Book One: The Straw That Broke The Pervert's Back

Chapter Nine: Tropical Island Romance! Kind Of… Okay, Sort Of… Well, Not Really… (Pt2: Ancient Turtle Civilization!)

By: Sci-Fi Raptor

Disclaimer: See Chapter One

(-O-)

They were everywhere! Left, right, back, front; they had every corner covered. Even if they could fly, there was no escape because they were even crawling all over the trees. Motoko was terrified. There was no way to beat them. Kitsune and Mutsumi were back to back with her, so they had the best tactical position they could manage in the open. Motoko's katana was out and she slashed at the air wildly, coherent thoughts long since gone.

"Motoko-chan," Mutsumi said. "I think you're scaring them."

She has no understanding of our situation! Motoko thought. They aren't afraid; they're there to massacre us!

"Myu?" Tama chirped, climbing out of Motoko's Hakama. The surrounding turtles quieted down and gazed at their new sister.

"Stay back! Back you t-t-tur—TURTLE!!!" she screamed, lashing out with a 'Rock Splitting Sword.'

(Three hours ago)

"Tell me again why I'm doing this?" Kentaro asked. He was flying his expensive hi-tech airplane-ish vehicle somewhere over some ocean. He felt something cold against his neck. "Oh yeah…" he groaned, when he remembered how the three had basically kidnapped him just as he was about to pick up this girl with whom he'd been swooning over recently and forced him to give them passage to some island called Pararaka-… Pararaku-… "What's the name of this random island I'm supposed to drop you all off to again?" he asked for the forth time.

"PARARAKARUSU!!!" Kitsune yelled, the monotony of the journey getting on her nerves. Everyone looked at her strangely because of her outburst. She hung her head down and said, "I miss sake…" It had turned out that Su's Mecha-Tama® used sake for fuel…

"Ara, Ara, I believe we've arrived!" Mutsumi exclaimed.

"Really?" Kentaro said excitedly. He could drop them there and move on with his life!

"Yes!" Mutsumi said happily, hands clasped.

"Um… which one do we go to?" Kitsune asked. Before them was a formation of islands, which consisted of one large island surrounded by smaller ones.

"That one!" Mutsumi said and pointed to the largest.

Kentaro scanned the island, but found no suitable landing strip. He would have to land on the water.

"Hey, we're gon-" his voice was cut off from the sounds of the wind whipping into the aircraft. Kentaro turned and saw that all but Kitsune was remaining in his craft and she was standing in front of the open door.

"Thanks for the ride!" she said, blowing him a kiss and jumping off. He scrambled to close the door and sat back into the pilot's seat heavily.

"It seems that my involvement in this story now comes to a close," he said contently. His computer gave off an alarm.

"NO!!!" he shouted when he found that his right engine failed. "Curse the author for making me suffer so!!!"

Suddenly, his engine stuttered back to life and he calmed down. "Good thing I bribed him after watching the Love Hina anime…" he said and merrily made his way back to Japan. Unfortunately for him, the reason that his engine had failed momentarily was because a flying turtle had bumped its head against it and its parents saw the act…

-

Kitsune just realized the obvious and she knew she wouldn't like the answer to her question. "Mutsumi, how did you know that this is the island Keitaro's on?" she shouted.

"It was the biggest, so I thought it was probably the right one!" she shouted back. Kitsune groaned internally and missed her stash of sake all the more.

(O)

Sarah was bent over against the Mech-Tama's® side, most likely heaving. She'd been heaving ever since they descended from eleven hundred meters. The water below them was shimmering as they shot past at several hundreds of clicks an hour.

"Su, how much longer till we can land?" Shinobu asked. "I don't know if Sarah can last much longer…" As if to emphasize her point, Sarah made a few more retching sounds. Su only chanted "Birdy, birdy in the sky… Dropped some whitewash in my eye… Gee am I glad cows don't fly!"

"Auu…" Shinobu cowered, being largely ignored. She looked out and saw something… she squinted her eyes and found that it was an island! To be more specific, it was an array of small islands surrounding a larger one.

BEEP! BEEP!

