I'm sorry! I felt awful for not updating, but exams had to take precedent over writing. I'm back now, and I'm hoping to have another chapter out this week. I promise I'll do my best! Thanks for sticking with me. And, while you're waiting (Or even if you're not), check out "Foolish Games" by Evenangelsfall22. It's a really, really awesome story!
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Nicholas stood directly behind me, one hand on my shoulder. The wind was cold, and it whipped my hair into my face, but I didn't move. I felt more hollow and more alone than I had since I'd last been here.
"I haven't been here since. . ." he said softly. His voice came from closer than I had expected, his lips almost brushing against my ear, his words slowly swirling around my head before floating off into the wind.
"Neither have I," I admitted.
I turned around slowly, his hand never leaving my shoulder, and I stepped in as close as I could, my body touching his. I looked up at him, and felt myself slipping, falling deeper and deeper, into a void that I'd never felt before. It was as if a black hole was eating me up from the inside.
"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered.
We watched each other, every once in awhile, the corners of his mouth twitching, but no words ever coming out. Finally, he took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can either."
We continued standing there, until one of us- I don't know which, finally turned towards the graveyard where both his sister and my mom were buried. We walked in silence, the frozen ground crunching under us. Without either of us really knowing where we were going, only a vague sense of direction from one of the worst days of our lives, we found our way to my mom's grave.
It was a pinkish stone. Seeing it, I remembered Dylan asking me something about what colour she would have wanted it, but couldn't remember if I had said anything at all. Looking at it now, it made sense. It was the closest you could get to red. Blood. She didn't die peacefully, painlessly. It wasn't clean or quick. She died a bloody mess. A memory of the doctor coming into the waiting room the night she died, his green scrubs covered in her blood, popped into my memory. I squatted down beside her grave, so I was at eye level with her name. I pulled my mitt off my right hand, and traced my fingertips over her name.
"Mommy," I whispered. Behind me, I felt Nicholas kneel down. I didn't move towards him, but continued tracing her name. I felt something trickle down my face, then realized that I was crying. I reached behind me, desperate to find something there, and found Nicholas's hand. I held it, and held me back, both literally and figuratively from falling over. When I squeezed his hand, he squeezed back.
And I knew that he wasn't going to let go.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Thanks," I said softly as he pulled into my driveway. The ride had been quiet, both of us sobered by the trip to the graveyard.
"You okay?" he asked, turning to me.
"Yeah, I. . . no, not really." He undid his seatbelt, then turned to me. Before either of us could say anything, I found my mouth covering his, the whole world slipping away from me for just a little while caught up in the mind-numbing bliss. For just a little while, I felt the numbness inside me start to melt.
"What are you doing tomorrow night?" he asked once we pulled away.
"Nothing. Why?"
"I've got a Rugby game tomorrow night. I was wondering if you wanted to come. I mean, it'll be boring, just a bunch of buff guys tackling each other." I felt a grin slowly spread across my face, and my cheeks heat up. He rased his eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing!" I said quickly.
He grinned. "Don't worry about it. It's the only way I could get my sisters to come out when I'd play in high school."
Sisters? This was news to me. I knew he had a sister, but she died. There was more than one? "How many sisters do you have?"
"Three. I mean. . . I had three." The dark cloud I'd felt hanging over us before returned, the deaths in our families hanging around, darkening the mood. "So, if you want to go, I can pick you up before the game. Or, we can meet there and go out for dinner or something after."
"How long's a Rugby game last?"
"About two hours."
"I'll meet you there. We can figure things out from there."
He smiled, then leaned in to kiss me again. I finally pulled away, noticing Dylan watching me from the window. "I should go."
He nodded, still smiling, and gave me the address and time for the game.
"I'll be there," I promised, kissed him one final time, then headed into the house. Dylan was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
"Who's the guy?" he asked.
"Just this guy I met a couple of weeks ago," I told him as I went to the fridge to get a coke.
"You didn't tell me you had plans today."
I shrugged and plopped down beside him. "I didn't know I had to check in. Why are you home so early anyways?"
"Last class got cancelled. Ashley called."
"I'll call her back," I told him, standing up. "Anything good on TV tonight?"
"There's never anything good on TV. Besides, don't you have to study?"
"Nah, my last exam was today." I headed up to my room and lied across my bed. The whole day had been draining. Nicholas had been amazing. I wanted things to continue the way they were, keep staying good between us, but at the same time, I felt guilty, as if nothing good should be happening, especially so soon after my mom had died. I sighed, then picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Ash."
