July 4, 1992
Dear Journal,
Dear god I have the worst headache known to man. I drank A LOT last night. Whiskey in fact. Some stuff, Spike got me drunk last night. I came to the cart; he said I looked gloom, which I did because I saw Fred today for the first time in a while. He offered my some whiskey and I took it.

"Why is it that when you are deeply in love with someone, most of the time they don't love you back?" I asked him. His eyes sort of softened I guess remembering Buffy.
"I don't know mate, but the thing is Wes. If it's Fred we're talking about. Well she still loves you."
"Do she really?" I asked him.
"Of course she does! She is always asking how you are and crap. Ya should really make a move."
"A move?" I asked.
"Yeah know, go on, and see her, what ever."
"I-I can't. Not after."
"Look here Percy, ya don't go see her know, and you won't go see her ever. Then you'll regret it for the rest of your life." Spike actually made sense. So I listened to Spike.
Damm Whiskey.

How the hell did I know where Fred lived? Well there's sort of a girl semi apartment for girls, and one for the guys. Luckily Fred was outside with some friends of hers. I didn't recognize them so I was safe. I looked at her and nearly fainted. Dear god she is gorgeous. She must of just came back clubbing or something. A black dress that fit her very well, with a slit up one leg.
"Ohm Fred?" I mumbled. All of the girls looked at me and started giggling.
"Wes what are you-"
"can I talk to you?" I mumbled.
"Yeah sure." and we walked to this alley beside the apartment building.

"Fred-"
"Wesley what are you-"
"I can't do this anymore." I replied looking at her in the eye. Her back was up against the wall, looking at me with those big round brown eyes.
"Do what?" she whispered.
"Not be with you." I muttered to her in reply, she looked up at me all shocked. "I miss you Fred...I miss your laugh, your smile, our talks, our walks,"
"Wesley-"
"I miss your eyes." I replied gently with the back of my hand I caressed the side of her face. "Your skin." I whispered as I continued to caress her cheek. "Your lips." I whispered with some slight intensity, yet she just looked up at me.
"Wesley." she whispered...yet she whispered it...needing. She wanted this...no she needed this I guess.
Yet I being still semi, slightly, 1 sober (not really) didn't dive in. Just looked at her right in the eye, and there was a glint, and I took that as a yes and dove in for a kiss. you can never describe a kiss with Winifred Burkle. I being totally drunk and very...ungentle men like I guess one could say went in for it all the way. Dove my tongue in there like I was bloody Frenchmen.
She kissed back, and for about 5 seconds on I was on cloud nine.
Then she pushed me away Damm Whiskey
"Wesley!" she cried whipping her lips. "You're drunk as hell! That's whiskey!"
She knows the difference between Whiskey, and Beer, oh crap.
"Do you realize that you are going to marry my best friend? Do you realize your cheating on your fiancé? Are you the kind of person who would do that? How can I be with you, when you go on and cheat on her! With me! Her Best friend! No, Wesley no. Matter of fact, how DARE you! I mean you really have become with cheating, low, self-centre asshole!" and with that she turned and left. Damm Whiskey. I knew Fred...the last part she didn't mean...I think. She like me says things like that in a time of real pain. Just to make herself feel better for turning her back on me. I did it to Lilah all the time...even though I always turned back.

I left the alley once I heard her apartment door slam. Yet then I saw something in the corner of my eye. Someone was standing down the misty street. Wearing all black, dark hair, and dark eyes.
"Angel?" I muttered. Yet I blinked and he was gone. Damm it, I am having illusions now.

Damm Whiskey.

I came home to my apartment, yet when I did I saw Oliver on our couch. Yet a tiny being was wrapped up in his big muscular arms. She was a girl, 16, or 17 of age. Dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin. She wasn't a lover, no I knew this girl. This was his sister...Maria. I soon found out there parents where killed in a driving accident. They where hit by a drunk driver. And now Maria had to live with Oliver and me. And now, the only two people in my life who were actually almost real parents are dead.

Damm Whiskey

Just copy, save, edit, and email it to me as an attachment. Can't get on Yahoo instant messenger today, but I will be emailing and crud.