Chapter Ten:
(Insert Title Here)

"Hokkan isn't far from here. We should be there by tomorrow afternoon," Chiriko told us as we got on the boat. He looked around at our group, then frowned thoughtfully. "Wait… one of us is missing."

"Heh…" I looked over at Genrou and saw him sweatdrop and scratch the back of his head.

My eyes widened. "SO YOU…!"

He clapped a hand over my mouth before I could finish. "Shhh..." he whispered, then let go.

"We found him dead," Amiboshi explained. Genrou looked at him wide-eyed. "Something tore out his jugular vein. We're guessing it was some kind of animal." The sweatdrop on Genrou's forehead grew, and fell off splashing onto the deck.

"Too bad…" Chiriko hung his head, then held it up again. "Oh well! Shall we set sail?"

xxx

"His death didn't phase them much," noticed Max.

"Nope."

"Hey, wait a second! I deserve a sleeping break now!" My brother shoved the book in Colin's hands and lay down.

xxx

As soon as we were back on the open sea, I immediately tracked Genrou down. I found him in one of the cabins below deck. I knocked once, then entered and closed the door quietly behind me. "Genrou! Did you do that to Tomo?"

He jumped, turning chibi and holding up his hands in self-defense. "Yeah… but I can explain!" I raised an eyebrow. Genrou rubbed the back of his head and blushed a little. "I don't really want to, though…"

The memory of Tomo pointing to Genrou on the deck flashed in my mind. "OH MY GOSH!" I put my hand over my mouth. "You were sexin' him up."

"SHADDUP! I didn't even know it was Tomo at the time!"

"Genrou…" My heart began to ache.

"What's wrong?" He cocked his head, confused. I walked towards the door. Faster than I could follow, he grabbed my arm, pulled me back into the room and held me against the wall. "What's with you?"

"You're different than I thought you were! You're just a shameless bandit bastard!"

"Don't call the bandits of Mount Reikaku shameless! Our policy is to help the weak and fight the strong. Not to hurt folks and steal from helpless people!"

"I didn't call the rest of the bandits shameless, just you!" I reminded him.

Genrou sighed. "I swear, you girls are crazy. Can't ya just say what yer talkin' about? You always hint at it! Just tell me what ya mean!"

"You banged Tomo to death! And you barely knew him!"

Genrou smacked his head with his free hand. "I didn't bang him!"

"Then what happened?" I demanded fiercely.

"I dunno if I can tell ya."

"Then how can I trust you if you won't tell me?"

"Okay, okay… Damn pushy girls. I woke up in an illusion. I wasn't on a beach, I was in a field. And Tomo wasn't Tomo. He was a girl named…" Genrou remembered the way-too-kinky name. "He was a girl."

"What difference does that make? He - she - they could've been crawling with chlamydia for all you knew!"

"Wouldja let me finish?" His angry voice and tightened grip on my forearm actually scared me a bit. He sighed, fighting for his thin patience, and loosened his hold again. "Anyway, I remembered yer voice after I fell in, and yer hand, so I knew ya had t'be around. I described you t'the girl… or Tomo… or whatever you wanna call 'em…"

"I get the idea, go on."

"Right. So she said she'd seen ya, and she led me to her cottage. You were lyin' on a table…" I saw him swallow. "Dead. She saw my symbol, and said we could save ya if we combined life forces. She said the only way to do that was t'have sex."

"Whoa. That's really messed up."

"Yeah, no shit. I was a bit skeptical a-course but thought I may as well try - what's the worst that could happen, right? You were already dead after all. She also said I had to pretend t'be into it, so I tried to give her the love suck. I never knew these fangs-a mine could actually do any damage. When Tomo died, everythin' changed back t'normal." I blinked as his small orange eyes pierced into mine. "Now you know." He let go of my hand and stepped back.

"Genrou, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to get so upset. I just thought… I didn't know. I shouldn't have called you shameless. I just… I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He shrugged. "Girls're always jumpin' ta conclusions. That's why they cause so much trouble."

My lower lip quivered. "You were going to do that for me…"

He looked at me, a bit dazed. "Yeah, I guess. So?"

"AWWW...!" I walked toward him with my arms out.

"Don't start that again!"

I immediately hugged him around his waist and set my head on his chest. He didn't hug back, but kept his hands up as if he had a gun pointed at him. "You would really do that for me?" I asked. "You didn't even know if you could trust her. She might have tried to kill you or something, and you still did that for me!"