"Hey. Where were you all day? Dylan said he hadn't hear from you."
"I went out with Nicholas."
"That's the guy you've been going out with?"
"Yeah."
"I want to meet him sometime."
"Sure," I agreed, already formulating a way to get out of it. Ashley was one of my best friends, but I wasn't ready to have her meet him yet. For now, he was mine. My escape. My world. My Nicholas. And I knew that Ashley wouldn't approve of how old he was.
"What school did you say he went to again? St. Joe's?"
"Uh. . . he's actually not in high school."
"Oh. Where is he then?"
"York."
"University?"
"Yeah."
"I'm impressed. So he's smart?"
"Yeah. Seems that way at least."
"Does he know what he's going to major in?"
I decided against telling her that he was finishing his degree. "Um, I'm not sure."
"Is something wrong?"
"No. I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
I shrugged, not caring that she couldn't see. "Nicholas, I guess. We've been dating almost a month, and there are so many things I don't know about him."
"You don't have to know everything right away. Take it slow. You've got time."
Slow. Our relationship had hardly been slow. Right away, we had skipped past all the awkward first dates. I couldn't really tell where our relationship was at, but it was going a lot faster than any I'd had in the past. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Paige! Paige!" someone called after me through the halls the next morning. I stopped and turned around to look for whoever was calling me. When I saw that it was Liberty, I turned back around and started walking quickly away. Unfortunately, she caught me.
"While I can appreciate the great personal loss you've suffered, I, as the yearbook editor, wanted to know if you had plans to join us again."
Yearbook. Ugh. My biggest mistake. The year before, I was looking over my transcripts, and my counsellor advised me to get more extra-curricular involvement. Yearbook had sounded easy.
"Yeah, Liberty," I finally said. "I'll be back."
"Good. I expect you there tonight."
"Tonight? I can't."
"Why not?" She stared at me like she was a teacher and adjusted her glasses. I felt like a grade two who hadn't done her homework.
"I've got prior commitments." Maybe if I used big words too she's go away.
She thought about this for a minute, then finally nodded. "Tomorrow night then," she told me smugly, then walked away.
Yeah, tomorrow could wait. I wasn't going to pass up dinner with my boyfriend for the sake of some picture book. He was too important for that.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Nicholas stood directly behind me, one hand on my shoulder. The wind was cold, and it whipped my hair into my face, but I didn't move. I felt more hollow and more alone than I had since I'd last been here.
"I haven't been here since. . ." he said softly. His voice came from closer than I had expected, his lips almost brushing against my ear, his words slowly swirling around my head before floating off into the wind.
"Neither have I," I admitted.
I turned around slowly, his hand never leaving my shoulder, and I stepped in as close as I could, my body touching his. I looked up at him, and felt myself slipping, falling deeper and deeper, into a void that I'd never felt before. It was as if a black hole was eating me up from the inside.
"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered.
We watched each other, every once in awhile, the corners of his mouth twitching, but no words ever coming out. Finally, he took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can either."
We continued standing there, until one of us- I don't know which, finally turned towards the graveyard where both his sister and my mom were buried. We walked in silence, the frozen ground crunching under us. Without either of us really knowing where we were going, only a vague sense of direction from one of the worst days of our lives, we found our way to my mom's grave.
It was a pinkish stone. Seeing it, I remembered Dylan asking me something about what colour she would have wanted it, but couldn't remember if I had said anything at all. Looking at it now, it made sense. It was the closest you could get to red. Blood. She didn't die peacefully, painlessly. It wasn't clean or quick. She died a bloody mess. A memory of the doctor coming into the waiting room the night she died, his green scrubs covered in her blood, popped into my memory. I squatted down beside her grave, so I was at eye level with her name. I pulled my mitt off my right hand, and traced my fingertips over her name.
"Mommy," I whispered. Behind me, I felt Nicholas kneel down. I didn't move towards him, but continued tracing her name. I felt something trickle down my face, then realized that I was crying. I reached behind me, desperate to find something there, and found Nicholas's hand. I held it, and held me back, both literally and figuratively from falling over. When I squeezed his hand, he squeezed back.
And I knew that he wasn't going to let go.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Thanks," I said softly as he pulled into my driveway. The ride had been quiet, both of us sobered by the trip to the graveyard.
