeeper operative! We do not lose our pants." With that, he and Rufus headed after their alien space babe.

"At least they haven't up until now." Kim said, and headed back to the Marauder.


Ron followed the alien babe. Not only that, he followed the smells on the air. Boo-Ya! She was going into what looked like a major snackage nexus.

"Rufus… this is going to be so incredible…today, I, Ron Stoppable, will enter the final frontier." He refrained from jumping for joy.

Behind him, an alien shrugged. Arrogant Peacekeeper. Well it was no skin off his nose if the frellnick went into the worst place a single Peacekeeper could go on the planet.

Inside the bar, there were hundreds of patrons, and dozens of alien species. The tall, reptilian woman strode to the bar, distaste on her face. At the bar, two large, male Scarran's turned to her.

"War Minister Ahkna, welcome."

"I have little tolerance for this world at the best of times." She said. "Crowded, disorganized…. Tell me, do you have news of him?" Behind her, Ron advanced, thinking of all the pickup lines he'd ever heard used. Then he heard it. The perfect opening.

"No, so far we have little knowledge of the current location of John Crichton."

"Boo-ya!" Ron said, hearing that perfect opening. All three turned to look at him. Ron suddenly was aware that this spacechick didn't look so cute up close…in fact she looked pretty scary…and that wasn't a nice smile.

"Peacekeeper…" Ahkna hissed. "I trust your pursuit was profitable…I noticed you sometime ago."

"Um…yeah, well, that is, I heard you were looking for John Crichton and I thought that we might talk about it…on a date?" Ron finished, as Rufus dove for cover.

"A date? A date?" Ahkna asked. "To engage in recreational sex?"

"Well, I was thinking more along the line of-" Ahkna cut him off, looking furious.

"A Scarran and a Sebacean?" She looked ill for a moment. "Disgusting…and you will pay for that….after you've told me about John Crichton…" Ron was now backing off. Nobody told him that the big reptilian Scarrans had girls like that—but on second thought, she looked scarier than her two friends. Rufus poked his head out and looked behind Ron. He grabbed Ron's ear and pulled the teen around. Ron looked behind him. There were more Scarrans behind him…with guns. Really, really big guns.

"Um…on second thought, it wouldn't work out, so I'll.... RUN!" he said, and took off like a bat out of hell.

Ahkna snarled and unleashed the full power of the Scarran heat glands on him, and Ron smelled burning fabric, and desperately unbuttoned his pants…and tripped just in time as another Scarran soldier nearly took his head off with a sword blade.

"Alive, you idiots!" Ahkna screamed, and dived down, her arm blades spearing out. He didn't have to walk, just talk. She came up with a pair of burning Peacekeeper uniform pants that somehow got stuck to her claws. Furiously shaking them off, she got free just in time to see the Sebacean take off, somehow evading the furious soldiers.

"Get him." She snarled, striding off behind the soldiers. "Do not kill him…but anything short of that is approved." Getting to the door, Ahkna felt a gnawing puzzlement. The idiot had seemed familiar…something about his speech patterns. Even through the microbes it had been like…

John Crichton. Ahkna stopped short, like a thunderbolt had hit her. That male was not Sebacean…he was a human, and that meant that either the humans had successfully replicated Crichton's work with wormholes and had come for him, or, more likely, the Peacekeepers had finally made their often threatened breakthrough in the science of wormhole technology. She turned to her escort.

"Have all the others follow the Peacekeeper… I need to speak with Emperor Staleek, immediately."


Kim was walking back to where she'd last left Ron. Now her in trademark black top and cargo pants, she wasn't getting the same reaction from everyone that the red and black uniform had.

"Strange…" Kim thought. Even in bad neighborhoods, people didn't act like that to the police.

"Kim! Kim!" She turned and looked to see Ron, charging down the street…yep, sans pants. Again.

"Ron, I told you to-" Ron tackled his friend and Kim gave a squawk as she went over on her behind, just as a Scarran soldier turned the corner and blew a very large chunk out of the building behind them with his gun.

"The space babe had brothers?"

"Big brothers, Kim, and she fires heat out of her hands, and she is Sick and WRONG!" Ron said, as more and more of his fan club charged around the corner.

