Chapter Eleven:
Personality-Changing Wine is Bad, Mm'Kay?
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"What's going on?" Amiboshi awoke with a start and rubbed his eyes. He saw Genrou crying in a corner, then decided he was still half asleep and rubbed his eyes again. The image remained. "Genrou, what's wrong with you?"
The seishi looked up, holding his head. Two little rivers of tears poured from his eyes. "I'M HUNGRY!"
Mitsukake had apparently woken up already, and walked over to him, picked him up, and cuddled him in his arms. Genrou stopped crying, then popped his thumb in his mouth. A second after he did that, his eyes grew, and he held out his thumb. Blood trickled down and he began crying again. "OWIEEEEE!"
A startled Tamahome came into the room, smoothing back his hair as he stared at Genrou. "What the hell?"
"What the hell indeed. What is with these clothes?" Nuriko had spoken, and everybody looked towards her as she… ripped off her clothes?
"Nuriko! What are you doing?" Tamahome cried.
"NURIKO! You... you're...!" Dee, also awake due to Genrou's very loud crying, pointed wildly at Nuriko's bare chest.
"It's not nice to point. And what's wrong with me taking my shirt off? Can't a man show off what the good gods gave him?" Nuriko grabbed her… his… AH! Nuriko grabbed Nuriko's right breast… part of chest… manboob. "Ooh… and I am quite the man." Slowly, Nuriko rubbed his… her… Nuriko rubbed Nuriko's hand from Nuriko's chest to Nuriko's stomach.
"Did you know about this, Tamahome?" asked Amiboshi.
"Of course." Tamahome shrugged, then turned back to his lover. "But you told me not to tell anyone!"
Nuriko rolled Nuriko's eyes. "Everybody already knows I'm a man just by looking at me."
"Eh…" Dee shook her head, then whispered to Amiboshi, "There's something fishy going on here."
"I hear they're serving yellowtail at half price downstairs."
SMACK! Dee whacked him in the back of the head. "That's not what I meant! I mean, Genrou would never act like that!" Dee pointed to Genrou, still in Mitsukake's arms, rubbing his eyes and whimpering quietly.
Amiboshi stifled a laugh. "Oh, where's Harii? I'm gonna prove to her just how crazy this guy is. I always knew it."
"Maybe she went to breakfast."
The two of them hurried down to the dining hall, peering through the crowds of guests, but to no avail. Amiboshi sighed. "I don't see her."
"That's weird," Dee scratched her head. "Where else would she be?"
A lightbulb appeared over Amiboshi's head, and his eyebrows furrowed as he clenched his fist. "I know! Genrou must have gotten her drunk!" He sprinted to the bar.
Dee ran after him. "Hey, don't run so…"
SLAM! She ran straight into Amiboshi, though he didn't seem to feel her smack into him. The Seiryuu seishi was a little... preoccupied by what he was currently seeing, to say the least. "Well, I definitely didn't expect to find this."
"What?" Dee peered over his shoulder.
In front of them a crowd of girls surrounded a young man. The oddly familiar person was sitting down in the midst of the women, holding a golden goblet in one hand. He was decked out in a bright green fur coat, with platform shoes and tight pants to match. A large pimp-hat complete with a feather sat atop his head. Around his neck he wore many gold and jeweled bling-bling necklaces, along with rings on his fingers. Perhaps the only thing familiar about this guy was his staff he still held.
Dee's eyes got huge. "Chi... Chichiri!"
The pimpmonk looked back at them, raising his goblet in greeting. "Hey babe! Howzit hangin' no da?"
"What… oey…" Dee's eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted. Amiboshi was too busy staring open-mouthed at the Suzaku seishi to catch her, and she smacked her face straight into the wood floor.
"What's wrong with the sexay Priestess no da?" Chichiri stood up and used his cane to walk with a slight limp - pimpwalk-style - over to Dee, then leaned over her. Contrary to his other unusual actions, his eyebrows managed to furrow in their oh-so-cute way as usual. "Yo boy, get this fine lady to a bed no da."
"You mean… me?" Amiboshi pointed to himself.
"No, I mean YO MAMMA NO DA! Yes, I mean you. Are you whack no da?" Chichiri exclaimed, standing up and putting a many-ringed hand on his hip.
"Why don't you carry her?"
