Thanks to all who have reviewed. Sorry it took so long, I've been busy at fictionpress. I wrote my first book, yay!
Chapter 13
Rachel past
"I can't stand it anymore!" I said loudly, pacing the floor.
"I know what you mean," Marco said grimly, pushing a piece of hay around with his foot.
I stopped moving, smiling with the irony of it all. We were in the barn. This damned, cursed barn. It still stood. And we were in it. For what would be our final meeting.
"Can you blame everyone? We just saved the world!" Cassie said, smiling dimly.
I shook my head. "It's just not the same…"
Jake spoke up. "To quote Marco, 'I know what you mean.' It's like…now what?"
I looked at my cousin. He had grown up so much. We all had. I studied the rest of the group. We were no longer those scared kids who had taken a shortcut through a construction site. We were older…we were adults….
I finally sat down next to Tobias, and took his hand unconsciously, out of habit.
I didn't mean it.
I felt a pang of guilt. Things had been failing towards the end of the war, and when it was finally over, I had expected things to get better. They didn't.
I stayed with him out of habit. I cared for him, but it wasn't like it was before. I couldn't sense him there beside me anymore…I couldn't tell what he was thinking…I didn't feel comfortable going up to him and hugging him, just so I could hold his body close to mine…
I looked around again. We were all sitting where we 'normally' sat, where we had sat for four years, until the war became so bad we ran to the Hork-Bajir valley.
Things were different between all of us. I could feel it. Jake and Cassie were on opposite sides of the room. Marco sat aloof, toying with that piece of hay, devoid of jokes, although that incessant smirk still was there.
"What are we going to do, then?" He asked. "I can't take any more of this. It's like someone came along and stuck us in a bare, white room. There's nothing to do. We don't know anything of the outside world."
"Of course, you're fan club isn't helping this mentality," I joked, putting on a show for everyone.
Marco scowled, and threw the straw away. No response.
"Guys," Cassie sighed finally. "We're adults now. We can make our own decisions. We don't need to be here, having this meeting. We can go on with our lives. We made it."
Those words sounded encouraging, sounded great. But Cassie's eyes were dull, and we were all lost in the after-glory of hero-worship for a war that had been our life.
"I don't think I handle it anymore," Jake said after a pause, staring at Cassie. "I swear, if another reporter comes to my house…"
We laughed lightly. Reporters…
"I don't think I can either," Tobias said softly beside me. "All through the war, we just wanted to be normal. We were naïve enough to think that if the war was over, we could go back to being kids. But that didn't happen." He stood up.
I saw a half-boy, half-man. He was getting older, entering the final stages of growing up. I felt it within myself, too.
"As long as we are 'The Animorphs', we will be forever grouped. Forever recognized and extra ordinary. We can kiss those dreams of normality goodbye."
"I'd like to be normal…" Marco said, as if marveling at a dream… "'Sounds pretty nice."
"How do we do it?"
"We change our names," Cassie said. "We get different identities, and we go on. We escape historians and journalists and people who just want heroes. It's our only hope. Our only chance at a real life."
We all looked to Jake.
"Guys," he said. "I'm not the leader anymore. I never want to lead again. But I'll do it one last time, if you want me to. Let's vote. It has to be unanimous. Either the 'Animorphs' disappear, or we go on, the celebrities of the galaxy. Who votes for changing our names, moving on, forgetting this?"
He slowly tallied up the votes.
Five. Unanimous.
"I'm changing my name to Hope," Cassie said. "I don't know about changing our names and moving on, but I can't forget. I don't want to forget. Hope will remind me of the great things we've done."
"Mark," Marco said. "Easy to remember. Not much of a change."
"Will," Jake said. "Also easy. William. William Bearenson."
"Alex," Tobias said, after a moment's thinking. "Alexander. People could even call me Al. Like my father. And the X for Aximili, wherever he is."
"Taylor," I said, all eyes upon me, and my face grew hot. "Just Taylor."
I hugged my arms around me as I met their questioning stares, all but his.
Don't you know why? I asked him. I'm going to hurt you. Things aren't the same. I'm taking our child and leaving. Will you forgive me?
And I looked into his face, grown so old in an instant, and I looked around at the others, and I knew this is the last time we will meet as the Animorphs. That group of people is dead.
We might stick around this town for a bit, but after we are no longer a secret club, an order bound to each other, we'll drift away…I would drift away…
"Alright guys," Will said. "Mark, Hope, Taylor, and Alex. Thank you. Thank you for everything."
I took Tobias aside after the meeting.
"I'm going to call you Alex from now on," I informed him, and stood close to him as he leaned against the barn wall, my chest pressing into his, and let his warmth course through me.
This was one of the last moments I would feel close to him, and I knew it. We were changing too rapidly.
He held me, and kissed me lightly, and we stood there, listening to storm clouds gather.
My stomach moving in and out as I breathed met with his, and I thought of the child I held within me. I should tell him now…
"I love you Rachel," he said, letting go of me and walking away. "I mean, Taylor."
He demorphed and flew quietly away.
"Goodbye…Alex…"
It started raining.
I would leave the next day, while it was still raining. Just pack up my things in boxes and share one final secret with Cassie –my baby- and then drive off, never to return again.
"Goodbye…"
