Chapter Eight:
ARGH, MATEY!

The next morning was a busy one at the Konan Palace. The Priestess and her seishi made the last preparations for the summoning. After countless little traditions and so forth, the time finally came. All of the seishi were positioned around the fire as Dee walked down the aisle... tripped, and fell flat on her face.

"I HATE DRESSES!"

"Are you okay no da?" Chichiri helped her up, eyebrows scrunching together in that oh-so-cute concerned way.

"Heh... thanks." The monk ran back to his position as she made her way down the aisle. She finally reached the fire burning thingee. She sweatdropped. "Nice description Haley-chan."

Dahaha... Sorry, I dunno the word.

"Dee-chan, now concentrate and read the spell no da."

"Right..." The Priestess of Suzaku grimaced, remembering an important little fact. 'Oh geez...I forgot to decide on my three wishes. Crap. Um...'

"It's too late anyway."

"Huh?" Dee looked up in confusion to see an old lady floating in the fire. She yelped and ran back down the aisle, hiding behind Chichiri.

"Suzaku looks like a monster!" Tamahome screamed as he pointed at the lady.

"Quiet, you!" the old lady snapped.

"AH!" Tamahome ran and hid behind Nuriko.

Chichiri took a step forward, bowing his head slightly. "Taiitsukun! What's going on no da?"

"Chichiri, it's good to see you." She looked over his shoulder at Dee. "Dee-sama, I'm afraid that when you fell you screwed up the entire summoning process."

"Aw, shit!" Dee smacked her hand against her head. "I'm less than a Canadian! Like Haley-chan almost was!" She looked up at Taiitsukun. "Hey, that's it! I have to get the shinzaho like Haley's gonna do!"

"Yes, and I'm afraid you two will be enemies now," said Taiitsukun.

"No, we won't be," Dee assured her. "I'll just ask her to give me the shinzaho when she's done."

"Oh." Taiitsukun sweatdropped. "I guess that could work..."

"Chichiri, come with me! We must speak with Haley!" Dee raised her fist in the air and headed towards the door.

"All right no da." Chichiri turned to follow.

"Wait!" The two stopped at Taiitsukun's voice and looked back. "First, I must give you all gifts just in case the Seiryuu seishi try to attack you."

"Aw, ain't that nice?" Nuriko clapped her hands together and then felt something pull down at her wrists. "Ooh... such pretty bracelets!"

"My tessen..." Genrou's eyes widened and he smiled, revealing his little fangs. "It's a diamond now!"

"A jar with healing powder in it." The floor shook as Mitsukaku spoke, making the jar fall from his hands. "Shit." RUMBLE! Another one appeared, and he opened his mouth to thank Taiitsukun, but Genrou covered it up just in time. Mitsukake gave him a thumbs-up and smile.

"My necklace no da! Arigatou, Taiitsukun!"

"A scroll?" Chiriko stared at it and frowned a little. "I got ripped off..."

Hotohori looked down to find his sword glowing. "My sword!"

"A... hey... what do I get?" asked Tamahome eagerly.

Taitsukun shook her head, snapping her fingers in front of her face. "That's what you get for messin' with the sista of the universe."

Tamahome pouted and crossed his arms. Nuriko swung her arms around his chest from behind and whispered something in his ear, making him blush.

"O... kay..." Dee sweatdropped. "Anyway, I've got to talk to Haley."

"Wait." Taiitsukun stopped her once again.

Dee looked over her shoulder somewhat impatiently. "What is it now?"

"I have something important to speak to you about." She eyed the seishi. "Alone." They all left, looking a little confused. "Dee-chan, in order to summon Suzaku…" She paused dramatically, then met Dee's eyes across the room. "You must be a virgin."

Dee blinked. "Um, okay."

"So don't even think about doin' the nasty."

"I wasn't."

"Oh..." Taiitsukun seemed a little disappointed. "Well. Good, then."

"Yep!" She waved at the deity. "See ya, Taiitsukun!"

The seishi greeted Dee when she walked out of the shrine.

Chichiri was furrowing his brows in that oh-so-cute way, hands pressed together in a spell. 'Harii-chan, are you there no da?'

xxx

"Oh no...I've gone crazy...I'm hearing voices in my head." I rubbed my fingertips on my temples.

'I'm not a voice in your head! It's Chichiri no da! And Dee-chan wanted to talk to you about something. Where should I put a spell to talk to you no da?'

'Chichiri! It's you! I'm in my chamber, so just do it there.'

'Okay no da! See ya soon no da!' Soon the right wall became a portion of the outside hallway of the Konan palace.

"Dee-chan! You're wearing a dress!" I clapped my hands together and cooed. "HOW CUTE!"

