((Author's note: I promise things will stop sounding repetitive a LITTLE later into the story. You know, when the guys aren't all writing about the same incidents? And as much as it may seem it for now, this ISN'T a Donatello centric story, please bear with me. . Especially since this is my first REAL attempt at a fic.
Also, due to Buslady asking I figured I should specify...you could say this is in my own version of the TMNT's reality...obviously Baxter's still around, I've made no mention of April or Casey yet...dunno if they exist or not...the rest I'm still trying to form as I go on. It's highly unlikely we'll be hearing from Shredder, however. I always did have problems dealing with organizations like the foot.))

Chapter One, Fall, 2010

October 2010 (on the guy's B-day) Raphael

Today was my birthday... Some birthday. First Donny's powers were actin' up again last night, and he SAW what I did the night before last. Dammit! No one was supposed to know about HER! Much less what happened with her... I was already drinkin' before that fuck Baxter messed with Don, an' now I just drink more. 's not like there's anything better to do. Unless you're Leo and you're satisfied with spending you life on ninjitsu so you can be all perfect and shit.

I thought this woman I always see at the bar understood me an' liked me an' everything. I don't know, maybe I got too drunk for once, or maybe somethin's wrong with her... We got a bit too friendly that night, an' she found out what I am... Even though I'm a freak she didn't seem to be bothered. A little surprised, but not bothered.

This woman, she always seems so nice an' friendly. Not like whore friendly mind you... Sometimes I wonder what she's even doin' in the bar. She seems happy enough, an' I don't remember seeing her drunk now that I think of it. Mary...that's her name, dunno why I didn't use it earlier...she was FINE with what I am. She accepted me but, when we were gettin' ta know each other better, she freaked out on me.

I didn't know what to do, so I left...an' Don? Last night he saw it all. He saw every fuckin' minute of it and he broad-casted it to everyone else in the lair! I know he couldn't help it but...I was so pissed off between that and Leo comin' to start another lecture...I dun even wanna know what Splinter will say to me tomorrow...

Don's gone...he left 'cause of me. If I hadn't been sucha jerk- I always thought I'd be the one to go. Now Don's no where to be found because he feels bad about a whole fuck-load-a-things that aren't his damn fault, an' I didn't help for shit. I hope Don's ok wherever he is. I dunno what I'll do of something happens to 'im... I mean, me an' Don...we never had the best of relationships. Really I felt like we avoided each other... As much as I know it aint so...I always felt like Don would talk smart to make me feel my face in it tha' I could never understand 'im, cause he was so far beyond me... Now he's gone...and now I feel sorry...but I can't tell 'im that...an' I don't know if I can ever tell Mary either.

Damn, this is the birthday from hell!

October 2010 (on the guy's b-day) Michaelangelo

Dear Diary,

I don't understand how I knew it but, ever since Don's projections about feeling sorry for Raph the night before last, I knew someone was going to get hurt really bad. Someone was going to be gone in the morning. I felt it so hard that I prob'ly looked sick, cause I FELT sick. Don left and, as much as part of me feels like I should be blaming myself for not remembering to talk to him, I have a feeling it wouldn't have really made a difference anyway.

All four of us looked for him 'till dad was getting tired. I dunno if I can fall asleep tonight. I'm so worried about Don but we don't know where to look and if we don't rest we might never be able to find him. I've gotta /try/ to sleep now though.

Mikey

October 2010 (on the guy's b-day) Leonardo

It seems I should listen to my hunches more often. I am worried for everyone now. I should probably speak with them all, but why do I feel as though I should speak with Master Splinter? He seems to becoming more and more stressed lately, yes, but how would my speaking to him relieve him of it?

I should think of some way to reassure master...the more I think of it, I realize that it must trouble him to have his strange sons coming of age during such a worrisome event. I feel confident that we WILL find Donatello. Though it is foolish of me to think so... I kept hoping that Donatello was just doing chores, that he had not really left. I kept staring at the doorway, expecting to see him walk through.

He left us. His letter proved that. I have to work harder now. We MUST find Donatello and be assured of his safety. I can not allow myself to give up.

October 2010 Raphael

Over a week later and still no Don. I'm really starting to give up hope that he's ok... I'd been gettin' drunker...but Mary showed up again. I kinda feel better now. She apologized to me. let me know what happened between us was none of my fault. Then she talked to me, got me to open up about what was going on at home. Mary, the more I know 'er the more mysterious that woman is.

