Chapter Four:
The Floating Baby's Dreidel of Doom!
"Geez Chichiri! Why the hell didn't you warn us that Hotohori was coming?" demanded Tasuki when he found the monk in the next hallway. "You were right there with us, and then you weren't!"
"Daa..." Chichiri sweatdropped.
Tamahome shuddered, remembering the sight of Hotohori's sword swiping through the door. "I was so scared. So, so scared!"
"It wasn't all that bad! Well, at least not the part when he found out we were listening." Nuriko sighed as she lay her arm on the railing and leaned her head on her arm. "But the part when Hotohori said all that stuff to Dee... that was terrible."
"...I'm sorry no da," Chichiri said after a moment, not sure how to make her feel better.
"It's okay. She'll have to leave this world eventually anyway," Nuriko tried to reassure herself.
Tamahome frowned. "Maybe so... but it still hurts you."
Genrou's head whipped wildly from seishi to seishi. "Huh? What hurts her? What the hell are you guys talkin' about?" He received blank looks, and then some chuckles. "What're you laughin' at?"
"He's been away from women too long no da," Chichiri said, attempting to stifle his laughter.
Tamahome didn't even bother hiding his amusement. "I don't think that's his problem. I think he's just stupid."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, TAMA?" Genrou grabbed Tamahome's collar.
"Uh... nothing..."
"You really wouldn't know love if it smacked you in the face, would you?" teased Nuriko.
Genrou blinked, cocking his head to the side like a little puppy. "Eh? What's all this have t'do with love?"
With this remark, everyone finally facevaulted.
xxx
"Don't worry Nakago-sama! I'll find the seventh seishi right away!" Tomo started to run off, but Soi grabbed him around the middle and tackled him to the ground.
"No you won't!" She snarled. "I'll go find him... or her..."
"Stop it you two! We can't get anything done with you fighting all the time," I ordered. "All of us will go." Soi and Tomo glared at each other, but didn't argue with me. "Isn't there a scroll giving us clues, Nakago?"
"Yeah, it's right here." Nakago pulled out a scroll tied with blue cloth. He opened it up. He looked at me smugly over the top of the paper. "There are only seven people listed, so there must be only six seishi."
"Let me see it." I walked over next to him and peered at the scroll in his hands. "Nakago! They only list the seishi in here! Not the Priestess!"
"Oh..." Nakago sweatdropped and hung his head in embarrassment.
"The seventh seishi..." Snoop Dogu was on the other side of Nakago, reading the scroll. "It says he doesn't stay in one form."
Tomo watched him expectantly. "And...?"
"And that's it. That's all it says," Snoop Dogu said with a shrug.
"How is that supposed to help us?" Soi complained.
"I don't know..." Nakago admitted.
"Maybe we should stop and continue this in the morning." P. Diddy pointed to the dozing-off me as he spoke. "It seems our little Priestess is a bit tired."
"Little? That's no way to talk about the Priestess!" Nakago studied me for a moment. "Though... she is kinda little." He poked me with a stick in the shoulder.
"Wha...?" I blinked my eyes open. "Oh... sorry, did I fall asleep?"
P. Diddy laughed. "I'm sure it's been a long day for you. If you like, I'll show you to your chamber."
"Oh... okay, thanks." I stood and started to follow P. Diddy out of the meeting room.
"Nakago-sama, may I stay in your chamber tonight?" Soi rushed over to Nakago and clung to his arm.
"What? I will tolerate no such thing! Nakago-sama, if she stays with you, then so will I!" Tomo rushed to his other side.
The blonde general turned his eyes skywards. "Why must I be burdened with such sexy looks?" he asked with a sigh.
"Sexy looks my ass," I muttered as soon as P. Diddy and I were out of the room.
"You don't think Nakago-sama is attractive?"
I stopped and stared at the young man. "Don't tell me you're going to join in on the Tomo and Soi cat-fight."
"No, no! Of course not!" P. Diddy laughed. "Most people think of him as handsome, though. I mean, he has blonde hair and blue eyes. Plus, he's tall with a good share of muscles."
