Chapter Nine:
Outwit, Outplay, Outsex: Seishi Island!
I blinked my eyes a few times and adjusted to the light. I felt sand in my bum. "How'd I get on this beach?" I looked around and found Nakago, Chichiri, Mitsukake and Soi lying around the area. I ran to the closest one. "Chichiri…Chichiri!" I shook him gently, glad to see that he was still breathing.
"Save Dee-chan no da…" He murmured. The monk open his eyes and, seeing me, sat up and shook his head. "How'd we end up here no da?"
"I don't know, and Genrou isn't here!"
Chichiri looked around. "It seems like more people than I thought jumped in no da."
"What? You mean… ugh, my head hurts. I only remember going after Genrou, and I had his hand for a while... But then…Chichiri, what if he drowned?" I shook his shoulders and my voice dripped with worry.
"Calm down no da. I can sense three other life forces no da."
I sweatdropped. "Those are Mitsukake's, Soi's and Nakago's."
"Oh… right…" he blushed and rubbed the back of his head. "Daa… I'm still half-asleep no da..."
I ran to shake awake (teehee…that sounds funny) Soi, Nakago and Mitsukake. "Let's go! Come on! Up and at 'm! We gotta find the others!"
Soi hugged Nakago. "Oh, Nakago… we've ended up together. I think this means something!"
The general sighed. "Why me?"
"Nearly everybody jumped in, we should find them right away." Mitsukake's booming voice caused the ground to shake and I fell over. "Oh, sorry…" It shook again. Mitsukake clapped a hand over his mouth.
"You're right." I slapped my hands to my thighs and stood. "Nakago, Chichiri, can you sense any other life forces?"
"My powers are waking up with me no da! I just sensed two over by those bushes no da!" All of us followed him as he walked up to some bushes, and pulled them apart. Chichiri's eyes widened... er... you know what I mean. "NURIKO! TAMAHOME! What are you doing no da?"
"Eh…" They stopped in mid-kiss and looked over. Nuriko grinned. "Heh, well…I thought I loved Hotohori, but when I tried to get him jealous, I ended up falling in love with Tamahome."
Tamahome held Nuriko close to him. "Have a problem with it?"
"No, not at all… just surprising no da…"
"Ashitare is coming." Just like Nakago said, the furry seishi ran up and jumped on me.
"Ashitare! You jumped in after me!" I patted his head. " Thank you!" I stood up, and looked at Nakago while I rubbed Ashitare's head. "Sensing any more?"
"No. We must be out of range."
"If we walk around some more we could find them no da."
"I know an easier way…" Soi stroked Nakago's chest with her index finger, growling slightly. "Nakago can borrow some of my life force."
"Good idea no da! And I can borrow some of Harii-chan's no da. I know you're worried about Tasuki, so that'll help strengthen it no da."
"Borrow my life force? How do you do that?" I asked.
Soi raised her lips closer to the sweatdropping general's face. "Loooooove-makin'."
"WHAT? That is just too kinky! And…" I looked at the open-mouthed monk, then gasped. "CHICHIRI! NOT OKAY!"
"Harii-chan! That's not how I was gonna do it no da! All I need to do is hold your hand!" I continued to glare at him. "I'm telling you the truth no da." He waved his chibi arms and legs wildly.
Nakago glared at Soi. "That was a cheap trick." She shrugged.
I held out my hand, and Chichiri took it in his two hands. "Think about Tasuki no da."
xxx
"Dee! Dee! Wake up!" Dee felt somebody shake her. She jumped up, surprised.
"Amiboshi?"
"No, I'm Suboshi."
"Su… boshi? You mean Snoop Dogu?"
He sweatdropped. "Whatever's easiest for you."
Someone to her left shouted. "Come on! We have to find Harii!" Dee looked up at the posed… Suboshi?
"DOUBLE!" Dee stood up and pointed frantically between the two, eyes wide.
"Geez… is it really that much easier when I have the hat on? Uh… how about this?" The hatless Snoop Dogu grabbed a leaf from tree and tied it to the side of his headband.
Dee breathed a sigh of relief. "Ah… better…"
"Come on, we need to find the others that jumped in." Dee followed the two twins, swearing that she remembered hearing a familiar oh-so-cute voice after she had dived into the water.
xxx
"I'm not getting anymore life forces no da." I opened my eyes and saw Chichiri furrowing his brows in that oh-so-cute way. I couldn't be happy by that though, for this was not an oh-so-cute situation.
"Well, let's walk to a different area and then try it again," I suggested.
"All right no da." Our group walked on.
xxx
"HARII! HARII!" Amiboshi yelled out from a high rock.
"Let's keep searching," Dee suggested, following Snoop Dogu.
xxx
"We should rest no da."
"Rest?" I cried. "We can't rest! The others could be in danger!"
"We can do a more thorough search in the morning," said Nuriko.
