Chapter 11: Not Fine
Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenille
But then if you're so smart,
Tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's
the fire, what's the hurry about
You better cool it off before you
burn it out
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just grow old
You gotta kick off before you even get half way through
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you
- Billy Joel, "Vienna"
I'm kissing Draco Malfoy.
AGAIN!
Ahhmagad, it's like a dream... I'm sitting on the counter, and he's just...kissing me. Thank God I'm sitting, I can feel my knees getting weak. My heart is throbbing. My head feels light. It feels as if someone has let loose a billion butterflies in my stomache! AHH! I read about this feeling in books, but I never thought you actually felt it. It's not one of those lustful, heated kisses either. It's a kiss that we've both been waiting for, or at least I know I have.
Soon, unfortunatly, we have to break away, and I look down, flushed. I clear my throat in a very Umbridge-like manner, and take a deep breath. "I, uh, think we should wait a day or two before go back... The man looked really angry, and for all we know he could be waiting there...within a few days he might forget about it..."
Draco nods, running his hands through his hair. I can tell he needs to gain composure, and I inwardly laugh.
"Well, what are we supposed to do all day, then?" he asks.
"I... I don't know..."
He smirks cheekily. "I have a few suggestions."
"Draco!" I shriek, hitting him playfully.
"It was worth a try..." he then looks as if he's had an epiphomy or something. "I know, we're going to go to Diagon Alley."
"But...why?"
"One,
you haven't had a good meal in ages. Two, you've been wearing the
same clothes, and I for one am disgusted. And three, I've seen that
twitch in your eye. We need to leave the house and have a day of
relaxation."
"But..."
WHY AM I ARGUING!
I shake my head, as if laughing at myself, and smile. "Yeah, why not?"
Leaving arm in arm, we prepare to apparate to Diagon Alley.
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We arrive Diagon Alley feeling happy, but one look around our surroundings puts us in a sullen mood. Shop keepers have shut down their stores, the lights are off, people are in the streets crying, candles are lit in every window...
I quietly walk up to a grieving woman outside of a store, who is with two young daughters. They all have red, blood-shot eyes, runny noses; tissues poised to blow. Tapping the woman gently on the shoulder, I ask, "What's happened?" The woman looks at me as if I have three heads and pats the young children; a sign that the "big people" are talking.
"Y-you haven't h-heard?" She asks incredulously.
"Um...no?"
She begins to sob again, but takes a breath. "H-Harry P-P-Potter d-d-d-died!"
What?
...WHAT!
WHAT! HARRY!
"Wha...what?" I mean to scream, but it barely comes out as a whisper. She leads me over to a newspaper stand and hands me The Daily Prophet, then walks away to the girls, blowing her nose.
Harry Potter Tribute- Pages 1-4
Harry Potter Fanmail - Pages 5-7
The Harry Potter Story - Pages 8-10
The Harry Potter Drama - Pages 10-11
The Tragic Ending - Page 12
Harry Potter's Loves Pay Last Tribute - Page 13a
Harry Potter Memorial Service - 13b
Letters to the Editor - Page 14
I quickly flip to page 12, shock still filling my body. I'm definitly not ready for the huge headline.
THE TRAGIC ENDING-
BOY WHO LIVES DIES SAVING LIVES
Harry Potter, the 'Boy Who Lived', became the Boy-Who-Defeated-The-Dark-Lord on Saturday, June 14th. Unfortunatly, along with defeating the dark Lord, he risked his life for three very important people. We had the chance to speak to these three people; Hermione Jane Granger (Harry's supposed ex-girlfriend), Remus Lupin, and Nymphadora Tonks.
"H-Harry was s-s-so sp-p-p-pecial!" Granger sobbed. "He r-risked-d his life for us, after alread-dy f-f-finishing what he had to d-d-do! He made sure we were ok-kay!"
When we asked for the full story, neither Tonks nor Granger could respond, so Lupin took the plate.
"He
had just finished defeating Lord Voldemort. We were all very happy,
we as in Hermione, Tonks, Harry, the Order, and I. We celebrated,
thinking no one else was in the Department. But...But I guess that
was stupid. They were there, five of them. They tried to attack
Hermione - um, Granger - and he...well, that's private, but... Fine!"
he grumbled, once our prodding was enough. "He kissed her and
told her he loved her, then jumped in front of the spell. While he
did this I attacked a few of the Death Eaters, and the Tonks and
others did as well."
"It was horrifying," Tonks
said, taking a deep breath. "We just...couldn't believe it. We
were in shock."
"He..died for us. For all of us. For the Weasley family, who recently had a huge loss; the only living member of the family being the only girl. Ron Weasley was, as we all knew, his best friend. He was also a Chudley Cannon's beater, who helped win the Quidditch Cup of last year," Lupin said quietly.
"You
m-may think of H-harry as one of the g-greatest Order-r m-members,
b-but we were the f-few who knew-w him as h-how he would w-want to be
r-r-remembered-d... as simp-ply Harry."
This certainly was a
tragic ending for a wonderful boy, who died doing exactly what he
always did- saved lives. While saving us all, he saved his girlfriend
as well, and we all are debted to him and his brave fight.
By Charles Montgomery.
I drop the newspaper in a puddle, despite the cries of agony from the newspaper stand owner, and stomp on top of it. Then, I run past a very confused Draco and straight home.
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Draco knocks on my door, and I grunt. "Go away!" I cry, sobbing. Why did Harry have to die? Why did any of them have to die? Why couldn't life be perfect, like in the stories? How come I've found myself in this hole, where my sorrows just grow larger and larger? Why don't I find myself trying to get out of it?
