Chapter Fourteen:
War - UGH! What is It Good For?

"Hey, let's play who can throw the priestess the farthest!" one of the captains in the army yelled as the others laughed around the fire.

"No, men. We must respect the priestess," Nakago told them, with Soi clutching tightly to his arm. "That's why instead, we're going to play…" He smirked. "Who can piss her off the most? I'll be the judge."

"I know!" One of the men jumped toward my tied-around-a-tree self, and began to poke me repeatedly. I began to laugh, or at least, it looked like I was laughing. No sound came from my mouth. "She's that ticklish?" he asked out loud as he stopped.

"You idiot. You're just making her laugh. I know what to do." A second man grabbed my cheeks, spread them out and then let them go repeatedly. My eyebrows twitched, and my sweatdrop grew and eventually fell to the ground, splashing. The man jumped up. "I WON! I WON! HAHAHA!" He crouched near Nakago, grinning. "What do I win?"

"Uh…" The general thought fast. "Your... happiness."

"WOOO! I WON MY HAPPINESS! I WON MY HAPPINESS!"

xxx

Later that night, after everyone else had fallen asleep, I attempted to break out of my bonds, but it was no use. Finally I decided to do what everyone else was doing and get some sleep. Sometime around midnight I woke up, surprised to feel my arms and legs free of the ropes. I felt myself falling forward, but strong arms stopped me from hitting the ground. As I opened my eyes, I saw Snoop Dogu had caught me. Wait, no, it was Amiboshi. Snoop Dogu was standing behind Amiboshi, holding the reins of three horses.

"Rah," whispered Ashitare. As I looked down, I figured out he had chewed through the ropes.

"Come on," Amiboshi whispered, as he jumped onto one of the horses, and then helped me on.

Snoop Dogu and Ashitare mounted as well, and we rode off. We finally got to a small clearing, where we fell asleep.

xxx

"Okay, which one of you played Let's Hide The Priestess?" asked Nakago after the camp had woken up. Soi was still clutching tightly to his right arm, I may add. Everyone looked around at each other innocently. Nakago sighed. "Shit."

xxx

"Um…" Dee stared at Hotohori's armor with big chibi eyes as the seishi were leaving for battle.

"What is it?" he asked.

Completely mute, she just lifted a shaky arm and pointed. Chichiri followed her finger right to Hotohori's… "Dee-chan!" The monk slammed her head down. Chichiri sweatdropped. "She's just so impressed no da."

The Emperor smiled. "And how could you not be?" He lifted his chin in the air with his eyes closed.

"Hotohori-sama! Please be careful!" Houki ran to her husband and they immediately embraced.

Dee leaned up to whisper in the monk's ear. "I'm sorry Chichiri, it's just, does his armor really need to have room for his… y'know… nipples?"

"What'd you jus' say?" Apparently the bandit had overheard, and he looked up with a startled and somewhat disturbed look on his face. Everyone glanced over, except for Hotohori and Houki, who were still hugging.

"Oh my darling, every time I see a star in the sky, I'll think of you," Hotohori said in his coffee-like voice.

Houki lay her head against his chest. "And every time I lay down at night, I will tell Joe that he must lay by me, so I can stroke his hair and pretend that it's you, even though I'll know it isn't since he smells so bad."

A guard by the door with long tied-up brown hair sniffed his armpits, then shrugged.

xxx

"Joe?" asked Colin. "Shouldn't it be a Japanese or Chinese name?"

The hobo pointed a finger in the air. "Maybe he's foreign!"

"Maybe he's yo mama!"

Colin and the hobo looked at Max blankly, then the hobo smacked him.

"Thanks," said Max. "I needed that."

xxx

The general led his forces towards Konan. Soi rode next to him on a different horse, which judging by her expression was causing her a lot of pain. Across the field, the Suzaku seishi also led their forces.

Genrou searched the front, then sighed. "It looks like Harii-chan didn't have any trouble summonin' Seiryuu. I'm glad she's at home instead-a bein' stuck in this mess."

The monk laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. "You okay no da?"

Genrou looked over at him, then nodded and looked forward again. "I'm ready t'show Nakago who he's messin' with."

Chichiri grabbed the reins again. "I think we all are no da."

xxx

Snoop Dogu, Amiboshi, Ashitare and I had snuck into the ranks without being noticed as the troops marched by us. However, since we were riding around in dark cloaks in the middle of a huge group dressed in matching armor, we were getting plenty of suspicious stares. Having two people on the same horse didn't help, especially when Ashitare towered over everyone. Damn my sucky riding skills.

We were fairly close to the front, but not close enough to see Konan's army. Anxiety overcame me, until finally I heard the general's voice. "ATTACK!"

xxx

Both forces boldly rode forward… well, with one exception.

"DAAA! WHAT AM I DOING ON THE FRONT LINES NO DA?" Chichiri realized he belonged with Mitsukake and Chiriko in the infirmaries and kicked his horse to a sprint out of the way of danger.

