Can someone tell me why I always hurt you
'Cause honestly, I just don't understand
Craig leaned against the back of his seat, tapping his foot on the floor. He was so nervous, but relieved that he was on a train to British Columbia to track Emma down. He couldn't wait to hold her in his arms again, and finally feel whole again. A feeling that he hadn't felt in so many months.
He began to wonder, would she be so willing to allow him back into her life. It was his fault that she ran in the first place. Why was it that he always seemed to hurt the ones that he held close to his heart? What was it about him that made him do that?
No, he couldn't think like that, he had to be positive. This had to work; he didn't see it any other way. Because when he was around her, she made him feel something deep down, a part of him that he thought he lost when his mother died, a part that was lost every time his dad beat him. This was something that Ashley or Manny were able to accomplish. They never really understood who Craig really was, they never seen behind his wall that he had build up around him.
Emma had been like a ray of light in his dark world. He would be dammed if he would give it up without a fight now that he had finally realized how he felt.
He was going crazy on this train; he needed to do something to get his mind off it all. He decided that there was no time like the present to work on a song, who knows it might just be a song to win Emma's heart forever.
He picked up his guitar from it's case and started playing a few notes, as he became inspired.
You would've given me the world, if I asked
But now I'll never have that chance again
Emma never felt so alone, yet in reality, she wasn't. She had her aunt and cousin there to support her, and to help her. However, she was such an emotional wreck with her hormones out of control.
There wasn't a day that she didn't think how Craig was doing, and wondered if he missed her just a little bit. Who was she kidding he probably had a new flavor of the month on the side of Manny; or maybe they had finally patched up the damage done to their relationship.
Maybe one day in the future she would meet someone who would make her forget who Craig was, and what he ever meant to her. At that point, she didn't see that happening, even if there was a great guy out there liked that, would they be so willing to take on a child as well.
She shook her head thinking, how did I get into this mess in the first place?
Craig and Emma were sitting in her room on her bed. Emma's best friend/ Craig's girlfriend Manny had went away for the summer, so they both had no one else to hang with as their other friends were all other places but Degrassi.
"Emma, come on…tell me!" Craig begged He wanted to know what Joey was getting him for his birthday next month.
"No, I won't give out that information." She pretended to zip up her mouth. She thought that it was fun torturing him about knowing his present. She loved watching him suffer.
There had to be some way to get her to break, then he thought of it. A way he knew all girls all gave in. He pinned her two arms down, and climbed on top of her and began to tickle her. She was laughing so hard, "STOP!STOP!" she screamed. This wasn't far she thought, he knew her weakness.
"Not until you tell me what I want to know," he laughed, giving her an evil smirk.
"Never!"
He continued to tickle her, when he looked right into her eyes, and had an urge to lean in and kiss her. Without thinking, he did exactly that, she didn't even stop him, but it was soon cut short when they heard the door open, and footsteps coming down the stairs. He quickly jumped off Emma to see her mom standing there.
"I was wondering if you wanted to stay for dinner Craig." Spike asked.
"Sure, that's sounds good," he smiled, slightly looking at Emma in the corner of his eye. He felt a sudden rush of excitement run through him.
"Okay, I'll call you two up when it's ready," she said as she began to walk up the steps.
"Okay mom," Emma replied. Once she was gone, Emma turned to look at Craig, "What was that?" She hadn't expected that to have happen.
Shrugging his shoulders, "I don't know I just felt like kissing you."
"What about Manny?" worried about her since this was her boyfriend.
"She's not here, what's the problem with having a little fun," he said biting on his lower lip, really hoping to continue.
Something got into Emma; she wanted to jump him right then and there. She couldn't resist his charm, what did it matter, who would know? She was tired of being a prude while everyone around her was having fun. No this summer would be about having fun, leaving the old Emma behind.
This time Emma was the one to pin Craig down, which surprised him a little. She roughly kissed him, he felt like she was going to bruise his lips. He hadn't expected Emma to be this wild, but he liked it! He got a thrill out of the thought that any moment someone could walk in on them at any moment, which made it even better.
After that, night that had decided that, they would have a little summer fun together, just until Manny came back. However, it didn't end up stopping then, not until she left.
"Why is so hard for me to let you go?" she whispered. "Why can't I move on from you, when I already know that it's never going to happen?"
I miss the way you made me smile
And how you looked into my eyes
Craig sat there, remembering the many ways that Emma would make him so happy, and yet he never once did anything quite the same for her. He couldn't do it at the time because he was supposed to be in love with Manny. She wasn't supposed to get so close to him, ever. That wasn't the way it was suppose to be.
