Chapter 3 –

Disclaimer – Not mine, just borrowed.

A/N – I'm a little nervous about this chapter, I think it's just because it's so long for me. It's to make up for the fact that I'm back at college now so it might be the last update for a while.

I will get round to altering the aspirin thing, a couple of you mentioned that, so thanks to you. I should really do some more research on pregnancy health etc. I think that my friends might start to think there's something I'm really not telling them. I'm not sure I really feel like trying to fend off those kinds of questions! :D

Sara's re-entry to the Break room was met with concerned looks from the men, Catherine just watched her with a certain knowing gleam in her eyes. In an attempt to divert the impending questions she asked for an immediate update on the case, and sat down heavily beside Cath, who surreptitiously moved her cup of coffee a little further away; just in case. She didn't want to send Sara bolting for the bathroom again. It was difficult to know what set her off.

"Well, Greg has just gone to get started on samples, we should have the results back by next shift. He's a little bogged down at the moment what with training this new girl and running the samples left over from a busy swing shift." Warrick told her. "He's going to put a rush on it but we don't expect anything back too quickly."

"Well then would it be ok if I took off a little early, I'm sure you can handle a few hours without me an-." The looks of disbelief gained from the rest of the room silenced her for a moment. The idea of Sara taking time away from the lab voluntarily was definitely not a common one. "Is that ok?" she asked once more.

The only responses she gained from the rest of the group was assorted nods and worried glances. "Guys please stop worrying. I'm just a not feeling so great is all. I'll see you tomorrow." Before leaving a quiet room behind her. Going home early was definitely not normal Sara behaviour.

Catherine wandered into Grissom's office just ten minutes later. She unlike Sara -whose habitual spot was on the fringes, by the door – made herself entirely comfortable in the chair opposite his desk looking like she was there for the long stay.

Grissom looked up, mentally bracing himself for the personal intrusion that was sure to follow. While her chats often galvanised him into action, it didn't mean he particularly wanted one right now. He knew just what was coming.

"I'm pretty sure you know exactly why I'm here." He wondered silently if he should add 'mind reader' to the list of her talents. She continued to tell him anyway- without any qualms- exactly why they were having that conversation. He interspersed some acknowledging noises until Catherine finally asked him the one question he found he could not answer with a gesture or a sound.

"SO, What are you going to do about it then?" He had been telling Sara the truth when he said he didn't know. He still didn't know. His bad judgement had already got him in enough mess as it was so he answered as truthfully as he was able.

"Nothing." Catherine looked at him with disbelief. What was he thinking? Getting sick of his monosyllabic responses her eyes glittered menacingly as she stood up.

"You've been doing nothing for too long already. Think of something Gil." She ordered before walking right out of his door. He sighed, he knew she was right, when wasn't she.

It had taken all his self-control to walk away when he did. He wasn't about to drag her back into it after putting her through that. It would ruin her career, let alone his if anything ever got out. The risks were there, to both of them, there were more reasons than just the job, that he would have loved to be able to ignore, there were some things that he could not change. He had to keep reminding himself of this just to stop himself from running right back to her. To where everything had seemed to right, even if it was only for a short time.

When Sara returned home at about 7am after collecting a few bits of shopping she made herself some toast put on a CD and sat quietly on the sofa where she seemed to have spent most of her time over the last two days and munched her way through the toast, her stomach didn't feel ready for anything more right now.

She picked herself up again about 5 minutes later and searched her sideboard for her organiser to find her GP's number and organise an appointment for later that morning. It was only a couple of hours later she found herself leaving her apartment once more on the way to her first doctors appointment. She was surprised he had managed to fit her in so quickly, but she wasn't complaining, the sooner she got this over with, the happier she would be.

The nerves were really starting to kick in as she turned her car into the hospital car-park. The time in spent sat in a waiting room full to the brim of chattering women was not making her comfortable. She felt horribly out of place It seemed to take forever before her name was called by the nurse on duty.

She seated herself on the edge of the bed and twiddled her fingers for a few seconds before the doctor entered.

"Good morning Miss Sidle, I'm Doctor Hyatt- Williams. This is your first check-up I believe." He handed what seemed to be a phone-book sized pack of leaflets to her and turned around to find something from a drawer in the cabinet behind him. Asking a plethora of routine questions about everything from her last period to her lifestyle, not all of which she was particularly comfortable with, but she was starting to realise that nothing about this would be comfortable.

He checked her blood pressure giving a little 'mm' at the results. "You're a little high. Do you do anything stressful? your job maybe." Sara smiled grimly.

