Disclaimer: As much as I want them to, they're not mine. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The chapter titles belong to Westlife. The plot and the character 'Daniel Irving' belong to me.
Summary: See the previous chapter.
Forgotten Time
By Misaki Sakura
Ch. Seven : If I Let You Go
Sirius opened his eyes slowly and blinked. Everything seemed so dark. Then he remembered the Forbidden Forest and the cave he found. He reached into his pocket to take his wand out and muttered, "Lumos."
The dimly lit cave was not deep. It's totally dry. What's more important was he knew he was there. It's funny, though. He's not stupid, they called him brilliant. One of the most brilliant and yet naughty students in Hogwarts and it's easy for him to tell what happened to him. Struggle. He's struggling whether to remember that part of memories or just bury them in the depth of his mind, never letting them out ever again. But could he when he only felt his love became stronger and stronger each day passed?
"It's not the time to think about it, Sirius." He murmured to himself. "Now what do I-"
He stopped when he saw something on the ground. At closer look, he recognized it as a mark. A concealment charm had been cast by someone but by the looks of it, it was he who did it. The only person who can see through a spell like that was the one who conjured it.
Sirius tapped the ground with his hand and muttered, "Revelo!" and gasped when his head started to hurt again at the sight of the wooden box on the ground in front of him.
"He lied to Lily."
Harry glanced at his father who frowned. Harry didn't know what to do. The reason why he had forced to go with his father was that. Now he thought he knew. He might not want Lily to see him in that state. Or he might be too proud to let them see how suffered he was. James and Harry looked at a very sick looking Sirius, who groaned in pain. Inside, Harry had this worry that Sirius might not want him. Or else, why would he put these memories of his pregnancy in the Pensieve? Only Sirius who knew the answer.
The room was dark but Harry knew that it's not the Godric's Hollow. Probably they're in Sirius' house. Sirius shifted in his bed then he got up and dashed to the bathroom, throwing up. Harry watched as he wiped his mouth and sat on the bathroom floor. After that he lifted himself slowly and headed towards his closet, searching for a nice outfit.
A knock was heard from outside. Sirius grunted and opened it to reveal Remus standing there with Snape.
"Padfoot, are you okay? You look … pale."
"I'm fi-" before he could finish his sentence, he paled and fainted. Thankfully, Snape was able to catch him before he hit the floor. Snape nudged Remus, who's too startled, and gestured towards the bed. They laid Sirius on his bed and sat beside it.
"What do you think happened, Severus?"
Snape stared at Remus for a while. "I think he's pregnant."
"What?!"
"I don't know. I just think that maybe he's pregnant. Not like I care anyway."
Remus looked at Sirius. His cold sweat dampened his raven coloured hair, which Remus knew he praised so much. He shook his head and walked to open the blinds. The room was too dark to his liking.
Sirius' eyes fluttered open and he got up, holding his head. "What … happened …?"
"You fainted." Snape replied curtly. Sirius frowned then realization hit him. "Oh."
"Are you sick, Sirius?" Remus asked in a tone full of concern.
"No. Well, not quite." He hesitated a bit. Was it okay to tell Remus? But then he knew if there's anyone he wanted to talk to about his condition, it would be Remus. So gathering up his courage he said, "Okay … I'm pregnant."
Remus almost tripped over a chair when he heard that. "How could …"
"I be pregnant?" Remus nodded. "It's not important."
"It is important, Sirius! More than you probably think, okay?! So why don't you just tell me who the other father is?!" Remus finally lost his patient. Taking surprises was never his best area.
"Who? I think you'd know it without asking."
"So … it's James' …"
"Yeah."
"When … ?" Remus didn't continue his sentence but Sirius understood what he wanted to ask.
"The night before the wedding …"
Silence filled the room. Each person was busy with his own thought until Sirius finally managed to get up. "I don't think I can go with you guys today. Just send my regards to James and Lily. They're definitely waiting for you." He smiled bitterly and led Snape and Remus out.
"You have to-"
Remus' words were cut short as Sirius shook his head violently. "Never say anything about this to James or Lily! I don't want any of them to know about this."
"But he has the right to know. Maybe you can raise him together and-"
"Oh, is that option possible, Remus?" he asked in mockery. "They can have any children they want but not my son! Promise me not to tell them anything, both of you!"
"Fine, we promise." Remus answered as he was dragged by Snape out of the door. After seeing them disapparated, Sirius closed the door behind him and slumped against it. Rubbing his stomach, he whispered, "My son …"
Next, they saw Sirius with Lily just like what she had told them. After Lily's departure, Sirius didn't move. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he sat, watching the children played.
"James … the things I do for you …"
He started to sob uncontrollably as Harry and James did nothing but watching him.
The next memory was the night when he was appointed as the Secret Keeper, the night when everything changed. Sirius was visiting the Potters. After being appointed Harry's godfather, he could go there easier than before. He still felt hurt every time he saw James and Lily but quickly getting over it. At least they're happy.
That time, Sirius was holding the little Harry close to him when he was left alone in the room with James.
"James …" he hesitated as James waited for him to continue.
"What is it, Siri?"
Sirius closed his eyes at the way James used to say his name. It felt so long … when's the last time James called him that way? Putting Harry in his crib, he turned around to face the man he loved.
"Why did you lie to me?
"About?"
"Lily's pregnancy."
"Oh that."
