-Chapter
three-
About closing one's mind
"Close your mind, Harry."
Everything was cold and dark around them. Harry could see dark
figures getting closer and closer.
"Close your mind."
Snape's voice was strangely distant in Harry's ears.
"Close
your mind, there are too many of them..."
So many! Harry was
shaking, but he did not close his mind. He was going to fight.
"If
there were only Dementors ... we could perhaps manage ... but there
are Death Eaters, loads of them, close your mind and everything will
be okay."
Death Eaters... Harry heard, among a few others, a
voice which was familiar to him... Hate rushed in his soul... he
wanted to run up to Bellatrix Lestrange... to hit her, to hurt
her...
Snape stopped him.
"Close your mind."
It
was too late... he had not, he could not.
"Who is there?"
asked Bellatrix Lestrange.
It was lost. She was going to find them
and to kill them. But Harry did not care. Nothing mattered...
Snape
knew exactly what he was going to do, he had no choice, but more he
thought about it, worse he felt. "No..." he said within
himself "I won't..." His body was covered with sweat... he
stopped thinking and he spoke without listening to what he was
saying. He spoke in a tone Harry did not know to him:
"Friends
of yours."
"Prove it," said Bellatrix
Lestrange.
Snape raised his wand, muttered an incantation and
something vast, green, glittering, erupted from the patch of
darkness... it was an horrible, colossal skull, composed of what
looked like emerald stars, with a serpent protruding from its mouth
like a tongue... The Dark Mark...
Harry was struck with horror...
he did not feel pain and hate anymore...Snape's very low voice came
to his ears:
"Close your mind, Harry, then creep further...
Fawkes will take care of you. Go... now."
Harry closed his
mind -- he had had too much -- He could not bear things around him...
Bellatrix Lestrange... Dementors... other Death Eaters... He emptied
his mind of all emotion because if he had not he would have died of
horror, fear, hate and pain. He crawled on the grass. The Dementors
could not feel him... no one could have felt there was a human being
there. His mind was too tightly shut. He grasped Fawkes long golden
tail; they rose in a swirl of colour... Now they were in the
forest... out of danger.
"Fawkes..." said Harry. And he
knew no moreā¦
When Harry woke up he had a raging fever. He heard Fawkes singing and felt relief, Fawkes's song was so sweet, he liked it so much ... he abandoned himself to his exhaustion -- that was so easy -- and fell asleep again.
"Harry..."
Snape had sat down near to Harry, and Fawkes
had perched on his left forearm. When Harry opened his eyes, this
sight was quite painful for him. He felt angry with Fawkes. Why did
he perch there rather than anywhere else? Why did he like
Snape?
"Fawkes saved your life," said Snape
coldly.
Harry felt half mad. He did not want Snape to know about
what he was thinking, he closed his mind and he felt still worse.
"Do
you think you are acting for the best? To retire within yourself is
clearly quite painful for you. Unless you wish to suffer you should
try to empty your mind."
Harry avoided eye contact with
Snape.
"Perhaps you are right, after all. Maybe you must
think about yourself by yourself and consider the truth."
Harry
did not wish to listen to Snape, but Snape could easily be heard when
he meant to.
"You saw cruel things; therefore you found the
world cruel. You have three possibilities: to break off from it, to
face it, or to suffer. You chose the third one and I am afraid that
you will be unhappy, as are many other people in the world."
"But," answered Harry, his voice shivering with dislike, "you
don't care, anyway."
"I did everything I could to protect
you from them."
Harry knew that without Snape and the
diversion he had created, he would probably have been killed.
"I
would have preferred to die rather than to be saved by you in that
way!"
"I would have preferred to die rather than to be
saved by your father in that way!" returned Snape, "but
that is not the question. He did it and I did it."
"You
saved my life, but you don't care about my being happy or unhappy,
you are just giving me stupid advice!"
"I do care about
it."
"And why? Because Dumbledore does, don't you? You
have no heart, he has one for you!"
"Harry," answered
Snape wearily, "you have many things to understand and many things
to learn about confidence, friendship and pain."
He looked at
Harry. His fever was raging more and more. "That is enough,"
Snape told him, "That is enough."