"Blah..." I scrunched up my eyebrows and stuck out my tongue. "I don't go for that type. I like tall guys, but I don't like it when they're really muscular. It kind of grosses me out. I don't like blonde hair and blue eyes all that much either. But..." I flashed a victory sign. "Personality is what will always win me over!"
"Does that mean you don't like your own blonde hair and blue eyes?" P. Diddy asked.
"Well..." I shrugged. "I do, I guess. I don't really think about it much."
"I think you're very pretty."
"Er..." I looked up into his cute, smiling face. I smiled back nervously and blushed a bit. At that point I really wished I didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes. My light complexion always brought out my blush to MAXIMUM level.
"This is your chamber, Harii-sama." He opened the door, standing back to let me by.
"Thanks P. Diddy." He sweatdropped at the nickname, but I went on before he could say anything else, "And please, don't call me Haley-sama. Just Haley."
"As you wish, milady."
I sweatdropped. "Don't call me milady either. Just Haley."
"All right then... Harii." He smiled, and I smiled back. "Oyasumi."
"Oyasumi."
xxx
"Did everyone sleep well?" Hotohori-sama asked at breakfast.
"I sure did! These palace beds are so nice!" Tamahome exclaimed. "I don't think I've ever slept on something so comfortable."
"I agree no da."
Hotohori smiled. "I made sure the Suzaku seishi would have the best rooms we could offer." After a moment of silence he stopped smiling and glanced at the others. "Well, what about the rest of you? I hope you did not have any trouble sleeping last night either? Dee?"
Dee looked up, flashing a weak smile. "Oh... I slept okay. I was kinda worried about Haley." She was only halfway lying - she was worried about her friend, but Hotohori-sama's proposal was still hanging on her mind as well.
"What about you, Nuriko?" Hotohori-sama asked.
"I um... well, it's that time of the month, you see." Everyone sweatdropped, including Nuriko.
"Tasuki, why couldn't you sleep no da?"
"Oh... um, I did, I just didn't think those beds were all that comfy," he replied.
"You're a terrible liar," Nuriko said.
"Me?"
"Don't play dumb no da!" Chichiri said with a teasing grin. "You're worried about someone too, aren't you no da?"
"If there's something else you need, I'll gladly provide it for you," said Hotohori-sama.
"I'm fine. I just need some time alone! I just need to get away from you people!" With that, Genrou stormed out.
"What was that about?" Tamahome asked, wide-eyed.
xxx
"I know! Maybe the last seishi is a cloud!" Everyone stared at me. I stared right back. "What? Clouds change shapes, don't they?"
"It says the seishi changes FORMS! Not SHAPES! FORMS!" Tomo chibily screamed in my ear. I winced and turned chibi as well, jumping a little.
"At least she came up with an idea!" P. Diddy retorted. Tomo growled at him, but instead of sounding scary it came out sounding like he was trying to seduce him.
"Look, Nakago-sama! Tomo is indirectly calling the Priestess of Seiryuu stupid! That's just terrible! What a mean person!" Soi cuddled Nakago's arm.
"I'm only pointing out the obvious! I'm helping. Besides, Nakago-sama wants an honest person!" cried Tomo as he pushed Soi off of Nakago. They exchanged bitch-slaps.
"Calm down guys," said Snoop Dogu. "We won't get anywhere if we fight." Snoop Dogu felt someone poke his leg, and he looked down.
"Rah rah rah rah rah!" Ashitare smiled as Snoop Dogu frowned.
"I wish they would have given us a clue as to where he is instead of what he does..." Snoop Dogu sighed, patting Ashitare on the head.
"Excuse me for a sec." I nodded politely to the seishi, then walked out of the room, into mine, and sat down on my bed.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Harii-sama, you shouldn't slam your head against that bedpost! I know you're stressed about all this, but I'm sure this Miboshi guy will show up sooner or later." I stopped and looked up to find P. Diddy walking towards me, looking concerned.
"Thanks, but it's okay. This helps me feel better." I resumed banging my head on the post until I felt two arms wrap around my chest and pull me back in a fierce embrace.
P. Diddy held me from behind as he jerked us both down onto the bed. "Please don't hurt yourself. PLEASE!"
My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and I stared up at the ceiling, trying to find my voice. "Um... whoa... um... whoa... um... calm down." He loosened his hold a little, but didn't let go. I couldn't say that I didn't enjoy this hunk of fine man-meat embracing me so romantically, but... "You know, you can be quite melodramatic P. Diddy."
