Don't kill me. I meant to update sooner, really I did. I'm sorry. . .

Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue

Chapter .. . . something, where did I leave off?

"In my mother's tribe, there are two kinds of kisses. The Kiss of Marriage, and the Kiss of Death. You beat me. As a girl, I'd be obligated to kill you. As a man. . . I'm obligated to marry you, and bring more strong children into the tribe." I figured it would be best if I left Ryouga out of it for now. She needn't know about that mess yet.

She looked pale enough as it was. All the blood drained out of her face when I said that.

"So. . . so you think we're engaged now?" she asked.

"Married, Akane. Married. Things are a lot more simple where I come from," I laughed at her. Suddenly she got very still. After a moment, she began to laugh as well, but it wasn't the same sort of laughter—it was more hysterical.

"Married!" she hooted, leaning over and grabbing at her stomach. I began to get worried about her. Maybe it was a bit much at once?

"Well, more or less. It's not finalized until the birth of our first child, but for the sake of argument, yeah," I amended, thinking the extra breathing room would calm her down a bit. Instead, she sort of chortled, sighed once, and then her eyes rolled up into her head.

She fell over, dead weight.

"Bloody ballocks," I cursed, picking her up as I stood. Cold water. . . what was it Koh Lon always said about fainting? Aside from it being a silly Western girly trick.

I certainly hope it's not because she can't stand me, because I'm obviously getting the worse end of the deal. I mean, at least she's female, which was my main objection to Ryouga, but the girl is such a weakling. . .

I padded into the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water, but it was no use. The girl was out, well and truly. I took a moment to survey what I was getting. No great savage beauty, to be sure, but it could be worse. It could be a lot worse.

The hair. . . the hair I could do without, I'm not a hair kind of guy. But if someone were interested, hers was top notch. I'm a skin and lips kind of guy, and she was all over those categories—skin like an opal all over, and a round little mouth that just settled into a kind of pout naturally. Her eyes were nice enough, I suppose, they sure cracked when she was mad. Her figure. . . that, that wasn't so great. Could have been worse, I've certainly seen worse, but I've seen better.

Not, of course, that I am by any means an authority. My experience with things romantic extended only to a few kissing games with my cousins. Those cousins, however, were of some of the finest womanflesh I've ever seen in film, magazine, or in person.

All in all, I could live with her. Asleep, I could live with her. Awake. . . she might kill me. Wasn't that the enduring point, though? A woman strong enough to take me on? A woman I couldn't just push out of the way, brush aside, ignore? Great-grandmother always said that a woman like that was the only thing that would make me bearable. Of course. . . she said a lot of things. . .

Anyone would have a hell of a time trying to ignore Akane.

I slapped her cheeks gently—very, very gently. An Amazon man NEVER hits his wife, to do so is to court disaster. After a few moments, her eyelids fluttered open.

She landed a punch on my jaw before she came fully awake.

"That bad, is it?" I snapped, irritably rubbing my jaw. She gasped when she saw me rubbing it, and reached up to still my hand. I paused—it was a tender touch, and odd coming from the very person who'd inflicted my wound.

"I didn't mean. . . are you hurt?" she asked. I scoffed at her.

"It'd take more than you to hurt me. Believe me," I grinned. The next thing I knew, I was making very good friends with the tiles of the wall . . .

(Changing to Akane's point of view. . . pronto)

I stormed down the stairs, barely registering the fact that Father's guest was, in fact, not human before launching into my tirade.

"Was Ranma Saotome a guest of yours, Father?" I demanded, feeling the blood pounding in my face. He just gaped at me, dumbstruck and stuttering.

"I. . . I don't . . . he is. . . but. . . ."

"I THOUGHT so!" I screeched, well past the point of reason now. "Do you have any IDEA what that perverted freak thinks? He thinks we're married. And why? I certainly have no idea, do you have ANY idea, Father?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Did you engage me to yet another one of your friends' sons, Father?" I drawled, murder in my voice. He cleared his throat nervously, looking to the panda across the table from him for support. The panda sighed. . .

Wait. Wait wait wait. Panda. Like. . . the bear that kicked me the other night?

The panda sighed and tipped the tea he'd been drinking onto his lap. My vision blurred, and where the panda had been sitting there sat a man-- a bald man in a faded, torn gi.

