Disclaimer : As much as I want them to, they're not mine. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The chapter titles belong to Westlife. The plot and the character 'Daniel Irving' belong to me. Summary : See the previous chapter.

Forgotten Time
By Misaki Sakura

Ch. Four : More than Words

Flashback

He felt himself being slammed against the concrete wall in his room. So many times he had spent in the house of Black and he had learnt that brutality was just something that couldn't be avoided, especially when it came from his father. He rarely hit him but when he actually did, he'd always make sure that Sirius would be left with at least a rib broken. Sometimes Sirius thought that his father was sick, but then he realized not only his father but all of his family was sick, mentally. He had to go before he joined them.

"You good for nothing git!! How dare you! I should've killed you by the time you're born!! You dishonor the family's name! A Gryffindor!" he made a disgusted face at his now kneeling son, holding onto his stomach where his father had kicked him. "And even much worse!"

"Tell me!" he pulled Sirius' hair so that he looked at him. "Do you think there's another thing that's more unforgivable than being that Potter's slut?!"

Sirius felt his blood dripping from his chin as he retorted, "Being your son!"

His father took a step back before he, once again, landed his fist on Sirius' face.

End of Flashback

Flashback

He could feel the winter breeze as he opened the window in their dorm. Moony and Wormtail were in the living room, doing their Transfiguration essay. The sixteen-year-old Sirius was wrapped in his lover's arms. The feeling of lips brushing his ear as he heard someone whispered, "I love you."

End of Flashback

Sirius woke up and found himself in his bed, in the Hospital Wings. Not in the dorm and not in his sixteen, not being beaten up by his father. But it felt so real. His father's blow on his body, the yelling, ... the whisper, the warm body against his, ... the voice ... he knew that voice. It was extremely familiar but he couldn't put it in place. So he gave up and struggled back to bed.

Days passed, months followed and the quidditch season was going to take place at the end of that month. Sirius had spent most of his time with James in order to get his memories back but to no avail. It seemed that the potion's effect was greater than they'd thought. Or was that Sirius' will to forget James that's buried deep inside his heart that refused to make him recall anything? No one knew. Not even Sirius.

They got their own rooms in the castle, Dumbledore had mentioned that he wanted to know all of his progress, so they're free to walk around the castle. Sirius seemed to get better and better and he could point out the things they used to do together, the Marauders, but not the things that he used to do alone with James.

Sometimes when he sat alone in his bed or when he was sleeping, he could feel those memories flashing in front of his eyes, for example his father's words when he hit him that night. Then he would feel he was scared. He didn't tell James but every time they walked together or when James told him about their past, except that they were dating, Sirius trembled. He had cold sweat and he felt terrified. Much more than he felt when his father beat him, berated him. He felt that those things, those memories James had told him, would lead them to something. Something that he couldn't describe.

The thing was he didn't know what he was scared of. Not James but it might be the memory itself. Why did he want to forget someone as kind as James? James was so kind, patient, ... Whenever Sirius was doing anything, he could feel that James was watching his every move. And though he knew, he had never minded that. He enjoyed being watched by James and soon he figured that he had special feeling for the bespectacled man, still not knowing what kind of feeling that was. Strangely, he felt that that was not the first time he had that kind of feeling towards James and those blur images started haunting him more often.

That day James decided to take Sirius to their secret hideout, trying to find out if he remembered anything there. It was a hidden room near Moaning Myrtle's toilet, behind an old portrait of the crying wizard.

"I remember this place." He stated as he stepped his into the room.

"You do?"

He nodded and placed his hand on the dusty desk. "Yes, I do remember this place. We used to come here with Moony and ... Wormtail to plan some pranks that we're going to pull on the students, well, Slytherin most of it." he grinned.

"Yeah, but there were other things that we did here."

"Such as?" he raised his eyebrow at James last statement. Somehow he felt his face heated and a blush spread across his face.

"Are you blushing, Siri?" he laughed.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am- oh shut up, James." He stalked across the room. Unfortunately he hit the cabinet and sent it falling towards him. James reacted fast enough to prevent the collision between Sirius and the cabinet and soon he found himself on top of him.

Panting, he asked, "Are you all right?"

Sirius looked up and was about to reply when he realized how close his face to James'. He blushed even more and nothing James could think about but to kiss him right and then. In that very compromising position, it's hard to think normally. Anyway, who could think normally if he had the person he loved pinned against him with those lips slightly parted.

To add to James' frustration, Sirius licked his lips and shifted his head to look away, exposing his neck to James. He had to bite his lip to hold himself for sucking the exposed skin beneath him. He could feel himself hardening, so he rolled over him and tried to calm himself.

Sirius got up with the exact same feeling as James', only he felt worse. That triggered something inside him that he felt he needed the most. He's not lusting over his friend, was he? But what if it's more than just lust? What if ... what if the feeling was ...?

His trail of thought was cut off by the hand held in front of him. He looked up to see James, his face still flushed, smiled. "Come on. We'll go somewhere else."

Sirius took his hand and shook his head. "No, I want to talk about something with Remus. You go. I'll catch up with you later."

James silently nodded.

"Remus, I think I'm in love with James."

He rushed to the library right after James took him out of the room, nearly bumping into McGonagall who glared at him. He knew he could find Remus there and there he was, reading a book, totally oblivious to the things that happened outside.

Remus lifted his head from the Charm and Potion book he's reading and raised an eyebrow, thinking. 'Wow, I'm having a de ja vu.'

"What makes you think that?" Remus put down his book and crossed his hands on the table.

"You see, we were ..." Sirius started explaining to him the event that happened earlier while Remus heard every word he said in utter solemnity.

