July 10, 1992

Dear Journal,

Maria Pure is a wonderful girl, I will not deny it. She is. Pretty, young,

Wild, carefree, happy, big heart. Yet ever since her parents died... she has

Been slightly cold, a loner...Oliver has been going to work, he has a steady job

With the council. His father (unlike mine) made some connections before his death to get him in there early. He asked me to stay home with her to take care of her. It's been raining lately to.

Life Sucks

She was standing by the heater of the apartment, an afghan draped around her shoulders, staring out into the rain.

"Maria?" I whispered to her coming up behind her.

"It hurts to much." she whispered, her accent very thick.

"I know, I am hurting to."

"Have you ever lost someone so important to you...that...once they were gone... you didn't see the point in living?"

Fred...she was all I could think of at that point.

"Yes, I have...but the saying Time heals all wounds. It isn't a lie."

"But I don't want to." she replied turning to me, revealing all the tears." I don't want to get better because that means I had forgotten them...I shouldn't be able to get over my parents death." she mumbled shaking her head. I wrapped my arms around her waist and put my chin on top of her head.

"It's going to be ok I promise."

The Pure's are a part of my family. They practically raised me. On Christmas I would go down to Italy with Oliver, telling my parents I am staying for the holidays to study at the academy. I would spend parts of my holidays (Summer as the Americans call it) there to. And since Maria is a Pure. She is part of my family as well.

"Wesley?" she muttered. Then she did the most unexpected thing I have ever though physically possible.

Maria Pure kissed me.

No lie! I mean I knew she had a crush on me, but still. Yet I understood why.

She wanted to feel... same reason I slept with Lilah all those months. Just not to the extreme. Not saying I didn't like it. I mean, she was quite umm...well... how do I say this...talented? Experienced? Really knew how to kiss? Yet never dare I kiss back, as much as I dear god wanted to. I didn't push her away, just sort of let her kiss me for a minute then let her pull away once she realized I wasn't going to kiss her back.

"I-I'm so sorry." she mumbled.

"Maria, it's ok I-" yet she locked herself in her room and I heard crying. Dear god, I should have just kissed her, but no. I wasn't going to give her the easy way out. She had to learn to be strong.

I entered Ashley's giant mansion with uneasiness; this girl was the girl my father wanted me to marry. It was a GIANT end of the year kind of party. Yet as I came in I stopped dead in my tracks.

Henry is a bastard. A bully picked on me since my first year. I have the scars to prove it. Had gotten me in a lot of trouble, for his father is the sort of vice-principal one could say. He was the reason I was locked under the stairs that entire holiday after my first year. He was the reason my academy years where so horrible.

He was making out with Fred.

On a couch

At my Fiancé's party

Life Sucks

I came to the centre of the party where the men of her life surrounded Ashley. Her father, her uncles, my father, my grandfather, her grandfather. We were supposed to get together and talk about the wedding. Yet to make stories short I got into a fight with my father. Yet it was when I yelled "HELL NO" people started gathering around us.

"Wesley! Don't you dare take that tone of voice with me boy!" Yet I started laughing, maybe I was crazy.

"News flash dad, I'm not a boy."

"You call this attitude have being a man?"

"No, I calling it the truth!" I yelled at him.

"Wesley! This is your destiny, your calling! You must continue the family lin-"

"And I might, in my own time, in my own way. Do you know this is against the law you bloody nit-wit!"

"The watchers council is aloud to bend those laws, Wesley this is your destiny." Then I saw behind him Fred. She was standing there, looking straight at me.

"Someone once told me... Screw Destiny." I said breathlessly. Then as if awakening from my trance looked back down at him my eyes must of been on fire because I saw a brief flash of fear. Then I turned my heels and walked out on my father, all the people I had grown up with, and my security.

Life Sucks!

I quickly packed my bags, and before I left I changed into slightly baggy

kackees cargo sort of pants, and a button down oxford, sleeves rolled up, top few buttons undone. My backpack on one of my shoulders. Yet while I was packing

I heard a voice.

"Why are you doing this?" It was Oliver's

"I can't do this anymore. I am not going to be what my fathers wants me to be."

"So what, 8 years of friendship means nothing to you?" he asked obviously hurt.

"No" I replied quickly turning around. "Oliver you're my best friend and you always will be...but ...there's something I have to do first." I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Take care ok?" he merely nodded and doing his Italian thing gave me a hug. They were all very touchy, feely in Italy. Yet I didn't mind. It was the truth Oliver had gotten me through a lot of tough times. I feel awful for not staying and helping him get through his own tough time...but there was some work to be done.

"Are you leaving because of me?" asked Maria standing at the doorway, her hair all in her face. I just sighed and placed her hair behind her ear. Yet her head remained down. I placed my hand under her chin to force her to look up at me with her hazels eyes.

"No, I have some problems and mistakes I have to solve. If I don't things are going to get dangerous."

"Wesley, please don't leave...I need you." she whispered.

"Maria, you don't." I told her back. "You are one of the strongest people I know. Take care." and with that I kissed her on the cheek, opened my apartment door and left my best friend when he needed me the most.

Life Sucks!

The last thing I ever heard in England was "Flight 206 is now boarding. Please board, Flight 206 to Boston is now boarding." I think when I was yelling at my father that in the future I will make so many mistakes. And now that I am in the past I can fix them. Starting with the first real one I ever made.

Faith