That was true, Harry
could not stand the situation and Snape disliked it.
"We must
go back to Hogwarts," said Snape firmly. Fawkes gave a cheerful
sound to the name 'Hogwarts'
"Let us go..." Snape went
on. "Coriolan!"
Coriolan, who had browsing nearby for
hours, awaiting Snape to call for him, arrived as fast as wind.
"I
knew you were there, Coriolan."
Coriolan prickled up his ears
with interest.
"Why didn't you come to me earlier? You didn't
dare? Did you?"
Coriolan gave him a guilty look.
"You
are a disobedient animal. I told you to go back to Hogwarts, and you
did not," said Snape in a reproachful tone.
Coriolan groaned
sadly.
"It does not matter, we are going back now,"
Snape added calmly.
Coriolan looked at him and he understood why
the place was not dangerous for Snape.
"Such spiritual
things," he thought, as gazing at Snape impassive face," so
well controlled!" Coriolan knew Snape had a power on himself he
had not, but he did not know why Snape was adopting such an
expression, he did not know how troubled he was, he just admired him
as he had always done.
"Come here, Coriolan, old mate,"
said Snape more gently. Coriolan did as he was told and Snape patted
him on the neck.
"I forgive you, mate."
Then he went up to Harry. Harry got up, he had a temperature and he
was shaking.
"Harry," said Snape opening his mind a bit
, "promise not to tell anyone..." He looked Harry straight
in the eyes. "Promise that you will never tell anyone that I
made the Dark Mark appear. Promise it!"
"I promise," said Harry, and he felt, as soon as he did it,
the information drowning in the very depths of his soul. Now he was
no longer able to say it to anyone.
"Canter, come here,"
called Snape.
Canter came and stopped to Coriolan's
sides.
Harry could hardly remember the travel, but
now he was at Hogwarts, Snape was walking swiftly and he was nearly
running behind him. He did not know why he was following Snape.
Perhaps it would have been too tiring to find something else to do.
He did not feel like thinking about whatever it was.
There stood
Dumbledore.
"Severus..." he began. He looked happy to
see him back with Harry.
"Headmaster," cut Snape in a
snappish manner,"you should take Harry to the Hospital Wing. He
is not fine, he has a temperature, though he took acetylsalisilic
acid. I am afraid he is really ill." Dumbledore meant to say
something, but Snape spoke:
"Goodbye then." and he strode off. Dumbledore watched him
to go. He was surprised by Snape's behaviour, and perhaps slightly
annoyed by it. But when he looked down at Harry, he understood a bit
better. The boy was shaking with fever. "Severus must be rather
worried," thought Dumbledore.
Perhaps Snape was not, but
Dumbledore was.
"Harry?" he said gently
Harry did not
answer.
"Headmaster,
you should give him some rest; he is more and more ill. "
"No,
Poppy, my apologies." Mrs Pomfrey left the
room.
"Harry..."
Harry lay on a bed, he was
boiling.
"What did happen?"
"We met Bellatrix
Lestrange," he said in a breath.
"And?"
"She
nearly killed me...but it does not matter..."
"How did
you escape?"
"Snape did ... er ... I cannot tell
you..."
"Professor
Snape, Harry."
"Yeah... him... her..."
Dumbledore
knew what Harry was going to say next.
"Sirius," said
Harry painfully, "was not saved from her. I was." He felt
his temperature growing still higher. He was onthe point to be
delirious.
"Harry, we can do nothing about it!"
"There
are things which could have been done!"
Dumbledore sighed.
"Harry," he began calmly.
"You," interrupted
Harry, "you... it is your fault!"
Dumbledore felt
confusion, trouble pain and hate in Harry's mind. He gave him a
bitter glance.
"Harry, you should be grateful towards
Professor Snape," and he swept off.
Dumbledore was not angry with Harry. He would have liked to think Harry was wrong, but he did not really want to. And in the same time, he could not bear to think he was right. He did not feel like approaching Harry anymore, but he did not wish Harry to be alone. He knew what he had to do. He went out.
"Severus ..."
Snape had put off Coriolan's saddle and
bridle and he was stroking the horse.
