The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, people, or anime characters are purely... well, actually, it was completely done on purpose. Yeah, we're pretty shameless about things like that. We didn't even have the decency to change names to protect the innocent. Well, at least we can admit that the following seishi, books, and places do not belong to us, though the two main characters most definitely do, as do their "special" family members. We hope you enjoy the following parody – it's meant to entertain and not to offend (we wouldn't tease it if we didn't love it, after all).

And now, without further ado...

Fushigiggles:
A Parody of
Fushigi Yuugi
Mostly by Haley, with some additions from Dee

ooooooooooooooooooo

Chapter One:
Free Chinese Food and Dangerous Perils

"Stupid test…stupid test…stupid test…stupid test…" WHACK! "OW! What the hell was that for?" My best friend Dee-chan rubbed the top of her head, as if expecting the rubbing to make it feel better.

"What do you think it was for? Calling the test stupid isn't going to make it go away," I logically explained with my superior logical reasoning skills.

"So? I can still complain," she logically reasoned with her superior logical reasoning skills.

"Just do me a favor and don't complain why we're studying," I stated the favor while I opened the door.

"Yeah? Well, why don't you do the readers a favor and stop writing so weird?"

"Deal," I agreed. We made our way to an empty table and spread all our books out in front of us. "You want some gum? It might help you concentrate... AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

Dee paused thoughtfully, and for a minute I thought she might smack me. "... Is it spearmint?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She chewedly accepted and popped the piece into her mouth. "Would you stop? Chewedly isn't even a word."

"Oh…right."

Dee glanced around the table, then sighed unhappily. "Damn…I lost my history notes. I'll be back in a second. I'm just gonna go see if I can find this book about Crossdressing Vampires."

"Oh….right." Dee walked off. I jumped up, doing a double take and realizing what she'd just said. "WHAT? CROSSDRESSING VAMPIRES?" I received many strange looks, then buried my flushed face in a book.

Ten minutes later, Dee slammed her hands on the table. I looked up, raising an eyebrow at her seriously freaked-out expression. "Miniature… kitty… so… cute… but…"

"Shhh! Quiet down, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Come…I…show…" Dee grabbed my hand and walked briskly down an aisle to a remote section. Sure enough, there was the black outline of a cat, though all we could see were its glowing red eyes. Dee pointed frantically.

"You don't need to point! I know what freakish thing you're talking about."

"That's right. It's rude to point."

Dee and I clung to each other. "DID YOU JUST TALK?" we cried simultaneously.

"No. Yo mama did." Dee and I gave each other questioning looks, then glanced over at the cat, who was shaking his head. "Stupid Americans. Maybe you aren't the ones for this journey."

"Journey?" I asked.

"Yes, but forget I ever said anything about it. I'll go look in Canada..."

"CANADA? How dare you insult us like that?" Dee shook her fist at the cat. "Never pick a Canadian over Dee (BLEEP)!" She looked up, blinking in surprise. "Um…why did I just bleep?"

"It's a protection thing, so people don't know your last name," I explained.

"Oh…"

"I guess if you are people who wish to prove yourselves, this may be the journey for you. However, I should warn that you shall encounter free Chinese food and…" the cat's voice lowered about ten octaves as it continued, "dangerous perils."

"FREE CHINESE FOOD?" we both exclaimed.

Right then, a dirty old hobo that smelled of rotting cottage cheese - even more rotting than it is when it's "fresh" - peeked over the book shelf. "Shh…you must whisper in a library." Then, she disappeared. Wait…I mean he disappeared. Damn type-os.

The two of us decided to ignore the funny old fart. We turned back to the cat-thing, grinning broadly. "We accept!" we both accepted.

"Fine. If you open this book here..." He pointed to a book on the shelf.

I pulled it out, making a face at the title. "Massage for Lovers?"

"NO! THE ONE NEXT TO IT!"

"Oh good, heh… I was a little worried there." The cat… sweatdropped?

"Whoa! Did you just… sweatdrop?" Dee asked. "And how the hell did I even know that word?"

"Yes, I certainly did. I expect you'll be seeing much of that in the book you two are about to enter."

"Whoa…we're going into the book?" Dee asked.

"Would you stop asking questions?" the cat snapped. "This is supposed to be a MYSTERIOUS STORY! I can't answer you!"

