Come right in, make yourself at home. Settle yourself down in that nice leather armchair over there and prop your feet on the table. Oh, don't mind me at all. I'm an eccentric old cad, I know that well enough.
I must seem odd to you, mustn't I? A wrinkled old man, living all alone in this dingy apartment in the middle of the city. You've done your research, or you wouldn't be here; you know I've no friends or family. Just a crazy old hermit.
So what's your story, kid? Got sick of all the posers pretending that they're vampires? Seen something you shouldn't've? Aw, it don't matter. I'll say the same things.
You see kid, the world's a hard place. It's not enough that we've all been plopped down to make our own way, but everyone else is determined to screw us over. It's not fair, but that's what makes it life.
So you want something to make it easier. A couple magic words that erase all your troubles, like a mother's kiss on a baby's scrape.
Sorry, kid. It doesn't work like that.
Now, don't you start to protest. I see it in your face, in your eyes, don't look so surprised. Let me tell you, kid, I've been in this business since before your grandparent's were born, and nothing like that's ever gonna happen.
You've been fooled by all those fairy tales they told you growing up, haven't you? Magic don't do nothing like they tell you it does. It just complicates things even more.
Oh, now you're trying to figure out what I mean. I'll tell you, 'cause you'll never figure it out on your own. You've not got the experience.
Let's say you want to stop a criminal, and your normal tricks aren't working. Ah, don't give me that look, I know you're a cop. It's in the way you walk. Like you're better than everyone else, so long as you've got your shiny badge. Don't worry about it though. I'm used to your sort.
So you tap a bit of power and throw out a flash of light. The criminal falls over, and you've got him. That's it, end of story.
Sorry to disappoint you, kid, but it just doesn't work like that.
Someone's gonna notice. You can't explain things like that away, much as you'd like to. Oh, sure, whoever see's it is gonna try and rationalize, 'specially if they've not got an imagination. But sooner or later you'll be found out.
And what happens then? Lots of things. You could be shot, hunted down like a common animal for being weird. Insane asylums are filled with kids just like you, just wanting things to be easier and acting stupidly. Or reality could step in. Come on, kid, think! How often does magic really do anything big? Not often. And why's that? 'Cause the world don't like it when kids like you start screwing around with things they don't understand.
And when reality steps in, things get out of hand.
So in the end, it's not really worth it. You don't control the magic, it controls you. Stick with your gun and your badge, kid, it's what your good at. Don't go messing around with things you don't understand.
Oh, won't you stay a bit longer? A course not, I've offended you now. Don't worry about it, kid, that's what I'm here for. To keep kids like you out of trouble.