"Good after-noon,
Headmaster," he said politely
"Good after-noon,"
replied Dumbledore.
Snape was preoccupied, but Dumbledore did not
guess it because, as soon as he had seen him, Snape had closed his
mind.
"Severus, will you, please, pass to the Hospital Wing
to speak to Harry?"
"No, I will not," said Snape
coldly.
"Why?" asked gently Dumbledore.
"I do
not think it is useful."
"It is, Severus, he would die
of fever."
"Give him medicines, then," said Snape
sharply.
"It does not help him. He is not really ill, but he
does not wish to be better. He does not care about his health. He
does not care about his life, or rather he does but he is not aware
of it. He does not think he wants to die, however. Indeed he would
like not to think about death, and he is thinking about it more than
ever."
"And why do you think I could help him?"
Snape
did not wish to speak to Harry, and he was enjoying refusing
Dumbledore what he wanted though he did not know why it was giving
him such a pleasure.
"You have a self control he has not. His
fever was born of the effort he did to overcome his feelings."
"And
what shall I tell him?" He asked the question with a delicate
tone which meant: "I'll tell him nothing."
"Tell
him whatever you want. You will know what you will have to tell him.
Give him a bit of your dynamism and optimism."
Dumbledore did
not know that Snape felt neither dynamism nor optimism. Snape was
hiding too well his thoughts.
"And if he does not listen to
me? What if he does not want to hear my advice?"
"Lecture
him or scold him. Do whatever you want. I am sure you can calm him
down." Dumbledore was slightly annoyed. Why was not Snape doing
as he was told?
"Why can you not speak to him?"
A
shade passed on Dumbledore's face, but he closed his mind before
Snape could catch what was wrong with Harry. He did not want to let
Snape know what he had been told, it would have made him furious at
Harry.
"Because ..." said Dumbledore in a slightly
hesitant tone "... He does not want to listen to me."
"You
may very well be heard when you want to."
For three seconds,
Dumbledore felt like saying: "Listen to me then, and do as you
are told." but, when his eyes met Snape's ones, he knew it was
not the right solution. He surveyed Snape over his half-moon
spectacles. He could hardly catch what Snape was thinking about or
how he was feeling, and he understood there was something Snape did
not want to reveal to him. He remembered Harry's words: 'I cannot
tell you...' There was a secret somewhere.
"Severus,"
Dumbledore said gently, "I pray you ... "
Snape stopped
resisting Dumbledore's will. He did not enjoy it anymore.
"I
will speak to him, Headmaster, of course, since you want it," he
said softly.
"Thank you, Severus," answered Dumbledore
gratefully.
Snape turned to go.
"Severus..."
Snape
looked back at Dumbledore.
"There are things we shall need to
speak about."
Snape nodded. "Yes," he said gazing
down at the grass, "of course."
"And about Harry
..."
"Mm?"
"Forgive him, Severus, forgive
him. Be patient with him."
"Yes," answered Snape in
a breath. He did not know exactly what he had to forgive, but it did
not matter. There were many things to forgive melted together. It was
not very clear in Snape's mind.
"Harry ..."
Harry was not listening to him. Snape
insisted.
"Harry, listen to me."
Harry raised his
eyes.
"Sirius was a worthy member of the Order, Harry."
Harry
did not answer. He could not.
" ... He was as worthy to live
as I am," Snape's voice faltered slightly, but Harry did not
mention Snape's past. He was listening. He could not do anything
else. Something, in the depths of his insides told him: "Don't
do anything. Just listen."
"... But he is gone. I admire
the way he fought before." Snape went on calmer, "There are
things you must understand," he added quietly, "I would never
have accepted to let anyone kill Sirius. Never. I would have done
everything to save his life. I disliked him, that is true, but we
were members of the same Order, we fought against the same people, I
never wanted him dead."
Suddenly Harry found strengths to
speak.
"But," he said furiously," why didn't you go
to fight to his side?"
"I did not know he would leave
the Headquarters."
"You should have, you knew that from
the moment you told the members of the Order I had probably left for
the Departments of the Mysteries, Sirius could only leave to go to my
aid! You knew he would!"