"Sorry," Dee looked down and poked her index fingers together.

I grabbed another book off the shelf and held it up. "The Universe of the Four Gods? Is this it?"

"Yes."

I opened it, frowning and turning the book upside down. "What the poo? This is in Chinese! I can't read this!"

"I didn't come here so you could read it, I came here to get someone to open the book and fulfill the prophecy."

"Prophecy?" Dee asked.

The cat glared at Dee. "MY… STER… I… OUS."

"Right…" Dee looked down again and poked her index fingers together again.

"So, all we have to do is turn the page to fulfill the prophecy?" I laughed. "Man, I can totally do that. I don't even need your help Dee!" I stuck out my tongue, and the cat grabbed it with its paw.

"BAKA! Turning the page isn't all you have to do! I could have gotten an Englishman to do that! God knows it would have saved me on travel time. When you turn the page, you will find yourself in a completely different world, and then you must become Priestesses and fulfill the prophecy."

"So all we have to do to fulfill the prophecy is become Priestesses?" Dee asked.

The cat stared at us, looking like he was contemplating the idea of tearing us both new ones. Then, with a sigh, he slammed the book shut, stood on his hind legs and walked off. "Forget it… Just forget all about it."

"Hey! What are you doing with my ticket to free Chinese food?" I punched the cat and grabbed the book from its limp paws. Then I opened the book, grabbed Dee's hand, and turned the page. Suddenly, a purple glow encircled us, and the library faded away.

"Good luck!" I heard the cat's voice echo, gradually growing farther away. "You're definitely going to need it…"

xxx

My eyelids fluttered open as I came awake to the sound of a familiar and loud laugh. I looked up, seeing a big-eyed, 2-D figure who resembled my best friend. "Dee, you look…" I stopped mid-sentence, and Dee fell over laughing. My native and only language wasn't coming out of my mouth – instead it sounded like something I'd heard when my dad watched old Godzilla movies. "I'm speaking Japanese! And I know exactly what I'm saying!"

"HAHA! You're speaking Japanese!" Dee stopped laughing. "Am I speaking Japanese?"

"Yeah, you are."

"Whoa…. Wait a tic, do I look like you?"

I nodded. "Hey, does that mean I look like…?"

"We're like those Poké-dudes!" we both cried.

I stood up and examined myself, smiling at what I saw. "Whoa… I could get used to this figure. I'm sooo thin!" I traced my hand along my waist.

Dee inched slowly away from me. "Umm… please don't do that."

"Oh, sorry, it's just…" I grabbed my ass. "YEAH! WOOOO! CHECK OUT THIS BABY! It's just the right size! It's not too big, and not too flat. Hell yeah!" Dee… sweatdropped? "Dee-chan…you have this huge water droplet next to your head."

"What?"

"Yeah… like that sweatdrop thing the cat had."

"Oh." She glanced up and poked the water bubble; it popped with a loud splooshing noise. "Trippy."

Dee and I examined our surroundings. We could see nothing but trees all around us. It looked like we were in the middle of a forest, but by the slight incline I guessed we were on some sort of a mountain. "Wow… this is completely different than where we were."

"It's just like that cat said! Except… where's the free Chinese food? I'm kinda getting hungry."

"Me too."

Dee made a face. "Oops, there goes my gum. It dissolved in my mouth again. Heh, I guess that part of me hasn't changed!"

"I swear Dee, you must have acid spit." She shrugged, laughing a little.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" a deep voice from behind me bellowed. I jumped a full three feet in the air, turning around and looking at the voice's owner. It belonged to a large, muscular man. He was wearing a hat in the shape of a wedge of cheese with six other, younger men standing behind him. "I think it's two young girls, all alone. They're wearing some weird clothes, but they're still quite attractive."

I grinned. "You really think so? Oh wow, thanks. You know, I'm quite proud of this figure myself. I haven't had it for very long and—"

"SHADDUP!" he snapped. "Or else I'll teach you how to be quiet before I sell you to your new master."

Dee raised an eyebrow, pointing out the obvious. "New master? But she never had an old master."

"She's right," I agreed, nodding.

"SHADDUP! Boys, get 'em."

"Get... 'em?" Dee and I exchanged glances. I felt a pair of arms grab me from behind. Two other sets of arms were trying to hold my hands and feet. Dee kicked her opponent in the balls, but two other men grabbed her arms, holding her back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she yelled at them.