He made it out of the way just before both armies clashed. He continued galloping towards the sickbay building, knowing he would be needed. When he arrived, he quickly tied the horse to a pole and ran in. "Gomen no da! Do you need me to…" The monk spotted a familiar priestess nearby. "DEE-CHAN!"

"Uh…" The girl blinked her chibi eyes. She waved to him nervously. "Oh, hey Chichiri, I was just…"

"You told me you weren't coming no da!"

Dee glared stubbornly at the monk. "I couldn't just stay at the palace and wait to see what happened! You didn't want me to get hurt, so I decided to come to help as a doctor."

Mitsukake and Chiriko walked in to see the commotion, along with some other people who must have been volunteers.

"Kutou is a merciless army no da! They could attack here no da!" he yelled, the first time he had actually been angry with her. "And besides, you lied!" Her heart twisted as she realized he was right, and the monk saw it in her eyes. He sighed, and pushed his anger away. "I'm sorry no da. It was selfish of me to ask you to stay away while all of your friends were in danger."

"Aw..." She immediately hugged him. "Thanks Chichiri, I'm glad you see things my way!"

He couldn't help but sweatdrop. "Daaa…"

xxx

Since the fighting had begun, it had become a group of small battles. I clung to Ashitare the whole time, serving as an extra set of eyes for him. Unable to speak, I would poke him on the side where someone was coming. Even though we had charged toward the Konan side, my friends and I continued to attack the Kutou soldiers.

I was surveying the area when I noticed my fiery-haired friend in battle. Although the sword was not his weapon of choice, he obviously still knew how to use it. He easily stabbed left and right, despite losing his seishi abilities. A soldier charged towards him, and he instinctively whirled and blocked it. Towards the left of the bandit, I noticed another soldier was charging at him from the side. My mouth opened in a silent scream. He tried to push away his current challengers, so he must have noticed the charging soldier too, but it didn't look like he was going to be able to turn and counter in time.

I grabbed the back of Ashitare's cloak. He looked back at me, and followed my stare. He kicked our horse into a sprint, heading straight for the bandit. I knew it would be too late by the time we reached him.

I felt Ashitare stop suddenly, and looked past the wolfman. Both men who had been trying to attack Genrou were on the ground, arrows and throwing knives sticking out of their chests. I looked up to a small cliff above the scene, and the familiar blue-haired-

"IT'S NOT BLUE!" Dee's voice cried out of nowhere. "It's MIDNIGHT BLUE!"

Unable to speak, I extended my middle finger to the air and continued... the BLUE-HAIRED bandit stood with his hands on his hips, a gang of men behind him.

"Knock knock! Who's there? It's Koji, comin' t'help out his pal Genrou! Ah well Koji great t'see ya, ya saved my ass again! A-ri-ga-tou..."

"Koji!"

Koji jumped down from the cliff, and immediately locked arms with Genrou as they chibily danced around in a circle.

I slid off the horse, but the wolfman grabbed me by the neck of the cloak and pulled me back on. "RAH!"

I understood him. It was pretty dumb to run off towards them when a battle was going on. Oh well, maybe I'd get a chance to see Koji later. Ashitare and I galloped off in the opposite direction, where Nakago and Soi watching the fight from afar.

xxx

Soon after the battle began, the wounded started getting carried into the infirmary area for the doctors and volunteers to examine.

"My arm! It was just chopped clean off!" a man frantically exclaimed, a blood-soaked bandage tied to his right side.

"It'll be okay, it'll be okay..." a young woman said as she guided the man towards Chiriko. She seemed to be saying it more to herself than to him.

Chiriko put a hand to his chin. "Hmm… your arm seems to be cut off."

"No shit Sherlock! Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

"Calm down! This won't help anything!" The woman looked over at the seishi, tears brimming her eyes. "Please excuse him."

Chiriko nodded, looking like he was in deep thought. "It's all right. I understand." He nodded sagely. "I think the best thing we can do for this man is to cut off his other arm."

"WHAT?" The man shoved the woman away from him. "My other arm's not even scratched! Why the hell would you do that?"

"For symmetrical purposes," he answered calmly.

"Symmetrical?"

Chichiri ran over to see what the problem was. "What's going on no da?"

"I'm simply telling him what's best for him," Chiriko said matter-of-factly.

"He wants to cut off my other arm!"

The monk sweatdropped. "I'm sorry no da. Our friend has lost his seishi ability, which was wisdom." He turned to Chiriko. "I told you to just gather herbs no da!"

The boy nodded. "And I did gather some."

Suddenly, somebody screamed from across the clearing. "AAAAAAAAH! IT BURRRRRNS!"

"Daa! I'm coming no da!'"

xxx

Ashitare and I spotted the twins. They waved to us, then pointed to Nakago. Snoop Dogu made a bunch of fancy hand motions, which as far as I could tell meant we should bunt the ball towards third base. Ashitare seemed to understand, though, and he rode up beside Amiboshi. The two of us charged Nakago while Snoop Dogu circled from behind. While Nakago was distracted watching our charge, Snoop Dogu whipped back the hood of his cloak and threw a spear directly at the general.