"I hoped to find you in the
forest; you could have been still there. I knew Sirius cared more
about your life than his own. He preferred hundreds times you to be
saved rather than him, but I did everything I had to. I warned the
members of the Order, Dumbledore came too. If he could not save him,
how could I have? Who could have?"
Harry kept his mouth
closed. He felt weaker than ever.
"I know you hate Bellatrix
Lestrange," said Snape quietly.
Harry shivered with
hatred.
"But think a bit. To kill her or to send her to
Azkaban will not put an end to your pain. To take her life will not
give back his to Sirius. The pain must not bring you to hurt anyone.
Think about fairness. You will be an Auror, Harry, but you will not
be an Auror to take revenge on people who made you to suffer. Justice
does not work in that way ... And about your pain you are the only
one who could put it an end. It is yours; it lives in your soul. You
feed it in every instant and it burns your insides. Get rid of it or
die."
Harry answered, in spite of himself:
"Stop
being right, I hate you!"
Snape looked at Harry and he
responded calmly:
"You were not born to hate, Harry."
"How
do you know?" shouted Harry. He felt like running to Snape and
hurting him. Snape's eyes bored into Harry's ones. Harry tried to get
a grip on himself and to hide his thoughts, but in vain.
"You
need not to be very clever to see it," said Snape in a smooth
voice, "hatred drives you mad, it makes you shake from head to
foot, it makes you lose your self control, and I am afraid it will
kill you soon."
That was true, and Harry could not deny it. Making a huge effort, he
said quietly:
"You weren't born to be right."
Snape
did not feel cross with Harry, he answered peacefully:
"Perhaps
I was not, but I became, and I bear it very well. Today at least.
Tomorrow, perhaps I shall not bear it anymore. I do not know. Perhaps
I will stop being right. To be wrong is human though you do not enjoy
this idea."
Those words calmed Harry down. When Snape's eyes
bored once more into his ones, he did not get angry because now he
knew Snape knew he had understood Snape could understand him. And, as
he could not utter a sound, he looked up at Snape and smiled. Snape
gazed at him an instant, then he smiled back.
Dumbledore entered in the ward. Harry was fast asleep. Dumbledore
sat to his bed's sides and listened to Harry's peaceful respiration
with happiness.
Now the night had fallen, Dumbledore was looking
at the dark blue sky by the window, it was starriest than ever. He
heard a very light sound. It was Snape; he came to sit cross-legged
on the floor with him.
"Good-evening, Severus," said
Dumbledore warmly.
"Good evening, Headmaster," answered
Snape quietly.
"I am happy to see you, Severus."
Snape
felt happy too. He got rid of the thought which troubled him. He
would not think about it for the whole night, and he knew Dumbledore
would not mention his travel during these hours.
"Thanks,"
he mumbled.
They sat still for an instant, then Snape added in a
low voice:
"I knew you would be there, Headmaster."
"I
knew you would come, Severus," answered Dumbledore kindly.
A
few minutes elapsed.
"You will watch over Harry, will not
you?" asked Snape in a scarcely audible murmur.
"Yes, I
will," muttered back Dumbledore.
"Does it mean you will
spend the whole night sit to his bed's sides?" mouthed
Snape.
"Yes, it does, Severus."
Snape caught
something as a hint of impatience or annoyance in Dumbledore's voice,
but there was no good reason him to be really cross with him, that is
why he dared to whisper:
"I thought so, Headmaster."
"You
thought right, then," answered Dumbledore in a soft voice.
Time
passed. Snape was thinking, his head between his hands.
"Have
a look at the sky, Severus."
Snape gazed at it by the
window.
"How beautiful!" he said at mid-voice.
"Yes,"
replied Dumbledore, "how beautiful!"
Snape rose went to
the window and opened it. A fresh wind entered in the room, Snape
liked it, it smelt hay and wood, it smelt as the autumn which was
coming with fishing and especially hunting. Then he thought of
Coriolan, and he wondered if he did not prefer a ride on his back
rather than a hike. He enjoyed the fresh air a couple of minutes then
he went back to Dumbledore's side and he squatted down.
"He
will not have fever anymore, Headmaster," he said without a
glance at Harry.
