Title: Useless

Author: Sparklehunter

Warnings: Shounen-ai, sequel to "Ways to Die" and "Expendable" and "Miracle" and "Be Fine"

Summary: Kakashi hates Naruto, because Naruto taught Iruka he was useless.

Author's Note: Fifth in a series of snapshots about the aftermath of an almost-death.

Thank you chibi-akuma-no-kage (I'll email you soon with what I need . . . thank you very much!), Isolde1 (sorry this took so long), Vez (I do like chocolate . . . damn weakness! I hope you've enjoyed these, if you're still reading!), Kiasca (was going to fit them all into one chapter, but couldn't decide on a title. . . Heh heh heh.), apprentice assassin (we're not even halfway through, there's at least 10 more stories), and vanyelashke89 (I try to update a story a day, but sometimes real life intrudes).

Review: If you want more? Tell me if I should write a prequel (ie, how Iruka and Kakashi got into the mess in the first place . . . .)? Sankyu!

Useless

by sparklehunter

"You're not useless," Kakashi says.

He's walking next to Iruka, who's pushing his wheelchair along the street. They're heading to check out a new apartment, because Iruka can't climb the stairs to get to their old apartment. Iruka hates that they have to change their entire life because of his own weakness; Kakashi hates that Iruka blames himself for all their problems.

If Hokage had healed Iruka first – would Iruka be able to walk? Would Kakashi be dead? Kakashi doesn't know, but he wishes he did.

Sometimes, Kakashi gets sick of Iruka's self-pity, and has to leave so he won't shake the smaller man. Sometimes, Kakashi wants to find Tsunade and scream at her for screwing Iruka over. Sometimes, Kakashi finds himself blaming Naruto for Iruka's depression.

It was Naruto who showed Iruka that the dark ninja can't do for himself. Kakashi knows Iruka can do, he knows Iruka is still a shinobi, capable of living and laughing and loving, but Iruka doesn't see it that way, and all Kakashi can see is Iruka grabbing the soda out of Naruto's hands and spilling it, and Naruto telling Iruka he is an invalid, and how he needs to accept that.

Kakashi thinks Iruka learned the lesson too well.

"You're not useless," Kakashi says, his voice exasperated and weary, whenever Iruka start hyperventilating over his latest can't-do. He tells Iruka what he can do, like tactics and translation and hey, Iruka can still have sex, life isn't that bad, but Iruka doesn't listen.

Iruka hates it when Kakashi tells him what he can do. He thinks the silver shinobi is patronizing him. He thinks Kakashi is just trying to make him feel better. In a way, he's right, but Kakashi knows Iruka isn't useless. He just needs to see there are things he's better suited for, now. Iruka can't be out in the field, but he can be behind the scenes.

When Kakashi tells him this, Iruka hates him. Kakashi pretends not to notice.

They both pretend their relationship isn't suffering, because they're both too proud to go see the shrink Tsunade recommended.

But they make it to the new apartment, and it's on the ground floor, wheelchair accessible, with counters low enough for Iruka to use. They put down the deposit and leave, and make small talk, and when some kids knock into Iruka and mock him for his ailment, Kakashi watches as Iruka shrinks back and believes them. Kakashi hits them over the head, and kisses Iruka. He wonders how much longer they can survive like this.

You're not useless, Kakashi thinks, and it hurts to watch Iruka self-destruct under such a mistaken belief.