He finally let go of me, and I turned around to face him as he sweatdropped. "Please call me Amiboshi. You can call my brother Snoop Dogu all you want, but I'd prefer you call me by my real name."
"Only if you remember to call me Haley, and not Haley-sama." I smiled.
"Deal."
xxx
"There's an enemy here!"
"Whoa... did you just say that Chichiri?" Genrou looked back at his companion, blinking at the sudden octave change.
"We've got to get to the palace no da!"
Genrou sprinted ahead of Chichiri and arrived at the palace about 0.5 seconds later. He took in the strange scene in front of him in an instant. All the other seishi and Dee were watching a new arrival – and quite the arrival, too. "Who made the baby float?" the bandit asked.
The floating baby turned to land its vicious gaze on Genrou. "I may appear as a child in form, but I am not a child in mind by any means."
"WHOA! THE BABY TALKED!" he cried, almost falling over backwards.
"That's no baby no da. He's a Seiryuu seishi." Chichiri raced into the room, holding out his staff in posed ready-for-battle mode next to Dee and the posed ready-for-battle Hotohori.
"We've already figured that out," said Nuriko.
"A Seiryuu seishi?" Genrou pulled out his tessen and stood next to Dee and the other posed ready-for-battle seishi. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Excellent deduction, Suzaku warriors. My name is Miboshi, and I am here... to kill you! MWAHAHAHA!" The baby-thing cackled and pulled out a… er…
"A top?" Dee peeked out from behind Hotohori, blinked a few times, then started chuckling. "You're kidding me, right?"
Chichiri glanced over his shoulder, still in posed ready-for-battle mode, and frowned oh-so-cutely at his priestess. "Dee-chan, don't underestimate him no da. Sometimes the greatest magical power can come from an unlikely medium. Please stay back and be careful no da."
"But still... Dreidel! Dreidel! Dreidel! I made you out of clay!" Dee sang through her giggles.
"For that," the floating baby turned on her, glaring daggers at the priestess, "I will kill you first!"
"You shall never kill her!" Hotohori unsheathed his sword, cocking it at his waist and staring down the enemy seishi. "As long as there is a breath of life in my body, I shall protect the Priestess of Suzaku from all enemies!"
The baby was unimpressed. "Okay. I guess I'll just have to kill you first, then."
"Don't forget about us no da!" Chichiri said, jumping forward with the other four Suzaku seishi.
"You're not gonna lay a finger on Dee!" Tamahome agreed, cracking his knuckles and crouching into kickass mode.
"Haha!" Dee pointed and laughed at the Seiryuu seishi. "Let's see your Dreidel of Doom take down these guys!" Dee seemed so tickled with the name 'Dreidel of Doom' that she started laughing even harder.
"Dee, be serious!" Nuriko snapped.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Dee snapped her mouth shut in an attempt to stop giggling, but she couldn't hold it in. She wound up laughing through her closed lips, which produced extra saliva that flew at the enemy seishi, landing in a fine spray against his face.
The baby put a hand to his face, screeching like a cat that had just gotten thrown into a pond full of acid. "AAAAAAAAH! I'm burning! I'm burning!"
"His skin..." began Tamahome.
"It's burning off!" finished Nuriko.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Soon, the baby was just a pile of clothes and charcoal. After staring at the pile of rubble, everyone stared at Dee.
"Heh... I guess Haley was right," she said with a sweatdrop. "I really do have acid spit."
Silence reigned, broken only every once in a while by scattered cricket chirps and loud blinking on the seishi's parts.
Chichiri broke the silence. "They can't summon Seiryuu now no da."
"So that means they won't need Haley!" Genrou shouted, then turned on his heel and ran for the door.
"Wait, Tasuki." Genrou stopped and looked back at Hotohori. "If that's true, then she'll be sent home on her own." The Emperor frowned, stroking at his chin in deep, important thought. "Besides, it might not be wise to fetch the Priestess of Seiryuu. After all, if her seishi attacked us, it stands to reason that she issued the command."
