CHAPTER EIGHT: Good and Bad Choices
"So you snogged her?" Ron said, after listening to Harry's recount of his encounter with Cho from two days before.
"Keep your voice down, would you?" Harry hissed. He quickly glanced around the library to see if anyone had heard their conversation, but the students around them seemed to be absorbed in their schoolwork. "I didn't snog her," he said, turning back to Ron. "She kissed me."
Ron looked intrigued, while Hermione shot him a look that resembled disapproval before going back to her Ancient Runes homework, which was what Harry was supposed to be working on before Ron had begun questioning him, wanting to know why the table full of Ravenclaw seventh year girls sitting behind them kept glancing their way. It hadn't taken very long for him to tell Ron about Cho kissing him outside the Great Hall.
"So what are you going to do?" Ron asked him.
"I dunno," he said with a shrug.
"Harry, you can't honestly be thinking of pursuing something with her?" Hermione said to him.
Ron shot her a look. "Why not?"
She frowned at him. "Because she's dating Michael Corner. Isn't that a good enough reason?"
"Who cares? I never liked that git anyways."
She shot him a sharp look. "The only reason you don't like him is because he dated Ginny." She turned back to Harry. "I'm not trying to tell you want to do, Harry, but I just think you could do a lot better than Cho."
Harry let out a bitter laugh. "In case you haven't noticed girls aren't exactly throwing themselves at me thanks to that whole connection I've got with Voldemort."
Hermione opened her mouth to respond to that but fell silent when she felt Ron put a restraining hand on her leg.
"Do whatever you want, mate," he said to Harry. "She's obviously left the next move up to you."
He couldn't believe he was sitting there contemplating what to do, when it was painfully obvious what he should do. She had a boyfriend, so he should just back off. But she had approached him, and at least being with her would help him keep his mind off other things even if it was only for a little while.
Hermione was eyeing him. "So is it true that you're not starting up the DA classes again? Hannah told me that was what you said to Ernie."
"Maybe I should have sent out a bloody letter so everyone would stop asking me," he growled in frustration. "I won't change my mind either so don't push me on it. There won't be any DA because I'm so sick of this bloody war and wish it would just be over already – one way or another."
He fell silent after that, immersing himself in his Ancient Runes book but not really reading it at all. It was just his escape so he wouldn't have to look at his friends and see their faces.
Ron cleared his throat. "Er, we've got a prefect meeting with McGonagall before class," he said, getting to his feet and wordlessly shaking his head at Hermione who looked ready to object to this. "We'll see you in Defense Against the Dark Arts?"
Harry nodded but didn't look up from his book.
Hermione and Ron silently packed up their books and departed the library without another word to Harry. But once they were out of the confinements of the library, Hermione had a few choice words for Ron.
"The prefect meeting isn't until tonight. How could we just leave Harry like that?"
"I was trying to save you and Harry from an argument you were both going to regret," he said heatedly, continuing to steer her away from the library. "You were pushing him too far. First about Cho and then about the DA lessons."
"He can do better than her," she said adamantly. "Am I the only one who sees that? If she really did care about Harry she would have broken it off with Michael Corner by now."
"Let it go, Hermione," he advised. "If going after Cho is going to make him happy I wish him all the best."
"Ron, the absolute worst thing Harry could do right now is get involved with someone."
"Maybe this would be good for him. It'll help him get over Sirius' death."
"He can't get over it if he won't even deal with it. Was I the only one who heard him say that he didn't care if he lived or died?"
Ron heaved a sigh. "He didn't mean that. He's just bloody well fed up with everything. I would be too."
"Ron – "
"He needs his space," he cut in sharply. "And you need to stop pushing him and respect whatever decision he makes with Cho. You're not his mother, you can't tell him what to do. You're supposed to be his friend, so start acting like one."
He could tell with that last part he'd gone a bit too far, but he could care less at the moment. She needed to realize what she was doing with Harry wasn't going to help him. It would only lead to her ruining their friendship. She was so sure that she was right and he was wrong, when he was just as confident that he was the one who was right for a change. He stormed right passed her deciding that if she couldn't see how obnoxiously judgmental she was being he didn't want to be anywhere near her.