The big cheese slapped her across the face. "I think I'm gonna sell you into slavery for big bucks. And there ain't nuttin you can do about it."

"But we can do somethin' about it."

The big cheese whirled on his heel, turning to face two boys - or rather, two young men. One had flaming orange hair and a dark trench coat. In his left hand he held a tessen, and he was hitting it against his other hand dangerously. Next to him was a tanner man with blue hair—

"HIS HAIR ISN'T BLUE HALEY!" Dee shouted out of nowhere. "It's midnight blue!"

I glared at her. "Quiet you! It's mostly my fic, so his hair's BLUE!"

Dee pouted quietly as every man in the area face-vaulted. Now where was I? Oh, right – hazel eyes, and a scar tracing down his left cheek. His arms were crossed, and a devilish smirk traced his rugged features.

"Do you really think you can take on all of us?" the enemy boss sneered.

"Of course we can. We're the bandits of Mount Reikaku," the man with blue hair said as he pulled out two deadly-looking daggers.

The orange-haired man grinned, readying his fan. "You've tried t'take these girls inta slavery, and yer on our territory. I'm afraid you've done two things that really PISS US OFF!"

With that said, the man with orange hair charged at the boss, kicking him in the stomach and hitting him over the head with his metal fan. The man with blue hair charged at the group of men who were holding Dee, kicking one in the face and slashing at the other's arms. The men keeled over, screaming in pain, and Dee stumbled free. The man with orange hair stared at the men who were holding me. The blue-haired man tossed one of his daggers into the air and caught it dangerously, turning his gaze on the remaining men as well. "Unless you wanna feel ten times the pain yer friends 'n' boss're feelin', you'd better leave right now…"

"And give us all yer money," the orange-haired one added.

The blue-haired man sweatdropped. "Oh yeah… an' give us all yer money."

I fell down as the men who were holding me let go. They quickly emptied their pockets, threw some moneybags down, and ran off along with their three companions. I felt the ropes loosen and stood up as the man with blue hair sheathed his daggers.

I ran over to my best friend. "Are you okay, Dee?"

Dee rubbed at her stinging cheek. "Yeah, but when that guy wakes up, I'm gonna kick him back into unconsciousness." She glared at the boss lying on the ground.

I turned back to the two men. "Um… thanks."

"No problem. We couldn't let those guys get away with that, now could we?" The blue-haired man smiled winningly.

I smiled back with closed eyes. When I opened my eyes, I found myself staring into two tiny amber pupils. "WHAT ARE YOU GIRLS DOIN' ON MOUNT REIKAKU?"

"Aaaaaah!" I fell over.

"Genrou! Don't you have any delicacy? They were nearly kidnapped by those men! They don't need you t'scare 'em too!" The blue-haired man held out a hand, and I accepted it as he helped me up. I couldn't help but blush as our hands touched. These animated characters were quite charming in a way… and quite attractive, too. "Sorry about him. He's got a grudge against women."

"It's okay. Could you tell us where we are?" I asked.

"Stupid women!" the man called Genrou shouted. "I jus' told ya where ya were!"

I sweatdropped. "I know, but you guys aren't dressed like Japanese people usually dress… or like they ever did as far as I know."

The man with blue hair looked at us strangely. "Japanese? We're not Japanese!"

"But you're speaking Japanese!" Dee argued.

"Well, we're in Konan, a part of China!" The man named Genrou flailed his chibi arms around.

"We're in China," stated Dee emotionlessly.

"Yeah," replied the blue-haired man.

"But we're speaking Japanese," I added.

"Yeah," answered Genrou.

"And you write in Chinese," Dee said, voice once again unreadable.

"Uh-huh," the blue-haired man agreed.

"But your names are Japanese," I pointed out.

"Yeah," Genrou said again.

"But we're in China," Dee added.

"You got it," the blue-haired man said with a nod.

"Aaaahh…" Dee and I fell over, twitching slightly. Dee's pupils were actually spinning around in her eyes.

"Brain…confusion…"

"Overload…" I finished weakly.

"Answer my first question! What're you doin' here?" Genrou yelled.

I stood up, dusting myself off and rubbing my aching head. "We just... well this may sound crazy, but…"

"We were sent here to become priestesses," Dee interrupted.

