Disclaimer: Sorry, Harry and co. You're still stuck with Jo.
Reviewers:
roguehobbit: hey, don't worry about that. I, er, make grammar mistakes myself (and typos). When I first uploaded the fic, I had several. Oops… :-)
Jessesgirl11: You know what? I'm hungry, too, but strangely I don't want chocolate. Maybe later. :-)
Kuroi Neko 13: Thanks! I defiantly enjoyed writing it—mainly because I wished to defy the bad grammar that swarms both my school and Of course, I'm not perfect myself - I had two typos when I first uploaded the story! Oops…:-)
Pussin Boots: Thanks! Sorry the update took so long:-) Please don't hurt me...
Tiger Lily21: Thanks! I meant for it to be original; I only used a Sue because I needed an idiotic American (I figured I should make fun of my own culture) exchange students, and a reason for people to dislike her… tee hee. :-)
Chapter 2
Settling In
Mary Sue Malgramer was getting blisters from her new stilettos. She had looked in almost every single apartment for Harry Potter until the pain in her feet forced her to cease.
"I've got to find a place to sit down," she moaned. "Ah, such is my lot- and in five minutes we'll be at Hogwarts!" She continued on with her eyes closed; she was exhausted. However, because she was not paying attention, she suddenly crashed into Malfoy, who immediately started drooling. Of course, this did not matter too much because Mary Sue was drooling as well.
"Oh! Sorry, clumsy me," she giggled. "These shoes are like, soo painful!" She smiled up at the handsome, weasel-like blonde that strongly resembled Tom Felton, whom many in her country were obsessed with.
"Oh, no problem." He smirked at her. "So, are you a pureblood?" Mary Sue nodded and was about to elaborate when several girls approached her.
"So, you're the Mary Sue?" a young fourth year asked her. "I thought you'd look… prettier," she added. Mary Sue responded with a glare.
"Your just jealous!"
"Hmm, did you just use y-o-u-r instead of y-o-u'-r-e?" a fifth year girl asked curiously.
"How can you tell?" she asked, amazed. "What's the difference, anyway, unless your a freak who can't do nothing else?"
"First of all, you just made the mistake again," the fifth year responded. "Secondly, you are right in the assumption that I can do whatever I wish, within limits, and that I prefer to multi-task." Mary Sue stomped her foot.
"Well, Susie or whatever your name is, I have places I'm going to. So bye!" She turned around and stomped away, gracefully turning her ankle twice due to her ridiculous heels.
"A preposition at the end of the sentence, double negatives, and inability to distinguish a verb from an adjective: what is the world coming to?" the girl groaned. "Oh, Mary Sue! My name is Lorelei Adams, so your psychic powers are obviously amiss. Instead, you are psychotic," she added, knowing that the Malgramer was not paying attention.
"I hope she's not in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor," Lorelei muttered before returning to her compartment. "Darn, I never did get a chocolate frog!"
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While Hermione attempted to revise her potions essay for the fiftieth time, Parvati and Lavender threatened to give her, Luna and Ginny pedicures, Ron and Harry played exploding snaps, and Seamus was in a corner reading a quidditch magazine. After a particularly bad ink blot, Hermione finally lost her temper.
"Can't a person have some peace and quiet to finish her potions essay!" she shouted. Everyone in the crowded compartment stared at her save Seamus, who was still buried in his magazine. Lavender and Parvati still sat primly on their seats, but their mouths were agape from shock at her outburst.
"I thought you'd finished it a week after school ended last year," Ron protested. "Honestly, Hermione, you're a bloody pre-per-perfectionist," he finished triumphantly.
"There is always room for revision," she replied stiffly. "Now, can you all please be wuieter?" Harry motioned to Ron that it would be wise to let it go; Ron shrugged in response. Luna, who was napping, let out a quiet snore.
"You started your homework that early?" Lavender gasped. "I waited until the last few weeks! Why, you don't know how hard it was to fit in Bewitching's makeover conference. Of course, they had-"
"Can you tell us later?" Ginny interrupted, seeing that Hermione was about to explode again.
"Sure," Parvati beamed. "Oh, Ginny, they had the perfect products for you. I just couldn't help- are you all right?" she worried. Ginny's face blanched to pure white, so that her freckles looked like they had been dotted onto her face with a Sharpie marker.
"Um," she croaked. "I think so." Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Lavender also cast worried glances upon her. "Really, I'll be fine," she insisted hoarsely; makeup still frightened her.
"Here, will this make you feel better?" Harry asked, offering her a chocolate frog. Her countenance brightened immediately, although she was still rather wan.
"Thanks, you're my new best friend!" she said before she tore its packaging open and chomped into the poor chocolate frog.
"Until someone else gives you chocolate," Ron muttered. She glared at him.
"Shut up," she replied. Hermione had started recopying her essay carefully; she knew that Professor Snape could not stand blots on essays. She wished that she could simply bring a Muggle computer and type all of her papers, although she admired the beauty of a carefully written essay on parchment.