"Nakago-sama!"

Nakago turned around just in time to see Soi throw herself forward between him and Snoop Dogu. The spear took her straight through the chest.

Snoop Dogu snapped his fingers. "Damn, I missed!"

The blow made Soi fall back towards Nakago, who caught her. Cherry blossoms swirled around her wound. Wait a second…cherry blossoms? I dug through my memory to search for answers on why cherry blossoms would float out of nowhere around her.

Amiboshi must have been thinking the same thing. "Can you bleed cherry blossoms?" he wondered. I shrugged in response.

"Nakago-sama, I'm glad I could…" She winced at the pain. "Help you…" She gave one last, shuddering breath, then shut her eyes, never to open them again.

Everyone in the area stared at Nakago as the general tried to hold back his tears. At last he gave up and let them fall.

"Could this mean… that his feelings about this futile war will change?" Hotohori asked himself.

"I can't believe it... I can't believe that... SHE'S GONE!" Nakago cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "She's finally gone! I'm actually rid of her!"

The entire battlefield fell off their horses.

xxx

"What an asshole," said Colin.

"Yeah. He shouldn't have said that out loud."

Colin stared at Max.

"What? Would you want someone you didn't like always clinging to you?"

The hobo grinned. "He's got a point."

"Why don't you use your normal form?" Colin asked the hobo, glaring at him.

"Well…" he gave another nearly-toothless smile. "It's more fun this way!"

xxx

"Amiboshi! I didn't think I would ever thank anyone in my life! But… but thank you so much!"

"Um… I'm Suboshi."

The general looked at him blankly.

He sighed. "I mean, I'm Snoop Dogu." Everybody else had been staring quite blankly as well, and Amiboshi took advantage of this. He mounted his horse, snuck up behind Nakago, who was too happy to notice any life forces, and grabbed him, holding a knife to his throat.

"Nakago, give Harii her voice back."

Genrou's eyes widened. "Harii-chan is here?" He shouted it just loud enough for the people around him to hear.

The general smiled with confidence. "All right, but you'll have to bring her closer to me." Amiboshi looked over to Ashitare, worry etched across his face. Ashitare nodded and threw back his cloaked hood. Many overly dramatic gasps followed. Ashitare led me towards the general, who was still on his horse.

"Wait!" Genrou emerged from the crowd, running towards our group. "You can't trust him!"

Nakago took this as an opportunity and jerked the knife away from his neck, elbowing the younger boy in one swift move. Then he lifted his hand, shooting a ki blast at us.

Ashitare quickly threw me over his shoulder and jumped off our horse and out of the way. The explosion took out our horse in a too-messy-for-PG-13 fashion, and the backlash sent us flying. I coughed out dust and began to push myself up, when I felt a strong hand grab the back of my cloak and jerk me into a standing position.

My hood had fallen back, and Nakago's cold blue eyes pierced into mine as he smiled mischievously. I didn't even know Nakago could smile mischievously, but there you have it, he can. He wrapped one arm around my chest and used the other to grab my jaw.

"Hello, I'm the Priestess of Seiryuu," a falsetto voice sang as I felt my jaw move up and down. If I hadn't heard it right in my ear, I wouldn't have known the voice was Nakago's. Everyone stared with wide chibi eyes. I sweatdropped as I saw the bandit's familiar blank stare looking at me. "I'm the one who caused all of this, not Nakago. I wished for all of this to happen."

Genrou's blank face changed, and his eyebrows pinched together in anger. He stood with a fist clenched. "Don't pin this on her, Nakago! We all know it's you talking!"

"No, it was me, Harii. Honestly." He took my right arm and put it over my left side while still moving my jaw. "I'm sorry, my darling. I didn't mean to betray you, but I know that Kutou is always right, and Konan is always wrong."

"My DARLNG?" Genrou's eyebrow twitched as he saw out of the corner of his eye that the Reikaku gang was looking at him with confused stares. "Harii-chan never called me…" He couldn't say it. It just wasn't in a bandit's genes to say the word darling, I guess. "THAT!"

"Yes, MY DARLING," the general fought to keep from laughing as he emphasized the words. "I did it, because it was I who said kaijin…" The same illuminating bright blue light from before shone, and a symbol appeared on my forehead. Everyone stared in surprise, but Nakago smiled as happily as a school girl. He continued in his falsetto voice and moved my jaw up and down. "Seiryuu, send me and the Priestess of Suzaku back to our world!"

He pushed me away from him as a blue light surrounded me.

"Harii-chan!" Genrou dodged between the soldiers and ran towards me.

xxx

"What's happening?" Dee exclaimed as a blue light enveloped her. Everybody in the building stared at her. The light got brighter and brighter, hiding Dee within it. "Oo, trippy..."

"Dee-chan!" Chichiri shouted, and sprinted towards the blinding light.

xxx

"Genrou!" Koji yelled, but it was too late. The blue light disappeared, along with his friend. He stared for a while and then hit his hand to his forehead. "Right when I come to see him, he has to leave! Shit on a stick!"

xxx

"Don't you think we should be reading the book?" asked Colin as the two teens stood in front of a vending machine.

