Chapter 1
"Why are you here today?"
"Well... me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately..."
"When did the fighting start?"
I don't want to answer this... its too painful. But I'll answer anyway, knowing that this is the reason I'm here... half of it. "Ever since... my son was taken away."
The psychiatrist looks up from her clipboard and eyes me. "Why did your son get taken away?"
I look to the floor at my shoes, ashamed of the reason "They said I was a bad mother."
"Who?"
I take in another breath, trying hard to answer these irrational questions. "My boyfriend."
"Do you think you were?"
I exhale slowly, trying to come up with the right answer "I don't think I was a terrible mother... I tried. I loved my son more than anything..."
The psychiatrist nods and continues to question me "So... when you fight with your boyfriend, what kind of words are exchanged?"
I think back to our last fight, where he said I couldn't do anything right... let alone keep a son. "We fight about a lot of things now... stupid things. Just the other night we fought over the laundry, and then the fight went on the subject of my son, and how I couldn't keep him with us."
"Why don't you leave him?"
I think about that question for a moment, and ask myself why. Then the answer is always the same "Because I love him... and I'm ... I'm afraid to."
The psychiatrist raises an eyebrow and looks at me "Afraid?"
I nod "I don't want to be alone... I feel like I'll do something if I'm alone."
"Like what?"
"Kill myself." The truth is, I've thought about doing that, even if I am with him.
The psychiatrist nods and writes some more things on her clipboard. I wonder what she's writing about me. Probably that I'm depressed. Its not like I haven't heard it before. The psychiatrist resumes to her questioning.
"So how's work life? I understand that you work at an ER?"
I nod "Yes... its hard sometimes, but I make it through. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going. My friends."
"Do you talk to your friends about your home life?"
I shake my head "I don't want them to know. I don't want anyone to know."
"Well I don't know what to tell you Miss Taggart. You just have to learn to make it past this as a couple. I think you should both come in here tomorrow."
I shake my head "I can't do that."
The psychiatrist eyes me, "And why not?"
I breathe in deeply "Because … he doesn't know I've been coming here."
I take in another deep breath. "And … I'm pregnant with another man."