Parvati and Lavender had just started to discuss Lavender's manicure when the train suddenly stopped. Everyone went flying. Hermione and Ginny barely managed to stay on their seats. Luna, who had been napping, fell to the floor and woke up. Harry and Ron had already been on the floor, but Lavender crashed into Parvati, therefore pushing her onto Seamus's lap. Blushing, Parvati stood up and stepped away from him as if he had the plague, but another bump from the train sent her sprawling onto the floor. Ginny, however, considered Parvati to be lucky; she had lost her balance and landed on Harry and Ron.
"Gerroff," Ron protested. "How much do you weight!" Ginny glared at him as she got up. However, she was kept from responding by Hermione's outburst.
"My essay! It's RUINED!" she wailed. Indeed, the ink had been smudged so much that it was illegible, although most of it had found a new destination: her robe. Luna, however, had the last word.
"I felt vibrations," she said dreamily. "I wonder if it was a gigglikink."
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The students waited impatiently in the halls for the first years to be sorted; after the long train ride, they were looking forward to the feast. One by one the first years found their fate until the very last was sorted; then, to most students' surprise, a new 6th year (Malgramer, Mary Sue) stepped up to the Sorting Hat's stool.
She donned the hideous looking hat carefully and with mild disdain. Couldn't they find a nicer hat to use- perhaps an adorable, baby blue top hat?
I heard that, the Sorting Hat said in her mind. Now, shut up before I refuse to sort you and you are sent back to wherever you came from. Mary Sue rolled her eyes but complied nervously. Now, let's see. You're not much in the line of bravery, so Gryffindor is out of the question.
"But-" Mary Sue mentally protested. The sorting hat ignored her.
Hmm. You've obviously been a star student in the past- public schools these days… never mind that, but you don't like to read very much. Ravenclaw is out of the question. How about Hufflepuff? She gasped in horror. I'll take that as a 'no.' Well, you've got a bit of cunning, so you'll do well in…
"Slytherin!" the hat shouted to the crowd. The Slytherins cheered, as did Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Lavender, and Parvati. They did not want her in Gryffindor. Luna was also smiling and strangely alert; she too was thankful that the Malgramer was not in her house, but wished that she would leave Hogwarts as soon as possible.
"Well, at least this is something to write about in the Quibbler," she murmured to herself. "Two columns! Whoever would have thought I would be so lucky?" Again she drifted off, already planning her first article.
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The Malgramer had already found many admirers among all four houses, and some of the girls followed her around, hoping to pick up some of her charm. She was pleased, happy to be accepted, but wished for a bit more romance than the slobberers. Even Ferret-boy- I mean, Malfoy- was little more than a drooling idiot in her presence, although a somewhat cute one.
"At least I'm not in Hufflepuff," she consoled herself as she sat on a bench outside of Hogwarts.
"Hey," a Hufflepuff girl protested. Mary Sue Malgramer jumped, startled. She had not meant to say that out loud.
"I didn't mean no offense," Mary Sue tried to soothe her. However, her word choice had made the situation even worse.
"Of course you meant it," the Hufflepuff sobbed into her robes; her emotions were very volatile.
"But I just said I didn't," she protested. At that moment, Ginny, Hermione, and Lorelei walked past.
"Ugh, double negative!" Lorelei said, wrinkling her nose.
"You're a disgrace to the English language," Hermione added. "Honestly, you can't even speak your native language!"
"I speak American," she protested. Ginny laughed.
"I talked to a girl from America on Hermione's computer once, and even they don't use double negatives! Well, unless they're being silly or stupid," she amended. The Malgramer gasped.
"How- how could you?" she raged, pushing herself away from them. "Come on," she told her admirers as she marched past them in her sparkly high heels toward the entrance to Hogwarts. "Ugh, these pinch my feet!"
"Here we go again," Ginny smirked after the Malgramer and Sue-ish Court had left their presence.
"Oh, don't remind me," Hermione sniffed. "I just hope that people don't decide to imitate her manner of speaking." Just then, they caught sight of Mrs. McGonagall dragging a first year by the ear.
"But I didn't do nothing!" he protested. Hermione looked like she was about to explode.
"Too late," Lorelei murmured.
So, what did you think? Hopefully it was worth the wait. I'm not quite happy with this chapter, but oh well.
I don't write for reviews, but they're nice to get, I must confess. So, please review if you have something constructive or nice to say, or a comment. If you just want to flame me, well, you should work at Burger King and take your anger off on the meat there instead, OK?
-AuRaMiStEaLiA-
I really should get more sleep… Grr! Forgot to practice my oboe! I hope my oboe teacher doesn't kill me –whimpers-
I probably won't update again until this weekend at the earliest; I have a BIIIG AP test on Thursday, and another on Monday. Woo-hoo! Exhaustion!
-ThE tYpO wRiTeR-
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