"Look at him, Severus," answered
Dumbledore gently. Snape did as he was told, and when his eyes met
Harry's peaceful and innocent face lit by a beam of the moon, he knew
he would stay until the morning would come.
Dumbledore gazed at
Harry and said in a tender way:
"How meek and mild he seems!
... He did not for long ..."
For a quarter of second, Snape
was on the point to express he was agreeing ... He was happy it was
dark, so Dumbledore could not see him well and could not know he was
moved.
Harry shivered slightly in his sleep. Snape got up and
closed the window. When he sat again, he leaned against a bed's
leg.
"About Coriolan ..." Dumbledore asked, "Was he
a fine horse?"
"Yes, very fine."
"Let us
hope he will learn to express his disagreement in an other way than
rearing up ..."
"I am sure he will,
Headmaster."
"Good."
"I think he is a very
good horse, Headmaster."
"Yes, he is; so calm ... so
obedient ..." Said Dumbledore with a teasing smile.
"So
swift, so beautiful, so young, so clever!"
"I see. Did
you enjoy his company?"
"Of course, I did!"
"So
he did, Severus, you were patient with him."
"Let us
hope I was."
"You like him, don't you?"
"Yes."
"Good.
He is yours, then."
"Pardon?"
"I give him
to you. I thought you would like him ... But if you see any problem
..."
"No," cut Snape, "there is no problem.
Thank you very much, Headmaster." He beamed at Dumbledore.
Hours
elapsed. The morning came. Snape, his head on his knees, was
dozing.
"Severus..."
"Mm ..." Snape gave a
sleepy moan. Dumbledore posed his hand on his shoulder and he raised
his head.
"The sun is rising, Severus."
Snape glanced
at the window.
"Yes ..." he answered.
"You
should go to bed now ... You still have a few free hours in front of
you." said Dumbledore gently.
"Yes ... Good-night ... I
mean good-morning, Headmaster ..."
"Good morning,
Severus."
Snape left the ward, he was tired and he knew
Dumbledore wished to be alone with Harry.
Dumbledore leant and put
back the blankets on Harry who was still fast asleep, then he said,
in a low voice with a very gentle tone:
"Good-morning, son."
Snape
went out. He had had a few hours of rest, and he had still half an
hour before he began to teach.
"Coriolan!" he called,
"Coriolan, come here, you are mine!"
Coriolan did not
come. He had walked into the lake and he was drinking. He had water
upper than to his knees. He raised his head for a moment to gaze at
Snape with a deep and sad expression of misunderstanding.
"Come
here, Coriolan."
Coriolan put back his muzzle in the water.
Snape felt rather annoyed, Coriolan had to obey him. He was
Coriolan's Master. But
Coriolan did not seem to know it.
"Silly boy," snarled
Snape, "Obey, now!"
Coriolan did not budge.
"All
right," muttered Snape angrily, "All right, you leave me no
choice, Coriolan." He put off his shoes and entered in the
water. It was cold. He waded until he reached Coriolan. There, he
waved his wand. "Accio bridle," he murmured. Coriolan's
bridle went in his hand.
"Don't move, mate," he said
gently.
Coriolan looked at him mischievously. He meant to play. He
ran further, splashing Snape with water. Snape shivered.
"It
isn't really warm, Coriolan," he said calmly. Coriolan did not
seem to care about the water being warm or cold.
"Wait a
minute, I am going to catch you!" smiled Snape, "You are
really playing silly games, Coriolan!"
Now he had water up to
the belt, he was walking rather slowly. He knew what he had to do to
be able to catch Coriolan. He flung himself forward the water and he
began to swim. Coriolan enjoyed going further every time Snape was on
the point to reach him.
Now water was lapping under Coriolan's
belly. He did not enjoy it very much, but he could not stand the idea
he would lose the game ... Now water was up to his flank, he could
not go further. He was going to be caught. He knew he could not run
quickly in such deep water. It was impeding him, but it did not
impede Snape who swam swiftly up to him. He stayed still; Snape
stopped next to him and bridled him. Coriolan let him do
docilely.
"You're fair-play, Coriolan."