When Defense Against the Dark Arts started twenty minutes later, Ron's mood had not improved. He walked in to find Hermione already seated beside Neville at the front of the class. She didn't look at him as he passed. Very mature, he thought to himself as he took a seat beside Harry at the back of the room. The muggle saying his father was so fond of saying – the more things change the more they stay the same – came to mind then. No matter how much things seemed to have changed between them recently, they both still seemed to do a fine job of angering one another. But this time he knew with certainty he had not been in the wrong. But that knowledge still might not be enough to get him out of this fight. Charlie had told him once when he was younger, that it was better to admit you were wrong even when you were right when it came to girls. He hadn't understood what he had meant at the time, but when he looked back now at all the rows he and Hermione had shared over the years, most times she had always wanted to hear an apology from him – and half the time he didn't know what he was supposed to apologize for! He wondered if things would be any different now that they were together? A couple? He wasn't even sure what they were. What he was sure of was that he didn't want to fight with her and wished they could just kiss and make up already. He was contemplating on following through on his brother's advice when their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher limped in.
Mad-Eye Moody entered the room and began running his magical eye over each one of them in turn. Harry knew he shouldn't have been at all shocked at Dumbledore's choice. There was no one better person suited to teach them about the dark arts, except for maybe Lupin – but that wasn't an option.
While most of the students squirmed in discomfort at being so closely watched, and probably because the last time they had seen Moody that person had been an imposter, Ron, Harry and Hermione seemed to be the only ones unaffected by Moody's penetrating gaze. It was likely due to having spent quite a bit of time in the presence of the Auror throughout the summer.
Moody walked around until he was standing in the center at the front of the room. "Judging by the size of this class, I suppose I would be correct to assume that many of you see yourselves as being Aurors one day?"
A few mumbled 'yes', while most found they preferred to nod their heads instead.
Moody surveyed the class and grunted. "I'll tell the lot of you right now that you'd have an easier time becoming a Healer then an Auror, and that the chances of even one person in this class making it past the entrance exams and as far as the training part of the program is remote at best."
This news seemed to somber the mood of the class. Those that had moments ago dreamed of becoming an Auror, now sat slumped in their seats. Harry found it hard not to feel dejected as well. McGonagall had explained to him how tough it would be just to be accepted into the Auror program and that no one had been taken on in the last three years, but he had thought if he worked hard enough to keep his marks up he might have a shot of getting in. After listening to Moody's brutal honesty, he wasn't so sure anymore.
"I bet most of you wish I would coddle you throughout the semester and give you false hope that your dreams of becoming an Auror will happen," he continued, seeing many despondent faces, "but I won't do that. False hope won't do you any good. False hope is what will get you killed. Anyone who thinks they can't handle that should leave my class now and take something a bit more friendly like Divination or Muggle Studies."
Some looked like they wanted nothing more than to take Moody's advice, but not one person moved from their seats.
Moody's mouth stretched out into what on any other person would have been a smile, but the leathery stretching of his skin made it more of a frightening sight then anything else. "Maybe they'll be one or two Aurors in this class after all."
The class seemed to relax after that, Moody broke right into the lesson.
"Now, all except a select few of you," he began, his magical eye rolling over to Harry and Ron, "are a year behind in practical knowledge of Defense Against the Dark Arts. If you're expecting to take the NEWT class next year, you better be in class every day ready to pay attention and learn, and ready to devote your own time out of the classroom to practicing the advanced defense spells I'm going to be teaching you. From this class, I expect that and more, since you obviously needed an Exceeds Expectation in your O.W.L.s otherwise you wouldn't be here. Now, I want everyone to take out their wands and partner up. I'm going to come around and see how developed your skills are. We'll begin practical training on Friday."
Harry and Ron partnered up and immediately began testing how their defensive shield charm would hold up under an onslaught of curses. Amazingly, even going two months without practice had not affected them much. By looking around at the others who had joined the DA club, Ernie McMillan, Hannah Abbot and Neville to name a few, they were also doing really well. When Moody came around to them, he only had minor gruff criticism to offer, such as tightening their fighting stance and holding their wands out at a lower angle.
While Harry and Ron had managed to go through a handful of jinxes and their counter curses, it was clear to Harry that Ron was distracted. He kept glancing over at Neville and Hermione, and every so often Hermione would catch him looking and he would immediately snap his attention back to Harry.
"You two can't keep this up forever," Harry said in a low enough voice so only Ron would hear him.
