A/N: Okay this is my first story so be nice. Be open to it too for all the jokes here are based on manyinside jokes between me and my sister, Gizmogurlie(who btw I highly reccommend her story). Also she did help a bit with this story and she and I want you to know that every actor in this movie we respect and none of the jokes against them in this story is personal or because we hate them or blah blah blah. Enjoy!
Pie-rats of the Care-a-bee-in
Chapter Eleven
In the beginning…
Standing on the bow of a merchant ship was a young girl by the named Elizabeth something or another. Elizabeth thought it would be nice to sing for the hard working crew of the ship. Elizabeth started singing, "Don't wanna be an American idiot…" When all of a sudden a fat ugly old man grabbed her shoulder and said "Don't be singin' that song miss something or another. Curseded pie-rats sail them here waters. You don't want too be bringin' them here now do you?"
Elizabeth spun around and said "Why, yes what ever your name is, I do want to bring a cursed pie-rat down upon us. So, that when I grow up I can be secretly in love with him, while having to marry the stupid sod behind you who will tell you to leave me alone and who will seem to never age." Sure enough the stupid sod came up behind the fat old man and said. "Mr. Gibbs that will do." Mr. Gibbs turned in protest and said "But Mr. What ever your name is. Elizabeth is singin' bout pie-rats. It is bad luck to be singin' bout pie-rats in this morning's unnatural fog. Mark me words." The younger slightly more attractive man said "Wow Mr. Gibbs the use of the word unnatural for you is a big accomplishment for you."
The better-looking man told Mr. Gibbs to shove off. Though the better-looking man really wanted the fat ugly old Mr. Gibbs to jump over bored. So he would never be seen again. Mr. Gibbs said "Yes, Lieutenant." As Gibbs went past the young attractive man he said "Its bad luck to be bringin' a woman an board. Let alone a miniature one at that." Then Mr. Gibbs to out a small bottle, that he hides in one of his many folds of fat, and took a long swig of milk.
Elizabeth then told her future never aging husband not to be "I think it would be exciting to meet a pie-rat." The future husband not to be looked at his future wife not to be and said "Think again you stupid child. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see that any man who sails under a pie-rat flag or wears a pie-rat brand shall get what they deserve." He then looked down at his future not too be wife and noticed a glowing green hamster run by. He thought to him self how odd it was to see a glowing pink hamster run by. He was thinking of stop drinking so much in the morning when his future wife not to be asked, "What do you think they deserve?" He looked down at her and said "A short drop and a sudden stop and a glass of cold milk."
Elizabeth then looked at Mr. Gibbs too see him scratching his crotch. She shuddered in horror at the site she had just witnessed. Then Elizabeth's father came up a said "Lieutenant Norrington, I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the affect this subject will have on my daughter. If you continue to put such horrible thoughts into my daughter head, she just might end up falling in love with a young pie-rat, the one she's about to find floating in the water, and might end up marring him instead of you. Now wouldn't that just be horrible? And it would be all your fault you stupid sod!" The circle of life.
"My apologies, governor Swann."Lieutenant Norrington told the governor. Then the younger version of Elizabeth said "Actually, I find it all fascinating." The governor looked down at his only daughter with down syndrome and said "Yes. That's what concerns me." He then left his young daughter to do what ever she wanted to do.
After her father left Elizabeth and decided to look out into the open waters of the South Pacific Ocean. While she gazed out into the open water she noticed something floating in the water. At first she thought it was a glowing yellow hamster. Then she realized that that was a foolish idea. Hamsters can't float or breathe under water. Not like bunnies. Not like her best friend Frank who is a giant six-foot bunny. Elizabeth wondered could she be seeing floating in the water. Then as it came closer she realized that it was an umbrella. She thought, "Man, I could use a new umbrella. My current umbrella is soooo nineties. I totally need to up date." It was at that moment when she saw one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen in her short life. To top it all off he looked exactly like the totally hot actor Orlando Bloom. She thought how wrong could I go with a hottie like him? I think I'll have my father bring the hot man aboard
Elizabeth then screamed, "Look! A man! There is a man in the water!" All the men looked at her like she was the crazed down syndrome foolish girl she was. Then she yelled "Do you like Indian food?" At that they all went running to the side of the boat to look at the young hot man, who can't act, floating in the water.
Then Lieutenant Norrington casually said, "Man overboard." He then thought how much he did not want this younger hotter man on the ship because he was the young man who was going to steal his wife not too be away from him, but he gave the order to have the young man brought aboard. Some unimportant crewmen said, "Man the ropes." Lieutenant said, "Fetch a hook. So as we could "accidentally" fatally wounding him keeping him out of my beautiful existence. Another man more attractive than me! Why that is just not right. " Then yet another unimportant crewman who seemed to think he was important enough to speak said, "Haul him aboard."