The man with blue hair frowned thoughtfully. "Priestesses? Then you must be…"

"Crazy!" It seemed the blue-haired man and I had something in common: friends interrupting us. Genrou crossed his arms over his chest and glared at us. "There ain't any priestesses 'round here."

I glanced at Dee sadly. Then what was that freaky cat talking about? "Are you sure?"

"Hell yeah, I'm sure! Why don't ya jus' go back home?" With that, Genrou turned around and started to walk off.

"We don't have a home." I knew that would get his attention.

He turned around, looking almost sympathetic. "Why not?"

"We just... don't." Man, was I good at covering up. I could tell from Dee's sweatdrop that she thought the same thing.

The man with blue hair sheathed his daggers, smiling at us again. "Why don't ya come with us?"

Dee and I stared at the blue-haired man with big, glistening puppy dog eyes.

"REALLY? You'd let us stay with you for a while?" Dee exclaimed.

"WHAT?" Genrou wailed. "HELL NO! They are not stayin' with us! There're hardly ever any girls on Mount Reikaku. The guys will be so horny!"

"Eh…you know what…" Dee poked her index fingers together. "Maybe we shouldn't go…"

"You're right Dee…" I began to walk off.

"Th' nearest town is that-a way," Genrou said, pointing in the opposite direction.

"Oh…heh…thanks." We turned around and continued walking.

Genrou pointed at us and burst into fits of laughter. "HAHAHA! I'm jus' screwin' with you! It really was the way you were walkin'!"

Dee, sick of his attitude, grabbed him by the collar. "Would you just tell us where the hell we are and how the hell we can get to the nearest town, fangboy?"

"Geez! Who saved yer sorry ass again?"

"Grr…" Dee's eyebrow twitched.

The blue-haired man held up his hands, sweatdropping and pushing Dee away from the other bandit. "Calm down Genrou an'…"

"Dee," I finished for him.

"Thanks." By this time he had shoved his way between the two of them. "Anyway Genrou, we can't jus' leave 'em here. You know there're a lotta scumbags in this area." He turned to Dee and me. "Don't worry about the guys. You c'n sleep in our room, and we'll watch out fer ya."

"WHAT?" Genrou screeched again. "Dammit! When I try t'get away from women, they always find a way t'cause trouble fer me!"

I stopped Genrou from complaining anymore by changing the subject. "Okay, I know you're Genrou, but what's your name?" I pointed to his friend. "I'm sick of writing 'the blue-haired man' or 'the man with blue hair.'"

"My name's Koji. What about you?"

"I'm Haley, and like I said before, that's Dee."

"Dee and Harii?" I bit my cheek to keep from laughing at Genrou's pronunciation of my name. "The clothes and the names…yer definitely not from around here."

Koji turned away, heading up the mountain. "Let's get goin'. Dinner should be ready by th' time we get there."

"Dinner!" Dee and I clasped our hands and stared at Koji. "Would you happen to be having Chinese food tonight?"

Genrou folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes. "Nah, we're havin' Italian!"

"Aww…" I hung my head, which was a mistake. WHACK! "Ow!"

"Can't you tell he's being sarcastic?" Dee asked, cracking her knuckles and readying herself for another whack to my head if necessary.

"Sorry Dee! I can't help that I'm gullible – AND SMACKING ME ISN'T GONNA HELP!"

Genrou rubbed his temples. "Let's go before my headache gets any worse." We followed Genrou's lead.

xxx

We had been walking for a while, and were getting closer and closer to the bandit hideout. The nearer we got, the clearer the smell of food became, and the harder it was for Koji and Genrou to keep us from dashing ahead. "I smell it Dee! And it smells so good…."

"You better not drool when we get inside."

"Sorry, Genrou…"

Dee struggled out of Koji's hold and raced towards a pair of doors that must have led to the hideout. "Haley… It's free… Chinese… FOOD!" By that time, our instincts had taken over and we ran towards the scent. We flung open the doors and stopped dead in our tracks, gasping at the same time.

"There it is… and it's so damn beautiful!" Dee and I ran to the table, grabbed chopsticks, and immediately started stuffing our faces.

"Hey fellas! Check out the broads!" We both stopped, chopsticks in our mouths, and looked up at the men around us.

"How long's it been since we had some women in th' hideout?"