Max shook his head. "No, because when things get tough, I always reach for a refreshing Pepsi Cola." The two simultaneously grinned and faced an imaginary camera, holding their cans brand-name forward and winking.

The hobo ran towards them, arms waving wildly. "Stop this real-life commercial! There are more important things right now than a refreshing Pepsi Cola," the hobo grinned cheezily in the direction the other two were facing, "although I do like the crisp taste of it very much." He winked, and then immediately turned serious. "Follow me!" He ran back towards the shelf.

"WALK! THIS IS THE LIBRARY!" a librarian hissed.

"Eh…" The hobo sweatdropped as he shifted to a brisk walking pace.

The boys looked at each other, shrugged, then threw away their Pepsi cans and followed him. Colin was the first to see the four figures sprawled out on the library floor between the shelves. "Do my country music-loving eyes deceive me, or is that…"

"HALEY!" Max shook me awake. "Do you know how bored and grossed out you've made me these past few hours?"

I blinked myself awake, and mouthed the word Maxie-poo.

"Oh crap… you still have that dumb spell."

"That book has done him bad," Colin whispered to the hobo, who nodded in agreement.

"I'm... back?" Dee blinked sleepily, looking up at her kinda-brother. "Colin! I had the weirdest dream! And you were there," she pointed to the hobo, "and you were there," she pointed to me, "and you were there too, Chichiri!" She stopped, and blinked. "AH! CHICHIRI?"

I gestured at him, then at Genrou, then raised my eyebrows.

"I didn't summon Suzaku yet," Dee said thoughtfully, "so why am I here?"

I quickly wrote on a piece of paper I had stuck in my pocket. I told her everything in the small note, leaving out the busting balls part.

"We'd have to explain a lot if somebody found them here, so let's get home," said Max.

"Right, but how are we gonna get them out of here?" asked Colin.

xxx

Mitsukake looked to where the blue light had been. "They're gone," he said. "I wonder what happened?" Several jars fell off a shelf, crashing to the ground below.

One of the doctors looked at the shattered jars. "Well, there goes our last batch of antibacterial cream..."

The healer seishi sweatdropped. "My bad."

Chiriko poked the spot where Chichiri and Dee had been standing with a stick. "The cat-man and the priestess lady ran away with the spoon!"

Mitsukake sighed, grabbed the not-so-bright-no-more Chiriko and dragged him away.

xxx

"We're lucky you guys brought your coats," said Colin.

"Yeah, especially since it's midsummer," the hobo added.

"Do you think this will work?" Dee asked Max as he helped zip up the coat Genrou and I were sharing.

He shrugged. "We have nothing else."

My best friend glanced down at Chichiri. She leaned over and picked up a piece of cloth that lay next to him. "Oh, I guess his mask doesn't work in our world," Dee said, holding up the no-longer-magical item. She looked at me and giggled. "Ooh, Haley-chan, who am I?" Dee held the cloth to her nose and sniffed.

I burst out laughing. "TATARA WITH SUZUNO'S PANTIES! HAHAHAHA!" Everyone looked at me, blinking wide chibi eyes. I covered my mouth, blushing slightly. "Oops, I forgot that Nakago took my voice." I immediately shut up.

The hobo sweatdropped, which was pretty weird-looking seeing as how we weren't cartoony anymore. "Uh, right..." He looked to Dee. "You're next."

Dee tucked the mask into her pocket, then leaned down next to the monk. "Urk... Chichiri is a lot heavier than he looks!" She turned red as she tried to lift him up with just one arm, since the other in her side of the coat.

"You guys ready?" the hobo asked us.

We nodded with uncertainty. Then, we trudged forward, Dee and I dragging the limp bodies that were sharing our coats.

A woman at the main desk raised an eyebrow at us from under her thin reading glasses. "You aren't hiding those drunks very well, you know. I'm sorry, but there are no unconscious people allowed in the library. I'll have to call the police."

Colin waved his arms. "No, no, that's not it. You see, these are dead conjoined fetuses that are still stuck to our sisters."

Without letting her say another word, all of us trudged out as fast as we could.

The lady turned to her friend, who had just walked behind the desk. "Can dead fetuses eventually become full-grown men?"

The other woman stared at her a moment, then put her hand to her forehead. "Hmm…no temperature." SMACK!

The lady held her hand to her slapped cheek. "What was that for?"

"You needed it."

xxx

As soon as we reached my house, we ran up to my sister's room. She had moved to college a few years ago, so the room was just for summer visits and so forth. I quickly wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to Max.

"Don't worry. They won't come in," he assured me. "I'll just tell them that I have some crap in here from a movie, and they won't want to see the mess."

"How come Chichiri has to stay on the floor?" Dee asked, glaring accusingly at me.

I poked my index fingers together.

Suddenly, the figure from the bed grunted. I ran to the bedside, shoving the others out of the way. I grabbed the bandit's hand with one of my hands, and put my other hand on his upper arm.

