Hold My Hand: Chapter Three

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but I've just been so busy with things like school and... okay, I think I'll just stop there.

Chapter Three: Alone


The days suddenly began to melt into one. I felt like I was going crazy. One minute I would be sitting in the Great Hall having breakfast, the next I could be sitting in Transfiguration or in Potions, and it was all going too fast. Remus was starting to notice my stress, which stressed him, which I didn't want. And finally, one thing was leading to another and it came to the point where I found myself making my way to the Hospital Wing, in search of the nurse.

I needed something to keep my mind off things, to slow everything down. I couldn't handle my life at the pace it was going. Madam Pomfrey, the new nurse, seemed to welcome me with open arms.

"You're not the only one suffering from these symptoms, honey," she told me, sitting me down. "I've had many students over the years come to me. I know just the potion for you."

She hurried off to her medicine cupboard and began rummaging.

The thought that I wasn't the only one who went through this was rather comforting. I didn't exactly want to be some kind of a freak. At least she didn't think I was crazy, that was a plus side.

Pomfrey came back, holding a small green bottle. "Now these aren't in liquid form, they're like muggle tablets. You need to take one before breakfast and one just after lunch, okay?"

Nodding, I took the bottle from her and quickly put it into my pocket.

"If you have any more problems, don't hesitate to come see me, dear."

I nodded again, thanked her, and quickly left.


Taking the tablets were harder than I thought. I didn't want anyone to know I was on them, and I especially didn't want Remus, James or Peter to know. Hiding them was becoming increasingly difficult.

I would go to the bathroom right before we would go down to dinner, take one and be off. That was easy enough, but trying to take one after lunch was difficult. The bathroom excuse made Remus suspicious. I feared he thought I had some kind of eating disorder, rushing after the bathroom after every lunch. I hoped he didn't.

James and Peter were rather ignorant about these things, but they would catch on eventually.

Remus conforted me about them, it was the first fight we had had since we had become a... couple.


"Sirius, come here. We need to talk."

The moment he had said it, I knew exactly what it had to be about.

"Okay," I muttered, wandering over to his bed. James and Peter had gone for a fly.

Remus took my hands in his as I sat down next to him. "Sirius, I wouldn't say anything, but I'm really worried. You've been acting rather strange."

"So?" I asked, pretending to not know what he was talking about.

"Sirius, we've all been noticing it. Every lunch you seem to rush off to the bathroom. You're not..." he paused, obviously finding this hard to say. "You don't have any insecurities, do you? You know I like you as you are right?"

Oh no, he thought I was making myself sick because of him! I wasn't even being sick.

"I know you do, and I don't have any insecurities. I have... I have a weak bladder," I lied, knowing exactly how lame it was.

Remus shook his head. "Sirius, don't lie to me. Don't you trust me? You can tell me."

"Of course I trust you!" I burst out, getting off the bed. "Look, you wouldn't understand."

It was now that I mentally kicked myself for my stupidity of letting him know there was something happening.

"What wouldn't I understand?" he asked, getting off the bed and stepping closer to me. I took a step back, my eyes closed so I couldn't see the look of hurt on his face.

"Look, don't worry about it. I... I want to be alone," I said, looking towards the door.

Remus sighed, "Fine, whatever. Be sick, hurt yourself. Just know you're hurting all of us everytime you do." This was all he said before turning and walking out of the room. The door slammed in his wake.


Now Remus was mad at me, and all I had to blame was myself and those stupid tablets.

James and Peter were obviously on Remus' side when it came to this argument. I found myself sitting away from them during meals and classes. I would study alone in the library and found loneliness extremely hard to bear. I knew all I had to do was tell them about the tablets, but I just couldn't.

It was like I had a little voice in my head that would scream everytime I even thought about letting them know. I missed Remus like you wouldn't believe. And I was hurting him by staying away, but I just couldn't help it.

It was on one day when I was sitting in the library alone that my loneliness actually ended... and another part of my life seemed to fall to pieces.


"Hey, are you alright?" a soft voice asked, as the owner took the seat across from mine, dropping books onto the table. I looked up, and nearly fell off my chair. It was that Slytherin.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

"Okay, whatever you say," the Slytherin muttered, knowing I was lying. "So, why are you alone?"

I was slightly shocked by the question. "I, um, I just sort of am."

The Slytherin nodded. "Cool, I guess that's alright. Oh, yeah, sorry... I'm Marc," he extended a hand.

"Hey," I said, shaking the hand. "I guess you already know who I am."

Marc chuckled, "Yeah, I guess I do."

Conversation seemed to flow from there. It was as I watched Marc work that someone tapped me on the shoulder.

Spinning around, my heart nearly stopped. "Oh, Remus... hey."

Remus' mouth turned into a frown. "What are you doing?" This eyes took in the form of Marc.


Sorry again for making this take so long. New chapter will be up soon, promise.

Until then...