"I couldn't leave you dead, could I?" I pulled back just enough to look up at him. He scowled. "What now?"

"I've hugged you a few times-"

"That's an understatement, you horny bugger," Dee snorted from nowhere.

"WOULD YOU STOP INTERRUPTING MY SERIOUS SCENES?" I screamed, conveniently causing a flowerpot to hit her over the head. I turned back to a confused Genrou and went on as if nothing had happened. "...And you've never hugged me back... Except for when we saw each other back there in the woods. It's because you were glad to see that I wasn't really dead, wasn't it?"

He sweatdropped. "I guess yer straightforward after all."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Agh!" He rubbed at his head. "A-course I was glad! I care a lot about you Harii-chan!" A blank expression crossed my face after he had blurted it out. He looked a bit shocked too. The two of us stared at each other for a moment, wondering what exactly to do now.

"This is too cute!" A nearly-toothless grin flashed.

"Get out of here, you damned hobo!" Genrou chased him, but he was even faster than the bandit and disappeared down hallway.

"Genrou?"

He looked back.

"What did you do when you thought I was dead?"

Doink! Doink!
He blinked twice, but recovered quickly. "You ask too many questions. I need some time alone now. Get outta here."

"Sure…" I did as he said and walked past him, up to the deck.

xxx

"I'm glad Max didn't read that part. He really might have puked," Colin remarked.

xxx

"Hey Dee-chan!"

"Hey Haley-chan! Look, there's Hokkan up ahead!" Dee pointed towards a land with snowy mountains.

"It's so pretty," I said.

"Yeah, but it's going be really cold no da," Chichiri commented from where he was sitting next to Dee. "We're going to have to get out the cloaks Hotohori sent with us no da."

Dee snapped her fingers. "Oh Haley, Taiitsukun told me something, and I should probably tell you."

"What is it?"

"It's a bit, uh, " Dee searched for the right word, "personal, but you should probably know just in case. I don't think it'll be a problem, but some pretty weird stuff has happened already, so..."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The Priestess has to be a virgin," she explained in her usual straight-forward manner.

Chichiri sweatdropped. "Daaa..."

I had a thought. "Wait a second. Does that mean we have to have sex with the gods?"

Chichiri turned bright red. "DA!"

"I'm not sure," Dee said, "but this world is pretty kinky, so..."

I laughed. "Hey, when other girls say they lost their virginity to the Captain of the football team or some guy in a band or to the homecoming king, we can tell them we lost ours to a beast god!"

"Score!" Dee slapped my hand in a high five. "That's totally cool! No one can beat that!"

"DAAAAA!" Chichiri face-vaulted.

"Oh wait…" I frowned, remembering how I had just given Genrou grief for sleeping with a stranger. "D'you think the gods will take us out to dinner first? Or do we have to get married to them or something?"

"Good question. I don't really wanna be Suzaku's one-night stand..."

"Daa..." Chichiri stood up and stepped into our seriously disturbing conversation. "You don't get married, and you don't make love to them no da! Their power simply enters your body! For that, you can't..." He stopped short and looked down. "Um."

Dee gave him a knowing smirk. "You need for nobody else to have 'entered' you, eh?"

"I... thought I could phrase that better no da..."

"So it is like he's taking our virginity!" I cried.

Chichiri's sweatdrop was almost bigger than his chibi head. "Maybe this world really is kinky no da."

xxx

"LAND HO!" Genrou ran to the platform… then stopped and stood there, staring at the water below it. "Eep."

I took his hand. "Come on, Gen-chan."

"What a baby! It's not even deep at this part!" Amiboshi taunted.

"Shut up!" Genrou's face was bright red, but he still held onto my arm and walked bit by bit down the platform.

"That's right. Baby steps. Take baby steps, Gen-chan."

"Would ya stop treatin' me like a little kid?"

"Sorry."

We reached the end of the deck and he knelt to the snow-covered ground, kissing it.

"RAH RAH RAH!" Ashitare ran up to him, nudging his shoulder.

"Whaddya…?" Genrou followed Ashitare's pointed paw. "AAAH! YELLOW SNOW!" He spit frantically, rubbing at his mouth with his coat sleeve.

"That's what you get!" Amiboshi grabbed his sides, laughing.

"Look! It's the cave where the shinzaho is hidden!" Chiriko exclaimed. All of us followed his gaze.