"Come on!" Kim said, getting up and dragging Ron after her, as she headed right back to the ship. "we have to get out of her!" She finished. Kim wasn't about to get into a fight. Unless she had to.

They outdistanced their pursuers and were in the clear as they came to the Marauder. Then, standing in front of it, they saw a single Scarran, smiling, standing between them and the ship. Kim looked behind them, and heard the now dim, but growing clamor of the other group.

"Looks like I have to." She said to herself. She leaped for the Scarran, charging down on him, and then as he lashed out with his claws, spun over his head, coming down behind him and nailing him, square in the back, with the best kick she could land. Kim gasped as her leg was jarred from foot to hip. The Scarran looked like he hadn't even felt it, as he turned around.

"Weak Sebacean, I will enjoy breaking you." He then stuck out his hand.

"KIM!" Ron screamed, but too late as the heat hammered at Kim, driving her down to the landing pad.

"This is all?" the Scarran asked, "This is all you're capable of?" Ron looked around, then blinked and ran over to a stall. Whatever the symbology, he knew frostie cones.

"Pardon me, Peacekeeper emergency, keep the change." Ron said, slamming down some of the money (and shutting the shopkeeper up as it realized it now had enough to buy a store), and picked up the icy container.

"Rufus—valves."

"Uh-huh!" The mole rat ran up the top of the container.

"Hey hot head—you need to cool down." Ron said.

"What-ARRRGGGGHHHH!" the Scarran screamed as the agonizing tide of unexpected cold splattered him, covering him as he staggered back. Kim was getting up, shaking her head groggily.

"Come on, KP!" Ron said, "Time to go!" And with that, the two teens and the mole rat made it into the Marauder, lifting off just as the main body reached the landing pads.


"We have no pursuit ships in position, War Minister." was the message Ahkna got back at her comboard. She snarled. Taking a human would have solidified her position—but that had to wait. If the Peacekeepers did have wormhole technology, or an alliance with those who did, then the damage at Katratzi base was but a sign of things to come… the planned war could not be launched until the Scarran Empire could be certain that was not the case.
Above the planet, and rapidly heading away, Kim glared at Ron.

"I told you not to go after an "alien space babe"… and you had to find a Scarran one."

"Hey, Kim," Ron said, "But I found out something very interesting—they're looking for John Crichton too!" Kim groaned.

"They probably want the same thing the Peacekeepers need…and they'll attack. Ron, we have to find him and get him back to Scorpius, for his own good." Both teens shared a terrible vision, of the astronaut captured, without the protection of Scorpius.

"You said it Kim…but I don't know about Scorpius either."

"Oh, why? Because he didn't warn you about lady Scarrans?"

"No, he has an English accent, and he wears black that's Bad Road, KP—nothing good came of an English Accent!" Ron paused. "Ah…KP, could you drive?"

"Why?"

"Well…it's getting pretty cold and I'd like to find some more pants…" Kim sighed and took the stick. Maybe this time she'd ge-

The Marauder started spinning like a psychotic top.

"RON! Hurry!"

"I'm Hurrying! Ooooohhhh Kim, stop spinning… "

"I'm trying!"

"Feeling yucky in the tummy…."


Moya.

It was Rygel's laughter that brought John and Aeryn out of their quarters.

"what's going on, Sparky?" The human astronaut asked. Rygel, floating in his chair, pointed to the holodisplay.

"Pilot scanned this report…and it has all of our favorite people looking like a bunch of frellniks." John watched and had to admit it was pretty damned funny. There was a street image, and then suddenly, a young Peacekeeper, sans pants came charging out, pursued by a horde of Scarrans. Aeryn looked surprised.

"That's a very young Peacekeeper John—he shouldn't even be off a Command Carrier training field yet."

"Maybe he's looking for his pants." Rygel laughed. The Camera kept following them, while the commentator spoke about the inquiries the planet was making of both the Peacekeepers and Scarrans, to avoid a repeat of the incident, when another female Sebacean got involved.

"Kim, Kim-"

"Ron, I told you-"

"Freeze Frame!" Crichton shouted, as he bolted upright.

"John, what is it?"

"Aeryn…they were speaking English. Those aren't Sebaceans… they're human."

To be continued.