"Uh, you could say that I guess." Sara loved her job but it wasn't exactly conducive to good mental wellbeing. Lord knew she'd had the 'burn-out' speech from Grissom enough times over the years.

"Mmm, well you're going to have to learn to relax, maybe think about talking to your boss about cutting back on your hours or something. You're also a rather underweight for your height which can be detrimental. You should keep an eye on that. It's not good for you or your baby. "

Sara's eyes widened, it was the first time someone had actually referred to it as 'her baby', it was a scary thought. She was still nowhere near dealing with this on an emotional level. She had thought about it, yes, but more in terms of reactions to her pregnancy, than the thought of her with a baby. It was still not an idea she was ecstatic about yet. In fact, it freaked her out on a fundamental level. She was left with the thought she was going to have to do some serious research. This was going to take some time to get used to. She nodded absently to his question and was immediately transported back to the uncomfortable subject of telling Grissom, she was definitely not feeling ready for that yet.

The doctor handed her another bundle of forms which she took in with one shocked glance.

"Ugh… I hate paperwork." She muttered under her breath. This was greeted by a slight

chuckle from the doctor as he went about removing a needle and syringe and taking her blood.

"I know it's early, but I'm going to do an ultrasound because of your blood pressure." He gave her a reassuring smile. "It's just precautionary. "

"Ok, now if you'll just lie down a minute, roll up your top and undo the top button of your jeans for me." He gently squirted a little of the gel on to her currently flat stomach and ran the scanner over her flesh. Probing gently until he found what he was looking for. "Oh, there you are." He prodded for a couple more seconds before continuing "everything looks fine to me. I'll have to take a few measurements, but from the information you've given me you're about 10 weeks along it's about 3inches long by these measurements. You're quite late for a first check-up, most women get an appointment as soon as they even suspect."

Sara had almost zoned out the doctors lecture about the do's and don'ts. She looked at the screen for a few moments, she could make out arms, legs even fingers to a certain extent. It was a scary thought. It was real.

She was jerked out of her thoughts roughly when she heard the words 'no more coffee.' She gave him a horrified glance at which he nodded smiling at her dismay perceptively. She bit her lip nervously, how was she going to manage pulling doubles without a regular dose of caffeine. It was then the thought of his previous words about a cut down in hours. It was then she realised that she was going to have to make a lot of changes. Starting with a overhaul on her entire lifestyle, this was not going to be easy.

He carefully cleaned the gel from her stomach with a paper towel and handed her another bunch of leaflets along with a printout of her scan. During the appointment she had said very little. But now she had left the hopeless feeling she had felt as she had entered had been replaced by a certain guarded optimism. Being a single parent was never going to be perfect but she was feeling better about it than she had before, all she had to do now was tell Grissom. If she could work up the courage that was. She was having a baby with a man who didn't even know, she would have to at least try.

Catherine was just about to question the wife again. The manure on her shoes had given them enough reason to question her statement. Brass met her outside the room snagging her elbow before she entered. "I think I should tell you before we go in there about the information I dug up, Miss Religion. Owns a gun. A Browning at that."

"So you don't think the wife?"

"Tag team maybe? She tried to pin the blame, or she just lied about being at the stables." Brass shrugged mildly and gestured to Catherine to enter the room.

She paused and screwed her eyes up in confusion. "If she's so religious, why the hell does she own a gun?"

Grissom was sat in his office with a large pile of paperwork that seemed to stay the same size however long he worked. He had accounted this to the fact he had no concentration that night and wasn't actually doing anything productive. It had been a few hours since shift had ended and yet as usual he was still there. He heard a gentle cough from the doorway and looked up surprised to see Sara stood leaning against the door frame.

He looked back down to the paper in his hand trying desperately to disguise the leap in his heart he felt every time he saw her and swallowed slowly. Her brown eyes seemed to be boring into him and the temperature in the room seemed to fall with the additional tension even though neither had said a word. "I thought you went home Sara." Was what he settled with in the end.

This situation reminded him of one just a year before, one he had regretted since it had happened. It had added a new level of discomfort to their already strained relationship and it seemed to Grissom that since then things had gotten exponentially more complex and it was partly his fault. He had given in to his impulses but knew that if he didn't back away quickly he wouldn't be able to. He knew he had hurt her but his feeling was that it was necessary and probably better in the long run although it didn't feel like it at the moment. It was becoming more difficult to concentrate on anything that resembled comprehensible thought.

"I did. Then I came back…. I need to talk to you."

"Well then, come in." he replied. Waving a hand at the seat opposite him.

