The Killing Zoe soundtrack can lead to some incredible breakthroughs. That and the show Quantum Leap.
Insert that damn standard disclaimer here.
Okay, so ordinarily I don't answer reviews, but these two really stuck in my head:
Gisela, as for your review on Progeny, I don't think it would be illegal, but my girlfriend assures me you'd be getting a ring on your finger and a pain in your ass.
And Lee-kun, your review of It's Raining Babies made me laugh so hard, it started raining juice out my nose.
Last time, on Ninjas of Our Lives, I mean, Academic Probabation:
Naruto kissed Sasuke, who covered his face, and- and- when Sasuke finally came back to earth, it was closing time and Naruto was drunk under some sheets, but- but- but! It's not the end of the story! Sasuke got all sick and stuff and discovered he was pregnant!
...Not.
Sweating profusely, the bartender inched around the writhing mass, and, finding an opportunity, grabbed the four corners of the bottom most cloth and tied them together. "Argh! You'll never take me alive! Sasuke, Colonel Sanders caught me! Help! I don't want to become a family four piece meal!"
"Dobe. You'd make more than a four pieces."
"Okay, fine. A sixteen piece bucket then."
"You can't make fried chicken out of a big turkey." Naruto seemed to think this over, allowing Sasuke and the barkeep ample time to drag him out the door and into the waiting cab.
1-2-3- HEAVE! And the bundle of Naruto was chucked inside, Sasuke following in a decidedly more respectful manner.
"I'll bill you for the table cloths." The bartender stated before the door was shut. The deadbolt clicked immediately.
Gazing into the open door with a great amount of apprehension, Sasuke finally sagged his shoulders in defeat. Getting in, he sat beside the writhing mass of dumbass.
The cab pulled away from the curb. The passenger locks sounded. There was no escape.
"Geh heh heh heh." The sheets twisted into the shape of a human, sitting up next to Sasuke. It fidgeted and twitched as the man inside let loose a colourful string of curses and laughed at the same time.
"That was a good one, Sasuke." A muffled voice rang out, the mummy hunched over and started bumping its head against his shoulder as it fought to contain its laughter.
"I mean- A turkey! It's not like you to come up with comebacks. You usually just grunt and turn your nose up in the air- Then you strut around like a boy chicken-"
"It's called a cock, you dork."
"Really? I would have called you a dick, but I guess that's close enough..." Naruto trailed off as he fought to release himself with renewed vigor. Sasuke sighed, and helped him tug one off his head.
"Ow- OW! Jackass, that's my hair!" Sasuke pulled harder, enjoying himself. Eventually, with a lot of tugging and a few patches of yellow hair, Naruto was free and Sasuke was left wondering why he'd help him in the first place. Naruto had seemed sober, but after releasing him from his cotton prison the moron had become lethargic and draped himself on Sasuke's increasingly tense body.
"Get off."
"Nrgh..." The dumbnut drawled, spineless.
"I...said...OFF." Sasuke shoved him over. If he was going to be boneless, he could damn well be a blob on the other end of the seat.
It was silent for a few moments, maybe the drunken idiot passed out.
"Urrr... man, I really need to clip my nails.. Don't you think so, Sasuke-dude?" The weight descended upon him again, hot breath on his neck, heart beat against his side, dirty nails right in his face.
"Ugh. Y'know, manicures aren't considered effeminate these days." The Uchiha scrunched his nose. Truthfully, Naruto's nails weren't all that bad. But no one really wants someone's grubby paws near enough to stick 'em in the eyes.
"Fine then, be that way." Miffed, Naruto opened the car door-
"I don't gotta take crap from yooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu- - - - - - -"
and promptly rolled out of the moving vehicle.
"HOLY SHIT!" Screamed the driver, voicing a stunned Sasuke's very thoughts.
Well, almost.
What the hell is with that idiot and cars?
Once again, luck would have it that they weren't traveling very fast. The driver slammed on the brakes, jerking Sasuke forward, and as soon as the parking brake was set they simultaneously jumped out in search of the moron.
"Hoo hee, ha, ha ,ha!Thank god crazy shit like that doesn't happen everyday!" Laughed a voice in the vicinity of a patch of bushes not too far from where Sasuke was standing.
"Oh... oh, man." The driver mumbled, clutching his heart. He wasn't old looking, but a scare like that was likely to jolt anyone's system. Sasuke himself wondered why he hadn't keeled over, but he chalked that up to numbness from his earlier shock.
"Okay, I- I'm going to leave... and... and he's alright... so I'm going to leave and I won't charge you... so... just don't call my service again... okay...?" Shuddered the man, walking shakily back to his cab, leaving the two educators behind, hopefully for good.
It wasn't so bad, though. Sasuke's place was only a few blocks away, and he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't take Naruto home, wherever that may be.
"C'mon, dummy." Sasuke reached blindly into the bushes, feeling for that familiar warmth.
"Ear, ear! Argh, watch the ear!" The blonde howled when Sasuke found his target. Smirking in satisfaction, Sasuke tugged, heedless of Naruto's pleas.
"Ow–ow-ow-ow-ow-owwwww!" The Uzumaki emerged, covered in leaves and filth, his earlobe pinched between Sasuke's merciless fingers.
Like a prize winning Largemouth Bass.
But noise doesn't have a repercussion, lights flicked on throughout the block.
"WHO'S OUT THERE! I'M CALLING THE POLICE!"
That's the problem with small towns. Sure, the neighbors are friendly, but interrupt their sleep and there'll be hell to pay.
"Oh, shit." Naruto muttered.
Sasuke found his hand removed from the other's ear and slipped firmly into a larger hand.
Hardly given time to realize his new position, he was tugged into a swift run.
What- Wha-? His brain stuttered. Leaves and branches exploded around him as they took several shortcuts through hedges and gardens, a siren barely heard in the distance quickly faded away.
Please don't tell me he has experience at this!
"Whew! That's the closest I've ever been to being caught!" Naruto panted, leading the dumbstruck Uchiha up an apartment complex staircase. He paused, leaning against a weathered door and catching his breath.
One hand fished around his pocket for keys, the other clutched his chest as he wheezed and panted.
That hand still unknowingly held Sasuke's.
Flushing red, Sasuke lowered his gaze. He could feel Naruto's heartbeat, erratic and pounding as it was.
Just like his.
The door creaked open, and without realizing, Sasuke made to step in, only to be stopped by Naruto's body.
"Well, I had a good night, it was really fun! We should hang out again sometime, just you and me."
"You and... me?" Sasuke murmured, slightly tightening his fingers around Naruto's.
"Yeah!" The hand slipped away, ruffling his hair instead. "It's hilarious teasing you! When we're around everyone else, they always get in the way!"
"See ya later!" The door shut, leaving Sasuke outside to make his way home.
.
Okay, I'm guilty. I said updates would be frequent, and I sincerely thought so. But I'm sick again, and the chapters are there (Believe me, really!) but I'm fine tuning them. Seriously. There are three chapters of Eclipse done, but I'm unhappy with certain events and wordings, so they're being refurbished and fancy-fied. Overhauled, for lack of a better term. Another two chapters for Horse, and I forget what else. Every story that is a continuation has more chapters in the wings! And one shots, my god, I have a backlog of one shots. It's finding the time that's a bitch.
On another note that many will surely kill me for, I've gotta say I'm getting a nice tan worked up. (That's a good thing. People that are anime-wise say I'm like a weird cross between Sasuke and Monkey D. Luffy, and while I'm all for the Luffy part, my bastard side doesn't want to be associated with that dumb ol' Uchiha)
