Here's another chapter for you to:
enjoy/ think it's alright/ absolutely smegging hate.
Whatever your reaction I demand that you review!
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Lister woke; surprised to find himself upside down and covered in barbeque sauce. He stayed like that for a while, feeling, just a little, disorientated. After about two minutes he began to wonder why the smeg he was upside down covered in barbeque sauce.
Cat staggered forward, hair all down his face.
"Bud," he gasped, "I need help!"
Lister flopped forward, his head was aching. Must have banged it when they landed. "What?... What is it Cat?"
"Are you blind or something?"
He squinted, "Are… you hurt?"
"I'm dying!" Cat blew the hair out of his eyes in panic, "I need straighteners!"
"Holly? Where are we?" whispered Rimmer's voice, just a little afraid.
A little meaning petrified.
Lister picked himself off the floor with a groan, peering round to see where Rimmer was. He was huddled behind a crate. Typical.
"Rimmer get up man. We're gonna be fine!"
"I wouldn't say that too soon Dave." Holly's head fizzled onto the screen, looking very worried.
"Why?"
"Because we've just crash landed on the planet of Pinkfluff!"
"Pinkfluff?" Lister snorted, "Oh god, let's run away before the locals hug us to death!"
"How did you know that's what they do?"
"What?"
"The pinkfluff hug is one of their specialities. No one has ever lived long enough to find out what one actually is."
"Well that's just great!" said Cat, "we had to land on pinkfluff, now I'm gonna clash with the surroundings!"
"Where's Kryten?"
"He's safe for the mo bud; one of the skutters is fixing him up."
"Fixing him up?"
"Yeah… he was pretty smashed up when I saw him… not that bad though…" Cat trailed off, smoothing down his tassels.
A thought popped into Lister's head. "Wait a minute. How did red dwarf crash on such a small planet?"
"Well... You're not on red dwarf."
"Then where the smeg are we Holly?"
"You're in blue midget or… what's left of it"
Cat, Rimmer and Lister looked at each other, "Why?"
"Well…" Holly laughed nervously, "I beamed you there; it was a bit of fun at the time."
"Well beam us back!" Cat said looking rather flustered, "I left my hair mousse in the cockpit!"
"I can't, the power's down. Sorry, looks like you're on your own dudes."
Lister had just about had enough: his head felt like someone had whacked it twice with a saucepan, a senile computer had beamed them onto a killer pink planet for a laugh, he was splattered with smelly barbeque sauce, and worst of all… there was no curry in sight.
"That's it!" he shouted, "I'm going out there."
"Are you crazy bud?"
"You can't go out there Dave; they'll turn your brain into a blancmange!"
"They'd have to find it first." Rimmer said with a smug smile.
"I'll fix this smegging ship if it's the last thing I do." Lister opened the doors, his mouth a grim slash.
Rimmer sighed, "I'm coming too."
They were more than a little surprised.
"You what?"
"Well, you need some intelligence. I want to get out of here as much as you do Listy."
The human and the hologram walked out of the Blue midget together.
The doors closed behind them with a pneumatic hiss. "Thanks man," Lister whispered.
"I'd say it was nothing… but I'd be a total and utter smegging liar."
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