"Not here. Could we go somewhere else? " Sara asked nervously twirling her hands and attempting to hide the fear she felt was showing all over her face. This was turning out to be far more difficult than she had anticipated.

There was a long pause while he formulated an answer. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"You say that a meal is a bad idea, yet you follow through with things that would be on your terms a far worse idea." Sara said eyes glinting angrily in the dim light of the office.

"Sara this isn't the place." He replied calmly still trying to look anywhere but her afraid of the anger he would find if he looked in her eyes.

"You think I don't know that. Why do you think I want to go somewhere else." A harsh note was apparent in her voice which dared him to look at her.

"Sara…" he said warningly and finally raised his eyes to hers where he was shocked to be met by the tears glowing in the corners of her eyes. She gave a final defeated look, a quiet "ugh" and stormed out of his office and marched down the hallway.

Grissom looked back down to his paperwork and tried to tell himself it was for the best. She would find someone prefect for her, who deserved her, and who could offer her everything he couldn't. Then he would have to get over it. He had spent years training himself into believing this, so why did it just get harder and harder every time he saw her. He knew deep down that Catherine was right, he would have to do something, if it went on as it was things would only get worse. On instinct he desperately wanted to fix things, for both of them. But somewhere nearer the top of his conscience was suppressing this instinct firmly.

He took his glasses off sticking the end of them into his mouth and attempted to outstare the glazed eyes of miss piggy for several moments with no success.

Sara sat in her car and dropped her head forward onto the steering wheel .The tears that had been threatening to overcome her fell and there seemed to be no stopping them. Maybe It was just hormones- not that she really wanted to resort to blaming them- but the release she felt with the tears just letting them out was just what she needed. There didn't seem any good reason for her to be like this which was what annoyed her most. She never normally cried like this. It was a weakness that she did not like and a lack of control that she couldn't hold it in at least until she got home.

Un-known to her Grissom was watching the entire scene playing out from the other side of the car park. He watched her back shake from the racking sobs. It made him want to run to her, hold her, make all her pain disappear. Instead he turned and headed back into the building, he still couldn't bring himself to go to her. He went out there to find her, to try and talk. Seeing her like that only served as a reminder of just why he had to steer clear, she was better off if he kept well out the way.

Sara meanwhile dragged herself out of her own reverie rubbing her hand over her face. She knew she must look a wreck. It disgusted her the way she simply couldn't appear to stop herself from falling for him every time. She knew how he felt, his job was far more important to him than she was and she would just have to live with that. She'd heard it loud and clear and tried to deny it to herself for too long.

She figured why tell him when he just doesn't want to know. In a strange way it fitted in well with her original plan, of waiting until everyone knew anyway. She was just going to wait until it was necessary, whenever that was. The threat of exposure by Catherine still worried her, how would she be able to keep something this big to herself?

Catherine walked confidently into Grissom's office that evening. "I don't get it, what about all that 'Blessed are the Peacemakers' stuff in the bible? The woman keeps a gun for gods sake."

Nick followed her close behind. "People sometimes pick and choose the rules by which they live their life, maybe she decided to neglect the 'Do not kill' commandment."

"I still don't get it. Aren't religious people normally totally non-violent?"

Grissom looked up at the pair who were now standing in front of his desk. "The Bible is very contradictory on the subject of violence and war. In the New Testament Jesus encourages peace. Such as 'Don't repay evil with evil' or talk about bending swords into ploughshares. The Old Testament often encourages war and retaliation. 'An eye for an eye' for example. Among Christians it's one of the difficult issues. "

"The Bible doesn't condone murder though does it? That's more about defending yourself, rather than outright attack."

"Do you have proof this woman did it?" Grissom calmly looked over his glasses at Nick who sagged a little at the lack of encouragement. Nick sighed.

"Not yet. But If we can get a warrant for 'Bible lady's' house, we can check for the manure on her shoes, it would either rule her out, or confirm her as a suspect." He was beginning to show the signs of frustration. "She says the gun is for her protection, she won't give it to us to test though which is suspicious, but we still don't have anything to get us a warrant."

"Except the fact that she is just creeps everyone out." Catherine added with a ironic smile.

"That she 'Creeps you out' is not basis for a warrant. You're going to have to bring the judge more than that."

Nick sighed loudly leaning against the shelving to his left.

"Yeah, I know that, we're working on it."

A/N – All that stuff about religion, pulled right from the depths of GCSE RS… I apologise for any mistakes, I actually burnt all my notes so that lot was entirely from memory.