For the second time in less than an hour, my face caved in and darkness claimed me.

(Back to Ranma's point of view! Don't let the constant switches make you motion-sick.)

I made my way down the stairs, head aching. Not that I'm unused to this sort of thing but honestly, who did the woman think she was. . .

I came upon a scene in the living room that I really ought to have expected. The little weakling was out—again. Pops had returned to his human self and was staring down at her, astonished. Her father—I assume that was the black-haired man—was wailing.

Honestly.

I padded over to Akane and lay her down flat, then turned to my father. He had that typical, questioning look about him.

"Married?" he asked, tersely. I suppose she spilled the beans. I nodded, jerkily.

"She beat me. Fair and square," I said. He sighed in relief, slapping his hand against his thigh.

"Well, Tendo," he said, addressing the wailing man. "That clears a few things up. After all, your daughter's engagement is hardly valid in the face of an Amazon marriage contract, now is it?"

"But what will I tell the young man? They're in l- love!" Tendo cried. I felt my eyebrows raise.

"What the bloody hell are ye yammerin' on about?" I asked, getting cross now. I just want a place to hide, damnit, I just want a sanctuary. . .

"Apparently, Akane is engaged to a young man named Jordan," Pops informed me, his tone grim. "I've asked, and the lad isna much for fighting. In fact. . . he's a bit of a nancy."

"Is he now?" I mused, thinking over what she'd told me. A ruined engagement, she'd said, but obviously she hadn't told her father yet. A though occurred to me, and I decided to press the matter. "Did he ruin the lass? Is she wi' child or summat?"

"Well," Tendo winced, calming down a bit in the face of cold questioning. "It's a possibility. . . "

That's it. Not having it. Not having her, rather. There's no way I'll let a marriage stand to a little weakling that let a lying, foolish, weak man lay his hands on her. Honestly, what do they teach girls in America?

For now, though. . . until I get a better idea. . ."The marriage stands unless she's wi' child, it's Amazon law. As for the engagement, you'll have to wait until the lassie wakes up."

We all looked down at Akane's peaceful face. She looked well out of it—pale and dreaming. I was the first to look away, I turned to her father.

"Where does he live?"

The man was obviously taken aback by the question. I wasn't going to let it lie, though. Perhaps until she woke up, but no longer, and better she did not know where I went when I did. The first time I met the girl she was trying to do herself in—no matter what she might say. That's a serious bit of business, and one that I'll not let stand against my wife—no matter whether I plan to keep her or not.

"I fail to see. . ." he began, but I cut him off.

"I don't hit weaklings." At first. I mostly just threaten. "I'll just warn the lad away from her, is all."

"I don't think that she'll want that. After all . . . even if Akane agrees to this, she'll want to explain it to him. And I don't think she'll agree to it. No offense, son, but she loves Jordan. She'd go to the ends of the Earth for him—and damn near has. I'm certain she won't throw away all she's given up for him just because you've come knocking at the door!"

Good, he was getting steamed now. Maybe the waterworks would shut down.

"What do y' mean, all she's given up for him?" I asked. Curiosity killed the cat. . . and I hate cats, so anything that offs them in droves is my best asset.

Tendo looked like he was about to throw it all in my face—the perfect relationship his baby girl had right under his nose with a twerp. Then he snapped it shut and looked away. Fine. I would find out in time.

I bent over, picked Akane up, and stood. They just watched me walk to the doorway, silent. Watched as I walked up the stairs. As I went, I heard Tendo say, "Akane will eat that boy alive—just wait and see."

Tch. As the man let me take his daughter upstairs to her bedroom without the benefit of an escort, to do whatever I want with her?

Unbeleivable.

I went to the door that said "Akane" on it and walked in, laying her down on the bed. The room itself was crammed full of things—furniture and papers and strange little knick-knacks. There was a picture on the desk of Akane and a blonde boy, laughing together, their faces almost touching. I picked it up and memorized his profile. This was him, then.

They did look happy, after all. I would hate to intrude. For the first time a doubt creeped into my mind. What if I were usurping someone else's place after all, and seriously messing this girl's life up? What if, without me, they would eventually get back together?

Maybe, just maybe, it didn't matter. Maybe.