He considered this for a moment, then grinned wolfishly. "Good point. Carrying someone may make these fine lookin' foxes jealous, nooooo daaaa!" Chichiri nudged Amiboshi with a raised eyebrow toward the group of giggling girls. He knelt down and picked Dee up, carrying her to the main room.
"Chichiri?" Tamahome noticed the full-fledged bling-bling monk and gasped, pointing wildly.
"Yo Tamahome, my man no da!" Chichiri noticed Nuriko standing shirtless in the room. "WHOA! What happened to the sexy fox Nuriko no da?"
"Sexy fox?" Nuriko gave him a dirty look. "Hey Gold Mine, I don't swing that way."
"I thought… I thought you loved me!" Tamahome sobbed. "I know what it is! It's because of my symbol! Well, you can kiss my symbol-covered ass!" He ran out the door with his face buried in his sleeve.
"He's whack no da," the pimpmonk remarked, laying Dee down gently on a settee.
Mistukake, still holding Genrou, walked up to Amiboshi and handed him a letter. (Quite difficult to do, may I add.) Amiboshi read the letter aloud. "Something's different about Chiriko too. He walked towards a fire chanting 'pretty colors' while you were gone. WHAT?" Amiboshi stared at Mitsukake. The giant man just nodded his head once and pointed to a far corner of the room. Chiriko was currently tied up, watching the fireplace on the opposite side of the room with huge eyes. "Mitsukake, we really need to figure this out," Amiboshi said.
Mitsukake silently agreed, then they both sat down on the floor. Mitsukake reluctantly let go of Genrou and let him walk on his own. Genrou responded by running off awkwardly with his arms stretched out… and running into a table. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OWIE, OWIE, OWIEEEEEE!"
"A little kid no da? This should be good for charming ladies no da!" Chichiri grabbed Genrou, popped a piece of candy in the other seishi's mouth and then ran out of the room. "I'LL BE GETTIN' SOME TONIGHT, NO DAHAHAHAHA!"
Amiboshi sighed. Mitsukake got out a pencil and paper, and began writing something on it, then handed it to Amiboshi. "People who have gone completely insane: Chichiri, Tasuki, Nuriko." The boy glanced up at the older man. "Wait… where's my brother?"
Just then, an explosion of applause came echoing through the window. The two of them walked out of the room, then followed the cheering into a large sitting room, where Amiboshi's twin brother was on the stage singing along with three backup girls behind him.
The music stopped, and everybody cheered as he bowed. "That one goes out to all my homies! My name is Snoop Dogu, remember that suckas! Now here's a new one I just wrote. Hopes y'all like it." The audience responded with clapping and cheers. Music that sounded mysteriously like an '80s song began, and Snoop Dogu sang with all his energy the following lyrics:
"C'mon muthaf*cka! Hey! Now!
I'm-a blow this f*cka's head off then we can go screw
Don't be slow with it, bee-yatch! Hey! You!
I never get worn out when I'm f*ckin' you
I'm-a blast the mofo
Who tore up my bitch's heart
Nev-ah get awaaay! Better watch yo ass fool!
Ain't no get away fo' you!
I don't want no one else messin' wit' my ho!
Never get away. Up in my crib
Ain't no get away fo' him!
I bust a cap on all this who got beef
It's all good! Now let's smoke s'm weed
This pissin' me off! Hey! Now!
Quit cryin bitch! I hate ho's who whine
Fo' shizzle. Hey! You!
I had mo' fun wit' yo mama- Ooh, she fine!
I do what I gotta fo' a puff from that bong
I get a ten ounce bag-a crack jus' fo' singin' this song
Nev-ah get awaaaay! You can't run from my crew
Ain't no getaway fo' you!
Now I'm pissed an' it looks like yo' ass is t'blame
Nev-ah get away! You stole my bitch!
You can't get away from this!
I'm one crazy mutha who ain't afraid to die
It's all good. DAMN! I feel high!
Nev-ah get away! Ain't f*ckin', it's true
Ain't no get away fo' you
I'm-a take yo name, an' pop a cap right up yo' ass
Nev-ah get away, up in my crib
Ain't no getaway fo' him
Won't stop raisin' hell till I've died!
Fo' shizzle my nizzle - WEST SIIIIDE!"
