7. Hope.
T: I'm not going to spoil this chapter so I'm going straight into disclaimers…it's not mine and warnings remain the same!
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He can not find the energy to get up.
For months he had pulled himself out of his apartment, had been dealing with the situation in a mature fashion.
He deserved time to mope.
He had actually been coping fairly well once he had squashed his initial impulse to storm back and insist Subaru listen.
Then he had seen Subaru again.
It had not been deliberate and in a way that had made it all the worse.
He had been contentedly enjoying his lunch break in his favourite café, his mood a general cheerfulness that was his norm of late, until the familiar figure had passed by the window.
He had been with Kamui and in the moment that Seishiro had spotted him he'd been laughing uncontrollably at something the younger boy had said.
Such release he had never seen on Subaru's face and looking at it had been as a blow for him after so long apart…after allowing himself to believe that the Sumeragi had withered without him.
Without the comfort of that belief he had found his zeal for life crushed and slowly he had fallen into an almost depressive state.
And now…
Now he was contemplating spending the whole day in bed.
It was frustrating that one small moment of contact could reduce him to this and yet now that he had admitted himself in love with the Sumeragi he had opened himself out for the harm emotions wrought…
Had caused the spell that bound his heart to splinter so that he was no longer the emotionless Sakurazukamori, but simply Seishiro.
There is a knock on the door and he stills entirely in the hope that if he remains stationary whoever it is shall simply disappear.
A hope that is squashed as the door opens and a cheery voice announces,
"Sei-chan, I know that you are here!"
"Leave me be, Hokuto-chan." He remarks as he buries himself further into his covers.
Her face appears near his a moment later and she sighs dramatically,
"Who would think that the great Sakurazukamori would be brought down by a man?"
He does not dignify that with an answer, but instead simply turns away from her.
"Seishiro, you can not stay here all day…I mean who will feed the tree and how are you going to get any food?"
"Both myself and the tree can cope without food for the day."
"Then you ate yesterday did you?"
"I was on business."
"Really? I could have sworn that I phoned your supervisor and asked if I might steal you for a week or two for some very important paperwork."
Ah, so that had been why they had shooed him out of the office the day before last without much explanation…
"You should not interfere, Hokuto-chan."
"You will change your mind on that regard if you would just come out."
It was cryptic enough to catch his attention and he pulls himself out from under the covers.
Subaru is stood in the doorway.
He looks very serious and though this look also becomes him Seishiro finds that he would much rather see Subaru happy away from him than serious and close to his side.
"You did not have to come here, Subaru."
The younger man comes sot crouch at his side then and raises a hand to catch one of Seishiro's before he says,
"Hokuto made me guess what was wrong with you, Seishiro and yet if I had thought but a moment about it the answer would have been clear before me.
"Everything that you have done to me I have done in return and yet for you it has been much harder.
"For one such as myself to feel love and ignore that feeling is simplicity, yet for once such as you…one who has never before known emotion…it would be very difficult."
He feels the burns of Subaru's marks upon his hands, feels the echoing pull of the Marks on Subaru's hands answer in kind and decides that at last he shall allow the man to know everything.
Makes this choice merely for the desire to see how the other will react to the truth, to see if the man will again surprise him…
"It is not that simple, Subaru…nor is it that romantic.
"As the Sakurazukamori my emotions have been trapped by magic, for to feel in my line of work is foolish…is weakness.
"To feel is to die…this is the one truth of my existence, the one truth I have lived always by.
"Thus now that I feel, I must die and as you shall deny me a death by your own hands it seems I must destroy myself."
Hokuto gasps and Subaru's eyes darken, yet he does not lease his grip nor recoil from his side.
"How sad to be fate to feel the greatest of emotions and know it can not last…know that one day that emotion shall be stolen from you by the long eternity of death." The Sumeragi remarks as he kisses Seishiro's hand gently. "Seishiro, I wish to protect Kamui, wish to shelter that fragile soul and yet I wish to love you…wish the chance to show you that love need not be death.
"I am aware of how hard achieving the both shall be and yet if you give me chance…"
Seishiro tightened his grip and lent forwards enough to kiss the other,
"It can not hurt to try, Subaru."
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Subaru is later in getting up than is his normal on a week day and though Kamui is more than aware that he will get his head bitten off, he opens Subaru's door in the intent of waking the Onmyouji up.
