In this chapter I use the song Shades Of Grey by Billy Joel, I do not own it.

Sesshomaru felt himself stand on the brink of a dark abyss. A huge gapping maw opened wide and searched after him. When she had first met him he was on the point of sliding into the monsters jaws and just giving up, but she had come and her love and light had hurled the monster far from sight. But no the monster was back and had hold of his mind in a vice grip. The monster most called loneliness was taking over his life and clouding all his senses. He struggled to breath as the next song came from the small stereo's speakers.

Some things were perfectly clear, seen with the vision of youth

He had been a grand lord. So much land, so many servants, everything working to his advantage.


No doubts and nothing to fear, I claimed the corner on truth

He thought that he was the only one you knew what was right.


These days it's harder to say I know what I'm fighting for

There was nothing left to fight for, nothing good and pure to protect.


My faith is falling away / I'm not that sure anymore

He wasn't sure of anything. When she left the foundation of his life fell away and he was falling and there was nothing left to catch him and nothing to cushion his fall.

Shades of grey wherever I go / The more I find out the less that I know

All the information he received went in one ear and out the other, nothing made sense and everything blended together.


Black and white is how it should be / But shades of grey are the colors I see

It had been so easy to tell right from wrong, honor from dishonor, good from bad.

Once there were trenches and walls and one point of every view

Mental walls that separated the lands, kept the lesser demons from straying.


Fight 'til the other man falls - kill him before he kills you

The inate law of demons and all other animals, the rock bottom law of survival.


These days the edges are blurred, I'm old and tired of war

He was tired of the human wars, the demons wars, and the war in his heart. He was tired of people calling on his constantly for aid.


I hear the other man's words / I'm not that sure anymore

His world had been turned upside down and his enemies became more like himself. He saw their flaws in him and thought of them as living things. She had shown him compassion and in turn, taught him how to show it to others.

Shades of grey are all that I find / When I look to the enemy line

Everything blurred into one thing. Suddenly everything was the same and everyone was equal. He could no longer kill without regret, he could no longer torture or even beat his servants without feeling. She had shown him a new dimension on the world. It had been hard for him to deal with the emotions as they began to rule his life. But she had been there, she helped him through it, and now he was here to deal with it alone.


Black and white was so easy for me / But shades of grey are the colors I see

He couldn't take it, it was too hard. Nothing was clear.

Now with the wisdom of years, I try to reason things out / And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts

He had been so sure of himself then and now as he looked at the humans and demons alike that were in that same position he thought of the time when they would have to come face to face with the world as well, he was lucky that she had been there for him.


Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for

When he saw others as equal it was shattering for him to be brought down to the level of the lesser demons. He watched the other lords strut around as he had done and was ashamed for what he had been.


I won't be righteous again / I'm not that sure anymore

Now he could never go back to the safety that denial provided.

Shades of grey are all that I find / When I look to the enemy line

Everything blurred into the emotion of loneliness.


Ain't no rainbows shining on me / Shades of grey are the colors I see

For one brief moment she had been his rainbow and had illuminated his world.

Shades of grey wherever I go / The more I find out the less that I know

Everything he learned added more to the stuff he had to untangle in his mind.


Ain't no rainbows shining on me / Shades of grey are the colors I see

Sesshomaru felt the gaping hole that threatened to swallow him up. He stood on a paper thin edge that separated him the gulf of complete loneliness and death from insanity and his fall back into a true demon. Nothing held him up, nothing held him back. Now all he had to do was wait to see which side he fell into.

Wow, well, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, it ended differently that I wanted it to, but oh well. I feel like I am repeating myself, every song is saying the same thing but it does get better, the songs start to change and, yeah. So I am going to have a vote between my few and far between reviewers, should it end happily or sadly? Cast your vote or I get to pick:) well I hope people like it, keep reviewing!

Thanks to: apeircingadaymakesthepainstay, darkt, Kira the Mizu Ryu, The Squabbit, soulful ice for the reviews! Oh and thank you to my one anonymous reviewer, even those don't go unappreciated.