I really like that woman...accepts me, knows how to calm me down an' cheer me up without being annoying...she worried about me too. She's really a good friend and somehow I know next to nothing about her. She's like a...a...what's the word? Eh...it's like she has no past...no future...just...the present, in the bar. I think next time, I'm gonna stay sober so I can talk more with her.

November 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

We've looked for almost 3 weeks now. I've given up hope. I can't let the guys know though. I'm surprised they are even looking anymore. Then again...maybe all three of us are still looking for the same reason. Maybe none of us think Don's really out there...we just wanna reassure our brothers anyway. Raph's been out more and more lately.

He usually stinks of booze more and that means he fights with Leo more. I feel alone now, like Donny took some invisible string that held us together when he walked out on us. Heh, walked out on us...now I sound like some kid that got abandoned by his father. Really though, it's not too different. Don was what kept us going. Soon something important will break and none of us will know how to fix it. Luckily, master Splinter's around for the medical stuff.

One day we'll have to go back to the way things were though. Back to getting every meal as we need it cause we can't store food, back to no tv...back to no electricity. Then again...maybe if this thing with the humans goes ok...maybe we can get help. I can't really see things working like that, but weirder things have definitely happened.

Mikey
--November 2010 Leonardo

It is getting harder and harder to hold my temper with Raphael. Since Donatello's disappearance he has been degenerating. Thankfully he has actually improved some in the last month. I do not know why that is, but whatever the reason it is a good thing.

I have had the dojo to myself a lot lately. It troubles me more than I'd like to admit. I feel I should try to cheer my brothers up, but how would I? On one hand it seems they'd prefer it if I just left them alone. On the other it would be dangerous to just let them go on wasting away like this. I've decided... Tomorrow I will try to gather my brothers for training again.

Hopefully this action will ease Master Splinter. He seems so tired lately. I feel if I do not act quickly somehow, I'll let everyone down.

November 2010 Raphael

It felt really good sparing with Leo and Mikey this morning. I guess I've been staying away or coming home drunk so much that actually being around while sober was actually refreshing. Anyway I've been talkin' to Mary a lot. She's from some place in Texas. The way she talks about it makes me want to go, but after talking about it she'll go on about what a dump it is. Eh, I bet it's just cause she lived there. We all wanna live somewhere different don't we? 'Least I know I sure as hell do.

Anyway...Mary's planning to move back to Texas soon to live with a friend for a while. I think she's hiding from something. The more I talk to her the more she seems a bit paranoid. Somehow I know I can trust her though... If I could learn more about her, maybe I'd tell her more about me...

November 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

Things almost feel like they're back to normal already. Except for the big Donny sized gap, anyway. Maybe things aren't so hopeless for us. Master Splinter doesn't seem to trust it, but it sounds like one of the candidates for President was actually talking mutant rights. I'm amazed anyone's taken to our existence this quickly. Maybe we've underestimated them?

Then again there are plenty of people on TV, muttering about how the guy's missing a few screws. Who knows though, maybe if he does well, just maybe things will change, as if they haven't changed enough ALREADY. That's actually all I feel like I'm waiting for. ...When the next BIG change arrives... It'd be great if that next big change could be Donny showing up to fix the leak in the faucet.

Mikey

November 2010 Raphael

I gave in an talked more to Mary about myself. Now she feels sorry for me and she's offering to take me to Texas with her. Says she's gotta talk to her friend first, but that's ok, I need time to get my shit packed before the departure date anyway. Even though I didn't really feel like it, I told master Splinter my plans. He didn't try to stop me or anything, but I knew he wasn't happy.

I don't know if I'm more ticked with him for making this a little hard or me for being bothered so easily. The important thing was that he gave me his blessing, and that's all I need, right? Great...now I'm writing like I expect this damn piece of paper to magically answer all my goddamn questions.

I'm not going to talk to Leo or Mikey. I just can't bring myself to do it for some reason. I doubt my leaving will affect them half as bad as when Don left anyway. Damnit...alright, I gotta stop thinking about this.

November 2010 (Thanksgiving) Raphael

Mary's friend actually agreed to let me come with her. Mary had to make a lot of changes in her plans though. I can't believe she was going to be crazy enough to use a motorcycle THIS time a year. We're going on a bus instead now. Part of me wonders if Mary and her friend really are this interested in getting me a better life, or if it's Mary's safety they're ensuring. Either's fine with me though...

Today is what the people on street level call Thanksgiving. It sounds like every other day to me...just with more food. I wonder if it'll be any different once I get to Texas. Even with it just being a normal day, the idea of what today is supposed to be...sitting with the guys like this...damn I'm turning into such a sap. I miss them already and I haven't even stepped out the fucking door yet!