He stops when he is greeted with the image of Subaru bundled up into the Sakurazukamori's arms and smiling to himself steps back out into the living room.
So Subaru had finally decided to stop running from his heart and attempt to fight against destiny…attempt to make a better life for himself.
Kamui cared for Subaru very much and though at the beginning he had hoped that perhaps he might become more that friend to the man, he had soon realised that Seishiro was the only one whom Subaru could ever love.
Thus he decided to be Subaru's friend and in doing as such had realised that his heart had been given over already to another.
His Wish…the Wish that had saved his life…was to do all that he could to bring back the one he loved…
Something that has seemed all but impossible until this day and now…
Subaru had given him hope.
He wrote a note to the older man and then went out for a walk.
His feet led him, without hesitation, to Kotori's graveside and he spent a good hour there simply thinking.
Then the oddest of things occurred.
He spotted the familiar figure of Hokuto Kizuki, Subaru's twin sister, dashing across the park towards the kindergarten section of the Campus.
He follows, curious as to what she is doing in this place, especially considering her connections to the Dragons of Earth.
She slows as she comes to the kindergarten building and she seems now more relaxed…more at home.
One of the teachers has come to great her and the pair talk as though they have known one another a great while.
Curious…very curious.
He can not follow Hokuto into the building without alerting her suspicions, thus he hops onto the roof and back down into the playground.
He can see Hokuto through the window at the back of the building and watches in rapt fascination as the older woman is leapt upon by a small boy of no more than five.
They exchange a silent greeting and then Hokuto hefts the child onto her shoulders and heads towards the door leading out onto the playground.
Kamui jumps again for the safety of the roof and though already he had an idea of what he is perceiving, he remains watching the pair.
"Kibou, mind you do not hurt yourself." She remarks before she sets the child to the floor.
"I will be fine, mama." He retorts before he heads off towards the swings.
Now that he knows all that he need to he sees no point in hiding himself and he leaps with a gentle precision to land at Hokuto's side.
"I did not know you had a son." He remarks.
She starts and then is such a fear in her eyes when she turns to him that he knows almost instantly why he has been ignorant to the existence of this child,
"Yet I suppose that was the point?"
She nods before she turns back to watch her son and after a moment she says,
"No one knows but Kakyo and I, for Kibou was born before they started searching for Kakyo…before this war caught us up.
"He was four by the time they began making trouble for us and though Kakyo knew he could assure my existence, the continued existence of Kibou was a different story.
"Thus I brought my son here and asked them to protect him, asked them to keep him hidden from any who would know him for my child and harm him for that fact.
"I had hoped his existence could remain a secret until such a time that we could be again a family and yet at last I have exposed him….at last I have unwittingly drawn him into this fight also."
"Do you believe that I shall harm him, Kizuki-san?"
"No."
"Then why do you talk of exposure…of harm coming to your son?"
"Because you are tied by soul to one who will harm him given the smallest of chances."
"You are talking about Fuuma, are you not?"
"No. I am talking of the Dark Kamui."
There is a faint smile on her lips now and knowing what her gift is…what such a statement could mean from her, he can not but help enquire,
"Can they be separated then?"
"When my brother first asked me to discover the answer to that question I returned with only a tentative hope.
"I have looked twice since into the subconscious of the other Kamui and now I can give you true hope.
"For I have seen now the dreams of that individual and they are so very different from the dreams of Fuuma that I know beyond doubt that they are still separate."
"Do you know how I can get Fuuma back…how I can destroy the other Kamui without killing Fuuma?"
"Do you love him?"
Despite the forwardness of the enquiry he did not hesitate in a response.
After all what was the point when he knew already the truth?
"Yes."
"Then love him, Kamui, for that is all you can do…is the only thing that will reach beneath the void of your other self to Fuuma…"
"Then I shall love him. For Subaru's sake, for the sake of your son and for my own selfish Wish, I shall love him."
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T: A few things before I go…I was very tempted to put one of my favourite lines from Gaston Leraux's Phantom into Sei-chan's speech 'I'm dying for love of you' because it fit so very well…resisted the temptation as you can see! Kibou means not only 'hope' but also 'deception' thus it fit perfectly into the name for Hokuto's child. R+R …just because!
