To SapeloSweetie, who needs to destroy Judith and whose story rules.
I sat on the floor of the bathroom, head in my hands.
So…I—I—well, it may seem to some that I just kissed someone.
That someone being my best friend.
Who is a guy.
My breathing was about as shallow as the toilet water that wouldn't allow me the decency of drowning myself. Not that I tried. Just contemplated.
This is…ridiculous. Yeah! Ridiculous! I didn't wanna kiss Felix! It was an accident, that's all.
He does NOT smell good in the least. And that warm feeling in my pants? Easily attributed to one of two things. They just came out of the dryer or…well, I can't say a teenage boy wetting his pants is less embarrassing than one who wants to snog with his best bud.
"Hey, dorkus!" called the loving tones of my little sister. "Some of us have to primp!"
Ignoring her wishes for me to evacuate, I stood up and inspected my reflection. If anyone needs beautification, it's me. My eyes are way red and bloodshot. And my nose? Yeah, last time I checked, snot isn't in this season.
Not that I've been checking those sorts of things.
Anyway, Lilly only wants to get ready for her stupid date with stupid Boris. There's your proof right there that I'm not…well…not the sort of person who would kiss his best friend.
No amount of money in the world would entice me to plant a wet one on that mouth-breather.
See? I'm fine. Not that there's anything wrong with…well…
What does it matter anyway? Because that's not me. So why talk about it? I could be…playing Mario Kart.
"They're just so…gay," he finally said.
"Hey, Dad, where do we keep Sports Illustrated?" I asked my dad, finding him in the living room reading Anna Karenina.
"Check the bathroom, son," he said absentmindedly.
I can do that. I can be the guy who reads about…racquetball or Ultimate Frisbee or whatever in the john, instead of plucking my eyebrows.
But upon catching my reflection in the hallway mirror, I got the queasy feeling one gets when he sees how lovely his brows look when he's actually put a little work into them.
The next day at school, I spent more time worrying about what I'd say to Felix when I saw him then stuff I'm actually supposed to be worrying about. Like who Lana is on the rebound with. And Mrs. Hill's ghastly taste in foot apparel.
But Felix took care of my troubles for me. And no, we didn't have a heart-to-heart discussion on why our lip-lock was perfectly acceptable and why he wants it to reoccur hundreds of times more in the future.
Nah, he just avoided me.
Sure, I saw him once or twice. But it always his back, speeding away from me.
At lunch, he wasn't even at the Computer Club table. Where was he, you ask? How would I know? I'm not his best friend. Just the queer who can't keep his mouth to himself.
NO! I'm not a queer. I'm just a little queer. Not a diminutive fag! More like Hardy Boy talk. I'm a little…weird. Everyone is! So it's all right. It's all all right.
Trevor was at my locker after school, grinning in a way that told me Felix hadn't imparted any of our recent troubles to anyone else.
"Moscooooooovitz!" he whooped, punching me in the shoulder.
"Yo," I said gruffly, sidestepping him to get to my locker.
"You all right? You look a little pale."
What! Maybe I should ask Lana Weinberger where she fake bak—NO! Noooo. Not what I need right now.
"I think I've got a cold."
"Ohhh. Is that why Felix is being so…invisible? Probably doesn't wanna jinx his hot date this weekend."
Not that I have any effect on his love life.
"Probably," I laughed, slamming my locker shut. "I'm outta here."
"Are you going bowling tonight? The chica with the nose ring is working the concession stand. You know she's got a thing for you."
"Is that so?" I asked offhandedly. "Well, I should probably stay home and…inhale Dimetapp or something." Also, Sixteen Candles is on. "And Die Hard's on TNT. Don't wanna miss that."
"Ooh, classic," said Trevor with an approving nod. "I'll stop by if I whoop Paul's pansy ass quickly."
I chuckled weakly and hightailed it out of school.
To my great (mis)fortune, Felix was right outside the school gates.
"Hey," I panted, chewing on my lip.
He nodded curtly and started walking. I fell in step beside him, waiting for the right opportunity to speak up. That being whenever my head decided to stop residing in my ass. Or my foot in my mouth. Or maybe some wacky combination of the two. Ten bucks says I'm a natural contortionist. My everyday conversations seem to prove it adequately.
"Going bowling tonight?" I squeaked.
After one long second, he shook his head. "I've got a date," he said, before adding, "With a girl."
"Of course!" I said, laughing a bit too loudly. "'Course you do."
We walked in silence for a few yards before I gathered up enough nerve to open up the conversation again. "So…um, about yesterday…"
Before I could even come up with some sort of excuse, Felix turned fuchsia all over. "About that…what's up with you, man? I never took you for a fag."
I haven't exactly either. In fact, I've told myself again and again that I am most-definitely, no-buts-about-it NOT one.
"Maybe I…well, here's the thing—" I trailed off, my eyes downcast.
"Seriously, though," said Felix, on a roll now. "What possessed you to do that? I'm not…not giving off vibes, am I?"
"No!" I assured him. "It was a mistake. That's all! I mean, I know you're not…well…And I'm not that either! I was just in a weird mood that's all. Ya know what? I think I was running a temperature. Delirious, ya know? And sometimes when people are running…running high temperatures they get a little…strange. And that's all I was doing! Running a temperature. I might still be now…feel my head."
But while I waited for Felix to rest his tanned palm upon my head, he just looked at me oddly.
"I dunno, man," he grumbled, looking anywhere but my earnest eyes. "This is just a little weird…I'll see you around."
Just as Felix was leaving me in the dust, Mia strolled over with her greasy boy-toy. "What's up, Michael? Are you okay?"
I answered her questions as normally as possible, but my mind was so elsewhere.
Felix believed me, right? About the fever thing?
Who am I kidding? Even I don't believe me.
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