Whooo, some actual reviews! To those of you who asked, yes, Michael is supposed to be gay in this story. Schwartzibrow wrote another one (entitled Flamin') that is basically this from Mia's POV. Both have several different subplots. And this story will extend past where Flamin' ended.
There. I said it.
Well, I didn't actually use the word 'gay', but what I said pretty much speaks for itself, right? I mean, Mia's not going to think that 'batting for the other team' means I'm suddenly trying out for the Red Sox instead of the Yankees, does it? Puh-lease. Me and sports, I don't think so.
She still hasn't said anything. WHY HASN'T SHE SAID ANYTHING?
Frustrated , I started pacing the room. I really want to run for the door and head for the hills, but I can't. You can't just tell someone something like this and dash away. I settled for almost tearing my hair out instead. Surely starting from bald wouldn't be any worse than the last half-assed attempt at a hair cut I gave myself.
When I could take it no longer, I sat in the chair opposite her and asked her to say something. I need to know that she's okay with this. If she freaks out on me like Felix did, I don't know what I'll do with myself.
"You're gay," she said blandly, completely stating the obvious.
I wanted to laugh out loud at the way she said it. But I knew this wasn't the time for jokes. I can try out that Will and Grace routine that I spent all night thinking about with her later.
"Yeah, I think so."
She didn't seem convinced though. In fact, she asked me to compile a list. So I thought back to my journal, and thought what would it say about me if it could talk? I came up with:
1. I can't get it up for Sarah Michelle Gellar (and have you seen her?)
2. I don't watch The O.C. for the anorexic girl (or the realistic plotlines)
3. I watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and heard my calling (sort of kidding)
4. I've had one girlfriend and I only went out with her because her dad owned this venue and she had tickets and backstage passes to the upcoming Weezer show
5. I kissed one of the coolest, prettiest girls I know and didn't feel a thing
After saying the fifth one I looked at her pointedly, but I think it took a second to sink in that I meant her. Who else does she think I've been kissing lately (apart from Felix, which she doesn't know about)?
I put my hand over hers and we locked eyes. "I swear to God, Mia, you had me doubting my homosexuality just as I had sold myself on it. But it was just friendly instincts, you know? And I mean it when I say that you're one of my best friends. I wouldn't have told just anybody all of this."
Except Felix. But ya know, I didn't mean to tell him, it just sort of...happened.
But then, because obviously I'm an asshole, she started to cry. Not only did I break her heart, but I made her cry too. What kind of an insensitive homosexual am I? I thought it was like, against the laws of nature for us to be this cruel.
As the mascara ran unattractively down her face, I said, "Mia, sweetheart. Please don't cry because of this. I'm not worth it, believe me."
The scary thing is, I'm really not. It's not just a line to make her feel better, it's the cold, hard truth. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her tears away and smudging the mascara even more. If I wasn't so concerned with her happiness right now, I'd be cringing and whipping out a bottle of make up remover...Not that I actually have any on me or anything. "It's really not that big of a deal."
Yeah right. Girls don't cry when they have mascara on unless it's for a really good reason. Like finding out the guy you like is gay. "Are you sure?" I asked tentatively. "Because Felix already completely wigged out on meā¦and I have a feeling you're about to do the same. I mean, if you don't want to talk to me any more, I won't be surprised or angry. I understand, really."
To my delight, she didn't nod and run away, telling me she never wanted to speak to me again. Instead, she told me she's my friend and would never do that. How 'bout that?
When we finally left the room, we parted with a friendly hug. I didn't think a kiss on the cheek was appropriate, given that I was trying to sell my homosexuality to her.
Though I think I've sold it to myself.
-
I arrived at Computer class a few minutes late because I'd been talking with Mia. The only seat left was next to Felix.
I sat down hesitantly and glanced sideways at him. He didn't say anything.
I've totally been avoiding sitting anywhere near him recently, because I don't want to freak him out any more. If I'm lucky, and if I pray to that Buddah statue I brought the other day when I was feeling particularly low, he may just come back to me. Maybe not as someone who shares my passion for fashion, but at least as my friend. I miss him. And not just because he has a cute tush.
Halfway through class I decided to test the boundries of my plan for Felix coming back to me.
I started off slow. "Can I borrow a pencil?" I asked as I pushed my pencil case off the desk.
He passed one over without looking up.
"Thanks."
A minute later I returned it. Still no response from him. No, "You're welcome," or "No worries," at all.
Maybe I need to ask something that actually requires a response.
"Uh, Felix? How do I bring the grid back onto the screen?"
I already knew the button of course.
He looked at me fleetingly, his expression was clearly not impressed with me. Then he leaned over and brought my screen up with the press of a single button before going back to his own computer screen.
"Felix?" I said softly. "Are you going to ignore me forever?"
It took him a minute, but he finally looked up. "I just...I don't know what to say to you anymore, Michael. I'm sorry."
I nodded. I can understand that. I don't like it, but I don't want to make any one uncomfortable, and if he feels that way, then so be it.
"It's not that I'm..." He lowered his voice. "Homophobic or anything. But I just don't know how to act or what to say after what happened."
"Right," I said brightly. "They should make a manual or something, haha." My attempt at joking about the situation didn't go over to well with Felix. He just glared at me, and Josh, on Felix's other side, looked at me weirdly too.
I hope he didn't hear the rest of our conversation!
Ah, what am I worried about? All Josh ever thinks about is girls and his Gameboy. I'm sure my chatter with Felix was nothing that caught his attention.
Just click, then critique.