SLAM! "Ow..." Dee rubbed her fist.

"Genrou! Everybody! And a little cute guy! How are ya?"

"Hey Harii-chan!" Genrou grinned, and I smiled back. "Harii, we got a problem and we need yer help."

"What is it?"

Dee rubbed the back of her head. "Well, we kinda screwed up in summoning Suzaku."

"We? It was you!" Nuriko reminded her.

"Don't be so harsh no da!"

Dee sweatdropped. "Anyway, so once you find the shinzaho, do you think you could let us use them?" I face-vaulted. She blinked innocently. "What?"

"What? WHAT? You're the one who killed my last seishi, and now you want me to just hand over the shinzaho!?"

"I'll give you all my CDs when we get home... well, I'll at least let you borrow them," she offered oh-so-sweetly.

I raised my eyebrow, then sighed. "Dee-chan, if you want the shinzaho, you're going to have to help me find them. I know what they are and what country they're in, but as far as the exact place, we have no idea."

"Eh... all right."

I grinned, rubbing my hands together. "Okay, coolies! Actually, this is lucky for me. We were going to leave this morning, but Nakago forgot to get us a ship. He picked the wrong time to forget, too, because the fatass Emperor just left for his monthly 24-hour massage."

"24 hours? How come I don't get that?" Hotohori asked from behind Dee. He noticed the stares, and looked up. "Um... right. I can provide a ship."

"Great! I'll gather everyone, and we'll leave right away. See ya later tonight, everybody!"

xxx

"When the hell are they coming home?" Max asked out loud.

Colin leaned against a bookshelf and frowned. "I dunno, but they better hurry up!"

xxx

"I can't believe I actually have to see that jerk again," mumbled Amiboshi, thinking about the fang-toothed Suzaku seishi.

"What did you say?" I asked, eyes narrowed.

"I said I can't believe pie actually have poo that works again."

I cocked my head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "Wha...?"

"I know, isn't it unbelievable?"

I sweatdropped. "Eh..."

"One of you is going to have to ride that extra horse," Nakago said, breaking into our very odd conversation. I looked over to see Soi and Tomo slap-fighting for a spot on the poor horse that Nakago was riding.

"Yeah. Soi, go get on that horse," Tomo practically ordered.

"Why don't you, feather-boy?" she retorted.

"Why don't both of you get on it and leave Nakago to ride by himself?" suggested Snoop Dogu.

"RAH! RAH! RAH!" raaah'd Ashitare from in front of me on the horse.

xxx

"She's riding with a wolfman? I swear, my sister likes animals way too much," said Max.

"Hahahaa! My sister got proposed to by an emperor, and your sister's riding with some wolfman!" Colin burst out laughing. "Your sister is sooooo lucky!" His voice dripped sarcasm.

xxx

As we reached the Konan gate, I saw the bandit leader with his arms crossed, leaning against a pillar. "Genrou!" I waved.

"Harii-chan?" He squinted at the upcoming figures. His eyes widened, then narrowed angrily. "AAAAH!" He ran forward, and before anyone could blink Genrou had his tessen held up to Amiboshi. "Ya turned Harii-chan into a wolf person! Now you'll pay! REKKA—"

"Um... Genrou... I'm behind the wolf-man."

"Wha?" He looked at our horse as I peeked out from behind Ashitare and waved.

Amiboshi looked away and snorted. "Stupid."

He glared at Amiboshi for his comment and sheathed his tessen, still staring at the younger boy. "There's dinner waitin' fer you guys in th' palace."

Genrou walked forward as the rest of us followed on the horses until we got through the gate. Servants came up to take our horses to the stable. Everyone began mounting off...

"Mounting OFF!?" Dee's voice said from nowhere, laughing hysterically. "You can't mount off, Haley-chan! Dahahaha!"

QUIET, YOU! I DON'T KNOW HORSES, OKAY?

Right... everyone got off their horses. Genrou walked up to Ashitare and my horse, holding out his arms to help me down. I accepted, putting my hands on his shoulders as I jumped off. I hugged him immediately. It was the first time he had technically hugged me back because he had just helped me off the horse. "Thanks, Genrou."

"Y'know, yer really huggy," he said dryly.

"Heh... sorry..." I let go and looked down, hiding my embarrassed face from the bandit seishi. "It's just, when I knew I was the Priestess of Seiryuu, I thought that I might not see you often, and I'm glad to see you now."

"You're glad to see this ass?" Amiboshi yelled.

"Who're ya callin' an ass?" Genrou demanded.

"You, ASS!"

"Yer face looks like one!" Genrou snapped back.

