Hey hey! Thanks! Sunrise over the Tango factory, Reddwarfaddict, Hermione 2000: Here's another chappie for you lovely tolerant people:
…….
…….
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Do you have a lighter?"
Lister sighed, "Yes…"
"Well hurry up then, light the buggers!"
"I… I don't want to Rimmer."
"Look Listy, we'll all die if you don't. You're the only one who can actually do anything, now get off your arse and do it!"
Lister tried to stand up. And failed. He tried again. His feet couldn't find the floor. Rimmer watched him for a while with some amusement, and some - could it possibly be - pity?
"I would help you up, but I can't."
"Okay Rimmer."
He folded his arms, "Like I said I would if I could!"
"I believe you," Lister tried yet again, it didn't help. It was like an extra strong and particularly evil magnet was pulling him back to the ground. "Why did you even bother sitting on me before? Freaked me out, you went right through me man!"
"Thanks for another lovely reminder that I'm dead Listy. Now get up!"
"I'm trying!" and he was. The whole world was rocking, he closed his eyes and stood up. Rimmer could see the strain in his face.
"Lovely. Now would you just get your rear end over here and light those things, they might wake up!"
"Alright…"
…….
"Mr Lister?" Kryten sped down the corridors on F deck, "Mr Rimmer? Are you here?" then he caught sight of the crumpled doorway.
The crumpled doorway.
The crumpled doorway?
The crumpled doorway!
"Oh Creator!" there was no way they were gonna get out of there.
…….
Lister perked his head up a little, "What's that?"
"What's what?"
"That sound."
"What sound?"
"Oh shut up Rimmer and listen!"
"You're just trying to get out of it aren't you, you're just too scared to blow those buggers to kingdom come!"
"Shut up!"
Then there was the muffled sound of something. They ran over to the door.
"Sirs? Sirs are you in there?"
"It's Kryten!"
"Oh Mr Lister sir! You're alive!"
Rimmer cut in, "Not for long unless he lights them."
"Oh sir! It's horrifyingly awful!"
Lister leaned against the door, "What is?"
Kryten's voice went all high and squeaky, "You're - you're stuck in their sir, and it's all my fault!"
"Don't be silly man… it's not your fault, we can get out."
"No you can't! You're going to die a horrible death and never get to eat your midday vindaloo! I feel terrible!"
"We've already got a plan, you bogbot from hell, we're going to set them alight aren't we Listy? Blow the door and escape."
"That's fantastic sir!"
"Now if Lister would kindly do it and save us all this fuss,"
Lister shut his eyes again as another wave of nausea swept over him. Rimmer was right, which was incredibly strange, he had to do this.
"Alright… I'll do it." He knelt down to the creatures' fur. This felt wrong. Their soft pink hair was gloopy and styled. He sighed, flipping the lighter. He watched the flame flicker for a moment, the light reflecting in his deep brown eyes. He lowered it. The creature caught fire.
KKAAAABBBOOOOOOOOOOMM!
No one really expected it to be that big an explosion.
Whoops…
…….
Ah what fun! Review!
