To Blossom

"And the day came when the pain it took to stay in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom" - A poster in 'the Maxx'

October 2020- Donatello

Twenty-eight years, yet it still seems I'm an eighteen year old. Time is vexing like that. Two moments in the same day...and one can seem like it happened an eternity ago, while the other feels only five minutes have passed since. Ten years now...ten years we've lived mostly apart. What once was a tree with four branches has aged and withered, leaving only a single branch behind.

Time, while kind to us as individuals (for the most part), was harsh to us as a group. Forgive me, I ramble. My name is Donatello. If I must have a last name, Amatory works. It's pretty bad when a person can't even reflect in writing with out getting off track, eh? Well...let me start over, hopefully I'll get to the point this time.

Today was unofficially the twenty-eighth birthday of my brothers and myself. Why unofficial? Considering we were four normal turtles, mutated by ooze, and raised by a rat that had been through like wise, we didn't exactly have an idea or any of our exact birth dates. The day that master Splinter got a way to keep track of the days was when we were all dubbed a year old. After that we've all aged together, of course. So, unofficially, we lived together for eighteen years.

I am getting ahead of myself again, however. Let's rewind to age seventeen...

It wasn't too long after my brothers had saved me from where I had been imprisoned by Baxter Stockman. What happened before that point isn't important to my story. Just know that Baxter captured me somehow during battle, and started testing chemicals on me before my brothers freed me. Thus I have no idea if it was natural or some effect of the chemicals I was forced to breath , but either way, I started exhibiting evidence of having gained advanced mental powers. I doubt Baxter would give me such abilities on purpose, so it must have been natural...or pure accident.

I really hate being an accident... It's as if I'm no more than someone's trash, something that no one wanted. My mutation was an accident, my intelligence is probably an accident along with that, and now my mental powers are likely accidental as well. Back on track again... I returned home and suffered with the fact that I was unable to control my new found telekinesis and telepathy. Understandably, such things lead to a lot of misunderstandings and irritation.

Even after I gained control, however, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was resented. I knew their every thought for a while. Some of those things I should never have found out. Also, because of me, because I was captured, we were no longer a secret to humanity. Baxter made sure of that. Baxter. There's a part of me that wishes I could torture him for all his worth. It's a deep, angry, buried, locked away part I try never to listen to.

Don't get me wrong. Baxter deserves to pay, but no one deserves torture. My anger seems to get the best of me sometimes. It's like I just pass out and wake up somewhere else, but when I ask no one knows anything about it. That or they all just refuse to talk. Speaking of which, back then my need to separate was festering somewhat quickly. I felt alone enough already, but now... Sure, the mental abilities are cool and all, but they are the last thing I could have wanted. It meant an even larger gap between me and the others.

That gap ate away at me. I wanted to be on my own so I could travel and learn without worry. So I wouldn't have to be part of a teaching of a religion I do not believe in, as well as the fact I already dislike conflict. On top of all that my brothers do not seem to understand me.--

September 2010- Michaelangelo

Dear diary...I've always wondered why some people start out diary entries like that...it's not like you'll ever reply to me.

Anyway, We got Donny back a few days ago. It's kinda strange now, Donny's acting differently. He's still Donny but, it's like he's even more of a hermit than before. He almost seems sad. You figure a guy'd be happy to get abilities like what he got. I do have to admit it gets kind of annoying when it's not controlled though...and Donny never did seem to be into the whole power thing. He always seemed more like he was working for our sake.

Don seemed like much more of a necessity and convince guy than he did some power hungry one. So maybe he didn't want this at all. Especaily considering how mad it can get Raph when Don 'overhears' things he shouldn't, and how embarrassed Don can get when he projects things he's not trying to. ...so...maybe this whole brain power thing ISN'T such a cool idea. Really, when I think of it, Don doesn't seem to be doing so well when it comes to that stuff on the news about humans dealing with the fact that mutants really do exist.

Maybe he's worried that he's done something to hurt us all by getting caught. That can't be right though, he couldn't help that he was captured. If anything it's our faults for not being able to save him! Guess I should talk to him, it wouldn't be right if he's really blaming himself for all this. I'd never forgive myself if he really was thinking like that and I did nothing to help him feel better about it. Yeah, I'll talk to him tomorrow about it! Right now he's likely deep into making an invention and wishing he could fall asleep.

I should be asleep, but you know me. I've got a video game that I'm soooooo close to finishing, it's calling my name over and over again. I'll never be able to sleep as long as it goes unbeaten! So I'm off now to play, hopefully I'll remember to talk to Don tomorrow.

Mikey

September 2010- Leonardo

Things have not been the same since Donatello was returned to us. He seems even more off than usual, yes, but the others seem affected as well. I likely have changed some as well. It makes me uneasy knowing that the world above most certainly knows we exist now. Who is to say that they will not be gassing the sewers in hopes of killing us one day?

I am hoping that the humans will leave us be, obviously. The changes within the lair itself are what worries me greatly, however. It is a wonder if master Splinter feels it as well, because there is the chance I am misinterpreting the air about our home. Raphael seems even more restless than usual, Michaelangelo seems more quiet, Donatello seems even more reclusive than ever before.

Donatello's actions imparticular are worrying. I can not tell if this is all just his reactions to what was done to him or if there is some underlying thing that is bothering him. Then again, this never did seem to be my strong point. Other's feelings... I have not a single clue as to what might be on anyone's mind right now. What I do know, it feels as if something terrible may unfold before me soon.

I shall try to keep an eye on things as usual and if I am wrong in this... Please let me be making the correct move.

As for the happenings of the day, things went surprisingly normal despite everyone's strange behaviors. Michaelangelo was dragged from his video games, Donatello from his lab, and all four of us went about our training. Michaelangelo returned to his games, Donatello to his lab, and Raphael to whatever it is he passes his time with. I have my ideas on what that is, but I have no certainties. I was left to continue my daily activities in near silence as they all slacked in their own ways.

Despite the revelation of mutant kind, us imparticular, my life still feels like an old myth in these days. It is retold again and again, but each time with small additions or subtractions in detail. The same story, different teller...the same things, different days. It is foolish, but at times like this I almost wish that there were still enemies to defeat. I feel strange, not having any missions given or taken for so long, after how much we did for the past few years.

Has my usefulness truly reached it's end?

September 2010- Raphael

Wish I could find that bastard Baxter about now. Not only are those powers he gave Don driving me up the fuckin' wall. Not ONLY did he show our existence to all of fuckin humanity. But I know he had to've hurt Don somehow too. I'd love to make sure that Baxter's head got introduced all close and personal like to his own ass. I feel like such a fuckin' pansy writing in this damn journal, but Splinter decided one day that maybe writing down our thoughts would solve some problems. Has yet to work with anything that I've noticed...

Meh! This is like talking to myself! No one's going to read it unless they wanna sai shoved through their god damned head and this stupid book in't gonna start answering me. But, eh, with some of the things I've done...it's worth a try to keep doin' it... Who knows? Maybe some day, it'll actually work!