Sirius frowned. James slowly approached him and asked, "Why do you think I lied?"
"Just answer me!"
Sighing, he looked at Harry and said, "I thought you … were cheating on me with Remus."
James had said that in a very small voice but it sounded like thunder to Sirius' ears. "Cheating on you?! With Remus?!! Why- How could you think such thing?!" his voice shook.
"I don't know. Maybe because you spent more time with him than with me. Maybe because you would rather tell him your problems, anything, than telling me!" his voice rose. That made Harry who was sleeping, snapped open his eyes in shock and began to cry.
Lily ran into the room, lifted Harry and patted him on the back, soothing him in the softest and sweetest voice she could do. Seeing the faces of the former lovers, she could feel the tension was growing between them. It might be best to take Harry away before they started their argument again.
Inside, Sirius was torn. He wanted to cry, partly because of anger and partly because of the disappointment. James didn't trust him. And the fact that he jumped into that conclusion without confirming the truth with him.
"I spent more time with him because you didn't have enough time to just listen to me!"
"I couldn't because I had a lot of work to do!" his voice softened somehow, "And I'm sorry …"
"What I don't understand is that you'd be so stupid to think that I'd ever cheat on you, you git!"
James was taken aback by both Sirius' words and the anger in his eyes, mixed with the feelings of hurt and the tears that stung at the corner of his eyes.
"I never thought that you'd think of me that low, James." He whispered softly. "I can't be your Secret Keeper in this case."
"But why?"
"If you can't trust me, why do you even bother asking me to be one? I can't be the Secret Keeper. I may betray you." He spat the last to words at him.
Then, collecting his things, he waved goodbye to Lily and kissed Harry before flying away with his bike, leaving a startled James behind.
And that's the last memory in the Pensieve as Harry and James jumped out of it.
Harry wiped the tears that just rolled down his cheeks. He didn't have any clue that Sirius' condition was that bad. Now he knew why Remus was concerned, why Sirius wanted to forget everything and he knew he couldn't blame him.
"Harry!" Draco was the first to notice their arrival. "What happened to you?"
Harry shook his head. "No … it's nothing."
"I need to see Sirius." James walked past Remus who smiled faintly at him.
He looked at the crying Harry and asked, "So now do you have the answers you want?"
Not trusting his voice not to crack, he nodded. "That's good, Harry. Don't hate them, both Sirius and your dad."
James walked straightly to their shared room but he didn't see Sirius anywhere. He tried the Astronomy Tower, the quidditch pitch, all the places Sirius loved to be at and he was still nowhere to be seen. Panic started to flow in him.
He asked every person he met about Sirius whereabouts but no answer had led him anywhere.
"Where is he?" James started to feel anxious. Might be … might be there's something happened to Sirius and …
Sirius stared at the ring on his hand. Then his head started to throb, this time more powerful than before. This ring meant something to him, something very important, but what? How did it get here?
Then it slowly downed to him.
Flashback
Sirius peered from behind the bushes. The only place that's safe for him to hide was the Forbidden Forest. No students could go in there and Hagrid was quite easy to run away from. He knew he shouldn't go to the stands before. Harry was shocked to see him there and he almost fell off of his broom!
He could see the Dementors're floating around the castle. How he hoped he could see his son in a better view but he couldn't. He couldn't imagine Harry's reaction when he saw him. Did they tell him about Sirius? He didn't think so. When someone had a Godfather … mother as a killer, they prefer to hide it and pretend that they didn't know anything. That's the best for him not to know about him.
If only Pettigrew hadn't shown up, he would've been still in Azkaban, waiting for his death. Now he'd kill that rat for good.
He glanced at the teachers. McGonagall, his Head House in Gryffindor. Snape, Snivellus … good Merlin, he's still there. And Moony, his fellow Marauder Moony, the werewolf, the one he had thought was the spy … he had to apologize to him … after he finished his business with Peter.
Now let go of those thoughts. Harry's there, chasing the Snitch. It's been twelve years since the last time he saw him and Harry had grown more like his father. The Dursley might not be the best Muggle family to live with but Harry had grown well.
In the dog form, Sirius watched the game as it flowed. His son flew as well as James did. Merlin, he missed him so much, so much that it hurt him to realize that he couldn't see him again.
"And he'd never know the truth about Harry …"
Slowly, he padded down the way to the forest towards the cave he used as a shelter. Not the best place to live in but he had no choice. Like he'd said before, he could hide safely in the Forbidden Forest and their excursions at the Marauders' time were enough to make him know the Forest in and out.
Changing into the form of human, he laughed a bark-like laugh at his reflection on the water. "How times can change many things …"
He rummaged inside his pocket and lifted up a small wooden box in front of his face. Inside was the ring James gave him when he was proposing to him. The only thing that he could kept and restrained him from giving in to the dread he felt in Azkaban. The only thing that kept reminding him about the times they're together and happy. Just where did that time go?
"I'll never be able to return this to him."
So he decided to put it somewhere so that when he could get through all the problems laid before him alive, he would know where to look for it. Muttering a spell at the ground, he gave the box one last look before placing it on the ground.
"Good bye, James."
End of Flashback
"James … Harry … my son …" completely lost his strength, he collapsed onto the ground.
TBC
A/N: I'm sorry, really, really sorry that it took me so long to update. I hope you enjoy this one. The next chapter is going to be the last chapter … maybe. Still, R&R please! To all who have reviewed, thank's!