"I dunno, but I know it's been too long!"

"I ain't never seen clothes like this."

"Who cares? These chicks're hot!"

"Really?" I stood up, running a hand along my waist. "Wow, thanks. I haven't had this figure for very long, you know. I'm quite prou—"

"Okay, guys." Genrou stepped in front of me. "Here's th' deal. These girls were threatened by some jerks, and they're gonna stay here for a while."

"Can't they stay forever?" Many laughs followed by "hell yeah's" and "that's what I'm talking 'bout!"s echoed around the room.

"Sorry, but we're gonna have to ask you not ta hit on Dee-san and Harii-san."

"But Koji, Boss, we haven't had a chance like this in ages!" A random bandit pleaded.

"Go to a bar if you want to hit on someone," Genrou responded.

"There're only sad men at th' bars!"

"An' that dirty old hobo." Dee and I glanced at each other at this remark.

"Then go somewhere else, but you can't hit on girls here!" Koji told them fiercely. Genrou whacked the tessen in his hand meaningfully to back up his friend's statement. "Jus' think of 'em as some of th' guys." All of them groaned.

"Now that that's settled, let's eat!" Dee raised her chopsticks.

"Woohoo! That's what I'm talking about!"

xxx

"Oh….that felt so good…" Dee rubbed her stomach.

"Yeah, and it was free!"

"Oi, if you two're finished, then follow me. I'll show ya where you'll be sleeping." We looked up to see Koji standing in the doorway. By now, all of the other men had left the dining room, tired of watching Dee and I devour second, third, and finally fourth helpings.

"Okay…if I can walk…" I slowly but surely made my legs work and followed Koji, Dee close behind.

We staggered down a hallway after the bandit, making small full-stomach groans until we reached a door.

Koji opened the door; it led into a room resembling an office. Genrou sat at a small desk, writing something. He glanced up with a raised eyebrow, then went back to his work. As we walked past his desk, I noticed that all he was doing was drawing stick figures. I hadn't thought a bandit would have any real paper work to do.

"Here's where you'll be sleepin'." Koji opened a door to the right of the door we came in. Inside was a bunk bed.

"I GET TOP!" I yelled.

"What? No way, I'm getting top!" Dee argued. We both raced towards the beds, scrambling to be the first one on the top bunk.

Genrou entered the room, eyes widening in surprise. "Wait a minute! They're sleepin' in our beds?" he pissedly screamed.

Dee glared at me. "Pissedly isn't a word."

I shrugged. "Sorry, it was the only way to explain it."

"Genrou, you can't let women sleep on the floor!" Koji argued.

"Sure you can! Why th' hell not? Do they get a disease if they do? NooooOOOoooo!"

I hopped off the bed. "I'll sleep on the floor. I don't mind." Genrou glared at me as if it was some sort of a trick. "I'm serious. I really don't mind." He glared at me for another moment, then shrugged and walked back out to continue his "important" work.

Koji put a hand on the doorframe, turning to go. "All right. I'll go get some blankets."

"I'll go with you." I offered. "Dee, are you gonna..." I turned around to see her rubbing her head into the pillow and curling up to sleep. "Never mind. Lazy-ass."

I followed him out of the bedroom and office and continued down the hall. After a moment of silence, I decided to make small-talk. "So you and Genrou are the bosses?"

"Er, sorta." I waited for an explanation, so Koji continued. "Well, we kinda run things t'gether, but Genrou's technically th' real boss, 'cause he owns th' tessen."

"The tessen? That fan thing makes him the boss?"

"That tessen ain't no normal tessen. When you recite a spell, it shoots fire."

I glared at him, my eyes turning into little slits. "I'm really gullible. Don't screw with me, Koji."

He laughed. "I'm serious." The bandit opened a door into what looked like a laundry room. He handed me a set of blankets and a pillow, then grabbed some for himself. I followed him back.

"Is there anything Dee-chan and I can do while we're staying here? We're already in the way."

Koji chuckled. "Don't worry about upsettin' Genrou. He's always been that way towards women. He had four older sisters that bossed him around. He claims he hates girls."

"Oh… so, does that mean he likes guys?"

"Nah. I woulda noticed by now."

"So you've been friends for a while, huh?"