"That sure is convenient," commented Dee.

Chichiri couldn't help but sweatdrop again. "No kidding no da."

xxx

"What are you doing?" Genrou exclaimed as I grabbed onto his arm. "You better not be pulling a Soi on me."

I only held on tighter, leaning into him. "This place is scary!"

"And he's not scary?" asked Amiboshi. "Look at him! He's got crazy hair, beady little eyes, and even fangs!"

"He's not scary-looking! He's just rough and rugged!"

Dee stared at me. "Haley-chan, I swear upon the powers that be that if you ever call him 'rough and rugged' again I will beat you. Severely. With reeds and cheese graters."

"He looks like a wolf!" exclaimed Amiboshi, ignoring Dee's comment (she's always threatening to beat people with reeds and cheese graters).

"RAH! RAH!"

"No offense Ashitare," Amiboshi held up his hands in protest.

"AAAAAH!" Chiriko slipped on the ground.

"Chiriko, what's wrong no da?" We ran over to him. Tasuki's tessen-turned-lantern revealed…

"EWIE! BAT POOP!" Dee screeched as Chiriko's face turned white.

"Pathetic." All of us stopped and looked around. "Can't you live up to your title? Are you really the priestess and her 14 seishi?"

"You idiot! A Priestess has seven seishi!" exclaimed another unfamiliar voice.

"You mean… all of them do?"

"YES!"

Snoop Dogu laughed. "You insult us, and you can't even remember that there are seven seishi!"

"Reminds me of someone else I know," I mumbled, glaring at the Kutou general.

"Are you the Seishi of Genbu?" Chiriko ventured to ask.

"No! YO MAMMA IS!" one of the voices snapped. He sighed. "Of course we are."

"That's impossible," Tamahome said. "All the Genbu seishi should be dead by now."

"We are dead." Two slightly transparent figures walked forward. The one with long gray hair and an eyepatch spoke. "Our spirits have stayed back to protect the shinzaho."

"Yay!" Nuriko clapped her hands together. "Where is it?"

"Your priestesses must prove themselves worthy to possess the shinzaho."

"How do we prove ourselves?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't be too painful or kinky.

He pointed at our clothes. "Strip."

"YA SEE-THROUGH PERVERT!" Genrou held his tessen ready, a swarm of fire encircling him longways.

"Ehhh…" The hobo had shown himself again, and was currently ogling Dee and me. Nuriko quickly punched him out of the cave, watching with satisfaction as he bounced around the stalactites like a pinball and finally out of sight.

Dee and I both glanced at each other. "Ew..."

"This world is so kinky!" Dee complained, making a face.

"I agree," I agreed.

"Do you want the shinzaho or not?" asked the one with brown bangs poking out from under this really distracting cylindrical hat. He could've been working at a burger joint in Michigan with that sort of hat.

"I dun wanna get nakie!" I turned chibi and waved my arms in protest, then turned serious. "But we do need the shinzaho."

"All of you people turn around!" Dee pointed at all of them, one at a time. The seishi hesitated. Dee's voice lowered about five octaves. "TURN AROUND NOOOOOW!"

"What if something happens and you need help?" asked Amiboshi.

The one-eyed Pirate Seishi shook his head. "They can get no help from their seishi. They must finish the task themselves."

"The task? What the hell is their task?" asked Genrou.

"They will see," answered Funny Hat.

"It's okay, Genrou," I assured him. "You guys just turn around, and don't look at us!"

The seishi exchanged confused looks. "I guess there's no other way no da." Chichiri shrugged and turned around. The others followed suit.

Dee and I quickly took off our cloaks, jeans and shirts. We were bright red by the end of it, and not just from embarrassment. We were still in our underwear, at least, but damn! it was cold.

"THERE! Now what do you want?" demanded Dee, shivering slightly. The Pirate raised his arm, and a swarm of ice started to envelop her.

"Dee-chan..." I glanced down and realized the same thing had happened to me. "What the...?"

In spite of everything, my comedy-movie-quoting-obsessed friend giggled. "Haley-chan... can I say it?"

I sighed. "Dee, we've already spoofed Monty Python..."

"But when am I ever gonna get a chance to do this again?" she argued. "Pleeeeease!"

I watched as the ice reached her neck, then slowly reached my own. "Oh, fine."

The last thing I heard before my head went under was a giggle, then a passable Dr. Evil impression: "It's frickin' freezing in here Mr. Beaglesworth."