"Where... am I...?" Genrou slowly opened his eyes. "Haley-chan! Is that really you?" He sat up quickly and put a hand to my face. "You look really different."
I blushed at the sudden touch, but felt a little sad knowing he wasn't doing it in a romantic sense. I nodded. His eyes widened, and then his eyebrows clenched together. "I almost forgot. That bastard Nakago put that spell on you." He took his hand away from my face, but I wished he would have kept it there. "I swear I'll kick his ass for what he did." I smiled sadly.

"I'm not sure if there's any way for you to get back," said Max.

"An' jus' who the hell're you?" Genrou demanded.

Max was about to answer when we all heard a rustle, and looked down at the monk, who was sitting up. "Dee-chan!" He stood up quickly and hugged her, then pulled back from her. He cocked his head oh-so-cutely to the side, scrunching his unmasked eyebrows oh-so-cutely together in oh-so-cute confusion. "You seem to have changed a little in appearance no da." The monk finally noticed the light brown bangs lying flat on his face, and picked at them. "Hm... they never do this. And did somebody dye my hair while I was asleep?"

"Chichiri! Yer-" Genrou stopped in mid-sentence. "I'm talkin' funny… am I speakin' another language?"

"It must be English no da. Dee and Haley's original language."

"And you can actually pronounce her name right too," commented Dee.

Chichiri cocked his head. "We were pronouncing it wrong before no da?"

"Eh… well, not wrong. Just differently." Dee watched Chichiri curiously, blinking a few times. "Wait... you're speaking English."

"Yeah, no da."

"But... you're still saying 'no da'."

"Yeah no da."

"But you're not speaking Japanese anymore."

"That's right no da."

"But 'no da' is definitely Japanese."

"I guess so no da."

"But you're speaking English! Shouldn't you be saying 'ya know' or some other random English speech ending?"

"I guess not no da."

"And why would you be saying 'no da' in the first place when it's Japanese and you're from China! Ahhh...!" Dee grabbed her hair and fell back on the bed. "This makes my brain say 'ouch'!"

Chichiri and I patted her head. "Poor Dee-chan no da."

Genrou sweatdropped - or he would have if he'd been animated - then turned to look at Chichiri. He blinked. "Hey, you look… really different."

"I could say the same to you no da!"

"Whatcha mean?"

The monk pointed to a mirror, and the bandit stood up to walk over to it. Once he stood in front of it, he blinked twice, then his now-hazel eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "Whoa! What's with my eyes, an' hair, an' nose, an' skin?" His hair lay much flatter than usual, and was a darker orange. He also looked a whole lot more like an actual Chinese guy instead of like a (smokin' hot) golden-eyed ginger kid.

"Your hair doesn't look so messy now," the hobo said from behind him.

"WHAT?" Genrou saw the reflection in the mirror, and turned around, unsheathing his tessen. "What the hell are you doin' here?"

"AH! Don't pull that thing out!" Colin ran towards him. "The hobo's harmless!"

"Maybe we should explain some things first," suggested Dee.

xxx

"So our lives are being recorded in a book?" Genrou queried, sounding somewhat unbelieving.

I nodded.

"Amazing no da," Chichiri said. "Where is this book no da?"

"Uh…" Colin and Max looked at each other. "Oh shit," they said simultaneously.

"Don't fret! Hobo is smart!" He pulled the book out of his grimy coat.

"Quit saying that! You're actually a cat!" exclaimed Genrou.

"Or am I a cat who is actually a hobo?"

"Eh…?" Genrou looked to the sky as question marks popped up around his head.

"May I no da?" Chichiri held out his hand.

"Of course… no da." The hobo gave him the book. The monk looked at the book from one angle, then from another, then blinked in confusion and sighed. "Daaa… I can't read English no da!"

I grabbed the book from Chichiri and handed it to Colin. Then I pulled out a bench in front of the mirror, and motioned for the monk to sit down. I pulled out some hair gel and grinned.

xxx

The crowd was too shocked to battle one another, and had retired to their camps. It was nighttime when Amiboshi ran into the general's tent… and then ran right back out again. "My eyes…. my eyes…"

"Amiboshi!" Nakago's voice called out from the tent. "How dare you run in without knocking? You're lucky I'm in my pink frilly speedo instead of my pink frilly-"

"I don't want to know!" Amiboshi screamed as he rubbed his temples to try and erase his latest memory, but it was a futile effort. "Just put something on! I need to talk to you."

"Done!"

Amiboshi reluctantly walked in, then sighed in relief to see Nakago fully dressed. His anger returned. "Why the hell did you pull that stunt today? Do you realize what you've done?"

"Awww, boo-hoo-hoo," the general fake-sobbed. "I've saved this country from the Priestess of Suzaku and her seishi."

"And you've also screwed the rest of us over!"

"What are you talking about? Nobody except Soi died today." The man was presently holding her in his arms, and he propped her up when he said her name.