"What?" Dee screeched. "No way, Hotohori-sama! Haley'd never do something like that! That creepy thing probably just showed up here on its own!" She sighed, staring off into the distance as she joined Hotohori in deep, important thought. "Oh, man... That freaky cat-thing is going to be furious. It might even try to get a Canadian to do her job for her! There's no way I'm going to let that cat insult Haley!" The Priestess clenched her fists. "There's got to be another way to summon Seiryuu."
"Wait..." Tamahome cocked an eyebrow. "Aren't we supposed to be summoning Suzaku?"
"Yeah, but my best friend is supposed to be summoning Seiryuu, and it's our fault she can't do that now!"
"Well, he did attack us first..." Tamahome reminded her.
"That doesn't matter," Dee protested. "Haley-chan's still my friend, so we should try to help her out."
"You are very caring." Hotohori smiled his charming smile at Dee. She couldn't help but blush a little.
"Heh..." Dee rubbed the back of her head, looking down. "She would do the same for me."
"Has everyone forgotten that we're still missing two members?" Nuriko asked.
"Well, it says one of the members will appear on his own. And the other is a healer outside a village on the way to Kutou no da." Everyone stared at Chichiri. "I did a little messing around with the scrolls last night no da."
"I guess we'll have t'go to Kutou and tell 'em what happened," said Genrou. "An' on th' way, we c'n look for th' sixth seishi!"
"I won't allow the Priestess of Suzaku to set one foot in that country," Hotohori snapped protectively.
Dee turned towards Hotohori, staring up at him with big, watery eyes. "But Hotohori... not only do we have to tell them what happened, I want to see my best friend."
Hotohori's stern expression melted under her puppy-dog face. "I know you want to see Harii, but it's too dangerous. Kutou has been threatening us with war for months now. We simply can't let you, the Priestess, step onto enemy grounds."
Dee scowled at the Emperor.
"Sure she can go!" Genrou thumped his chest to make a point. "I went, and I came back safely!"
"Tasuki, you are one thing, the Priestess is another."
Genrou joined Dee in scowling at the Emperor.
Chichiri looked back and forth between Hotohori and the pouting seishi and Priestess. After a moment he stepped forward, smiling at his young miko. "Dee-chan, maybe we can go to the Kutou Palace, and you can stay in a village just outside of it no da. Then some of us can go tell Harii-chan what happened, and maybe she'll come by and see you no da."
"Chichiri!" Dee grabbed the monk in a hug before he knew it was coming. "Would you go through all that trouble just for me?"
"Sure. I understand wanting to see your best friend no da." Somehow, Chichiri's voice had turned a bit sad.
Dee unwrapped her arms from his shoulders and looked up and him, smiling happily before turning to her other seishi. "Well, shall we then?"
"I guess we don't have a choice," Tamahome said with a grin, turning towards the door. "You and Tasuki would have just run off on your own, anyway. We might as well go along to make sure you don't get into any trouble."
"I c'n protect her just fine!" Genrou snapped.
"You are the trouble, fang-boy."
"WHAT WAS THAT TAMA?"
"Yay! We're going to find the last Suzaku seishi!" Nuriko exclaimed, completely ignoring the bickering seishi behind her.
"And make sure those Seiryuu bastards are treating Harii right!" Everyone whirled at Genrou's sudden outburst. He sweatdropped. "Y'know, if we have th' time t'do that, too..."
Dee couldn't help but smile. "Of course, Tasuki."
xxx
"AAAAH!" I leaped about a foot in the air as I felt something touch my leg. When I looked down, I found a fuzzy wolf-head grinning up at me. I grinned back. "Oh... it's just you Ashitare." I leaned down and patted his head. "You're a pretty nice guy... er... wolf... er... you're nice."
The beast smiled.
"You know, even though I can suddenly speak Japanese now, all these books are in Chinese and I can't read a thing! It's really annoying. I'm so bored, and there's nothing to do."
The beast wagged his tail.
"What are you and the others doing?"
"RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH!" I followed Ashitare as he led me out of the library. Sounds of giddy laughter echoed down the hallway, and only grew louder as we drew closer to the main hall. Finally we made it to a room where the seishi were sitting around a table - along with the dirty old hobo - drinking out of what must have been the biggest bottle of alcohol I had even seen.