"YOUR MAMA LOOKS LIKE ONE!"

"AH-HEM!" The two of them looked at me as I stepped between them. "You guys are going to have to try and get along. No more insults, and no more getting hookers to chase Amiboshi." Genrou grinned, holding back a chuckle. I continued, "Now let's get going. Everybody else except Ashitare has left us, if you haven't noticed."

xxx

Max smacked his head. "My sister is such an idiot."

xxx

"DEE-CHAN!"

"HALEY-CHAN!" The two of us locked in a hug.

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare stood on his hind legs and hugged the two of us. Dee looked up at him, blinking. Then, she screamed, jumping back a full yard. "WHAT THE POO IS THIS?"

"Don't worry Dee-chan. Remember? This is Ashitare." I patted his head as he sat down.

"Rah!"

"O... kay..."

"Dinner is ready!" A group of servants walked into the dining room carrying dishes full of food.

"YUM!" Dee and I both exclaimed at the same time, grabbing chopsticks and digging in.

"I am Hotohori," introduced the Emperor at the end of the table to his guests, watching as everybody sat down. He pointed to his right as he introduced everybody on that side of the table starting at the end. "…Mitsukake, Tasuki, Chichiri, and our Priestess Dee."

"I'm Nakago."

"And I'm his lover Soi!"

"NO! I, Tomo, am his lover!" The two seishi held onto either side of Nakago's arms. Everyone sweatdropped except Soi and Tomo.

"Harii-chan, why don't you introduce the others no da?" Chichiri suggested, breaking the awkward silence.

"All right." I pointed to my left, at the people sitting across from Dee. "This is Amiboshi, his twin brother Snoop Dogu..."

"My real name is—"

I clamped my hands over my ears. "Don't! You'll just confuse me. Moving on, that's Ashitare, and the others you've met." I sweatdropped as the Kutou general was being pulled back and forth like a rag doll between two possessive toddlers.

"So where are we exactly goin' tomorrow?" Genrou wanted to know.

"We thought we'd look for the shinzaho in Hokkan, where Genbu rules, first. It's an earring," I answered.

"Where in Hokkan?" asked Tamahome.

"Well... we're not sure..." Amiboshi said.

"Not sure?" exclaimed Nuriko.

"Don't worry, Nuriko. I'm sure we may be able to find some clues if we ask some of the Hokkan tribesmen," suggested Chiriko.

"Good thinking! You may come in handy!" I said. Then I stuffed my mouth full of chicken, just like Dee was doing. "Mmmm..."

xxx

"Haley-chan, have you thought about your wishes at all?" Dee asked once we had reached her chamber.

I stopped, rubbing the back of my head and sweatdropping. "Ooh... no... heh... I should though, shouldn't I? Have you?"

"No... not really. Hmm..." She rubbed her chin. "I wonder if we could ask for more wishes?"

"I don't think you should try. They might get mad at you or something, and it probably isn't a good idea to piss off a beast-god. You'd be in deep shit."

"Good point. Hmm... I know! I'll wish that I receive free Chinese food whenever I ask for it!"

"You only get three wishes, Dee-chan! What about stuff like happiness and health?"

"Oh right... ugh." She put her head in her hands.

"Or what about staying with..." I poked her shoulder. "Hotohori-sama-a-a-a?"

"Oh, that. I told him I wasn't interested in marrying him."

"Oh... you did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh..." I was about to ask why she turned down a charming, rich, sweet hotty hot-pants when...

The dirty old hobo popped up from under the bed. "He was sooo sexy! Why didn't you say yes? I know I would have!"

We both screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY/HER BED?"

"Bye-bye all you clean people!" He disappeared with a nearly-toothless smile and a wave.

All of the seishi ran to our room. Genrou was the first to get there as he slammed open the door. "What's wrong?" He ran to me and grabbed my shoulders.

"You know that dirty old hobo that pops up everywhere? He just popped out from under the bed," I explained, blushing a little at his hold on me.

Genrou peeked under the bed, holding his tessen ready, then stood up. "Are ya sure? I don't see him."

"I don't sense any life force no da."

Dee and I stared at each other. "I swear he was there," I said.

"Me too," agreed Dee.

Hotohori put a hand on each of our foreheads, looking slightly concerned. "Hmm... no fever."

Genrou laughed. "You must jus' be crazy."

"Grrr," Dee and I grrr'd.

"No, they're not crazy," Hotohori said. He paused thoughtfully. "Well, Harii-chan might be a little crazy…"

"Grrr," I grrr'd.

"...In either case, I've seen this hobo around. I'll stay with them to guard them," Hotohori finished.