He remembered the one night that he had let her get to close; at the time, he hadn't even realized it. Maybe if it weren't for this night, maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so lost without her.
Emma laid on her bed facing Craig just staring at him. She was so curious to know what it was like for him as a child. She knew his dad had beaten him, but he never really talked anymore about that. She wanted to know his pain.
"Craig, how did you feel after your dad would beat you?" somewhat timid to even be asking.
"I don't want to talk about it," the thought of remembering sent a shiver down his back. Those were days that he wish he could erase from his memory, from his mind.
Emma could see the anguish on his face, she knew that it must still pain him, but she also knew he should keep this in him forever. He may feel better if he talked it out. Looking at him with love, pleading with her eyes, "Craig, please. I only want to help you."
Craig looked at her, and something inside him told him just let it out, that she was the right person to tell. "Alright. Well before my mom, left my dad didn't really touch me. He only hit me if I did something wrong. At that time, I didn't know it, but he was abusing my mom. That's why she left; she needed to get out of there before she was killed. At the time I didn't realize it, I actually was mad at her for a while, for abandoning me."
"Oh Craig," glancing at him with sadness in her eyes.
"Well my dad blamed me for her leaving and began taking it out on me, I remembering thinking how can he be doing this. I had looked up at him for so long and yet now all I thought of him was soon growing to anger. Every time he hit me or whatever he would say it was my fault that he had to do this," tears flowed down his eyes, the picture's were running though his head making this even harder for him.
Emma could almost feel the pain of what Craig went through as if she was going through it too. She couldn't believe he had been able to live with this pain so long. She was glad that he was able to open up to her, but in the back of her mind, she wondered if Manny knew any of this. What was she doing of course she had to know, she was his girlfriend, why wouldn't he confide in her.
"I soon became to realize why mom had left, and I forgave her. It still didn't stop me from thinking though that what happened with my father was my fault. I didn't want to believe it but he kept pounding it into my head until it was all I thought about while he hurt me. When we moved here, I knew I had to find Angie, and get away from here, away from him. And of course that didn't turn out to good, but I was sure glad that Joey took me in, took me away from him because if he didn't I don't know if I would still be alive. I mean as time went on, the beatings slowly got worse," he cried harder.
Emma didn't know what else to do. So she went and sat beside him and pulled him into her arms and let him cry. All she could think of is how much she was beginning to fall for him. There was just tenderness about him that most others didn't get to see but tonight he had shown it to her. She couldn't help but fall for him.
Emma wiped his tears from his face with her thumb. Craig looked straight into her eyes at that moment of her touch. Tonight he saw something in her eyes that he couldn't explain; he just knew that he needed her tonight.
Craig leaned in slowly, kissing her lips softly, so different from any other kiss they had shared, usually they were quick and then they just rushed to get their clothes off. Emma leaned back onto the bed, not once breaking the kiss with him, he stopped the kiss for a second and took a moment to just look at her, then he brushed the hair away from her face before continuing. He felt so different but he didn't know why, he had never felt like this before.
That night they took everything slow, it was a night full of passion, and now looking back, he could say love. That it hadn't been about having sex, it had been about feel closeness to Emma, to someone he had just bared his soul to. That night he felt the love he had for her in his heart, he was just was stupid to know it at the time.
Craig slowly got up from his seat and headed to the exit, he began to feel butterflies in his stomach. As he walked off the train he took in the fresh air before stepping down onto the ground, "Here I come, my Emma."
I wish I could take back all those things I said
But now all I can do is apologize
But that's not enough.
"Mom what do you mean Craig's missing?" Emma asked frankly.
"Joey got a call in the other day to say that Craig was missing from school, so he came home early to have a chat with Craig about skipping, but the only thing is he never came home. No one's seen or heard from him. That was two days ago."
Emma began to worry, "You don't think that he took off because of me!"
"No Hunny, he probably had a fight with a friend," she lied; she didn't want her to get worked up. "I shouldn't even have brought this up; you shouldn't be worrying about him you have better things to worry about."
"No, mom it's fine. I asked about him. I should let you go though, a friend is coming by and we're going to go for a walk, so I'll talk to you later."
"Alright, I love you."
"Love you too." Emma put down the phone and broke into tears. She didn't care what her mom said; she still believed it was her fault that he was gone. What if something happened to him? She would never forgive herself then. Why had she been dumb and told him about the baby, maybe then he wouldn't be missing, God knows where.
I always seemed to hurt the ones I love, first Manny, then mom and dad, and now Craig, Emma thought.
You loved me, I left you
I'm crying, cause I need you
I miss you, but you're gone now
And it's my fault, and I'm alone now
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Emma sat on her bed crying when she heard a knock at the door. She didn't want to answer it but she was the only one home at the time. Her aunt and cousin had gone to work for the day.