I still wonder if this isn't some kind of dream I haven't woken up from yet. Humans shouldn't be taking to us so well. They're supposed to not understand... I dunno...maybe the fact they were introduced to us through the sight of Baxter treating poor Don so badly brought us all some sympathy and showed the world that we have minds of our own. Ah well...this'll probably be my last entry before I'm off on the bus to Texas.

November 2010 Leonardo

Raphael seemed troubled at dinner last night. I would have ventured to ask about it, but Master Splinter seemed to have saw through my thoughts and shook his head at them. So I left it alone, but Raphael is acting more and more strangely. I just know he's hiding something. I still have the sinking feeling that things are heading in a direction that I will not like at all. Somehow I feel that everyone is pulling away more, even-though we are doing well again. It is as if there is something nasty waiting just below the surface of the sewage.

November 2010 Michaelangelo

Dear diary,

Well the next big change happened. Raph's gone now too. I'm surprised Master Splinter would just let him keep this a secret from us. Then again, I guess Raph did need to go, and saying good bye might make him want to stay...or something...sometimes I don't really know when it comes to Raph. Anyway, now it's just Master Splinter, Leo, and me. I'm really not looking forward to this. Don't get me wrong...I love Leo and dad...but the both of them can be so stuffy...especaily TOGETHER.

Meh, it's not like I can't deal. Besides I don't really have anywhere to go... Things look like they're going good for mutant and human relations though. Strange considering we aren't even negotiating with them. At least as far as I know we aren't. ...I can't believe I didn't wonder till now if there were MORE of us. Then there's the fact it COULD be Don.

Eh, at this rate maybe I'll be able to find a way to put my non-ninjitsu talents to use...
--November 2010 Leonardo

Donatello is gone. Raphael is gone. I am sure Michaelangelo is not far behind. Am I destined to be a lone ninja now? It seems it is so. I have nothing of interest in the outside world and I have dedicated myself entirely to ninjitsu. I shall be standing still after I am needed, besides, my master is still with me and Michaelangelo has not left us yet. Perhaps I have been too negative?

Yet my thoughts have all been correct thus far...

November 2010 Raphael

I'm on the bus...and it's starting to get pretty damn cold. Good thing I brought stuff to wear and bundle up in for this trip. Mary's been trying to help keep me warm sometimes. It's nice...would be a lot nicer if the bus wasn't so uncomfortable. I can barely write in this stupid thing, so I'm not gonna write much. I gotta say I've been wondering a lot about what it'll be like in Texas, especially since I'll be living with Mary and her friend Rhonda, and Rhonda's father. Mary said that Rhonda lost her mom four years back and ever since then...well I reminded Mary a lot of how Rhonda's become, that's how she warmed up to me.

November 2010 Donatello

The last three months have felt amazingly surreal. Somehow I've manged to become very lucky despite the things that happened to me in the past. I'll admit I cheated a little here and there, but if I have a talent, I shouldn't let it go to waste when it comes to trivialities. Strangely I can actually thank Baxter for something, but I've gotten a little ahead of myself already...

I'd been living on the streets for sometime. I passed my time working on the usual things...survival, inventions. I was trying to learn to control my abilities on top of that. It took me a good deal of time but I'd managed. However, I continued listening in on thoughts in hopes of keeping track on the current status of things in general. One day I'd stumbled across the thoughts of a rare man who came from a rare company. At least they both seemed rare to me.

This company was dedicated to getting the homeless off the streets. Not by just taking them in, mind you, but by making an investment in the ones that seem to have promising skills. Or in other words, they try to find useful homeless folks on the streets and then they give the homeless folks enough support to go into the business of their choice. They are government funded, but after so long the ex-homeless person will have to hire out to the folks that the company has picked up.

Why'd I bring this man up? You see upon having heard his thoughts I decided to take a chance and try to use my technical skills to get his attention. It worked and finally I ended up where I am now. It's been a bit hard to adjust of course. I'm living among humans now. Some of them don't seem to notice the difference, others stare thought they try not to. More often than not I'm met with glares of distaste. Finally there are those that recognize me somehow from the Baxter ordeal...but then they'd probably confuse my brothers for me.

It's not terrific here but it's better than living on the streets, and I'm slowly working my way into getting a little business of my own. I worry I won't get much business, but anything is worth a try. If I'm successful I'll do what I can to take care of the guys...if I can even find them by then.