"Don't worry. The others are pretty tuff-"
"AAAAAAAH!" Chief Editer Dee screamed from where she stood on the island, falling into the sand. "Don't tell me you don't know how to spell T-O-U-G-H, Haley-chan!"
"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" I yelled back. "Geez, it's not like you don't make little mistakes either!" I stuck my chibi tongue out of my chibi face.
"...I'm sure they can hold their own," Tamahome finished, by now quite used to these interruptions. "Some of them have probably found each other, too."
"I guess…" I lay down on a patch of grass and forced myself to sleep, still thinking about the fang-toothed man.
xxx
"I hope nobody's out there all alone," Dee remarked as the three of them lay down to sleep.
"I just hope Harii isn't with that Genrou." She could practically hear Amiboshi's teeth grinding together.
"How could you say that? She'll most likely be safe if she's with him," Dee reminded him.
His eyes narrowed. "Would she? Would she?"
"Um... Yeah."
Amiboshi sighed. "Good night."
"Good night."
"Good night."
Dee cocked an eyebrow and stared at the fourth wall. "What, Haley? Which one of us said good night first?"
"Shut up and sleep!" Amiboshi yelled.
xxx
"Rise and shine!" I shook the group awake. "We have a search to do!"
"A life force no da!"
"What?" I looked back at Chichiri.
"It's close no da."
"I sense it too, and there's two more."
"It's Dee-chan no da!" Chichiri ran off as the rest of us followed him.
xxx
"Dee-chan!"
"Wake up no da!"
Dee opened her eyes slowly, then realized who we were. "Haley? Chichiri?" Dee hugged the two of us at the same time. "You're okay!"
"I'm glad to see you're safe no da," the monk said, smiling oh-so-cutely.
Dee pulled back and looked at me. "Do you know you scared the hell out of me when you jumped in after Genrou like that? Geez!"
I smiled. "Gomen Dee-chan."
"Harii!" Amiboshi immediately embraced me. "I'm so glad you're safe!"
I hugged him back awkwardly, wondering what to say, when...
"This is all very touching, but we need to find Tomo and Genrou soon." I was glad Snoop Dogu pulled me out of that one. So, the group trudged on, searching for life forces…or at least bodies.
xxx
"Wha… what happened?" Genrou sat up, rubbing his head. Visions flashed through his mind. There was a storm, that dirty old hobo tripping him, and he remembered someone calling his name, then a hand… "Harii-chan! She came after me!" He stood up, then gasped. He was standing in a huge flowery field with mountains taking up most of the background. "Didn't I just fall in an ocean?"
"You're finally awake."
Genrou whirled on his heel, pulled out his tessen, and saw a gorgeous woman. She was just a tad shorter than him. She had light blue wavy hair that reached past her waist, and was wearing a sheer white dress. Behind her was a small house. "Who th' hell're you?"
"Fuku Mii."
"WHA?" His eyes bugged out. "GEEZ! NO! I don't even like girls! And besides, I need t'find someone. Have you seen a short blonde girl wearin' weird clothes?"
The girl laughed. "Mii is my name, and yes, I have seen her."
"Where is she? You better not've done anythin' t'her!"
"Follow me." Genrou didn't exactly trust the MY... STER... I... OUS woman, but still followed her as she walked into the cabin. He gasped at what he found inside.
"HARII-CHAN!" He ran to the body on the table, lay the tessen next to it, and shook its shoulders. "Harii-chan, wake up! Hey, hey, c'mon... WAKE UP!"
"I'm sorry, but she won't wake up."
"What?" Genrou glared at Mii. "What the hell have you done?" He lay the limp frame down, picked up his tessen and held his hands tightly, ready to fight if need be.
"I haven't done anything," she explained, holding up her hands in defense. "I found this girl in the river, like I did you. Only, you were alive and breathing. She wasn't."
"What? It can't be!" He threw his tessen on the floor, and picked the body up in his arms. "Harii-chan, you have to wake up!" He stared at her face, waiting for some sort of reaction. "Damn it Harii! Wake up!" The bandit felt something sting at his eyes. "What the hell are you doing? This is a stupid joke, Harii-chan!" There was no response. He put his two fingers on her neck, and held them there for a moment, feeling nothing. His eyes widened. "No…" He pulled her against his chest, cradling her in his arms with his head against hers. "Harii-chan… why? Why couldn't I protect you?" A single tear ran from his left cheek onto her right cheek, and his right forearm began to glow.
The girl noticed his mark. "Hmm... you are a shichi seishi. Well then, you still may be able to help her."
Genrou looked up, still holding her head against his chest. "How?"
"I'm a magical being of sorts, and I can bring her back to life if you do one simple task."
"Whatever it is, I'll do it," he said immediately.
"You must have sex with me."
Genrou's eyes bugged out again. "WHAT? What the hell are you talking about?"