"Keep what up?" Ron said thickly.
"The constant arguing and bickering. Don't you think after five years its time you two grew up a bit and not get into fights over silly things like what I'm going to do about Cho," he said, letting his voice drop another decibel.
Ron opened his mouth to deny it, but shut it again because it was so clearly obvious what they were arguing about now.
"See what I mean? You two could have moved on to something better by now but you're both too damn stubborn for your own good."
Ron's shield faltered at the last second and he got the tail end of a curse Harry threw at him, hitting him in the chest and making him stumble backwards. "What do you mean 'moved on to something better'?" His voice wavering slightly.
Harry shrugged. "You two could be a lot closer if Hermione didn't nag you to death and you didn't constantly provoke her."
Ron fought to keep his expression from showing just how much closer they had become since the end of summer. He and Hermione had decided to keep things quiet for the time being. They both agreed it probably wasn't the best time to drop something like this on Harry. While Ron thought Harry should be nothing but happy for them, Hermione believed that the idea of them together would take some getting used to for him. That Harry would feel somewhat like they had abandoned him and it would affect their friendship. That led to the agreement that they would wait for the 'right time' to tell him. Ron didn't think there was ever going to be a right time for it.
When the lesson was over, Ron didn't even have a chance to approach Hermione. She had already gathered up her school things and was out the door before he could even react.
As he and Harry were one of the last to leave, Moody limped over to them on his wooden leg.
"Potter, Weasley, I hope you've taken to heart what I said about being an Auror. The Ministry doesn't accept anything less than the best," he said in his gruff voice. "And the Auror trainers don't take kindly to hot heads that can't keep a lid on their temper," he said, gazing pointedly at Ron. "Weasley, if you want a chance at becoming an Auror, you better learn that not all problems can be solved with your fist, even when that person is a smug and arrogant bastard like Malfoy."
"You were on the train?" Ron said instantly.
"Of course I was. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't keep an eye on Potter here," he said, swinging a glance at Harry.
He didn't say anything more on the matter, but Harry was fairly certain that the only way for Moody to undetected on the train was he had his invisibility cloak on the whole time. It made Harry wonder if there other Aurors at Hogwarts were walking around in stealth to keep an eye on him as he had not noticed any patrolling the grounds as of yet.
"I trust I've made my point clear to you?" He said, turning his magical eye back on Ron.
"Yes sir," Ron answered.
"I know I'm asking the impossible of both of you," he said, looking at the both of them, "but stay out of trouble."
Harry and Ron nodded in unison for all the good it did because it didn't look like Moody believed them one bit.
The moment he and Ron stepped out of the class, Harry knew that was one promise he would not be able to keep. Even when he tried to stay out of trouble, trouble seemed to have a way of finding him.
Though Harry did not miss his Occlumency lessons with Snape one bit, he didn't seem to be fairing much better with Lupin. The only difference was his former Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was a lot more empathetic towards him, and didn't make him feel more stupid then he already did for not being able to repel his efforts at breaking into his mind. That only served to increase his frustration because he had already endured countless torturous hours of lessons with Snape and he still found himself on the ground on all fours, gasping at the memories of himself as a child in the Dursley home he just been forced to relive. Whenever he seemed to make a little progress, it wouldn't take his teacher long before he was able to break through the barriers he had put up in his mind.
"Harry, you're doing fine," Lupin told him. "You've made considerable progress for someone who went nearly two months without any practice."
"If this Occlumency thing is so important why did Dumbledore let me go so long without practice?"
Lupin didn't miss that nearly every time he mentioned the Headmaster's name his tone seemed to be lacking in respect. "Harry, things are different when you're at the Dursley's. The barriers protecting that house cannot even be penetrated by Legilimency, no matter how powerful the mind of the person using it," explained Lupin. "And I believe that Professor Snape had asked you before summer vacation to continuing practicing the mind exercises he had taught you," he added, raising a pointed eyebrow at Harry.
Harry couldn't quite bring himself to meet his professor's gaze. Snape had told him he had best keep up his practicing otherwise he would be able to tell when they started up the lessons again. But the news about the prophecy combined with his hatred of Snape and the death of Sirius, he hadn't given the Potion Masters warning a second thought. It was clear to Lupin that he hadn't heeded to the warning either.
"It's essential that you master Occlumency, Harry," Lupin said, trying to press on him the importance of it.