"So that's what makes you think that you're in love with James, although you have just-"

"Met him, I know. But there are more, Remus. There are more than that that I can't explain. Remus, every time he comes near me, I can feel my heart beat's speeding. I want him to never leave me. I want to be with him. Do you think I'm wrong?"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "It's bound to happen anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't be the one to tell you. Ask James. Oh, yeah, Padfoot. What have you remembered about him this far?"

Sirius looked at him seriously. "Only the thing he used to say to me ... some ... and that he really was the part of the Marauders. Sometimes I have images in my head, blurry images. They're still mixed up so I can't tell which one is earlier."

"At least you tried. That's some kind of progress, you know."

"Yeah. I still can't figure out why I wanted to forget him. I mean, he's so good to me and the others told me that we were inseparable. We're best friend! Why would I want to forget him?"

"He made a very big mistake, Sirius. And that's what you wanted to forget. But you'll remember it eventually."

"That's what he said too. What kind of mistake?"

Remus shrugged. That gesture showed Sirius that he didn't want to interfere with their private problem so Sirius only smiled and said, "Oh well, I guess I'll go catch up with him."

"You do that."

"Bye, Moony."

Sirius smiled at him and walked out of the library as fast as he came in earlier. Remus shook his head and took his attention back at the Charm and Potion book he was reading before. The Memory Section.

Hermione joined Ron, Harry, James and Snape, in their talk with Remus. James was able to persuade Sirius to stay in his room so that he could join in the meeting, though knowing his (ex) lover, he'd be out of the room in no time.

It seemed that the werewolf had found something that could help Sirius to regain his memory with James. Harry tapped his foot impatiently as Remus tried to explain his discovery. Remus shot him an annoyed look and he stopped.

"Okay. So like I've said before, I have checked everything in the library and found this." He put the book on the table so that everyone could see.

"The effects of extended brewed potions and additional ingredients ... what's this?! It had happened in Canada over a century ago!"

"Yes, but not the exact same thing that happens to Siri. He drank that potion on purpose."

"Then what happened?" James asked curiously.

"I don't think you want to know but ... read the bottom line."

James trailed the text and read the bottom line. The letters were flared red. "He committed suicide."

"Yes. After he got his memories back, it seemed that it became unbearable so when his wife didn't notice, he cut his wrist with a knife."

"But why-"

"Not much different from what you did, Potter." Snape interjected. "His wife betrayed him and his son died in front of his eyes. The different was that he was born in a ... just call it a decent family, unlike Black."

"Yes, you see, James ... this man was very rich and had a very happy family before the tragedy happened. He couldn't accept it. He's not that strong. Sirius is different. He won't commit suicide."

"I know." But somewhere in his heart, he wasn't sure about that. He always shuddered whenever he remembered the time his blue-eyed lover talked about suicide. "Then we can't tell him the truth ... is that what you mean?"

Remus shook his head. "Unfortunately, we also can't hide this from him. There's another case about this ... potion and the victim ... she turned mad. Her memories were mixed up. She couldn't tell which event happened earlier from the other and soon she was sent to a mental institution. She died a year after that."

"So you're saying he has to choose between committing suicide and going mad?!" James' tone had become rougher and he glared deadly daggers at Snape. He's the one who put him on the horns of dilemma. "Why did you give him that bloody potion?!"

"We have thought about this, Potter. I had a bad feeling about that potion too but Professor Dumbledore said that we had to give him that potion, for your sake too."

"My sake?! What do you mean my sake?!"

James' voice was rising and Harry didn't like the tension that's starting to form between him and Snape. Fortunately, James realized it too and promptly settling himself down.

"So ... what do you suggest?" he asked Remus wearily.

"We have to make him remember slowly, one by one."

"I've tried it. Nothing works!"

"There are some memories that involving you but you don't know about it, James, and Harry's birth was only one of those things."

That definitely stopped James' arguments. Remus sighed and went on, "There are even some that only him who knows about."

Remus didn't want to mention how distressed Sirius looked when he saw him before Sirius knew he was having Harry. Knowing his family, yet Remus had never seen Sirius so lost before. He knew he would've done the same thing if he had been him.

"But how? We don't know where his things are. And there is no guarantee that anything we find will help him."

"That's why, Ron, we have to try." Harry said unwaveringly. "Do you have something in your mind about this, Dad? I mean ... do you have any idea where Sirius has put his things?"

James shook his head. "I couldn't find anything in ... his house." Harry noticed his father's slight pause before saying Sirius' house but he decided to let it slip for now. "Probably the Ministry had done something-"

"The Ministry couldn't find anything as well, Potter. Maybe Black has destroyed all the things you gave him. Or threw them somewhere in a pile of junk, as what they are." Snape cut him off sarcastically.

Remus knew that it'd take him forever to make Snape wanted to befriend with James and Sirius or vice versa but at least he didn't want them to have a fight with him in the middle of it. So he stood between Snape and a furious-looking James and held his hand in front of his face.

"That's enough! We are here to help Sirius, not to make a stir among ourselves! Sit down, James! You too, Severus!"

Both men clamped their mouths shut and sat back in their respective seats. Remus' voice was once again heard, sounded exhausted, not to mention exasperated. It seemed that this discussion had cost him much energy. Or perhaps we could say James and Snape had.

"Now ... do you know any places that you think he'd put his things at?"

James was about to say 'no' when he heard a voice, been spoken groggily, from the direction of the door. There stood Sirius' one and only brother, Regulus Black.

TBC

A/N : The fourth chappie! Oh, I'm so excited! I have made this
story's theme before with different characters, but I think it also
suits this one. Don't you agree with me? Oh, well. I'll be very glad
if you review this one. I hope I can make a longer chapter next time.