"You okay?" he asked, turning to me.
"Yeah, I. . . no, not really." He undid his seatbelt, then turned to me. Before either of us could say anything, I found my mouth covering his, the whole world slipping away from me for just a little while caught up in the mind-numbing bliss. For just a little while, I felt the numbness inside me start to melt.
"What are you doing tomorrow night?" he asked once we pulled away.
"Nothing. Why?"
"I've got a Rugby game tomorrow night. I was wondering if you wanted to come. I mean, it'll be boring, just a bunch of buff guys tackling each other." I felt a grin slowly spread across my face, and my cheeks heat up. He rased his eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing!" I said quickly.
He grinned. "Don't worry about it. It's the only way I could get my sisters to come out when I'd play in high school."
Sisters? This was news to me. I knew he had a sister, but she died. There was more than one? "How many sisters do you have?"
"Three. I mean. . . I had three." The dark cloud I'd felt hanging over us before returned, the deaths in our families hanging around, darkening the mood. "So, if you want to go, I can pick you up before the game. Or, we can meet there and go out for dinner or something after."
"How long's a Rugby game last?"
"About two hours."
"I'll meet you there. We can figure things out from there."
He smiled, then leaned in to kiss me again. I finally pulled away, noticing Dylan watching me from the window. "I should go."
He nodded, still smiling, and gave me the address and time for the game.
"I'll be there," I promised, kissed him one final time, then headed into the house. Dylan was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
"Who's the guy?" he asked.
"Just this guy I met a couple of weeks ago," I told him as I went to the fridge to get a coke.
"You didn't tell me you had plans today."
I shrugged and plopped down beside him. "I didn't know I had to check in. Why are you home so early anyways?"
"Last class got cancelled. Ashley called."
"I'll call her back," I told him, standing up. "Anything good on TV tonight?"
"There's never anything good on TV. Besides, don't you have to study?"
"Nah, my last exam was today." I headed up to my room and lied across my bed. The whole day had been draining. Nicholas had been amazing. I wanted things to continue the way they were, keep staying good between us, but at the same time, I felt guilty, as if nothing good should be happening, especially so soon after my mom had died. I sighed, then picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Ash."
"Hey. Where were you all day? Dylan said he hadn't hear from you."
"I went out with Nicholas."
"That's the guy you've been going out with?"
"Yeah."
"I want to meet him sometime."
"Sure," I agreed, already formulating a way to get out of it. Ashley was one of my best friends, but I wasn't ready to have her meet him yet. For now, he was mine. My escape. My world. My Nicholas. And I knew that Ashley wouldn't approve of how old he was.
"What school did you say he went to again? St. Joe's?"
"Uh. . . he's actually not in high school."
"Oh. Where is he then?"
"York."
"University?"
"Yeah."
"I'm impressed. So he's smart?"
"Yeah. Seems that way at least."
"Does he know what he's going to major in?"
I decided against telling her that he was finishing his degree. "Um, I'm not sure."
"Is something wrong?"
"No. I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
I shrugged, not caring that she couldn't see. "Nicholas, I guess. We've been dating almost a month, and there are so many things I don't know about him."
"You don't have to know everything right away. Take it slow. You've got time."
Slow. Our relationship had hardly been slow. Right away, we had skipped past all the awkward first dates. I couldn't really tell where our relationship was at, but it was going a lot faster than any I'd had in the past. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Paige! Paige!" someone called after me through the halls the next morning. I stopped and turned around to look for whoever was calling me. When I saw that it was Liberty, I turned back around and started walking quickly away. Unfortunately, she caught me.
"While I can appreciate the great personal loss you've suffered, I, as the yearbook editor, wanted to know if you had plans to join us again."
Yearbook. Ugh. My biggest mistake. The year before, I was looking over my transcripts, and my counsellor advised me to get more extra-curricular involvement. Yearbook had sounded easy.
"Yeah, Liberty," I finally said. "I'll be back."
"Good. I expect you there tonight."
"Tonight? I can't."
"Why not?" She stared at me like she was a teacher and adjusted her glasses. I felt like a grade two who hadn't done her homework.
"I've got prior commitments." Maybe if I used big words too she's go away.
She thought about this for a minute, then finally nodded. "Tomorrow night then," she told me smugly, then walked away.
Yeah, tomorrow could wait. I wasn't going to pass up dinner with my boyfriend for the sake of some picture book. He was too important for that.