"I know," Harry responded dejectedly, wringing his hands through his hair. He could fight off the Imperious Curse but couldn't keep someone from seeing into his thoughts. It was beyond frustrating.
"I think the problem is you have too much going on in your head – not that I blame you – but it's keeping you from being able to focus. You need to let go of your anger."
"Snape already told me I needed to do that."
"Professor Snape is quite right about that," Lupin said patiently. "Your frustrations are what are hindering your progress, so I think we need to try something else." He walked over to his open briefcase and pulled out a tattered looking book from it. "Meditation is a muggle practice that clears the mind and leaves it in a state of relaxation. It's a mental exercise that over time helps strengthen the natural barriers surrounding the brain. I want you to practice meditating every night before you go to sleep. When we meet here again on Thursday I'll check on your progress."
He handed the book off to Harry, who immediately shoved it into his school bag.
"Harry, I know Occlumency isn't fun," Lupin began, his voice taking on a softer tone now, "and I hate having to put you through this, but it could very well save your life one day and the lives of those you care about."
He didn't need Lupin to remind him of that. He knew what was at stake. Sirius was dead because of his inability to master Occumlecy and If Voldemort got strong enough there would be nothing to stop him from taking control of his body and force him to do unspeakable things. For that reason alone, he knew he was going to have to try a lot harder to master Occlumency. He didn't want to become any more of a danger then he already was to the people he cared about.
"How many Aurors are there here at the school?" He asked Lupin.
"Aside from Moody, I haven't been informed as to how many there are," Lupin told him. "No one aside from Dumbledore and select members of the ministry know because there were not many Aurors to spare to begin with," he said gravely. "You won't read about it in the Daily Prophet but the Auror numbers have been steadily decreasing in the last year. Moody has made the screening process so stringent you have to be near perfect to get in. They have to take such drastic measures because of what happened last time Voldemort came into power. Several Aurors turned out to be double agents working for him, and revealed vital information causing the deaths of dozens of Aurors. That's why Moody has been so against taking anyone on since Voldemort resurfaced. To my knowledge there's only been one new Auror since you started Hogwarts."
Lupin didn't come out and say it, nor did he have to, but Harry knew how much was riding on him to master Occlumency. He wasn't going to make the same mistake he made last year, naively pursuing his dreams without any thought of the consequences. No one else was going to die because he let Voldemort plant false images in his mind. Sirius would be the only one to pay for his impulsive behaviour.
Another, much more personal reason Harry needed to be able to better defend his mind was so Lupin wouldn't see what was going on between himself and a certain other Hogwarts Seeker. He didn't really know where any of it was leading, but he certainly didn't want his professor having a look at his personal life if he could help it.
Ron had certainly been right about the next move being his. He hadn't spoken a word to Cho in several days. They would sometimes see each other passing through the halls but they never stopped to talk. She was almost always surrounded by her group of friends anyways and he didn't want to approach her so openly.
He had considered Hermione's advice of not doing anything. Of course, he never told her this, largely because he knew that she was right. But then he started thinking what Hermione didn't know wouldn't hurt her. He was tired of going around feeling nothing but a horrible ache in the pit of his stomach, and that was what had led him to his current position. He was standing outside the classroom he knew the seventh year Ravenclaws to have Transfiguration in. Having been let out of his Charms lesson a few minutes early, he decided to wait outside her classroom for. He hung close enough to the shadows that once her class was dismissed, he hoped that no one would pay him much attention.
The classroom door nearest him swung open and students were filing out into the hallway. When he saw her, he called her name as loud as he dared. She looked surprised to see him there. She waited until the rest of her classmates were gone before pulling him inside the vacant classroom with her.
"I was wondering if you were ever going to speak to me again," she said with a shy smile.
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his robes, hoping to hide how nervous he was. "I wasn't really sure what to say."
"That makes two of us."
"I don't even know what I'm doing here," he said, fumbling for words.
She stepped closer to him, saying, "I think you do."
Realizing what was about to happen, he grabbed both her hands to stop her. "What about Michael?" Damn his stupid morals for kicking in. Just for once he wish he could ignore them.
"I care about Michael," she answered, looking up at him, "but I care about you too, Harry."
He released his grip on her hands and this time when she leaned in to kiss him his morals were nowhere to be found.
