I've been looking forward to this chapter for a very long time. The song, yes, is where I got the title of the story. "Covered in Rain" is written by John Mayer (I mean, come on, who else?), and can be found on his live CD or DVD, "Any Given Thursday".


The next night, after the dinner and presents were done, Serena and I were sitting at the dining table, seeing just how much cake we could finish between the two of us. Nicholas and Eric, Serena's boyfriend, had gone off, distracted by something in Eric's car that made it go faster (What was it with men and speed?). Nicholas and I had spent pretty much all our time with her and Eric, but it was the first time that we were really alone talking.

"How long has this thing been going on with you and Nicholas?"

"Officially, two months, I guess. Two and a half, maybe? He's a pretty incredible guy."

She smiled. "That, he is. He's always been the one person I can count on."

"Were you two always close?"

"Not really. I mean, when we were younger, just typical brother and sister stuff. But when I was in grade. . . ten, I think it was. No, we were in the same school. It must have been eleven. . . anyways, I had a bad break-up with my first serious boyfriend. . . some dirtbag from school decided to take advantage of the situation. He took me aside, and we talked for awhile, and he was pretty nice about the whole thing. Anyways, he started coming on to me, and when I told him to stop, he wouldn't. Nothing went too far, but when I got home that night, I told Nicholas. Now, keep in mind, that Nicholas, up until grade eleven, was about my size. He decided to go after the guy. He ended up with a black eye and a split lip, but I guess we stuck together after that. I mean, he was the one person who really stuck with me when I was in the hospital and that whole mess." I had no idea what she was talking about, and apparently it showed on my face, because Serena explained.

"Our family has a really bad history of mental illness. You can see it with Jessica. Our mom was bipolar. . . basically, Nicholas is the only sane one. I was seriously depressed when I was eighteen. I mean, before then, but that was when it got bad. After mom left, everyone had been walking on eggshells. . . I crashed my car. On purpose, probably. I had been drinking. Anyways, they kept me in the psych ward for almost two months after that. . . my family- there were a lot more relatives around that time around here- thought I was being selfish, trying to get attention, that kind of thing. But Nicholas was there to see me everyday. It was us against the world after that."

I wasn't sure how to react. I could picture Nicholas there, everyday, making sure that everything was okay. At the same time though, I didn't understand how we could know so much about each other, and I could still have no idea about all this. I wasn't sure how to react. Outside, I heard thunder rumbling in the distance, and the door swung open.

"It's raining!" Eric announced, dripping, then leaning in to kiss Serena. One thing that I had noticed was that they were more in love than anyone I had ever seen before.

Nicholas came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, then leaned in and kissed me as well. Over the weekend, he had seemed to relax quite a bit. When he kissed me, I held back, still not sure how I felt about what I had just heard.

We sat and talk for a couple more minutes before Eric announced that he just had to get out of his wet clothes, and insisted that Serena come with him. Nicholas and I laughed at them, then Nicholas suggested that he do the same.

We walked back to our respective rooms in silence. It was already eleven, but I felt weird about calling it a night already. When he got to my room, he stopped me before I went inside.

"What's going on?"

I didn't want to look him in the eye, where it would be so easy to get lost and forget everything that was on my mind. "It's nothing," I mumbled.

He gently brought his hand to my shoulder and pulled me into him. "Come on, Paige. Something's going on."

"Why didn't you ever tell me about your mom? Or your sister?"

He looked down for a minute, instead of at me. "Do you mind if I come inside to talk?" I shook my head, then followed him in.

Instead of sitting on one of the couches, he went straight out onto the balcony just outside my room. It was early April, but very warm for April, and despite the rain, very comfortable. There was one of those two-person swings, and we sat down to face each other. Through the clouds, the moon was trying to shine through, casting shadows across his face. For the first time in a long time, he looked young, fragile, vulnerable.

"I never told you about my family," he said slowly, carefully, softly, "because I was afraid of scaring you away."

My mind told me to be angry. Angry that he didn't trust that I cared about him enough to stay with him despite whatever had happened in his past. And angry that he felt like he needed to hide something like that from me. But instead, I moved in closer to him, sliding one of my hands onto his leg. His touch had always done so much for me. When I felt like things were horrible, or when no one understood, he could just put his hand on mine and it was like I knew he would be there, and he knew what I was feeling. I hoped that my touch would do the same for him.

"My mom was pretty messed up. Apparently it she had known she was depressed for a long time, but they didn't diagnose her with being manic depressive until after I was born. It was okay, a lot of the time. She was just like any other mom. Except that sometimes she would disappear for weeks at a time. Or sometimes she would hurt herself. Or sometimes I would walk by her room at night, and I could hear her crying. She took her medication most of the time. Then when I was fifteen, she didn't come back one of those times she disappeared." He closed his eyes, and seemed to try and shake off whatever he was feeling. He didn't look at me when he continued.