After a couple of hours the crew finally got the young man aboard. They handed him off to one another till the young man finally came into the hands of Lieutenant Norrington. Lieutenant Norrington checked the young man out to make sure he was all right. Then Lieutenant Norrington pointed out the obvious saying "He's still breathing." as he notice the young man was still breathing. Of course the fat tub of lard Gibbs said, "Mary, Mudder of God!" As he notices a small ship that had a small fire on it. The entire ship stopped to look at the small ship with a small fire, to see the other crew trying to put the small fire out. Governor Swan asked "What happened here?" Lieutenant Norrington replied, "It's the powder magazine. Merchant vessels run heavily armed."
Then he thought why in the world would any ship want to carry around a heavy arm? That is just plain wrong, and where did they get heavy arms any way? Is it a human arm? Or maybe it's the long arm of the law. Then he noticed that there was a glowing black hamster on a flag floating in the water. He then realized that the fat tub of lard Gibbs was talking. Gibbs was saying something to the affect of "A lot of good it did them. Every one is just thinking it. I'm just saying it. Pie-rats. Governor Swan said "There's no proof of that. It's probably an accident"
Governor Swann couldn't think that it could be pie-rats. No, that couldn't be the case. No pie-rat could so such a thing. It must have been that dammed purple glowing hamster. Why pie-rats are good kind respectable creatures that would never hurt a fly. They enjoy milk and doing great things for there community. Of course he was just as messed up in the head as his youngest daughter what's her fuck? Lieutenant Norrington said, "Rouse the captain immediately." Then Gibbs responded in a hurried tone, "Yes Sir, I go arouse the captain." Norrington stopped for the briefest second to respond to what Gibbs had just said. Then he was distracted and barked out orders. Heave to and take in the sail. Launch the boats.
While all of this was going on Elizabeth went to the young man to stair at his hotness. Then some man picked up the young man where he lay on the floor, where he belonged, to move him to a much more comfortable spot. At that moment the Govern went to his only daughter and said, "Elizabeth, I want you to accompany the young man. He will be in your charge. Take good care of your future husband" Elizabeth looked up at her father and said, "What so you think I have been doing all this time? Scratching my ass? I have been accompanying him and taking care of him this entire time." She then turned and went after her future husband. So, you gave into peer pressure then? Only because I was stoned!
While the crew was searching for survivors little Elizabeth went to her true loves side. Looked at him lovingly and went to move a misplaced lock of the young mans hair when out of the blue the young man wake up and grabbed Elizabeth's arm. Being scared half out of her wit's she asked, "Are you trying to kill me?" "Yes, I am trying to kill you." The young nearly thirty-year-old man said. "It's okay. My name is Elizabeth Swann." The little bitch said, "Blinking Fish. I mean Will Turrner, but you can call me Blinking Fish. I was kind of hoping that you would have been a strapping young lad about 24 or older." Elizabeth looked at him quizzically and asked "Your gay?" Blinking Fish replied, "Yes I am but that's not the point, I am never going to age like you will. Then I shall fall madly in love while all the time being gay at the same time." Elizabeth liked the crazy idea the strange never aging Blinking Fish told her. As Blinking Fish passed out Elizabeth said, "I am watching over you Blinking Fish."
Elizabeth then had noticed a necklace around her future husbands neck. She pulled out the necklace and noticed that it was pie-rats gold metal made into a necklace. She then said, "You're a pie-rat. All right my dream is coming true." Her future not to be never aging husband Lieutenant Norrington asked young Elizabeth "Has your future gay husband said anything? Anything of any importance that is." Elizabeth turned around hiding Blinking Fishes pie-rat gold in order to protect him from a short drop and a quick stop and said, "His name is Blinking Fish, and he is gay and wants to marry me when I grow to be about his age. That's all I found out." Norrinton said, "Take him below and do try to keep your hand off him. You never know you might become poor just by touching him or his clothing."
Then Elizabeth went to the front of the ship to look at the pie-rat gold she stole from Blinking Fish. As she looked at the gold she thought of how much money she could get buy selling the gold. She thought of how she could shop at Armani or Gucci. Perhaps with the money she could own her own clothing line store in time square in New York. As she daydreamed about what she could by with the stolen gold she noticed something strange. It was another ship. I can't see my cats in the way. This ship looked brand new and it had a pi-rat flag on it. She realized that it was the legendary cursed but very comfortable and luxurious Black Pearl. Dramatic music plays: Dun Dun DUUUUUNNNN!
End of chapter Seven