Snape mounted
on Coriolan's back. He felt quite well, his feet dipping in the fresh
waves, Coriolan's warm body between his legs. The horse spinal column
was not very comfortable to sit on, but Snape adopted an adequate
position and it did not bother him.
"I won, Coriolan."
With
a gentle pressure of his ankles, he drove him towards the lake's
banks. When they were close enough, Snape requested that Coriolan
would trot, and so he did, making large sprays of water on his
passage.
"I am your master, Coriolan. It means you are mine
..." Snape patted Coriolan's neck, then he commanded:
"Ahead,
Coriolan!"
Coriolan, when he felt Snape's hand stroking him,
and when he heard him commanding him, understood what 'you are mine'
meant. He obeyed, happier than ever. They had a short ride, then
Snape looked at Coriolan.
"You're dirty, why did you choose
the muddiest place of the lake?" he said sternly.
Coriolan
did not answer.
"You must take a shower, mate," he said
more gently.
Coriolan gave a sweet grunt to express his
agreement.
"Very well. Let us go, then."
They entered
in the castle. Coriolan was walking calmly. Professor Dumbledore came
from a door in the corridor in which they were advancing.
"Why
are you all wet, Severus?" Dumbledore asked with a friendly
smile.
"Because I went into the water, Headmaster."
"So
thought I. There are not many way to be soaked by such a sunny day
..."
"I could have taken a shower."
"Yes,
that is true, I did not think about it. Why did you go in the
water?"
"Because Coriolan likes water," said Snape
with a slight smile.
"I see ..." said Dumbledore,
smiling back, "Coriolan likes water and you go into
..."
"We both went in ... We enjoyed ..."
"I
see ..." replied Dumbledore gazing at Coriolan. Drops of water
were trickling on his whole body. "What are you going to do
now?"
"We shall take a shower."
"I think it
is a brilliant idea," said Dumbledore cheerfully.
"Could
you ... er ... avoid telling Mr Filch I let enter Coriolan ..."
"I
think he would be very pleased to learn it."
"Really?"
"Of
course not. Do not worry, I shall not tell him about it. I
promise."
"Thanks ..."
"Don't mention
it."
Snape nudged Coriolan with his heels.
"Wait a
minute," said Dumbledore," your bathroom is a bit narrow
..."
"Narrow! Let us exaggerate nothing."
"Yes
... Narrow is perhaps not the good word. I meant to say mine was
better to wash Coriolan ... more comfortable ... Do you
accept?"
"Yes. Thank you."
Snape jumped down and
followed Dumbledore. Soon they arrived in front of a gargoyle.
Dumbledore said the password:
"Liquorice Wand."
The
gargoyle jumped aside. They all entered through the gap in the walls.
Soon they stopped before an oak polished door. Dumbledore opened
it.
"Welcome," he said nicely.
They entered. Snape
glance over the floor, the walls and ceiling. He stood
motionless.
"So?" asked Dumbledore benignly. He wished
to know if Snape liked the room, and he was slightly worried to see
him that silent. Snape looked back at him, and he said frankly:
"I
can only marvel, Headmaster."
"It is a pity,"
answered Dumbledore very seriously, "because you've got many
other things to do."
When Harry awoke, he felt
calm. He heard a slight pace leaving the room, but he was not
completely alone though Dumbledore had left the ward. Fawkes and his
bride had perched on his bedside table. Harry looked at Fawkes'
magnificent scarlet and gold plumage, then at the female's one, which
was plainer, tawny with glints of gold, but as beautiful.
"Hello
Fawkes, good-morning Miss."
Fawkes blinked peacefully at him,
and his bride gave a few polite notes. Harry felt happiness and
peace. He did not wish anymore to hurt anyone, and all the pain had
vanished from his insides. He was quite well. He knew lessons would
begin in half an hour (He had glanced at the clock in front of his
bed) so he had all his time to get ready. He looked lazily at his
shoes, sat on his bed and laced them. He already wore his glasses,
probably because no one had put them off. Fawkes went in his lap and
gave him a bit of parchment. Harry took it and stroked him gently, he
was no longer angry with Fawkes and he thought he would never be
again. He unrolled it and read it. The narrow handwriting was vaguely
familiar to him.