Snoop Dogu ended his performance with his head down and arms crossed, gangs signs flashing from both hands. The crowd went wild. Mitsukake took out the piece of paper and added: "Snoop Dogu."(1)
(1)Haley note: I'd like to thank my friend and Chief Editor Dee-chan for this song! She took the translated lyrics from the Suboshi song: "Never Get Away" and screwed with 'em to make bad rap music. (I made up one line, the rest is completely hers!)
"Hey Amiboshi."
Amiboshi snapped out his trance and looked towards the voice. "Soi! Thank God you've shown up! Do you see what's happening?"
"Yeah, you're brother is pretty crazy."
"OH THANK GOD, YOU'RE NORMAL!" Amiboshi grabbed Soi in a hug, then pulled back. "Oh, is Nakago around?"
"You actually want to know where that bastard is? Hell, I hope I never see his ugly mug again!" Soi folded her arms across her chest as Amiboshi hung his head and sighed.
Mitsukake pulled out his paper and added: "Soi."
"How about Harii or Ashitare? Have you seen them?"
Soi shook her head. "Nope."
Amiboshi sighed again. "Thanks anyway."
He walked back to the main room where everybody was staying, followed by Mistukake. A furry face immediately greeted them. "RAH! RAH! RAH!"
"Ashitare! Well, you seem normal. Even if your normal is a bit scary," he muttered.
"RAH! RAH! RAH!" Ashitare barked while jumping towards the door.
"Do you know where Harii is?"
"RAAAAH!" Ashitare nodded, sniffing the air for her scent.
"Let's go, Mitsukake!" The unlikely duo followed the wolfman outside.
xxx
Nakago and I had reached a small abandoned barn. "You can wait here," he said, and unceremoniously chucked me inside. At least he made sure to throw me in on my uninjured side.
I winced from the slight jarring of my left arm. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to bang the Priestess of Suzaku."
"WHAT?" my eyes practically popped out of my head. "What the hell would you do that for?"
He rolled his eyes. "If I do, she won't be able to summon Suzaku even if she gets the shinzaho. Duh. Man, you'd suck as a criminal mastermind."
"There's no way she's gonna be into that! She barely knows you!"
"Oh, I don't know about that. I can be very..." he ran both hands down either side of his chest, "persuasive."
"You are such a sick bastard!"
He tied a cloth around my mouth. "I know." With that, he closed the doors. A moment later I heard horses hooves, and knew he had left.
'Blah… this sucks! Shit, and Dee-chan...' I tried pushing down the cloth using my tongue to move it, but of course it didn't work. I tried to scream through the cloth, but of course it didn't work. 'Why the hell isn't anything working for me? He gets lucky and is able to find a barn in the middle of nowhere to keep me in. DAMN THIS POO! Whatever happened to "rakii Harii"?' I smiled to myself under the cloth, thinking of Genrou's accent as he said those words. I paused thoughtfully. 'What did Nakago mean when he said Genrou won't be the same?'
"Looks like someone is in trouble." The hobo flashed his nearly-toothless grin in front of me. I don't think I had ever been happy to see that hobo until that second. I turned around and held up my tied hands to him, hoping he might get the idea to untie them for me. "Does the Priestess need my help?" I nodded frantically. "TOO BAD! HAHAHAHA!" The hobo ran out, cackling like a madman.
'Un-rakii Haarii,' I thought. 'That sick bastard... I hope the others can help Dee-chan...'
xxx
"Ashitare, where are you going?" By this time, the trio of Haley-hunters had reached the edge of the town.
"RAH! RAH! RAH!" Ashitare kept jumping.
"Hmm… Mitsukake, why don't you stay back and watch over the crazy people? We also need to tell Tamahome where we went. I'll go with Ashitare to find Harii."
Mistukake frowned for a moment, then wrote something on a paper.
"I understand. Good luck." Amiboshi smiled at the crazy-tall man. "Thanks. Bye now! Let's go Ashitare!"
"RAH!" The two ran farther away from the town.
xxx
Dee's eyes fluttered open slowly. She shook her head, looking around and blinking sleep from her eyes. "Man, was that a weird dream…" Slowly, she looked up to find Chiriko tied up and Nuriko with his… her… Nuriko with Nuriko's shirt off. "SON OF A WHORE! YOU MEAN IT WASN'T A DREAM?"