"We both have very strong life forces, and we can combine them if we do the nasty."
"You can't be serious."
"Do you want to save her or not?" Mii asked bluntly.
Genrou looked back at the lifeless face, and then back at the woman. "...Fine, but you better make it fast." He wiped his eyes with his left hand, hoping she hadn't seen the tears.
Mii shook her head. "No, no, no. You can't rush this. It must be done properly, or it won't work."
"What the hell is the proper way?"
"You have to follow these rules." She pulled out a huge scroll and cleared her throat. "Number One: You must call me the love goddess. Number Two: You must wear makeup of my choosing. Number Three: You must slap my ass at least five times throughout the love-making process. Number Four: You must smack me with this whip after you tie me to the bed." She threw him a whip and rope that seemed to appear out of thin air, and he caught them with wide eyes. "Number Five…"
"Uh... How many of these are there?" he interrupted.
"Fifty."
The bandit sweatdropped. "Eh..." he shook his head. "Let's just get this over with!"
He let go of Haley, threw himself on Mii, and began kissing her.
"Ooh… I like fast men…"
"Shut up. I'm only doing this to get Harii-chan back."
"Remember though, you have to pretend to be into it, or it won't work."
"Right, right, whatever."
He began kissing her top lip as he rubbed his hands along her back. She pulled off his coat as they kissed, and then pulled off his shirt in between kisses. He made his way down her bottom lip, then chin. She lay her hands over his shoulders, stroking his back as he began kissing her neck. She moaned until…
"AAAAAAAAAH!" She pushed him back and held her neck as it gushed blood. "MY NECK! YOU BIT MY JUGULAR VEIN!"
"I what?"
"Those damn fangs or yours! AAAAAAH!" The lady fell on the floor twitching wildly, and everything began changing form.
"What's going on?" His eyes widened. "Harii-chan!" He looked back expecting to see the girl, but instead found a dead monkey on a large rock. "What the hell?" He was no longer in a cabin either. He was on a beach. He looked back at Mii and saw…
"TOMO? That sick freak! He must have used an illusion spell!" Tasuki wiped his mouth. "AGH! I KISSED THAT CREEP!" He spit several times, then wiped his mouth again. "He sure is kinky. But Harii-chan, where could she be?" He threw on his shirt and coat as he walked on.
xxx
"This is kind of weird," said Colin.
"No kidding. I can't believe that guy went crazy over my sister of all people!"
Colin raised an eyebrow. "I... wasn't really talking about that."
"Oh yeah," Max said hurriedly. "That sex stuff was crazy too."
xxx
We had been scanning the island for hours, but no one had seen or felt anything. "You guys, I'm starting to get really worried."
"You have to be patient no da. It hasn't been too long no da."
Dee put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure we'll find him."
I dropped my head, my hair covering my eyes. "It's not just finding him that I'm worried about."
"I personally don't care if we find Tomo," Soi said in a deadpan.
"Soi, that's terrible to say! He's a fellow seishi!" exclaimed Amiboshi.
"Hey… does anyone know if Chiriko jumped off?" asked Nuriko. Everyone stopped walking and looked back at her.
"I forgot about the little guy no da!"
"Yeah, we only just met him," said Tamahome.
"He must have stayed. He was the smart one after all," Snoop Dogu said. Everyone silently agreed and walked on.
xxx
Genrou found himself getting tired and decided to rest for the night. He lay his back against a tree, and dozed off quickly.
xxx
Tomo lay dead.
xxx
The rest of us decided to stop and rest for the next heavy day of traveling.
xxx
Colin fell asleep in the library.
"Fine… but you're reading this when you wake up, and I'm sleeping," Max snapped at the snoring figure.
xxx
The next morning, we woke bright and early to search for Tomo and Genrou.
"I feel a life force!" Nakago shouted suddenly. "It's coming from behind that rock."
I immediately ran to where he was pointing. "GENROU!" I jumped around the boulder, arms open for a glomp, but something furry latched onto my face instead. "AAAGH!"
"CHCHCHCH!"
"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare led the group as they ran toward me. The monkey let go of my head and ran off just as Chichiri's staff smacked me in the face.
"Urgh…"
Chichiri winced. "Sorry Harii-chan no da! I tried to hit the monkey no da!"
"It's okay… ouchies…" I fell over.
Nakago sweatdropped. "Heh…I guess that wasn't quite the life force we were looking for." The general sweat-dropped.
xxx
Tomo lay dead.
xxx
"HARII-CHAN!" The bandit yelled as he trudged along. "That crazy girl better be around here somewhere." He frowned. "Why did I act like that when I thought she was dead?" He shook his head. "She's jus' some girl, that's all, but it hurt so damn much… Ah! What th' hell'm I saying? HARII-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU?"
xxx
Dee collapsed.