"I...just thought you'd want to read this," I hear his muffled voice and something is slipped under the door. "I'm downstairs, in the living room...if you need me."
After a while, I get up and retrieve the magazine. It's the same Daily Prophet newspaper, but I haven't read the whole thing. I probably should.
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Thumbing through the whole thing, I find most of it is repeats from past newspaper articles. I am about to put it down when I see memorial services. Looking closer, I also notice that Draco has underlined ones that he thought sounded...'good.'
The Harry Potter Memorial Service
Since the greatest wizard that has ever lived has been killed, there are numerous memorial services around England. The following are for anyone to attend:
- The Brookshire Home Memorial Service - Tuesday, July 12th
- Diagon Alley Pays Tribute - Thursday, July 14th
- Hogsmeade Pays Tribute - Friday, July 15th
- Hogwart's Reunion and Memorial - Monday, July 16th - Please RSVP in advance if you are an alumn
- Durmstrang, Beauxbatons and Hogwart's Unite - Tuesday, July 17th, Please RSVP in advance if you are an alumn
I walk to the livingroom, where Draco is reading. "Thank you."
"No
problem..." he moves his feet so I can sit on the couch, but I
need to be calmed. I cuddle up in his chest, not even thinking about
what I'm doing. He seems sort of uncomfortable, but doesn't move.
"Did you want to go to any of them?"
"The Diagon
Alley one sounds nice...and the Hogwart's one... The Diagon Alley
memorial is in 2 days, if you don't want to -"
"I'll
go."
I smile. "Okay."
I stay there for a while, until stretching slightly. "I'm really tired, I should go nap..."
"Okay..." he murmurs, but I find myself unable to move, and I fall asleep in his arms.
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I'm in a large, circular room. When I look closer, I see snakes on the walls. Suddenly, there is someone behind me. I turn around, and find it is Harry. Running into his arms, he holds me tightly, breathing into my ear.
"Oh, Ginny...I missed you...how are you? How's...Malfoy?"
"I'm fine, he's fine, we're all...fine," I manage to get out, choking at how fake even 'fine' sounds. He doesn't say anything, waiting for me to continue (like he knows I will.) "Okay, it's not fine! It's not fine at all! Everyone's dying... No one is happy anymore, it's all bad...what happened to the world, Harry? What happened to the innocence and the childlishness of life? What happened to being too immature? Since when is everyone mature, upset, depressed? Why are there so many new spells for depression and not for getting you awake? How come they're all to get you to go asleep? How come everything is so negative, why isn't anything good! What happened to actually having fun, to smiling and truly meaning it! Even when I'm smiling, I feel like I'm lying. When I'm with Draco and I'm happy, I feel guilty, as if since Ron or Bill or Mum isn't happy, I shouldn't be, either!"
"That's not true, Ginny. You know you can be happy, you know you could. You just can't at the moment." It made no sense, so I continued.
"I want to be normal, Harry! I'm sure other girls don't feel like me, I'm sure no one is having so much difficulty just living! Harry, do you know how hard it is to stay alive? To remind myself why I'm up in the morning? You know what? I've started to forget the reason."
And before he could reply to what I said, a flash of light took over the room. He looked anxious. "You have 2 days, you know what you have to do. Tell Hermione I love you, and Ron says he loves you. I'm going home, Ginny. I'm going home!"
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I awake, startled. Draco had clearly carried me to my room, and tucked me in. I replay what I said to Harry in my head.
Okay, it's not fine! It's not fine at all! Everyone's dying... No one is happy anymore, it's all bad...what happened to the world, Harry? What happened to the innocence and the childlishness of life? What happened to being too immature? Since when is everyone mature, upset, depressed? Why are there so many new spells for depression and not for getting you awake? How come they're all to get you to go asleep? How come everything is so negative, why isn't anything good! What happened to actually having fun, to smiling and truly meaning it! Even when I'm smiling, I feel like I'm lying. When I'm with Draco and I'm happy, I feel guilty, as if since Ron or Bill or Mum isn't happy, I shouldn't be, either! I want to be normal, Harry! I'm sure other girls don't feel like me, I'm sure no one is having so much difficulty just living! Harry, do you know how hard it is to stay alive? To remind myself why I'm up in the morning? You know what? I've started to forget the reason.
It's true... what is the reason for being awake? Why can't I just fall asleep forever? The only time I'm actually happy is in my dreams. The only time I actually feel in my skin, normal, happy, content, actually alive...is when I'm dreaming of the people who's left me. Is it safe to want to live forever in your dreams? Is it safe to always want to be sleeping, to live your day and just live for that 8 or so hours of peace? These days, I feel like I'm a shell of myself. Like there's a me somewhere, living happily. Like if I get through this, the 'me' who is living on the tropical island, sipping smoothies and watching hot guys will become my life. The girl who's me right now is broken. A girl who's been torn, confused, stepped on. A hand-me-down, not actually living. Just being passed on from one bad feeling to another.
I go back to sleep, the same sentence reeling in my mind.
I've started to forget the reason.
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Author's Note: I'm sorry if you thought that sucked. It took me forever to actually get into it, and I didn't really start liking this chapter until the memorial service part. Sad, huh? Anyway, please review, and I know this was short. I've just been a bit brain-blocked. And I really got into the italics paragraph, didn't I? I guess I got a little too into my feelings, haha. Okay anyway please review. :)
Elizabeth
(Spark notes in a few chapters)
PS: Thanks to all the reviewers who bumped me up to 63 reviews! Considering I wanted 50...I'm very happy. I am 'indebted' to all of you. Haha!