I would have groaned had I not been completely trapped in a block of ice. I couldn't move a muscle, and the greyish mist from the ice made it hard to see. I could still hear pretty well, though.

"Hotohori's life force no da!" a familiar oh-so-cute voice exclaimed. I felt something warm to my right, then saw a red glow out of the corner of my eye.

The ice shattered around my best friend. She stepped from the block somewhat gracefully... then fell flat on her bum to the floor. After shaking her head to regain her senses, she patted Hotohori's sword that still hung at her waist and grinned."Nifty!"

She quickly dressed, then looked over. "Coolies! We made it! Uh…" Dee saw me still in the ice. "Haley-chan?"

"Is she all right?" I heard Tasuki ask. It might have just been the ice muffling his voice, but he sounded really concerned.

"Harii… she's stuck in the ice!" A familiar deep voice boomed, causing the cave to shake. A giant rock fell on top of the ice, shattering it. I fell to the ground on my knees and shivered, rubbing at my own arms.

"Harii-chan!" Genrou ran up behind me, and threw my cloak over my shoulders. "Are you all right?"

"AAAAAAAH!" I turned around and punched Genrou square in the jaw, sending him flying. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK!" I glared at Mitsukake. "That goes for you too, Sasquatch." He responded with a sweatdrop.

"Yeah, don't look!" yelled Amiboshi. "Do what the lady asks!"

"Amiboshi?" I growled. "Did I tell you that you could look yet?"

Amiboshi turned back around as fast as he could.

"That was pretty lucky," the Burgerjoint Hat Seishi said. "I'm not sure if we can count that."

"Why not? The dragon is a symbol of luck after all." I flashed a chibi victory sign.

"Rakii Harii!" Genrou exclaimed. I giggled.

"She's right. It's fair." The Pirate bowed. "I am Hikitsu."

"I am Tomite." The other bowed as well.

"Your shinzaho, priestesses." An earring appeared in front of Dee and me.

"SCORE!" I exclaimed.

"We got a shinzaho Haley-chan!" Dee yelled, and we celebrated with a high five.

"Well done no da."

"Arigatou Chichiri," arigatou'd Dee.

"I think we should celebrate tonight," Nakago remarked.

Soi was cuddling him so hard she was practically mounting him. "My thoughts exactly."

He sighed. "I don't think we're talking about the same thing. In any case, the drinks are on me."

"Great idea!" Genrou swung an arm around Nakago. "Why don't we head back and have a few drinks?"

Chiriko smiled. "Tasuki-san, I know you want to have more than 'a few' drinks."

"Heh…" Genrou grinned.

"DID I TELL ANY OF YOU THAT YOU COULD TURN AROUND YET?" I roared. All the seishi turned chibi, jumping to face the opposite way.

"Whoa… let it go Haley. You have a cloak on you know," Dee reminded me.

"Yeah…" I blushed. "But, but…I FEEL SO EXPOSED!"

"Everybody has already seen you anyway," Nuriko said with a sigh.

"SHADDUP!"

xxx

I continued poking my fingers together as we walked to a village to find an inn.

"Haley, are you okay?" Dee whispered.

"They saw me half-nakie!" I whispered back.

Nuriko had overheard. "Oh, build a bridge and get over it!" She snapped her fingers with her hand on her hip, shaking her head with each syllable.

Tamahome looked back over his shoulder to agree with Nuriko. "That's righ - AAAAAAH!" Unable to see where he was going, he tripped on a rock and he fell flat on his bum. "Ouchies."

Genrou laughed and pointed. "That was real smart."

"Shut up!" He stood up and brushed off his pants. Underneath his cloak, a red something blazed.

"Um… um… Tamahome?" said Dee with wide, chibi eyes.

"Yeah?" He looked back at Dee, still brushing snow from his pants.

She pointed with a chibi finger. "You have… a really... bad... rash."

"Huh?" Tamahome looked down at his butt. "AAAAAAAH!" He sat back down on the ground, but the red began to glow. Chichiri and Nuriko sweatdropped. Everyone else just blinked.

"What the hell…" began Soi.

"...Is with your ass?" finished Snoop Dogu.

"It's my…" He looked down and blushed, poking his index fingers together. "It's sorta my seishi symbol."

Genrou burst out laughing. "YOUR SYMBOL IS ON YOUR ASS?" He held onto his sides, laughing so hard that he fell into the snow.