"Dee-chan! Are you okay?" I knelt next to her.
"I'm just so hungry," she groaned, holding her stomach.
"So am I no da. I'm sure we all are. Maybe we should look for some food while we're looking for Tasuki."
"It's been too long!" Snoop Dogu moaned.
"There hasn't been another life force since that monkey," Nakago remarked.
Tamahome's shoulders drooped. "No wild fruit either..."
"I don't think we'll be able to go on much longer like this," Nuriko said. "We have to eat something..."
As if a single idea had popped into all of our heads at once, we glared at each other in turn. Finally, all of us looked at Mitsukake.
He blinked. "What are you looking at me for?" A nearby tree fell over the opposite way.
"You're the biggest!" Dee cried.
"And it's not like we'll need all of the seishi to summon Suzaku no da."
Mitsukake's eyes widened as he at last understood. He backed away slowly, hands held up as if to defend himself. "The hunger has gotten to your heads! Just suck it up, we'll be able to find it soon! Besides, you may need a doctor!" Three trees behind him fell over, punctuating each of his sentences.
I noticed a feather sticking out near one of the trees and ran to it. "Guys! It's Tomo!" I lifted his wrist, checking for a pulse, as the others gathered around. A moment later I grinned. "And I think our problem is solved."
Soi attacked Nakago in another come-from-behind hug. "No kidding!"
"That's not what she means!" Nakago snapped.
xxx
Max threw the book across the room. "SICK! Are they going to do what I think they are?"
"Our sisters are cannibals!" Colin shouted.
"You gotta do what you gotta do!" The dirty hobo chuckled and ran off.
xxx
Genrou pulled a banana off a tree and chomped on it as he walked.
xxx
"Why couldn't the rest of them have just waited to find some fruit?" asked Colin, shaking his head.
xxx
"I can't believe he tasted so good," said Amiboshi.
"Now that that's over with, let's continue!" I jumped up and pointed to the air. Everyone sighed, following.
"What could have killed Tomo no da?"
"Well, obviously, something tore open his throat pretty viciously," Tamahome said.
"Yeah, but wouldn't whatever had done that have eaten him as well?" Nuriko asked aloud.
"Maybe he got it cut some how," suggested Dee.
"No, something obviously tore at it," said Snoop Dogu.
I stopped in my steps. "Maybe… maybe that's why you haven't sensed Genrou's life force."
"I'm sure Genrou could handle something like that no da."
"I hope you're right."
xxx
About ten minutes later, Chichiri gasped. "I sense something no da! It's coming from that way!" We followed Chichiri, running, to the south.
xxx
"HARII-CHAN! Oh geez…" Genrou rubbed his throat. "My voice is beginning to hurt."
"GENROU! ARE YOU THERE?"
Genrou looked around frantically. "Is that… HARII-CHAN!"
"GENROU!" I ran through a small forest of palm trees toward where Chichiri had pointed. Finally, through the trees, I saw a tall form in a long coat. "Genrou!"
I dodged through the trees as we ran to each other in slow motion with saxophones playing in the background. I threw my arms around him. I felt him slip his arms around my waist as he hugged me back for the first time.
"Harii-chan! You're alive..."
"So are you." I didn't want to let go of the hold, partly because I had felt a few tears slide down my cheeks and didn't want him to see. He pushed me back though, and I could see the surprise in his eyes because of my tears.
"Harii-chan?" I quickly wiped my eyes.
"HOW CUTE NO DA!" A chibi Chichiri gushed.
"CHICHIRI?" Genrou immediately let go of me, looking around at everyone. "What are all of you guys doing here?"
"We all jumped in the water after each other," explained Tamahome.
"Oh… SHIT! Does that mean we're stranded here?"
"No, luckily Chiriko stayed in the boat," said Nuriko.
"Luckily indeed," a new voice remarked. Everyone whirled to see...
"Chiriko!" Dee cried, pointing wildly at him. "But you - you - you're supposed to be in the boat!"
"Don't worry, the boat is just a little south of here. I had done some formulas to find where you all would land, and then I used my knowledge of your individuality personalities to decide where you might go to look for each other. It was all a simple matter of logic."
"That is one smart little guy…" stated Snoop Dogu.
Next Episode Preview...
FREAKY CAT THING: Do I even want to re-cap that chapter?
HALEY: No. I don't think anyone does.
DEE: Shall we just move quietly away from cannibalism and weird illusion sex scenes?
HALEY: Yes. I think we shall.
FREAKY CAT THING: Well, maybe we can get back to the storyline in this next chapter, as the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi finally reach the land of Hokkan and the Priestesses are faced with a difficult test to prove their worth!
HALEY: I hope it isn't kinky... I don't know how much more of this kinky book I can take...
DEE: No kidding. Stick around for the next oh-so-creatively-named chapter, "Insert Title Here"!