"Two years. He was fifteen an' I was seventeen, back when he first showed up on Reikaku. He said he wanted t'become a man." I smothered a laugh and Koji looked at me over his shoulder. "What?"

"Nothing… It's just, the whole 'becoming a man' thing. It's kinda cheesy." I giggled again.

"Cheesy?"

"Um… never mind." An awkward silence followed.

"How long have you and Dee been friends?" Koji asked, attempting to break the quiet.

"Eleven years." Koji face-vaulted. "Koji, are you okay?"

He took my offered hand and slowly stood up, gathering the blankets and staring at me in disbelief. "Eleven years! How old're you?"

"Fifteen." He fell over again, and once more I helped him up.

We reached the room a minute or so later. I noticed that somehow it had taken much longer to get back from the laundry room then to go to it. Koji set the blankets down, covering a yawn. "I've gotta talk t'Genrou. See you two in th' mornin'."

"Good night," Dee and I both said. He walked out of the room.

"So what was that all about?" Dee asked as I started spreading out the blankets.

"What was what about?"

She clasped her hands together and raised her voice about two octaves. "I'll sleep on the floor. Really, I don't mind. I'll lick the floor clean. Really, I don't mind. I'll stick my head in a beehive. Really, I don't mind!"

"We're already in their way!" I argued. "I just wanted to help a bit. And I also volunteered both of us to help out around the stronghold."

"You WHAT?" Dee fell out of the bunk bed. "You know manual labor and I don't get along!" She started to go into convulsions at the mere thought of physical work.

I sweatdropped. "Don't worry about it. Koji said not to worry about getting in the way, so I don't think they'll make us do anything."

xxx

"Yeah, and when yer done with the floors, would'ja wash my coat?" Genrou threw his coat over my head as he walked past.

"They won't make us do anything, huh?" Dee drawled.

I decided to ignore her and focused on untangling myself from Genrou's coat instead. "Whoa… this actually smells kinda good. It's musk, but it's manly musk." I took the coat off my head and sniffed it again. Dee slapped me over the back of the head with her broom. "Ow…"

"That's disgusting! If you wanted to smell musk you could just go smell a dirty old hobo."

"Like me?" That same dirty hobo from the library poked his head through the window and grinned.

"No!" I snapped back. "This is a different musk! It's manly musk!"

"Oh…you know my secret." He frowned and then disappeared from the window. Dee and I stared at each other.

"O… kay…"

"Anyway, we should leave tonight, or tomorrow morning." Dee suggested.

"Dee, are you really that lazy?"

"Not because we have to work here! Remember the prophecy?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about that too, but..." I shot her a sideways glance. "You do want to get away from this work, don't you?"

She sweatdropped, poking her index fingers together. "So?" she mumbled.

I laughed. "Hey, how about you finish the floors? I'll go wash this coat."

"How do I know you're not going to take a break?"

"You're lucky that I trust you not to take one!"

"You've got a point."

I went to the laundry room and followed a short hallway that led outside. Directly outside the door there was a pond and some soap. "This is convenient." I wasn't really sure how I was supposed to do this, but I rubbed the soap on the coat and then rinsed it out. "Too bad I have to clean this, it really did smell good." I lay it on the wooden walkway to dry. As I did, I felt that familiar call of nature. "Oh geez… I need to poo." I had a thought. "Wait a second…where do I do that?" I went back to the hallway, and to my amazement Dee had just finished cleaning the floor. "Dee, I, um…"

"What is it?" she asked, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and looking exhausted. Geez, did manual labor really hurt her that much?

"I have to poo."

"Wow, that was subtle," she grumbled with a sweatdrop, then glanced around and said in a loud whisper, "But... uh, Haley-chan, I really need to find a restroom, too! I've been holding it in for hours! I don't know where to go!"

"Should we ask Koji?"

"But what if the people in this world don't defecate?" Dee wondered.

I raised my eyebrow. "What made you use that scientific word?"

"I didn't even know it was a word."

"Then why'd you use it?"

Dee shrugged. "How should I know? You're the one writing the damn story."

"Hm. Good point." It was silent for a moment. "Well, let's just go look for one."

"Sounds like a plan, and it'll get us out of doing more work for a while." We searched along the hallways and looked in every room. There were a couple of times when we saw things we didn't want to see, like a naked man scratching his ass and two men sloppily making out. It's a good thing none of them noticed us.