"Of course this isn't a dream, baby. I know I'm one sexy mamma jamma." Nuriko licked her…his…Nuriko licked Nuriko's lips at Dee, who responded with a shudder.
The Priestess sighed, thinking she might faint again. This was just too much.
xxx
'BLAH! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!'
Suddenly, I felt something rough and soft touch my hands, which is a miracle in itself because I'm not sure how something can be rough and soft at once. 'Eh…' My eyes widened. Then, I felt my ropes loosen. A squirrel ran to the front of me and chewed on the ropes tying my ankles together. I pulled off the cloth over my mouth, and hugged the squirrel. "Arigatou Squirrely-san!"
"Eeeeee!" It ran out of my grip and climbed up a support beam.
"Rakii Harii!" I flashed a chibi victory sign to nobody in particular. "Now, I have to go tell the others!"
xxx
Max put his chin in his hands. "I wish that squirrel would have eaten off her face."
"Why would you wish that on your sister?" asked Colin.
"I have no idea."
There was a moment of silence.
"Actually, I kinda wish that would happen to my sister, too."
xxx
A note slipped under the dining room door.
"Huh?" Dee looked down at the folded paper with the heading: "Priestess of Suzaku." She walked over and picked it up, looking it over suspiciosly. "Could this be a letter bomb? Or what if it's full of anthrax?" She turned chibi. "Heh! They don't have that here!" She folded open the letter, then sweatdropped. "Um… is it possible to fold OPEN a letter?"
"You get the idea!" I shouted from nowhere. As I was saying… She opened the letter and read it to herself: 'Priestess of Suzaku, meet me in the room at the far end of the hallway concerning the shinzaho in ten minutes.'
"Ten minutes?" she repeated. "Unattended? This is way too suspicious. I need to ask someone for advice. The person who dropped off the letter could be watching me... though I doubt they're in this room." Dee looked at the two seishi in the room. "Eh… no one to help me here, but if I go out then they could find me…ah, screw it! It's a chance I'll have to take. I can't get the others in danger, and maybe this person knows how to make everyone normal again." She frowned, remembering the pimpmonk and the equally disturbing wimp-Genrou.
Dee went to the meeting room and paused for a moment. Maybe she should go find Tamahome, or go back for Nuriko... nah, too much work, and Dee was way too lazy to do it. She knocked on the door. It opened, and a hand grabbed her forearm, pulling her in quickly.
The Suzaku Priestess found herself in a room with a round purple satin bed and a tiger rug. The only thing to light the room were several aromatherapeutic candles, and she swore she heard Marvin Gaye's "Lets's Get It On" in the background.
"Do you like it?"
Dee whirled around to face a tall blonde general wearing an open blue silk shirt, black leather pants, and business socks. "Nakago! What… where have you been? And where's Haley-chan? And what the hell are you wearing...?"
The general smiled seductively. "Let's talk about something else. What about you? Surely this has been stressful for you. Why don't I help... relieve you." He leaned in closer.
Dee squirmed, wondering just what was going on. "Do you have any Advil?"
"What?" He took a step back, bewildered.
"It would relieve this headache I have right now. Advil solves anything, ya know, I'm practically addicted to it..."
"I'm not talking about physically!" He took a deep breath. "I mean that you need someone to help you not feel so alone."
"But I'm not alone. I have all the seishi, and Haley-chan. I also have my family and other friends back home." Dee ticked off the people on her fingers as she went, smiling. "See? I'm not alone."
"YES YOU ARE!" He insisted. Nakago managed to push her against the wall and hovered over her with his arms on either side of her head.
"Um… okay, I am. I guess… wait, no I'm not. What the hell are you talking about?" Dee tried to duck under his arm, but he drew closer and blocked off the exist. "Dammit Nakago, what the hell are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" He tried to kiss her.
Dee pulled away as best as she could. "You really are a sick bastard!"
"I know."
"SHIT!" Nakago pressed his hands into her shoulders. Dee blurted out the first thing that came to mind, feeling herself really getting scared for the first time in her life. "CHICHI-!"
Nakago kissed her to keep her quiet.
And Dee kneed him in the balls.
The General fell to the floor, holding his groin and twitching slightly. "Mass weapon… destroyed... all other functions... shutting down..."