"Soi! You know… you're soooo pretty! I'm not really in gay man-love with Nakago, I just wanted to get you jealous!" Tomo sloppily slipped his arm around Soi's shoulders.
"Oh, Tomo, you're feathers... they make me hot! HOT! HOT!"
The two began making out.
I shuddered and attempted to avert my eyes, but they just landed on Nakago instead.
"Hey thar sexay priestess! How bout ya have a nice round with yer Naki-chan?" A red-cheeked Nakago poured sake into a glass, splashing it everywhere, and held it out in my direction, grinning like a drunken idiot. Which I guess he was.
"That's okay Nakago... I uh, have never had alcohol except for a few tastes, and I don't feel like starting right now."
"WHAT?" Snoop Dogu looked up at me, his face redder than all the others' combined. "How could ya not? Don't ya need t'get out some stress?"
"I've never been one to get stressed too easily. Banging my head against the bedpost is what helps me anyway." I shrugged, then jumped as I felt an arm slip around my shoulders. I looked down at the dirty old hobo, who was grinning up at me with a three-tooth smile.
"There's always a first for everythin'." He lifted up his cup and gulped it down. "Woooo! Nuttin like..."
He fell over.
xxx
"What? You're not going?" asked Dee, staring at the Emperor.
"Why not, Hotohori-sama?" Nuriko said, sadness dripping off of her words.
"I have duties here," he explained, setting his chin miserably in his hands. "I desperately wish that I could accompany the Priestess on her journey, but I must stay here for the sake of Konan."
"But you're a seishi! Surely the people would understand!" Tamahome said.
Hotohori shook his head. "I cannot desert my country when we are on the brink of war."
Chichiri scrunched his eyebrows together in that oh-so-cute way, then smiled an oh-so-cute smile. "I have an idea no da!" he cried.
xxx
The drinking party continued at the Kutou palace.
xxx
"Wow... how'd you do that, Chichiri?" Tamahome halfway exclaimed, staring at the life-like statue of the Emperor.
"Yeah! It's really cool!" Genrou fully exclaimed.
"I didn't know you had such talent!" said Dee. "And what the hell is halfway exclaiming and fully exclaiming?"
I have no idea.
Hotohori frowned. "It's a bit off. I'm definitely sexier than that."
"Well, it's the best I could do no da!"
"It's a bit of an insult," replied Hotohori.
Chichiri sweatdropped.
"I'm sure nobody else will notice," Dee assured him. She frowned, setting a finger to her chin. "But wait... what happens if someone talks to that statue of Hotohori?"
"Well, obviously he won't respond no da."
"And what happens if someone tries to touch it?" Tamahome asked curiously.
"It's an illusion, so if someone breaks the spell... it'll disappear, I guess no da."
"So why the hell did you make it in the first place?" everyone asked simultaneously.
Chichiri shrugged. "I don't know, ask the author no da."
There was a moment of silence, broken only by crickets chirping.
"All right!" exclaimed Genrou, breaking the quiet thoughts about the author's sanity. "Now let's leave!"
"I agree!" Nuriko followed Genrou as he walked off. The other seishi left the room as Chichiri looked back at the sculpture of Hotohori.
The monk held a thumb up to it, squinting and scrunching his eyebrows together in that oh-so-cute way. "Hm..." He grinned. "I think it's my best work yet no da!" Then he turned around and joined the other seishi.
Next Chapter Preview…
FREAKY CAT THING: And off the Suzaku seishi and their Priestess skip to Kutou. Will they find their last seishi there, and the Priestess's friend as well?
DEE: More importantly, will Haley kill me when she finds out I killed one of her seishi?
HALEY: More importantly, will my stupid seishi find themselves with hangovers the size of semi trucks in the morning?
DEE: More more importantly... is Hotohori gonna kiss me again?
HALEY: {Sigh} No.
DEE: Damn.
FREAKY CAT THING: The Seiryuu seishi won't be the only ones with headaches... Oey, I need an Advil...
HALEY: No kidding. Stick around for Chapter Five: "Voice of Thunder, Hangover of Hell"!