I, Professor A. Dumbledore, certify, today
09/30/96 that Mr Harry Potter could not be present at his classes for
personal reasons.
Harry got up. He felt healthier than ever,
he was going to see again his friends, and he would not even have to
justify his absence. He strode across the room, went out and went to
take his breakfast with Ron and Hermione.
Hermione ran up to
him.
"Harry! You're back! Are you fine?"
"Yes,
I am," he answered, and it was true.
Soon he was telling Ron
and Hermione about his travel.
"Why did you leave, Harry?"
asked Hermione with concern.
Harry remained silent. Why had he
done that? Many things had brought him to do that, they were a bit
confused in his mind. He had felt pain and hate, and he knew he would
meet Bellatrix Lestrange over there. He had wished to go to her and
to hurt her ... or rather he did not, but he could not stand the idea
to stay at Hogwarts after what she had done to Sirius. And the Order!
how he had wished to be one of its members, and still he did wish to
join it ... but now he was sensible ... he would know against what he
would fight ...
When Harry answered, his voice was shaking
slightly:
"Because I was mad." He said, and he was not
properly wrong.
Coriolan did as Snape, he gazed at the walls and ceiling.
Everything was made of pink granite including what looked like an
empty, large swimming pool sunk into the floor. Dumbledore turned on
a few taps, and soon Snape asked Coriolan to enter in the water, but
Coriolan stayed near the door, bracing himself, refusing to follow
his master.
"You told me he liked water, Severus," said
Dumbledore.
"He does, but ..." Snape eyed at Coriolan,
"he has never seen such a beautiful place before. That is why he
cannot go further."
Coriolan was on the point to rear
up.
"Don't" Snape hissed in such a low voice that
Dumbledore could hear
him, "don't, or ..."
Coriolan
lowered his head and Snape knew he would not dare to do what he had
been forbidden.
"Good," he said gently, patting him on
the neck. He felt Coriolan was going to obey docilely. Dumbledore
went closer to Coriolan and rubbed his withers.
"Coriolan,"
he said quietly but firmly, "you must obey Severus now; he is
your Master."
Coriolan did as he was told. He entered in the
pool by an inclined plane. He had water up to his belly. It was warm
and clean. He liked the white foam and the blue bubbles around him.
He stayed still when Snape mounted on his back to brush him and to
spread shampoo on his back and flanks. Soon, thanks to Dumbledore and
Snape, he was covered with soap from head to foot. He suddenly felt
like shaking himself. So he did, sending suds everywhere. Snape who
was still on his back did not enjoy it very much; he jumped down,
splashing him with warm water light foam.
"Stay still,
Coriolan!" said Snape harshly.
Coriolan shivered slightly and
took such a sheepish expression that Snape did not add any reproach.
Coriolan stood perfectly motionless.
"Good," said Snape,
noticing Coriolan had obeyed him, "you're a well-behaved horse."
And he rubbed his withers. Usually, when Coriolan was being rubbed
his withers, he was stretching his neck with delights, but this time,
he dared not to move, he just glanced at Snape gratefully.
"Well,"
said Dumbledore gently, "now we must rinse off the soap."
"It
is already half done," answered Snape with a smile.
Dumbledore
turned on a shower just upside Coriolan's head. A few minutes passed.
Now Coriolan was cleaner than ever. Snape leant against him. He still
dared not to move.
"You must promise you will never tell
anyone what you're going to hear, Coriolan," said Snape stroking
him gently.
Coriolan bowed his head to mean 'yes', then,
remembering he was not allowed to move, he stayed still, as
petrified.
"So?" asked Dumbledore quietly. He knew Snape
meant to tell him what he had learnt during his travel.
"They
were loads of them ..."
Harry was telling Ron and Hermione
about his travel.
"What did happen then?" asked Ron
urgently.
"Professor Snape arrived ..."
"What
did he do?"
"He saved my life."
"How?"
queried Ron, amazed.
"He told me to close my mind."
"Did
you?"
"I could not first ... Eventually I did. He ...
created a diversion ..."
"What did he do?"
"I
cannot tell you ..."
"Why did you have to close your
mind?"