"Oh, that's okay Hotohori. Ashitare can guard us." I patted his head.

"Why are you patting my head?" asked the Emperor.

I sweatdropped. "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to pat Ashitare's head, but I got mixed up with the use of the pronoun." I patted Ashitare's head.

"All right. Well, good night ladies." Hotohori left, with most of the others following.

"Good night no da! If you're bothered again, let me know no da!"

"I'll stay with you too if you want," offered Amiboshi.

"What?" Genrou laughed, glaring suspiciously at him. "I don't think so!"

"Amiboshi, Genrou, don't worry about it. Ashitare will stay, and if we need your help, we'll tell you." The two glared at each other, walking off while still facing one another the entire way.

"Oh, oh, oh... two sexy guys wanna protect you!" Dee elbowed me.

I sighed. "Dee-chan, you know I could tease you a lot more."

"Yeah, but you don't tease and I do!" She deepened her voice. "I'm Amiboshi. Don't touch my priestess!" Then she added a kansai accent. "Most of these people call me Tasuki, but Harii-chan calls me Genrou 'cause she met me first and wants my sexy, sexy body."

"SLAM!" I hit her.

"I think Hotohori's rubbing off on you. Why'd you say smack?" She asked, rubbing her head as if thinking it would make her feel better.

"I didn't, I said 'SLAM'! And I do not want his sexy, sexy body!"

"Oh, come on! It's obvious you've got a little crush on him. I don't blame you. He is one fine mamma jamma."

"Eh..." I blushed crimson. "DAMN MY LIGHT COMPLEXION! AAAAAAAH!"

Dee started laughing. "You could be a lighthouse when you blush!"

"Grr... let's go to bed." I jumped on the bed.

"Hey... that's mine..." she said unhappily.

I rolled over and put the pillow over my head. "Good night!"

xxx

"I'm not sure if I wanna read this. Hearing about my sister liking guys makes me want to puke," said Max.

"Yeah, me too."

"But the library is closed and you're locked in all alone! You have nothing better to do!" The dirty old hobo thought for a moment. "Unless you wanna..." He rubbed a hand down his chest, then ran off laughing.

"Was that the dirty old hobo?" asked Colin. Max nodded with wide chibi... well would-be chibi eyes.

xxx

"You know, I don't think I've seen Genrou around," I said as we stood in front of the boat.

"You would notice," whispered Dee. I sweatdropped.

"He can't protect you Harii." Amiboshi swung his arm around me. "Don't worry, though. I will."

"HEY!" Genrou ran out from behind a tree, then stopped, and ran back.

"Huh?" I lifted Amiboshi's arm off my shoulder and walked to the tree, peering behind it. Genrou was holding onto the tree, looking at me.

"Heh..." He grinned innocently. "How goes it?"

"Genrou, what are you doing?" I walked around the tree to get a good look at him, clinging to the wood for all he was worth.

"Um, well..."

"Were you spying or something?"

"Spying? I coulda been up there right next to ya this whole time! Why would I spy?"

I shrugged. "Good point, but then what were you doing?"

"Ooooh... someone's afraid of wa-a-a-a-ater!" Amiboshi taunted.

Genrou sweatdropped. "Well, I am a mountain critter after all."

"Mountain critter?" Dee cried from atop the boat. "Haley-chan, I swear if you have him say that again you are out of my will!" She stuck a finger down her throat and making gagging noises. "And you teased the dubbers when they had him say 'tarnation'?"

"IS THIS YOUR STORY OR MINE?" I shouted back, making a flowerpot fly through the air and whack her over the head, sending her straight into the water. I turned back to Genrou. "You shouldn't be afraid! We're gonna be in a huge boat. What are the chances of you falling in?"

He glared at Amiboshi. "I don't like my enemy knowin' my weakness."

"Don't think of him as your enemy. Think of him as a colleague!" I grabbed both of their hands and forced them together in a handshake. The two grimaced. "Good, now let's go." Amiboshi and I started walking, but I could feel that Genrou wasn't following. "You're gonna have to get on sooner or later!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him along.

"AAAAAAAH! THERE'S WATER BENEATH ME!" he screamed as we were halfway across the platform. He immediately grabbed me around the waist.

Being the closest thing to a hug he'd ever given me, I blushed a deep crimson. "Genrou! Calm down! I'm not gonna be able to breathe! Just hold my hand, I promise I won't let you fall." I felt his grip tighten more as he grabbed my right hand, following. I heard him take a deep breath as we walked up the platform.

xxx

"Dee, take this with you." The Priestess of Suzaku crawled out of the water my flower pot had unceremoniously dumped her in and onto the platform by the Emperor.