Amiboshi scowled. "Don't you have any delicacy?"

Chichiri stated the obvious matter-of-factly. "No, he doesn't no da."

Dee and I stifled our giggles in our cloaks.

xxx

"WHOOOOOO! I GET FIRST DRINK!" Genrou ran towards Nakago with a mug as the general rolled a giant keg into the room.

"Did they have kegs in Ancient China?" Dee wondered, sensing a fanfic error.

I don't know, and I don't care.

Mitsukake, Dee, Amiboshi, Ashitare, Chiriko, and I stayed back as everyone else gathered around the keg.

"Aren't you going to have any Mitsukake?" Dee asked. The testosterone-filled man scribbled something on a paper and handed it to Chiriko.

"Oh…" Chiriko sweatdropped. "It says: I get loud when I'm drunk."

"Heh…" I joined Chiriko in sweatdropping. "Good call, Mitsukake! What about you, Amiboshi?"

"Do you really need to ask? Remember last time?"

"Oh… good point… and Ashitare, you prefer water, don't you?" I patted his head as he grinned and wagged his tail... butt... whatever.

Amiboshi looked around. "I don't see Tamahome. He must be embarrassed about earlier." We all giggled again about his symbol.

"HEY CHIRIKO! C'MERE!" The group of us looked over at Genrou, who was gesturing towards the younger seishi. We watched as Chiriko walked over, talked to Genrou for a bit, then… took a mug and drank?

"That guy…" Amiboshi gritted his teeth.

Dee noticed Chichiri coming our way with a full mug. She nudged him teasingly. "Hey, now, are monks allowed to drink? You're not gonna get excommunicated, are you?""

"It's fine as long as I don't get drunk no da," he assured her. "I'll just have one."

"Where's the fun in that?" asked Nuriko, hefting the keg in one hand so she could chug straight from it.

The others all pumped their fists to cheer her on, except for Nakago, who sidled up to me. "Excuse me, Harii-sama. I'd like to have a word with you."

"Oh… okay. Talk to you guys later!" I waved, and followed him out into the hallway. "So what did you want to-"

But I never got to finish, because Nakago curled his arm around me and picked me up with one hand over my mouth. I muffled a shout around his hand and wriggled in his arms, but it didn't seem to bother him at all. He just calmly walked outside to the stable, then tied a cloth around my mouth, ropes around my arms and legs, and threw me on the horse. After climbing on himself, he rode off.

I tried to struggle the ropes loose, but it was no use. I did manage to worm my way off the horse, and fell to the ground hard on my side. A sharp burst of pain shot through my left arm, the cloth muffling my scream. Nakago turned the horse around, rode up to me, then jumped off. He pulled on my shoulders to sit me back up, and I shuddered from the continuous needles that ran from elbow to wrist. He took off the cloth around my mouth.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screamed.

"Harii-sama, calm down."

"Calm down? CALM DOWN? You're supposed to be my seishi and you kidnapped me! Genrou is gonna be so pissed, you know that?"

"Genrou will never be the same, along with everyone else who drank the wine last night. Mwahahahaha - hack, ack, argh!" Nakago broke off into a coughing fit, completely ruining the moment. "Anyway, I have an excellent idea. I have the shinzaho, and with it we're going to summon Seiryuu on our own, and then attack the Suzaku seishi and their priestess!"

"I wish there was a bedpost out here." I sighed, sweatdropping. "Nakago, do you realize what you've done? Number one: Stupid plan. Number two: There are TWO shinzaho!"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

His eyes turned beady. "Shit."


Next Episode Preview...

FREAKY CAT THING: (Monotone) Oh no, oh no, Nakago has launched his evil scheme. Whatever will our heroines do?
HALEY: You know, you could at least pretend you cared about us.
FREAKY CAT THING: (Yawn) I did, until you completely ditched the story line and went on this rampage of warm fuzzy-love. And I get the feeling that this "wine" deal isn't exactly going to follow the script either.
DEE: Thank you Captain Obvious from the U.S.S. No-Shit. It wouldn't be any fun if we did it the way it had to be done, y'know!
FREAKY CAT THING: You're going the right way for a slap in the face, Suzaku Priestess.
HALEY: Eh... well, as long as these two don't kill each other before next time, be sure to come back for the next exciting chapter: "Personality-Changing Wine is Bad, Mm'kay?"