Disclaimer: Yup, I own nothing…except the paper due Wednesday. Grrrrr.
Mates
By: Of Memories Past
Chapter 3: It's Just not Love
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"I want to kiss you."
Inuyasha's amber eyes widened for a moment before he settled into a cocky grin. So she wanted to kiss him, did she? He shifted his bare shoulders until they were situated against the wall more comfortably and leaned his head back against the wall. He closed his eyes. "Do you?"
Kagome tried to keep her breathing even but was finding it difficult. He seemed to be so in control of the situation. It would hurt her more than he would ever know if he refused her a simple kiss when he himself…
Blushing, she turned the thought away and kept focused on him. "I do," she admitted softly.
"Then why don't you?"
Kagome's breath stopped short at the blunt question. Why didn't she? Was that an invitation? Well, it is not exactly like she felt she would be able to just do that whenever she wanted. He had never made her feel like she could. Kagome gathered her courage and moved a bit closer.
"I didn't know…didn't think…I thought…" she stumbled. Her gazed focused on the bed.
His chuckling brought her attention back to him. He opened his golden eyes before reaching out a clawed hand and tilting her chin up to him.
"I'm your mate, Kagome," he stated the obvious. "If you want something, just take it."
Her eyes grew wide. It seemed to be such a casual matter with him. "But…"
He laughed again. "I wouldn't be a doing my job as your mate if you sat there and suffered because you wanted something." He sat up straight and braced himself on his arms. "You can do whatever you want with me. It's fine." Inuyasha leaned toward her, his face mere inches from hers. "Now you said something about wanting a kiss?"
Kagome held back tears as she looked at him. It was still just a job and not love. But as she looked into those golden eyes that seemed to glow in the dark, she found that her own desire was going to take over the part of her mind that screamed at her to wait. Reaching her arms up around his neck, she leaned forward and kissed him. It was gentle and tentative at first before becoming more demanding. She leaned into him more and continued to kiss him. Hard.
Inuyasha pulled her too him and kissed her back, letting her get out everything pent up inside of her. What he did not expect was for her to deepen the kiss and cling to him tighter. He took a sharp breath out of surprise before responding to her just the same.
"Oi, wench," he whispered when she pulled away out of breath. "I think you want something a little more than a kiss."
Kagome blushed.
Laughing at her shyness, Inuyasha fell back against the bed. "Don't worry about it, Kagome." He smirked and opened his arms to her. "I'm yours."
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And he meant every word that he had said. Kagome was still blushing at her previous boldness when she slipped the rosy nightgown that her mother had bought her back over her head. She fumbled with the buttons, mentally cursing at herself for her actions. She was not usually one to let her body think for her, and tonight that was definitely something that had happened.
She did not even want to remember it anymore as she watched Inuyasha settle under the blanket of pelts once again. No love. It had simply been an action meant to quench his and her physical desires. Tears stung her eyes as she slipped underneath the pelts with him—back on her respective side, of course. She felt used. She felt horrible because she felt that she had used him, even though she loved him with all her being. He obviously did not return that love, but she had accepted the services his body offered anyway.
She felt like a whore.
I am not much better than one, am I? she questioned herself. Kagome clutched at her pillow tighter and allowed the tears to streak her cheeks. She felt weak. She felt weak because she needed his love and felt as if she would die without it.
A shadow looming over her form caused her to turn over onto her back and look up.
He had smelled her tears.
"What's wrong wench?" he asked, his golden eyes searching hers in the darkness. Absently reaching up, he brushed a few tears off her cheeks.
"Nothing's wrong, Inuyasha," Kagome muttered, turning her face from him. She flinched when his hand cupped her face, slowly forcing her to turn back to his gaze. Smiling slightly in the darkness, Kagome reached up to run her fingers through the silky strands of silver hair that hung loosely while he leaned over her. Her smile grew a little, the corners of her mouth lift ever so slightly, when she noticed how his amber orbs seemed to glow brightly in the dark. No wonder he could se so well.