She turned around as he handed her his sword. "I won't be able to go with and protect you, but this may come in handy. My heart will be with it."

"Thank you, Hotohori." She took the sword, staring at it. A gust of wind blew from nowhere and took her hair out of its Jayhawk ponytail-holder, blowing it in the breeze in a non-messy way. "Thank you, for everythAHHHH MY JAYHAWK HAIRTIE! NOOOO!"

She ran across the deck, grabbed the beloved scrunchie and breathed a sigh of relief.

Hotohori sweatdropped.

"Uh, anyway... thanks for everything!" Dee waved and walked on.

xxx

"Maybe I could wish for them to catch Osama bin Laden!" exclaimed Dee.

"That'd be smart. Hmm... what if I wished for when my dogs poop, it automatically decays into the ground?" I suggested. "That way I wouldn't have to pick it up."

"That's pretty creative."

"Thank you," I thanked.

"Excuse me... Priestess."

I looked up at my feather-wearing seishi. "Hey Tomo, what is it?"

He stubbed his foot into the ground. "Well, I was just wondering if you could tell me something about that dashing young man over there." He pointed to the redhead lying in the middle of the deck.

I blinked.

So did Dee.

Finally... "You mean Genrou?" I exclaimed.

Dee laughed. "Tasuki is a lot of things, but dashing is most definitely not one of them."

"Yes, Genrou is what you call him, although the others call him Tasuki." Tomo watched me out of the corner of his eye. "Well, I was just wondering... are you and he, well... is he your boyfriend, so to speak?"

"He sure is! You better back off of her man!" warned Dee, pointing angrily at Tomo.

"Dee-chan! He's not my boyfriend!"

"Ooooh!" Tomo's gold eyes lit up happily. "He's no-o-o-o-ot!" He skipped off, humming "You Sexy Thing."

"That can't be good," I said with a sweatdrop.

"There's a storm coming!" Snoop Dogu yelled suddenly.

"A storm?" Dee asked aloud as we glanced at each other. Everyone on deck ran to where Snoop Dogu was pointing. A few moments later, a messy-haired Nuriko ran up to the deck, followed by Tamahome pulling on his shirt. I glanced at them curiously, but didn't say anything.

"What'd ya say?" Genrou shouted from the middle of the deck. He must have been sleeping while he was lying there, for he was rubbing his eyes.

"I said there's a storm, and it's right there!" Snoop Dogu pointed again.

"It looks like it's coming fast," Chiriko commented. "All hands on deck! Batten down the hatches, and... The author ran out of nautical terms!"

"Aaaaaah!" Genrou ran into the cabins. Everyone else contributed to getting ready for the storm. Soon, Genrou ran up to the deck. "Has it come? Has it come?"

"Not yet, but it will soon no da."

"AAH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Genrou ran around the deck in circles.

"Genrou! Stop that!" I yelled.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA..."

SPLASH!

"Genrou!" I ran towards the side of the boat where the dirty old hobo was standing.

"Heh... oops..." He smiled sheepishly. "I really didn't mean to trip him like that." He ran off cackling.

I looked down and saw Genrou splashing around. "HELP, I CAN'T SWIM!"

"Genrou!" I instinctively jumped in the water.

"SEXY MAN!" Tomo jumped in.

"Haley! You idiot! I can swim better than you!" Dee jumped in after me.

"Dee-chan! Harii's not gonna be the only one in danger no da!" Chichiri jumped in after her.

"What? Harii jumped in! I must go after her!" Amiboshi jumped in.

"Brother!" Snoop Dogu threw off his backwards hat and jumped in.

"Chichiri, wait! You forgot your staff!" Nuriko jumped in.

"Nuriko!" Tamahome jumped in.

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare jumped in.

"Look Nakago, now we've gotten rid of Tomo! I can finally have you a-a-a-all to myself!" Soi cuddled up next to Nakago.

Nakago jumped in.

"Nakago!" Soi jumped in.

Mitsukake shrugged. "Somebody's gonna need a doctor." Mitsukake jumped in.

"Dumbasses," said Chiriko.

xxx

"I agree," agreed Colin.


Next Episode Preview…
FREAKY CAT THING: The Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi - except the smart one - and their Priestesses have abandoned ship! They soon find themselves on an island without food, shelter, and half their members missing! What will they do to survive?
DEE: Maybe we can construct a "Help" sign out of discarded toenail clippings!
HALEY: Or light a signal flare with Genrou's fire and Ashitare's shaved fur!
FREAKY CAT THING: Ugh... I'm voting both of you off the island...
HALEY: Heh... well, you better hang around here for the next riveting chapter, "Outwit, Outplay, Outsex: Seishi Island!"