"Ron, that's obvious," said Hermione with
exasperation.
Dumbledore gave Snape a searching look. Snape did not avoid his
eyes, but his mind was so closed that Dumbledore could not have an
idea of what he was thinking about. He had dropped the information on
an indifferent tone. And now he was gazing at him, quite
expressionless. Dumbledore was not disappointed by what he had
learnt, but afflicted with Snape's behaviour.
"You may go
out, Coriolan," Snape said eventually. But Coriolan did not
move. In fact he had nearly not moved since he had been told to stay
still. He wanted to stand there for always. The water was warm; the
walls were nice to his eyes. He thought with pleasure to the moment
Snape had leant against him, had stroked him, then had spoken to
Dumbledore in a calm, nearly nonchalant voice which overawed him.
Everything he desired was Snape to lean again against him. But Snape
did not, he just looked at him. When they made an eye-contact,
Coriolan knew Snape would not get cross with him, despite his
disobedience, so he would enjoy everything Snape would tell
him.
Snape looked at Dumbledore.
"What shall we do?"
he asked, "he does not feel like getting out." He meant he
would not force Coriolan out the water.
"We could put off the
water..." suggested Dumbledore.
"Or add some more,"
said Snape cheerfully.
"It is a brilliant idea."
They
came out the pool and turned on many taps. When they had added enough
warm water and pink bubbles, Coriolan had to swim.
"He will
soon have enough with swimming," said Snape. But Coriolan seemed
to enjoy.
Snape gazed at the very bottom of the pool. It was deep.
Dumbledore could not resist temptation, or he did not try, he pushed
Snape into the water, then he plunged into. Coriolan was happy to
have some company. He swam straight to Snape who stroked his muzzle a
short instant. Then Snape turned towards Dumbledore.
"Why did
you send me into the water?" he asked in a serious and polite
tone.
"Oh," answered Dumbledore who seemed to think
hard, "Because I thought there were not enough
bubbles."
"The bell will ring soon,
Severus, you should get out."
Snape swam swiftly, aiming to
reach the further edge. Dumbledore swam to his side and Coriolan
followed them. Snape was swimming faster and faster, perhaps in order
to out distance Dumbledore, but he did not mean to fall behind and he
did not. When they were out of the water, Snape called Coriolan. The
horse came as soon as he was called, and when Snape stroked his neck,
he gave him a slightly bitter look, then he promised himself he would
manage to get a bath again.
"I will dry Coriolan's hair for
you, Severus."
"Thank you, Headmaster." And Snape
swept off.
"Accio shoes," he muttered. They arrived in
his hand and he put them, then he went down in the
dungeons.
"Good-morning, class," he said darkly.
Several
students answered. Some of them were happy to see Snape again, some
were not, the rest of them did not care, and Snape did not care about
the first-years caring or caring not about his coming back. He had
temperature again...
His students were working. Everything Snape
wished was them to continue working without a word as well-behaved
children, so that he could think... A student was bothering him...
Why on earth was he talking?
Snape got up.
"Don't talk,
Zabini," he snarled.
William Zabini went pink and held his
tongue.
"Well," muttered Snape, and he sat down behind
his desk... His temperature was higher and higher. He had acted
against his moral concepts... He had betrayed the Order in a way...
Why had he done that? He could have avoided it, could he not? He
could hardly bear the memory of what he had done... "Shame is a
strange thing," he thought, his head between his hands, "very
strange indeed... painful and troubling... I could get rid of it, but
the worst is that I do not wish it... How strange..."
A
student was speaking again. Snape did not wish to be disturbed, he
did not know why, but he felt terribly annoyed with the pupil. He
rose and went straight to him. William shivered, keeping his eyes on
the floor. He knew he had gone too far.
"You," Snape
hissed angrily.
Zabini raised his eyes a quarter of second to
lower them with fear on his face as soon as they met Snape's
ones.
"Detention, Zabini," said Snape sharply.
William
Zabini did not answer. He had never been given a detention before.
"I
told you not to talk," explained Snape coldly and he went back
to his place. When he glanced again at William, he wondered if he had
not been a bit unfair; he felt his fever raging more and more.