"That's what ya get, ya sick byastahd!" Dee raced out of the room and down the hallway. "Hey! Anyone nearby that hasn't gone totally nuts?" She turned a corner and almost collided with Tamahome. "Oh! I'm glad I found you!"
The seishi frowned, noticing that his priestess looked slightly disheveled and a good deal shaken up. "Dee, what is it?"
"It's Nakago. He tried..." She shook her head. "I think he may be connected to what's happened."
Anger spread across his face. "Where is he?" he growled, fists clenching at his sides.
"I'll show you." Dee walked towards the room with Tamahome following.
As soon as she pointed out the room, Tamahome burst through the doors. He grabbed Nakago by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall, one fist ready to punch and the other clutching the general's collar. A red glow surrounded him in a blazing halo as his hair blew so far back it was literally standing straight up.
Dee grew chibi eyes as she pointed to Tamahome. "EEP! You look like a scary Dragonball Z character!" she shrieked, hiding underneath the tiger-rug.
Tamahome was too busy going Super Seishi Level Two to notice Dee's comment. "YOU!" he roared at Nakago. "Are you the one who changed everybody's personalities? Did you change my beloved Nuriko?"
"Yes, I did. Would you like to forget about the heartache?" Nakago grabbed a bottle from a nearby table, drank it, then pressed his lips against Tamahome's.
Tamahome pushed back and spit out the liquid as his life force returned to normal. His eyes widened as he rubbed hurriedly at his lips, glaring the general down. "What the hell was that about?"
"Um…" Nakago sweatdropped. "Oh, geez. You know, when I played that out in my head it sounded really evil and," his voice dropped even lower, "MY... STER... I... OUS." He shifted back to his regular deep voice. "But looking back I realize that it was just kinda creepy and gross. Yeah. Sorry about that."
xxx
I had a fairly good sense of direction, so I trusted myself to where I was going. I also thought maybe I would get "rakii" again. My first priority was Genrou. I had to find him. What if what Nakago had said about him was true?
"You know, Haley-chan," Dee commented out of nowhere. I could tell by her tone that she was about to go into Complaint Mode. "I went through this and edited it, and I noticed that not once until the very end of this chapter do you mention being worried about me. In fact, I added lines to this to show you having a little anxiety about your best friend getting friggin' raped! Before I came in, it was all, Genrou Genrou Genrou, must save him, love love love, I want to jump his sexy bones..."
A flowerpot hit her in the head.
"DAMMIT STOP DOING THAT!" she screamed.
"DAMMIT STOP INTERRUPTING MY FIC!" I retorted.
Before my Chief Editor could say another word, I heard a familiar voice from over the next rise in the road.
"Harii!" I watched as a figure on the nearby hill came into sight, followed shortly by another friend on four legs who ran towards me.
"Ashitare!" He jumped on me, and I grimaced in pain. He whimpered, and gently licked my face.
"Harii, your arm!" Amiboshi knelt down beside me and touched my arm again.
"Itai…"
"What happened? Why are you out here?"
"It was Nakago, he brought me out here. I'll explain later. Is everybody else okay?"
"No, they're pretty far from it."
"You mean… is there anyone who's able to protect Dee-chan?"
"Well, Tamahome and Mitsukake can."
"I'm not sure if that's enough. We have to get back! Nakago said he was going to do something terrible to Dee!" I stood up. "Let's hurry!"
"Thank you for finally acknowledging me!" That familiar voice muttered from the sky. "Yeesh..."
OH, SHUT UP!
Next Episode Preview...
FREAKY CAT THING: Wow, this story is finally starting to get interesting.
DEE: Why? 'Cause I almost got raped? Oh, I see how you get your sick thrills, Cat Thing!
HALEY: I don't think that's what he meant...
DEE: (Sob) It's 'cause I'm a girl, isn't it?
HALEY: So am I...?
DEE: And why didn't you worry more about me? And when do I get to have some seishi warm fuzzies? And what's for lunch at school tomorrow? Can I have a pony? Will you make me dinner? Am I asking too many questions? Am I too demanding? Am I getting annoying yet...?
FREAKY CAT THING: SILENCE MORTAL! (crickets chirp) Ah-hem. Thank you. Don't forget to stay tuned for the next chapter in the Fushigiggles saga: "The Monster is Getting Angry"
