THEY'RE HERE! We see Animorphs! You'll all be so shocked!

BIG romance coming up next chapter... please review -it makes my day!


Chapter 13

He caught me in his arms as I nearly fell into them, and for awhile we were free to cry, to be sad, to share sorrow…

But my little girl was missing and I couldn't waste time being weak. I am not weak. I am strong…I will find her.

I broke out of his arms, and looked up into his worried face. "Come on, let's go," I said, moving past him.

"Wait!" He caught my hand. "Where are you going?"

"To find Ashline!"

"How?"

I stopped. I didn't know.

"We don't know where they took her. We don't even know where an entrance to the pool is. We have to be patient."

"I don't WANT to be patient!" I yelled, ripping out of his grasp. "I want my daughter!"

"You can't have her right now!" He yelled back. "You have to WAIT for them to contact us!"

"I can't!"

"You will!"

"I CAN'T"

"Taylor, see logic! There's nowhere to go. Nowhere to start. We don't know anyone. We can't track them. It's hopeless."

I slumped, weak. Beaten.

What had they done with her…

"Come on," he whispered to me, arm around me, blocking us from the stares of people around us. "I'll take you home."

We got into his car and he drove, while I was blind to the world.

"Why did you make me believe she wasn't mine?"

I stared at nothing before I answered. "If you knew she was yours…you'd want to be around more…you'd want to see her. If you had known when I left…you would have followed me. I just wanted to forget it. To be safe."

"Sometimes you're a real bitch, Taylor…"

He pulled me up the stairs, and I came awake enough to hand him the keys. He brought me inside, and sent me to the bathroom to shower, to get all the soot and dirt off of me.

The water woke me up again. I was out of my hysteria. And I was angry.

I thought it was over. I had thought that if I could hide, if I could run away, then it would be forgotten. That I could be normal, for once. I guess not.

"Why won't you die?" I said, smacking the tiles. "Why won't you all just die and leave me alone!"

I got out of the shower, and dried myself off. I felt guilty for not doing anything, for not being out there trying to save Ashline, but Alex was right. There was nothing I could do.

I dressed, and came out of my bedroom to find him on the couch, studying a picture of Ashline and me.

"Did she ever ask any questions?" he looked up at me. "Didn't she ever wonder who her father was?"

I looked at him sadly. "She asked. When she was younger, she asked a lot. I always told her she had to wait. Had to wait until she was older. Until I could explain about that mess."

"Is that what it was to you? All of it? A mess?"

I sank down into the couch beside him. "When it was over…I couldn't face it…" I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I had to leave. I had to go, to get out."

"You hurt me so much, Taylor," he said, mocking my name.

My foolish name…

"I'm sorry…"

He was quiet, not answering. If it were me, I would never forgive myself. I would sit there, fuming with anger at what I had done. But Alex was better than that…

"We missed you. We all missed you…it wasn't the same after you left…everyone drifted apart."

"How are they?" I asked suddenly, surprising myself by my sudden interest. "How is…Will…was it? And Mark?"

Alex looked grim. "Do we have to keep up this name game?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Cause I am not that girl…"

"What girl!" He yelled, suddenly in a passion. "WHAT GIRL!"

"The girl who died nine years ago! The girl who died as soon as it was over! I changed! I moved on! She's not me anymore! WE are not who we were!"

I dissolved into silent tears. It was true. I hated it, I loved it, and it was true. We were different.

"I thought things could be different," he said slowly. "I thought if I came to see you, you might be the same. I shouldn't have been so naïve…"

"I'm sorry, Alex," I said. "I was wrong to run. I was wrong to hide from you. I was wrong to not tell you."

"Nine years, Taylor. Forget not telling anyone where you were, who you were…but you didn't tell me about your daughter. About our daughter."

I was silent. It had been my secret. From him, from her, from everyone. I took us into hiding.

"It was to keep us safe."

"Safe from me?"

"From everyone," I corrected. "I didn't want her to live in fear."

He let his head hang, then sat up and put his hand in mine.

"It's okay. You know what? It's okay…"

I leaned against him, letting myself be stroked and petted.

"We'll find her," he said finally. "I swear to you, we will find her. And then we will kill those yeerk bastards until their whole species is wiped out. Do you hear me? No more!"

I heard him. As I moved my lips over his I heard him, again and again, promising me a life free from fear. Free from the constant threat of the yeerks. Free from this masquerade that I had played out for nine years.

"I'm so sorry," I said again, once I broke that kiss. "I'm so sorry…I don't know what happened…after the war, when we decided we had had enough…before we all changed our names, I was unhappy. I had stopped caring for you like I used to. The fight was over. There was nothing left to do. Our lives were over…and then when we took on different names, and different histories, just so we could be left alone…escape the fame…then I knew it was truly finished."

There it was. My big secret. Everything I had tried to convince myself of through the years was washed away, like it never was.

My name is not Taylor.

"I always wondered why you picked 'Taylor'. Like the woman who tortured me for two weeks..." He said slowly.

I laughed cruelly. "For the symbolism. I was pregnant with your child, and no one knew it but me. And I knew I had to leave eventually…and I knew you wouldn't be coming with me. I was denying who I was, I mean, who I had been. I was rejecting you, rejecting all of them…"

"I never stopped loving you, though…" he whispered dutifully, stroking my hair back. "I never stopped missing you…stopped searching…"

"I know," I said. "And I never stopped running…stopped hiding…"

"It's okay now. But I don't think I could give you up again. Not after I've found you. Not after I know we have a daughter."

"When this final war is over," I whispered. "When all the yeerks are dead…there won't be a reason to run anymore…I'm tired of living a lie…" I started crying.

I was sobbing, crying out all the hardships over the years, all the pain and suffering…all the hurt I had caused him and the others, and myself. I soaked his shirt, and he still clung to me, still joined us together, offering that kind of comfort I had all but forgotten…

"It's okay, Rachel," Tobias said, drawing me closer. "It's okay."