"That's not what I meant! I mean, Harii-chan didn't get to wish for peace, or any of her own wishes! And you sent her to her world without her voice!"

"Oh that's right…" The general sweat-dropped. "Silly of me to forget, isn't it?"

"Silly? SILLY?"

"Don't whine and scream at me just because your," he went into a falsetto voice once more and clasped his hands together, "wittle priestess is gone."

"Screw you Nakago! You would never understand!" Amiboshi stormed out of the tent.

xxx

I frowned. No matter how much gel we put on, Chichiri's bangs were just too heavy.

"Hmm… I've got an idea." Dee ran out, got some scissors, and then ran back. "We'll just take some off!"

"Um…" Chichiri looked at her skeptically. "Don't cut off too much no da."

"I won't!" She trimmed little by little until the gel could hold up the weight of his bangs. They were still fairly long, but not nearly as long as they'd been before.

Colin grabbed the scissors and made a tsk-ing sound. "Oh, this has just got to go." With one snip, Chichiri's ponytail fell the ground.

Dee gasped. "COLIN! You should ask first!"

"Heh…"

Everyone except for Genrou looked on with chibi eyes, waiting for the monk's reaction. Chichiri ran his fingers through his short, fuzzy hair, and turned his head to look at the angle. "I like it no da." The rest of us sighed with relief.

"Actually…" Dee blushed a little. "It does look really nice."

"Now how about getting you into some stylish clothes!" exclaimed Colin with a bit too much excitement.

"I think we should concentrate on getting back to Konan no da."

"And you spoil my fun." Colin frowned, puppy-dog style. Not doggy style, but puppy-dog style.

"And you're enjoying this way too much," commented Max.

"I'm sorry Colin, but we have to help the others no da."

"But they're not even fighting!" Colin argued.

"Not yet, anyway," said the hobo, reading the book in the corner.

"Does anybody even know how to get back?" asked Dee. Everyone looked at each other blankly, then we all shrugged.

"I didn't even think about that," said Genrou.

"So we have time to spare!" Colin cheered, smiling almost hungrily at the monk.

"Well…" Chichiri sighed. "I have been curious to see more items from this world no da."

"Yay!" Colin squealed. "And you too. This will just not do," he picked at Genrou's shirt.

"No way!" The bandit stepped back, holding up his hands in self-defense. "I've got four sisters! There's no way I'm gonna go through a stupid makeover again!"

"Do you think you can resist this face?" asked Dee, pouting and looking up at him with big shiny blue eyes. Colin did the same. The hobo came to join in as well.

He pointed to the hobo. "That's not cute at all."

Chichiri nodded. "It's a little scary no da."

The hobo suddenly disappeared, leaving a little cloud of magic behind.

"Wha? Where'd he go?" the bandit exclaimed, then looked down as he felt something rub his leg.

"Nya…" The cat looked up with bright eyes, purring winningly.

"Aww! How sweet!" Dee squealed.

"A cute cat is hard to resist no da."

"Aaaah…" The bandit looked upwards with his eyes closed and folded his arms. "I'm a bandit of Mount Reikaku. Cuteness is the last thing I'll obey."

Finding the situation amusing, I immediately hugged Genrou from the opposite side of the cat… er, the hobo… Mr. Hobo-cat.

"Haley-chan!" He blushed, his left arm pinned to the side. "Ah geez…"

"Chichiri! We must join the battle!" Dee announced with a fist in the air. "Into the breach, friends!" She hugged him, scrunching in next to me.

"Get off of me!" The bandit was about to push us off, but Chichiri hugged his other side, pinning his other arm down.

"No pushing no da!"

"Chichiri, what the hell are you doing?"

"I guess this is a glimpse of the other world," said Max, with a thoroughly disturbed expression.

"It's not like we have anything else to do no da. You might as well let them have their fun."

"We're not letting go until you do!" exclaimed Dee.

"CRAP! FINE, FINE! NOW LEMME GO!"

"HOORAY!" the others - except for obviously me and Max - yelled as we all backed off.

"Cuteness and sweetness got the best of you," teased the cat… er hobo… Mr. Hobo-cat.

"Cuteness and sweetness my ass! I just wanted you guys to get the hell off of me!" His fangs were more apparent than ever now.

"Hmm… what would look best on Chichiri?" Colin asked himself, a hand to his chin. He let go of his chin and snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up. "I know! Follow me!" He grabbed Chichiri's forearm and yanked him into my room.

"Daa!"

Outside the door, the rest of us waited impatiently. Especially Genrou, who was tapping his foot quite loudly.

The hobo grinned. "Are you tapping your foot so loudly because you're getting giddy waiting to get your own makeover?"

Genrou snarled. "I should burn you to a crisp for that!" Knowing what would come next, I jumped in between the two, holding the bandit back. "First off, I'm jus' really bored by all this! Second off, giddy ain't a word that ever describes me!"

"Yeah, he's more along the lines of short-tempered," Dee said, trying (I think) to help Genrou but really just making him angrier.