A familiar irritated voice called out behind us. "Oi, you girls done with yer chores already?"

"Yeah, and you're lucky I'm not dead," Dee growled as we turned around to face Genrou.

"Actually, I'm glad you found us," I said with a nervous smile. "Genrou, um… we're looking for a restroom. Do you guys have one?"

"What's a restroom?"

"A bathroom," Dee said.

"I dunno what a bathroom is. You guys shouldn't take a bath here though, unless you want th' guys peekin' in on you."

"No, we're not looking for a bath. Do you have a toilet?" Dee asked.

"A toilet?"

"Dee! We're in ancient China! Of course they don't have a toilet," I whispered harshly in her ear.

"You're the one who asked for a restroom," she hissed right back.

Genrou sighed. "What're you lookin' for? And why are you lookin' for it?"

I sighed. "My bodily fluids need evacuation." He just cocked his head and continued to give me a blank look. "Um..." Screw subtle! "I have to poo. Really badly." His eyes spread to take up half of his face.

Dee sweatdropped. "Well, that's one way to get the point across."

"Um… um… outside, there's a trail leading away from the baths, and it'll lead you to where you do... that…" Then Genrou hurried away, shaking his head and muttering something about "damn weird other-world women."

I groaned, holding my stomach. "I wish he would carry me there. I can't walk very well."

"I know why you want him to carry you." Dee nudged me, grinning slyly.

"Stop that! You might nudge the poo out of me!"

xxx

Dee and I found the place before long, though it wasn't really much of a place. "Ew… they're just little pots…" We both made faces.

"You stand guard first, I won't take long!" Dee practically ordered.

"Stand guard?" I asked.

"Yeah, I don't want a guy to walk by when I'm going."

"All right." I walked off a little ways. "Hurry up!"

"Geez, have some patience!"

After Dee and I took care of business, we headed back up the trail. I frowned as my ears caught a sound from nearby. "Um… Dee, did you hear something?"

"Yeah, it sounded like a splash."

We faced each other, listening hard. The same noise came again. "Someone's taking a bath," we said simultaneously.

"Man, this sucks. How long do you think we'll have to wait?" I asked. "I really don't want to see another naked guy."

Dee ventured a peek through the bushes. "Oh crap, it's those guys we saw making out earlier."

"Maybe if we run by with our eyes closed, they'll be too busy with each other to notice us," I suggested, though it didn't sound like much of an idea.

"Why don't we just wait 'till they're done? After all, when we get back Genrou'll probably make us do more… work." She shuddered at the word.

"I could get you back another way no da."

We looked at each other, and then around us.

"Um… who said that?" Dee asked, glancing around in every direction.

"I did no da!" The chibi face of a man with squinty eyes and peacock-hair popped up in front of us, smiling cheerfully.

"AAAAAAAH!" Dee and I clung to each other, spouts of tears shooting out of our eyes.

"It's a rabid talking cat!" I screamed.

"Do I really seem rabid no da?" We both looked up. A man with light blue hair—

"Sky blue," Dee corrected.

"SAME DAMN THING!"

—with light blue hair that was kept back in a whispy ponytail stood in front of us. He had unnecessarily long bangs that seemed to defy gravity, and was wearing a robe and holding a staff. He also had a bamboo hat on his head, which he tipped politely in our direction, smiling the whole time.

"Who… who are you?" Dee asked, watching the oh-so-cute-but-strange-looking newcomer carefully.

"I'm Chichiri no da! Would you like me to lead you to the stronghold?"

"Are you a bandit?" I asked.

"Nope, I'm a monk no da!"

"Then we can't trust you. Er… wait. How would I ever trust a bandit before I'd trust a monk?" I asked myself aloud.

Dee ignored me. "How can you get us across?"

The man spread his robe out. "Just stand on this, and I'll chant a spell no da."

"Um…" I twirled my finger around my ear. "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

His oh-so-cute smile turned into an oh-so-cute frown. "That's not very nice no da! I'm not crazy no da!"

"Yeah, and I'm not incredibly sexy with this new figure."

"And you call him crazy?" Dee whacked me over the head, then stood on the kesa. "Come on, Haley-chan."

"All right." I stood on the kesa with her. Chichiri put his index fingers against his lips and scrunched his eyebrows in an oh-so-cute way as he concentrated. Soon, we were sinking into the ground. Before we knew it we found ourselves in the hallway at the hideout.