Shinobu looked to see what the computer was complaining about and saw something come out of a hidden panel.

"Su, what's going on!" Shinobu asked frantically.

"Target locked on!" Su said, and pushed a button. Several large Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound speakers came out of the floor and started blasting "Hey Ya!"

"You're mine for sure!" Su said and slowed the Mecha-Tama to a more manageable speed. Sarah had just passed out and Shinobu frantically tried to keep her from falling off. They rapidly approached a forest and descended such that the forest's ceiling was scraping the bottom of the vehicle.

"You can't escape now!" Su said, laughing maniacally. "Switch on!" she said and pushed a button. The craft was jolted up momentarily and suddenly pulled back, killing a little bit of speed. They ascended a bit and traveled for a little more to decelerate and landed somewhere south of the intercept in a desert. The Tama's legs extened down more than usually so that they were a bit more elevated than normal and so that they could make room for them to become buried under the sand. Scorching sand.

Su jumped down and ran under the Mecha-Tama to see what her capture net had caught. She opened it to find a…

(O)

"TURTLE!!!" Motoko shrieked and subsequently fainted. Kitsune sweat dropped while Tama-chan landed on Mutsumi's shoulder and snuggled against her face.

"That was naughty, Tama-chan… you shouldn't have sneaked into Motoko-chan's clothing like that." Tama gave an apologetic 'Myu' and suddenly perked up. It flew away hurriedly 'Myu'-ing while being followed by the horde of larger land turtles.

Kitsune started saying, "I wonder what scared her off," but was unceremoniously cut off when something smacked her from the side. When she regained her senses, she found that they were suspended in some type of transparent bag in the air. She looked up and saw what seemed to be a large metallic… turtle?

"SU!!!" Ktisune yelled angrily and screamed a string of obscenities until they landed.

"Oh my…" Mutsumi said just as Su opened the net.

"Tama-chan! I've finally caught you!" Su said happily, but stopped mid-jump when she realized all that was before her were three well-endowed women. "Hey! You're not Tama-chan!" Su said accusingly.

"Su! I thought we were here to find Keitaro!" Shinobu said, coming up from behind, clutching her backpack in her arms.

"Keitaro?" Su asked quizzically.

"Yeah, idiot!" Sarah said and smacked her in the head, partially for revenge over the evil flight and partially out of habit.

"Oh, then I shoulda brought my Keitaro Radar®," she said, scratching her head.

"YOU DIDN'T BRING THE KEITARO RADAR!!!" Sarah said, seriously pissed off.

"Oops…" she said, but suddenly remembered something. "I still have the Banana Radar®!" she said happily and run to the deck. She came back down a few minutes later with a gloomy, tear-streaked face. "There's no bananas!" she said and cried. Shinobu held her to comfort her in her time of need. Sarah just deadpanned, thinking, This is all just a dream… a horrible, horrible dream…

(O)

"Bakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabaka."

Naru was banging Seta repeatedly on the head, going like that for minutes at a time, resting, then going at it again. Naru was finally spent and went to get a drink.

"But diet was all we had…" he whined, rubbing his head a bit.

"Nyamo…" Nyamo 'Nyamo'-ed and cowered behind the older male.

They had been digging for a while with no result. The crew was taking a break for now, since the sun was at its most treacherous. (Sun: Hahahaa! Bow down before your master, you little cretins!!!)

Yeah…

"Kyaaa!" Naru screamed. Seta jolted up to see what had happened, followed by Nyamo. He heard her voice from somewhere nearby, but he couldn't see her.

"Naru! Where are you!" he said frantically.

"Here!" she yelled.

"Where!"

"HERE!!!"

Seta still couldn't see her. He knew that she was very thirsty when she had stopped hitting him, and she did have to go through quite some sunlight to get to the watering hole, so he came to the only possible conclusion.

"Are you dead?" he asked, shuddering. Spirits anchored to this world caused a host of trouble to the people they knew. "Its all right Naru… go towards the light…"

"BAKA!" she yelled, and threw a rock at his big fat head. He looked down and saw her in a pit, fuming.

"Oh, hi there Naru, I didn't see you," he said, hand behind his head.