"Not to mention a little on the crazy side," added Max. I'm pretty sure he wasn't trying to help at all.

Genrou glared at the two. I poked his arm for a moment, but he kept glaring at them, only his eyes moving between the two. Dee and Max smiled nervously. I poked harder. No response. I poked even harder.

"What the hell d'you want?" he yelled, staring down. I pulled on his sleeve for him to follow me to the living room. "Huh?"

"Maybe she wants to take you to the bedroom." The hobo whistled provocatively.

"I'm gonna…!" I dragged the blushing bandit out of the room before he could finish.

xxx

"Nakago-sama, if you don't mind me saying so…"

"I do mind," retorted the general.

"But you don't even know what I was going to say!" exclaimed the soldier.

"How can I know if I'm going to mind what you were going to say if I don't know what you were going to say?" he asked.

"That's what I'd like to know!" the soldier yelled.

"No, that's what I'd like to know. You're the one who said 'if you don't mind'."

The soldier stood for a moment, scratching his head. The general continued eating, with the limp body of Soi in his left arm. "What was I going to tell you...?" the soldier mumbled to himself. "Oh yeah!" His confusion turned right back into controlled anger again. "If you don't… um… I just wanted to ask why we weren't battling. Why is there a war if nobody is fighting? Aren't you supposed to have some big genius plan?"

"I'm devising it right now," he said calmly while continuing with his meal.

"Oh… okay…" the soldier walked out of the tent, more bewildered than he'd been when he got there.

xxx

"What's that?" Tasuki asked, staring at a big black box and pointing to it with a confused expression.

I smiled and walked over to it, turning it on.

"WHOA!" He ran up to the screen and stared. "How did… what the…?" He looked back at me. "Your world has some pretty crazy stuff."

I nodded. Then I beamed happily and ran to the bathroom and back, bringing a hair-dryer and cup of water with me.

"What's that?"

I plugged the hair-dryer into the wall, splashed some water onto my hair, and then turned on the hair-dryer. In less than a minute, I turned it off and displayed my dry hair.

"WHOA!" He ran over to me and grabbed the hair-dryer, turning it over to inspect it from all sides. "This is so amazing!"

I smiled in response. Suddenly, Genrou stopped looking at the hair-dryer, and dropped it. I tilted my head in a silent question.

"This is really pissin' me off, Haley-chan." He clenched his fists and stared at me, his eyes blazing with anger. "All that hell he put you through… it doesn't even seem t'bother you, but it bothers me. I want to kick Nakago's ass so much, but all we can do is sit here! I knew I shouldn't have left you alone with those Seiryuu punks!" He slammed his fist onto the back of a chair while glaring at the ground, his bangs hanging down to cover his eyes.

I frowned, and we were both silent for what seemed like ages. I wanted to somehow comfort him, but I couldn't tell him it wasn't his fault. I slowly wrapped my arms around him just below his shoulders. I knew I had been a bit of a huggy person lately, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I let go of him, pulled back a little, and saw that he still had his head turned downwards.

Suddenly I knew just what I should do. I reached up and held his face in my hands, my fingertips just below his ears. Knowing I couldn't do it if I met his eyes, I leaned forward quickly… but he lifted his head and his eyes peered out from underneath his bangs. I blushed as I quickly let go of his face. I avoided his gaze until he finally spoke.

He grinned teasingly. "Geez, Haley-chan. Is there anythin' that bothers you?"

I nodded. Unable to tell him directly, I pointed to him then flapped my arms.

"If I flew, it'd bother you?"

I shook my head. With my left hand I pointed to me, then made my hand into a little two-legged person with my index and middle finger. With my right hand I pointed to him, then did the same with that hand, but made his little person walk away.

"Uh…"

I knew Genrou was smart, but sometimes he didn't show it. I shook my head and waved my hands.

"All right. You can tell me when you get your voice back. I promise I'll get it back for you. Even if I have to rip out Nakago's own throat!" He swiped at the air and shook his fist like he had grabbed his throat. Then he grinned and put his hand on the top of my head. "Okay?"

I nodded, smiling.

xxx

"Rah…" Ashitare was staring up into the sky, continuing to "rah" sadly and softly.

"Ashitare, I know you miss her, but you're going to have to stop that so we can go to sleep," Snoop Dogu said sympathetically. He knew petting him would make him feel better, but he always thought it was a little weird.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Amiboshi. Ashitare blinked at him in surprise, but his brother looked at him only in annoyance.

"For the last time, we can't do anything about getting Harii back without Nakago's help. There aren't any other sorcerers."

"No, listen! What about if we tie up a bunch of birds that are red like Suzaku…"

"And sacrifice them to Seiryuu," finished Snoop Dogu, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I already said that one?" asked Amiboshi. His brother nodded. "Damn… well what if we..."

"Forget it. We can't do it without Nakago or Chichiri, but he doesn't even have his powers." Snoop Dogu sighed. "I know you miss her, but maybe it's a good thing she's away from all of this. Even if it means she can't talk now."