"That's so cool! How'd you do that?" Dee squealed.

"Well… heh…" Chichiri sweatdropped. "Thanks, but it's a pretty simple trick. I'm a sorcerer no da." His face turned serious quickly. "Someone's coming. Keep me a secret no da!" With that, he waved and disappeared into his hat.

"What the hell?" I picked it up and examined it.

"That's so cool!" Dee took the hat and slammed it on her head. She frowned. "How come it's not working?" Two bandit men walked by, giving Dee strange looks as she continued slamming the hat on her head. "Come on, come on! Hide me!"

"Stop that!" I hissed as soon as the men had walked out of hearing range. "I don't think it works unless you're a sorcerer!"

"Hey… maybe this has something to do with the prophecy! Maybe when I become a priestess, I'll gain the power to become a sorcerer too! Then I would never have to do manual labor! I could just disappear into my little hat! To wherever he goes…" She trailed off, staring at the hat wistfully.

"I wonder what really happens when we become priestesses. I hope it's not something weird… Either way, I don't think we're gonna fulfill the prophecy by staying on Reikaku."

"Yeah, we should tell Koji and Genrou we're gonna leave in the morning."

"No, Koji would probably worry about us going off by ourselves. He might even want to go with us, or send somebody with us," I pointed out. "We can't cause any more trouble for them. Instead, I've got a plan."

"A plan?" Dee asked nervously. "I'm a little afraid."

"Follow me!" I raised my fist in the air, and then walked off to the laundry room. I scrounged through the dirty clothes and found a few shirts and pants that didn't look too big. Once that was finished, I walked off to the pond. "Come on, Dee. We don't want to smell too horrible."

"Aaa… more work? But Genrou already made us do stupid chores all day."

"Complain, complain, COMPLAIN! You don't want to smell terrible tomorrow, do you?"

"It'll just fit help us fit our disguise," she reasoned.

"Don't worry about that. We'll probably get a little smelly walking down the mountain anyway. Besides, this is also so we won't get looks for our weird clothes."

"Aaa… wooooork..." Dee let herself go limp and fell on the grass.

"Fine! I'll wash them myself!"

"Aw, thanks Haley-chan!"

"Yeah, yeah. Lazy-ass."


Preview of Next Episode…

FREAKY CAT THING: Well, so far our heroines - and I use the term loosely - have conquered perverted bandits, piles of Chinese food, and manual labor! But their adventure is only beginning, as they will soon find out. What dangerous perils and Chinese delicacies await our Priestesses? You'll have to stick around for the next chapter to find out!
HALEY: You think they will?
DEE: Hell yeah they will! What other story gives you sexy bandits, sexy monks, and sexy emperors?
HALEY: Um, practically every Fushigi Yuugi fanfic out there?
DEE: Oh yeah. Damn.
FREAKY CAT THING: Please don't leave me alone with these people. Join us for the next chapter: "Bandits and Monks and Emperors…Oh My!"


The Main Haley Note: Hi there! My name's Haley, and I'm the writer of this fic. However, I'm not the only writer. My best friend Dee-chan, who is also a supercoolies fic writer- pen name: itsthedee - helped me a bit with adding some parts here and there and editing. I added a few Haley notes too if there were some things that needed background on. This fic is basically a spoof of lots of different things. Don't get me wrong, I love the many things it pokes fun at…except for dirty old hobos. I'm not really a fan of them. It's just here to make ya laugh, and I really hope it does! Well, keep reading, and please review!

The Dee Note: Mwahaha, I'm Haley-chan's Chief Editor (doesn't that sound official?), which means she doesn't know I'm writing this! And when she finally finds out, it'll be too late! (Evil Tomo Cackle) Anyway, I just wanted to pop in to let everyone know that I'm the Number Two gal in this operation, and to do some shameless advertising! Ah-hem! So everyone should go read Fushigi Yuugi: The Next Chapter on my Itsthedee account! It's made of win. (winning smile) Okay, that's pretty much everything I had to cover! Giddy-up little reader, and strap your self down for some more Fushigiggles fun! Yeehaw pardner! (Gets smacked by Haley-chan) Oh, right. Er, anyway, I hope you liked what you've read, and we'll see you in the next chapter!