She waddled to the door, and was surprised to see his face at her doorstep. Her face lightened up, "Craig!"
Craig saw her huge stomach and couldn't help but look at it. He couldn't help but think that was his child in there. "Emma," he said with a bright smile.
"What are you doing here?" still a little shocked to see him here.
Stepping into her house, "I had to see you; I mean you're having my child."
"I told you, you don't have to help with this. Now why don't you go back to Toronto, everyone's looking for you," she wanted him to go back to the life she had left for him.
"No, not without you," he said grabbing a hold of her hand.
Dropping his hand, "Craig there isn't no we, there never was. We were only each other's booty call, that's all. Just go back to Manny, someone who's worthy of your love," she tried to put harshly.
Closing the gap between the two of them, "That's not true; you are more worthy of my love than anyone."
"If that was so true than why did I sleep with a guy who was my best friend's boyfriend, not just once but almost every night for almost 5 months. I mean that's what I call a slut."
"It wasn't just you who did that, I had a part in it too remember," pleading with her.
"Yeah," she said softly, looking at the ground.
Lifting her chin so that she was looking at him, "Then don't you think I'm just as bad?"
Shaking her head, "No because to me you're perfect. That's why I had to leave so that you could get the kind of life that I think you deserve, a life with the love of your life, Manny."
"Don't you see that that's not the life I want though?"
"Why wouldn't it be, last year for the longest time that's all you talked about?"
"Emma things change, people change. When you didn't show that last night I was worried it was because of something I said or did. When I found out that, you had left town my heart felt like it was ripped out. I began to realize it was because I was in love with you, so I dumped Manny. I knew then that I had to find you, whatever it took."
"What are you trying to say?"
"Emma, I'm in love with you."
Staring into his eyes, "I love you too."
"I have to say I've loved you since that day in your room when I bared my soul to you, I was just too stupid to know it back then. And I'm sorry for that."
"Yeah that was the day I fell for you too," she smiled. "So where do we go now?"
"How about we pack up those tings of yours and take you back home where you belong."
"I don't know if I can, I mean how will I ever face my friends, especially Manny," thinking of what people would say when they saw her huge belly. She knew then that her friendship with Manny would be over. She hated to imagine that.
"Don't worry about that, as long as we have each other and our family, it doesn't really matter," trying to convince her. He believe the best place for them both at this time was back home where they could have some help.
Smiling, "Only just because I can't resist that face of yours. But you got to do the packing because I don't think that I can bend at all."
"Okay, it's a deal."
They began to walk down the hall to her room when Emma stopped all of a sudden, gripping onto Craig's shirt, letting out a huge scream.
Craig turned around suddenly, "Em, what's the matter?"
"The baby's coming!" she screamed, leaning against the wall the stable herself.
"What do you mean the baby's coming, you're not due for another 2 months?"
"Well things don't always work how you plan them, you know that. Now can you help me?"
Craig darted to her side, slowly helping her into the living room to the couch. "I'll phone 911," grabbing his cell from his pocket.
"Hi, my girlfriend has just gone into labor right now. It's 414 – 155 5th Avenue. Yeah okay thanks, bye." Emma grabbed a hold of his hand gripping it tighter and tighter as the contractions grew tensor. "Em would you mind letting my hand lose before you break it."
"This is your entire fault that I'm going through this, if you could keep your pants on then I wouldn't have to go through this," she yelled not really meaning the words she said.
"Emma calm down you don't mean that, take a huge breath." Just then he heard a knock at the door, he said to Emma, "You keep breathing I'll get the door."
"One more big push Emma," Dr. Morris said.
Emma pushed, "Awwwwwwwww," she yelled.
She could hear the cries of her baby, making her cry. She could hardly believe that she was a mother. As she took her son in her arms, a sudden joy flooded through her.
"You did it," Craig said, kissing her forehead. This was his child, there was no greater feeling than seeing for the first time something that you help create.
"He's so beautiful," she smiled as she gazed at him.
"What do you think we should call this little one?" Craig asked.
Looking at Craig, "Adrian Craig Manning."
"I like it!" Getting up from the side of the bed, "Why don't I go phone our parents and tell them about our little one?"
Grabbing a hold of his arm, "No, let's wait. Why don't we surprise them when we show up back into Toronto?"
"Okay."
"Now wouldn't you like to hold your son?"
"Most defiantly," taking Adrian from her arms. As he gaped down at him, he couldn't help but feel a joy within. He had gotten what he came for in Vancouver, Emma and Adrian, and there was no way now that he would ever let them go. This was his little family.
