Disclaimer: No own Gilmore Girls do I. I also do not own Coldplay's "Parachutes", or Rebel without a Cause. ooh or just in case Kansas' "Dust in the wind"

Author's note: I can't believe it's been a year… It's finished! Enjoy!

Fragile

Chapter 5: A Stranger

If it's even possible, after his memorial service, things were more awkward. The painful attempts at small talk had turned into in depth discussions about the weather and climate change. We went back to the house, and had some tea. Mom complained that the furnace was broken and Luke went to go check it. I couldn't help noticing Bert's permanent place on the table near the door. It brought me back. Brought me places I didn't want to go. Places before I knew Jess.

My mother, responding to Luke's yelling had followed him to the furnace room to help and I was left alone with my 'husband' Dean. I suddenly noticed how tired he looked. He had aged, drastically. The once vibrant youth looked ravaged by time and stress. I had never noticed it before.

Mom and Luke went down to buy tools or something and Dean, foolishly trusting, stepped out on the porch for some fresh air.

I opened a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out a knife. So this is it. The end. I had no concerns, no doubts. I climbed in the bathtub, and turned on the water. My clothes were soaked. I lifted the blade to my wrist.

That's when I saw my reflection. The girl that looked up at me was not Rory Gilmore. I had become a stranger to myself. I was pale and sickly. My eyes had dark circles around them, my lips were chapped and almost bleeding… I dropped the knife. It clanged on the tile floor as I lay back soaking in the water. I waited, but no tears came. I had cried too long and too much and I was tired of it. I was tired of feeling this way! I was tired of waking up in the morning and never getting out of bed. I was tired of feeling so alone. I picked up the knife and that's when my elbow hit the Spongebob shower radio Lorelai insisted buying two years ago, making it hit the floor. The music flowed out:

"In a haze, a stormy haze, I'll be round
I'll be loving you always, always.
Here I am and I'll take my time
Here I am and I'll wait in line always
Always."

It was the unmistakable sound of Coldplay's 'Parachutes'.

'How can you be sick of studying? You haven't done any studying. You've done card tricks, you've made coffee, you've tried to explain to me how on earth Coldplay could be considered an alternative band, but as of yet, no studying."

My own voice echoed in my head. I climbed out of the tub and replaced the knife in the drawer. Dripping from head to toe, I went to my room and changed my clothes.

When she came home, my mother insisted I get some rest, and lie down in my old room. I lay down, but I could hear the television playing Rebel without a Cause in the other room.

"But I am involved! We're all involved, Mom! A boy was killed! I don't see how we can get out of that by pretending it didn't happen!" Jim Stark's voice blared from the television set.

Its funny how one thing said in a totally different context can define a situation. Involved. Am I involved? I've always been involved. From the minute Jess asked me if I wanted to climb out of my window and skip Sookie's dinner to the day I got that phone call. My own mortality stood in my face. We all die. It hadn't quite hit me before this. The reality of what I was doing.

James Dean died at the age of 24. If I that blade had killed me now, he would still have lived 2 years more than me. Yet he died so young.

I didn't know what happened today, but I did know I wasn't going to kill myself. The best thing would be to get away, by myself, get on vacation. I didn't know if my shrink would let me, but I had to try. I was gonna be okay.

Flashback

Jess and Rory sat on their bridge.

"What do you want to do with your life, Jess?" Rory asked, curiously.

"I don't know." Jess said fiddling with a loose thread on his jacket.

"Obviously" Rory remarked. "Why aren't you trying in school, Jess? You know you're smart, you can do anything, be anyone." Jess looked in Rory's eyes.

"You know that song by Kansas?" He paused "Dust in the wind?"

"Yeah. It's depressing" Rory said. "We're all so insignificant. That's why I want to do something. Leave a mark."

"And that's great." Jess enthused. "But there's something romantic about that dust."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Jess stared out across the water. "We all live on, blowing in the wind. Our mark's left in the grass and the trees and the water."

"That's nice" Rory said quietly, smiling. "There's something about you Jess."

"What's that?" He asked, pulling in for a kiss. Once they broke Rory answered.

"It's a timeless quality."

A/N: Thank-you so much everyone for reviewing and waiting so long for the end of this story... I hope you enjoyed it.