So few reviews. So sad...

I saw Felix on Sunday afternoon. I was walking home from the library and he was entering the movies with some girl. It must be his hot date from Trinity. Obviously things went well with them on our date.

Well, good on him. I'm happy for him.

Damnit, no, I'm not and we all know it. And by 'we' I mean me, myself, and I. Oh, and my journal. I can't keep secrets from that thing, it all comes pouring out of me!

Anyway, he saw me as he was climbing the steps, I was just staring at him, my mouth a little open because he was wearing a cream jacket I hadn't seen before. On closer look I'm sure it'd completely show off the colour of his eyes…Those gold flecks are to DIE for…

…And when his eyes briefly locked with mine, I knew he was panicking. I could see it from a mile away, and I was only a few feet below him.

He grabbed the girl's hand and skipped up the last couple of steps.

And I resumed walking home, now with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Clearly my friendship with Felix is over. If he was okay with my…recent developments, he'd have stopped to chat and introduce me to the girlfriend. Or at least throw a smile my way. But no, the only expression Felix showed was one of disgust. With me.

Great. Just great. I always aim to disgust people.

When I got in the limo next to Lilly this morning, I barely looked at Thermopolis. I hate 'seeing how things go' with her, because I know they aren't going anywhere at all! I just can't work up the guts to admit it to her, let alone admit it to myself.

But then when we got out of the limo, after Lilly had run off to the arms of Boris, leaving me and Mia alone to walk in together, I saw Felix again, and I couldn't help it.

If he can be fine with holding hands with some girl, then I can do the same!

I grabbed Thermopolis's hand tightly and looked away from him, after making sure he was looking at me, of course. And he was. Boy, was he.

As soon as we reached her locker I dropped her hand like a hot potato.

"Sorry about that," I muttered, once again feeling disgusted with myself for using her to get to Felix. I started to walk off, my head a little droopy.

Unfortunately I didn't get very far before Mia called me back and told me we 'need to talk.'

That's never a good thing to hear. Even when you're not really dating. Awkward conversations are always better left unsaid, I say…Until you get to that point where your head is about to explode if you don't get something off your chest, which looks like the stage she's at right now.

But I won't have this conversation at school. I offered to drop by the Loft after princess lessons instead.

She didn't look too pleased to have to hold off the conversation, but she complied. I hastily got out of there before she changed her mind.

I got home and dad was in the kitchen reading the New York Times.

"What are you doing home so early?" I asked him, opening the fridge and pulling out the milk.

"No clients. It seems people don't have so many problems about this time of year. Something to do with the weather, I'd wager. Your mother's home too."

"Oh." I think I've got enough problems for everyone. If anyone wants some, I'd be happy to offload them.

"What about you, son?" he asked, putting the paper down and picking up his coffee mug.

"What about me?"

"Any problems you want to talk about? Got something on your mind?" He raised an eyebrow at me, suggesting he knew something I didn't.

I pretended to think about it. "Um, I don't think so."

"No? No problems with school. Or girls?" He put an added emphasis on the word 'girls'.

"Uh, well…If you must know…" There was no way I was spilling what was actually bothering me, but I find that the best way to get psychoanalyst parentals off your back is to throw them off the scent. Works every time.

"Yes?" he asked, leaning towards me.

"I was thinking of joining the chess club at school. But I don't know if I'll have enough time for it. I'll have to think about it."

"Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "Well, yes, give it some thought. Anything else on your mind?"

"Nope," I said, putting my empty glass down. "That about covers it."

I skipped out of the room before he could say anything else. Then I headed over to Thermopolis's.

She was in the middle of a cleaning spree, so I jumped in and gave her a hand. Something I don't think she was too happy about. Why, I don't know. It's not like an extra hand never helps.

And besides, if we were cleaning then we weren't talking about things. Which is a good thing.

But finally, the cleaning ended and she sat us down at the kitchen table, now cleaned spotlessly.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I asked, as if I have no idea.

She looked uncomfortable."Remember how the other night, I k-kissed you and…"

"Right, that. Sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind."

"So you forgot about it?" she replied, looking a little hurt.

I wish. "No…it's not that. I was just kind of confused by the whole thing…I still am. You like me?"

She nodded slowly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. It almost broke my heart to see her like this.

To soften the blow, I put my hand over hers. "I like you too, Thermopolis. A lot. But the thing is…"

There I go using the word 'but' again. Why do I do this? But is only a nice word when it has two t's and refers to the slim behind of someone cute, not like a cigarette butt.

"It wouldn't be fair of me to date you…because…" I took a deep breath to ready myself. "I don't know if having a girlfriend is the thing for me right now."

There. I said it. I broke her little heart. But at least I didn't let this continue any longer.

I apologised and squeezed her hand sympathetically, but she'd heard enough. She jumped up, ran to her room, and refused to talk to me anymore.

What an ass. Me, I mean, not her.