"GET ME OUT!!!"

Seta came back a few minutes later with a rope. Nyamo was watching her the whole time and learned to stay off of her nerves, because she kept on saying how she'd kill Seta for being such a baka and generally destroyed the earth around her during her temper tantrum.

"Grab this!" Seta said as he threw a rope down. Naru grabbed it and started climbing up the side of the pit, like she was walking up a wall. Her foot landed on a soft patch of dirt.

Click!

RumbleRumbleRumble…

"Seta! What's going on!" Naru said, petrified. The whole place was shaking and she was loosing her grip.

"Hold on tight! Nyamo is going to get some help!" he said. Naru felt something wet on her face. She looked in front of her and saw the side of the pit facing her dripping water. No, streaming water… no, gushing water!

"Naru! Don't let go!" Seta pleaded as Mario's crew helped pull her up. Naru held onto the rope with a vice-like grip, brooding over how she'd kill Seta when she got up.

Pfft…

Naru hands moved to cover her beet-red face before she even registered what had happened. She was the envy of all Japanese women, and something like… that was just too embarrassing.

"Help me!" she screamed, as the current swept her away.

"Naru!" Seta said, chasing after her. If Haruka finds out she died under my watch, I'll never get any!

Naru fought against the current with her all, but the water's flow had somuch turbulence that she was shoved this way and that, making it all but impossible to travel in any desired direction. She glanced above water once in a while and noticed Nyamo, Seta and Mario's crew scrambling to keep up with her, but she was being swept away too quickly.

THUD!

"AIIEEE!!!" Naru shrieked, clutching her big fat butt (which had been acting like a flotation device). She had crashed into something hard, which thankfully, was rooted to the ground and held her still as the water forked past it. The water's flow seemed to ebb, and by the time everyone else had caught up, the water level started to fall.

"Naru, are you okay?" Seta hollered from the other side.

"All I wanted was a little water…" she sobbed to herself, sitting on the hard thingy.

"Nyamo…" the small girl said, tugging Seta's elbow.

"Yes, Nyamo, I'm glad that she's safe too," Seta said, more for himself than Naru.

"Nyamo!" she said again, tugging harder.

"Yes Nyamo, I did remember to wear fresh underpants," Seta said, still not understanding what the girl wanted. A vein in her forehead throbbed and she jumped and smacked him like Sarah with Su and pointed at the large hard thingy Naru had been saved by.

"Yes Nyamo, that large tablet inscribed with the ancient Turtle language did save Naru. Good thing it was there or we would have a disaster on our hands!" Seta said and started to walk away.

"SETA, YOU BAKA! LOOK AT THE STUPID TABLET THAT SAVED NARU! IT SHOWS WHERE THE ANCIENT TURTLE CIVILIZATION IS THAT MY GRANDFATHER WAS LOOKING FOR!" Nyamo screamed at him (along with the Author!), fuming. Everyone looked at the girl who made the outburst strangely, since all she had ever said was 'Nyamo.'

"Nyamo…" Seta started, looking serious. "You can talk?"

Nyamo suppressed the urge to strangle him, since she had seen that when Naru did it to him, it had no effect. Instead, she opted to sob next to Naru, who was brought over from the tablet by Mario's crew. Mario went up to the girl and patted her head gingerly, knowing how she was feeling from past experience.

Naru cried, "I wanna go home!" while Nyamo cried, "Why is he so dumb!" The two held onto each other for comfort, crying on the other's shoulder.

(-O-)

More legal stuff:

The Mecha-Tama is probably owned by someone, so before you decide to build such a nuclear powered vehicle of cuteness and destruction, please consult with its intellectual owners…

Also, if you decide to build a radar that searches for a Japanese pervert that lives in an all girls dorm with a violent auburn haired girl and a kendo-practicing she-witch and blonde foreigner with a knack for creating illegal technology, etc., whose name's Keitaro Urishima, please consult the proprietor's of said device.

Same goes for if said radar searches for bananas.

Song by OutKast

And remember, click the 'Go' button. (Flames are understandable, especially if critical)

Cheers! : )