"I know." They were all silent for a while until Amiboshi finally spoke. "Nakago's such a dumbass," he commented quietly, but it was a quiet statement filled with anger and annoyance. "He starts this huge war, and then has only one battle and makes us all wait around for the next."

"He probably doesn't know what he wants to do," said Snoop Dogu. "We're lucky he sent the Priestess away. She has one wish left, and he could have used that to his advantage. He's probably realizing his mistake right now."

xxx

"HEY! I've got it!" Nakago leaped happily to his feet, causing Soi to fall out of his lap. "I can make the Priestess wish to make me a god!" He jumped up and down. "I'm a genius! I'm a genius! I'm a…"

"Um, sir…?" a servant from the corner said tentatively.

"Yes?"

"The Priestess is gone, remember? You sent her away."

"I did?"

"Yeah"

"Shit."

"Nakago-sama!" A guard from outside calmly walked in, but his nervousness showed in his voice. "There's a messenger here from the Konan army."

The general sighed irritably. "Fine, send him in."

"Actually, it's a her."

"Oh… uh, send her in."

Another guard peered in through the tent flap. "Actually," he whispered, "I'm almost positive it's a man. He's got a pretty deep voice. In fact… I… I…" The guard peered up into nothingness, a glaze of pure happiness shining across his eyes. "I think I want to drink his voice."

The other guard punched him in the face, sending him spiraling to the floor.

"Thanks," said Nakago, gathering Soi in his arms from where she was lying dead beside the guard.

The first guard nodded. "I'll go get her, sir." He walked out, then opened the flap and held his arm there.

Slowly a tall, shadowy figure walked in until it was close enough to the lamplight to reveal its identity.

Nakago's voice read only mild surprise. "Hotohori-sama, what brings you here?"

"Nakago, I've…" The emperor stopped in mid-sentence to look down. The guard who'd been on the floor was pointing to the right nipple on Hotohori's armor.

"Now, look here!" he exclaimed. "If this person was a woman, the nibblum would be out to here!" He pulled his hand back about eight inches.

"Um…" Both general and emperor sweatdropped.

The other guard shook his head. "How many women do you see with boobs THAT big? Besides, maybe she wrapped them down so they wouldn't be so annoying."

The first guard stared at him. "You find boobs annoying?"

"NO!" The other guard shook his chibi head. "Well…" He stopped, blushing. "Sometimes when they're really big it's annoying. What I mean is that they're annoying to the woman, maybe."

"Men," Nakago called quietly.

"Have you had the experience of having boobs?" challenged the first guard.

"Men," said the general a little louder, but they were way too into their conversation to notice.

"No, but-"

"Wait a second!" Another guard must have come from outside the tent to see what the commotion was about. "He must be a man! If he was a woman, he obviously wouldn't have had nibblums drawn on his armor, right? How many women do you know that would do that?"

"How many men do you know that would do that?" asked the first guard.

"Oh… good point."

"MEN!" bellowed Nakago, the impact from his voice nearly throwing them to the ground.

"Uh…" All three quickly stood up, bowed, and ran out.

The Emperor chibily blinked his eyes a couple of times, then finally remembered his purpose. He shook his head, and his anger returned. "Nakago-sama! I've had enough of this! There's no need to continue losing men to this futile war. I challenge you to end this tomorrow once and for all, just you and me."

The general smirked. "Are you sure Hotohori-sama? Have you forgotten that you've lost your seishi abilities?"

"I'm not a dumbass. Not like…" His eyes flickered towards outside. "So, do you accept for tomorrow at noon? On the plateau between here and Konan?"

The general's smirk was delighted and dangerous. "Gladly."

Hotohori nodded, then walked outside.

"Um…" the first guard poked the Emperor in the back.

Hotohori turned around swiftly, knowing exactly what he would want to know. "I'm a man." He turned around just as quickly as before, mounting his horse. He kicked the animal into a gallop and quickly rode out of sight.

The guard watched him go, then turned around and pumped his fist. "YES!"


Next Episode Preview...

DEE: Hey Haley-chan?
HALEY: What is it Dee-chan?
DEE: In the next chapter, can Chichiri and I-?
HALEY: No.
DEE: Not even-
HALEY: No.
DEE: But-
Haley: No.
DEE: Damn. Well, at least tell me you're not gonna kill Hotohori! ... You aren't, right? 'Cause that'd just be cruel... I might have to hurt you...
HALEY: Hm, I haven't decided yet... but I will tell you that the next chapter of Fushigiggles is going to have something that kind of resembles a plot!
FREAKY CAT THING: Do my fuzzy ears deceive me! You just used the words "Fushigiggles" and "plot" in the same sentence? Oh sweet mother of peas, finally, after fourteen freakin' chapters of nonsensical nothingness, we're finally getting a real plot! Thank the great cheese master!
DEE: Remind me who the crazy one is around here?
HALEY: Don't forget to come back for the next scrumptious chapter: "It's Like Swamp Mud, Except With Bunnies"!
FREAKY CAT THING: Huh? That doesn't sound like a plot to me...