"Serena got depressed after that. She had always taken things with mom and Jess hard. She thought that it was her fault that mom had left- that had fought just before she left. Just after Jess turned two, when we were trying to figure out what was wrong with her, Serena was playing with her, and she fell off the couch. After that, Serena blamed herself for the way Jess is. Even though we knew something was wrong a longtime before that. And then there was Sarah."

The name didn't ring any bells, but there was only one option left. "Your sister who. . .?"

"Yeah," he replied softly. "She's the one who killed herself."

Lightning flickered across the sky, illuminating his face, and I could see that his eyes were tearing over, no matter how hard he tried to blink it away. Like he had so many times before, no matter what was going on, I slid my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into me. This time he leaned against my chest, and I wrapped one arm around him, and kept one right by his face, gently touching his hair.

"I didn't know how bad things were with her. I started university when she was eleven, and I wasn't home enough to know that she was having a hard time. I should have. . . I should have known that there was something wrong. I would have helped her.

"She came down to see me just before Christmas. My dad had a conference in Toronto, so instead of commuting every day, he and Sarah came and stayed there.

"I had seen her the day it happened. Something seemed different. I don't know what. We had gone out after my classes were out- I wanted to find her a Christmas present that she would actually like. So we went, and I dropped her back at the hotel. . . she hugged me goodbye, tight, which I realized on my way home that was strange, especially since I had offered to take her for a movie the next night. It took me awhile to realize that. Too long. I went back to the hotel. . . Sarah had a habit of losing hotel keys, so my dad had given me one, just in case. But when I got there. . . she was in the bathtub. . . I tried getting her our and dried off, and bandaged up. . . there was so much blood. . ." I

gently traced over his face, over the skin that I knew so well. As I approached his lips, he gently kissed my fingertips. We stayed there in silence, but it seemed appropriate that we were quiet, his head rising and falling with every breath I took.

"The night my mom died, they called me and said that she was fine. That she just needed someone to drive her home. A couple of bruises, but she was fine. And then I got there. . ." A lump logged in my throat. "I don't know how they could make a mistake like that. . . tell me that she was okay, and then. . . not be." Again, we were totally silent. The rain was still pounding down around us. Slowly, Nicholas got up and pulled me up with him. I stood there, face to face, his forehead touching mine.

"Come on," he whispered, his breath warm on my cheek.

"Where are we going?" I whispered back, although it didn't matter. By this stage, I would follow him anywhere. He took my hand, and slowly led me out off the balcony, down the stairs I didn't know existed, out into the grass, both of us barefoot, both of us being covered in rain.

He didn't say a thing, but put one hand around my waist, and held the other. He was dancing with me. I had tried to get him to go dancing before, but had always refused, using every possible excuse he could think of to get out of it. But he held me close, closer than he ever had before, and put his cheek next to mine. There was no music, but we swayed together, his cheek pressed against mine. The rain was coming down hard, and I felt it soaking through my clothes, dripping down off my feet. But I didn't care.

When the thunder started booming, and the lightning crashed again, we made our way inside, without a word. I followed him inside, shivering, dripping.

"I'm freezing," I announced as we stepped inside.

"I'll put a fire on for you," he offered, already heading into the bedroom. He did as he said, and before either of us said anything more, he had a fire cackling in front of us. He stood up slowly.
"I'll let you get dried off," he whispered, his lips dangerously close to mine. Before I knew what was happening, I was peeling his shirt off, and dropped it beside him.

"We don't have to do anything, if you don't want to." I silenced him with a kiss. There would be time for talking later. A lot of time for that. For now there was something more important.

And without another word exchanged, I made love to Nicholas.


These days, with the world getting colder

She spends more time sleeping over than I planned.

Tonight we're gonna order in, Drinking wine and watchin CNN

It's dark I know, but then again It's the brightest thing I got

Cause I'm covered in rain

No, I'm covered in rain, rain, rain, rain

Firewoods to fire places

Summer snow and fallen places

we're people watching, all the people watching, all the people watching you and I

Standing by the missing signs at the CVS by the checkout line

she puts her quiet hands in mine Cause shes the brightest thing I got

When I'm covered in rain

Cause I'm covered in rain, rain, rain, rain

Cause I'm covered in rain

No I'm covered in rain

It's alright If you dont wanna, go on

It's alright If you dont wanna, be alone

Oh It's alright If you dont wanna, wanna, wanna, go home

I understand, I understand, I understand, you and me and everyone

I'm covered in rain

No, I'm covered in rain

No, I'm covered in rain, rain, rain, rain

I'm covered in, covered in, covered in rain