Inuyasha frowned. She was lying to him, and he knew it. He could tell by the dull tone to her voice. Lowering himself so that his arms rested on either side of her, Inuyasha buried his face into her neck inhaling deeply her flowery scent.
"Why are you lying to me, wench?" The strong scent intoxicating him further, he began softly kissing her flesh, trailing his lips from her jaw all the way down to her shoulder. "I don't like it when you lie to me." He stopped speaking as he began pressing hot little kisses on the front part of her throat right under her chin. He paused, thoroughly kissing the flesh there before moving down to her collarbone.
Kagome shuddered and tried to tune out the effect that he had on her. She did not want to feel used again, but at the moment her body was going to fight anything she told it not to do. It also annoyed her that he could tell she did not speak the truth. The air suddenly left her when he began working on the buttons of her nightgown.
"No," Kagome whispered. This would not happen to her again. She would not feel like this. She refused to feel dirty.
Inuyasha ignored her small protest and placed his mouth over hers to silence her. He noticed that she tried to flout the feeling of his lips on her as first but soon gave in and was kissing him back, her small hands tangling in his silver hair. He smirked and began to remove the pink nightgown that was proving to be more of a hindrance than anything.
"No!"
The soft, pink material slipped out of his grasp as her sharp yell pierced his sensitive hearing. He shook his head until sounds came clearly once again, fixing her with a glare as she struggled to button her gown back up.
"What is your problem wench?" he growled, obviously annoyed at being stopped.
Feeling braver than before, Kagome fixed him with her own glare, fixing the last button with an exaggerated gesture. "This isn't right!"
"It's not wrong, wench!" Inuyasha retorted. "We're mates, remember? We're allowed to do this!"
Kagome glowered and sat up. "We may be mates, Inuyasha, but this is nothing more than lust!"
Inuyasha sat up as well, glaring at the girl he called his mate and wife. She had a lot of nerve doing what she just did. He frowned at the tears staring to form in her eyes as she looked at him. How he hated it when she cried.
"Mates, husbands and wives—they're suppose to love each other, Inuyasha!" Kagome hissed. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat before continuing. "I love you, I always have. But even feeling like that, I cannot go on feeling like a prostitute just to satisfy physical needs and it be accepted simply because we are called mates. You've made it clear that all this is just a job to do." The tears that she had worked so hard at holding back began to stubbornly course down her cheeks. "We're together for life now, Inuyasha. I had always dreamed of being with the person that I loved—being with you. And even if the situation that threw us together was not ideal, I could live with that. I still thought that I had my friend that I had had before.
"But things changed. I've lost that friend that I always knew was there for me. We barely say two words to each other anymore, Inuyasha." She watched as he guiltily hung his head and averted is gaze. "I don't even feel like I can smile at you or hug you like I use to. As strained as out relationship we before, I at least knew that I was welcomed in your arms. Now I sit back and wait until you feel like being intimate. And that's all the contact that we have. That and arguing." she spat out bitterly.
Anger filled her chocolate orbs and her thrust her fists into the soft mattress. "Well, I've some news for you. I do not want to be used when all I want to give you is love. That I love you will never change, but I am not going to sit back and feel like a whore because that's exactly what it feels like to me right now, and I hate it!"
Her sob took him by surprise, and he watched her rock forward, her face in her hands. "Why can't you love me, Inuyasha?"
The blamed hanyou's ears drooped and he lay what he hoped to be a comforting hand on her shoulder, lightly kneading the tense muscles at the base of her neck. "I do," he whispered.
Kagome laughed bitterly at the confession she had always wanted to hear. "Well, you have a crummy way of showing it, Inuyasha." She angrily grabbed her pillow and his haori before angrily scrambling off the bed and going into the main room.
She paused in the doorway of their bedroom and turned to look at his stunned face. "Don't come out here and get me, Inuyasha. I want to be alone."
A/N: A nasty little fight. Don't worry. As Kaede said, things will get better. Please review and have a good night! God Bless! ~Of Memories Past
P.S. Does anyone know what Inuyasha's exact age is? I imagined it to be in the late sixties or early seventies, but I wasn't sure. Please let me know if you do! Thanks!
