Harry is at the Dursley's again. He has not written me, or showed any interest in doing so for that matter. Twelve Grimwauld Place is becoming more and more depressing by the day without Sirius here to liven things up.

A sort of hush has fallen over the house; even Ron, Hermione, and Ginny have been uncharacteristically silent. Fred and George have not been at the house much, the melancholy mood that is present here does not set well with either one of them. They did not know him like the rest of us did, so I guess they are under no obligation to feel extremely mournful. And in a way, I hate them for it. They smile and joke and laugh, while the rest of us, me especially, just barely function. Nothing is cheerful here, and even a slight smile seems strange and out of place.

Dumbledore has stopped by several times, pretending that he needed to discuss Order business, but ending up talking solely to me. He's curious to how I'm "holding up" and he wants me to know that we are all feeling the loss of Sirius right now, and because of that we can draw strength from one another. The nosy, incompetent, blundering fool, for supposedly being one of the wisest wizards of all time the man knows absolutely nothing! He does not understand what I am going through right now. Does no one realize that I have no one left in this world? NO ONE! I am completely and utterly alone. And they try and console me…ha. I want to laugh at them all. Just throw my head back and shriek hysterically, to howl like the animal that I am. I'm going mad with grief, and if this is how I feel, I do not even want to try and picture what Harry is going through right now. I wonder if it almost would have been better if Voldemort had murdered Lily and James in Bulgaria. Then Harry would not be here now and would not have to be experiencing all that he is. And Sirius would not be dead.

What am I thinking? I'm being selfish…I don't deserve any compassion. I deserve to be cursed, to be sent to Voldemort in chains and to be tortured. I deserve worse than that. What if James and Lily had actually died in Bulgaria? I doubt that the pain would be any less…and if they had died there then neither would have been able to experience some of the happiest years of their much too short lives.

Bulgaria…where they first came face to face with Voldemort. I will never forget that day when Lily and James suddenly appeared at my door step, their robes torn, James with a large deep cut on his left arm, and Lily with an obvious broken nose and arm. Their wands drawn and their breath short, they pushed past me with out a word. Lily passing out before she could get past the entryway, James collapsing heavily on the couch. I remember picking Lily up in my arms and just holding her there. This was all so strange…and I had so many questions, but neither one was obviously in any condition to answer questions. James eye's though were glistening with fear, and I was very thankful that my home was "unplottable". Lily was still out cold and I was beginning to become slightly worried. I remember shaking her slightly and muttering her name in her ear, brushing her auburn hair out of her face. Finally her eye lids fluttered open, but her green eye's showed the same look as James'; fear. She didn't even question the fact that I was holding her, she just mumbled something about Voldemort and Death Eaters before her eye's closed again. Suddenly I realized what must have happened, and it was amazing that they were alive at all.

I laid Lily beside James on the couch and disapparated to the entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Dumbledore was there because the Wizengamot was holding court, which made it practically impossible to see him. I waited thirty very long minutes, and the entire time I was worried that somehow Voldemort had figured out a way to find Lily and James and was putting them through more pain. I yelled his name as soon as I spotted him, even though I received glares and reprimanding looks for doing so. Dumbledore was by my side in an instant, and I told him everything as quickly as I could. And then we were both in front of my home a second later. "Where are they?" he asked as he walked into my front room, "ah."

Lily had not moved from the position that she had been in when I had left and James was now unconscious as well. Dumbledore looked more worried than I had ever before seen him, "Did either one of them say anything before they became unconscious?" "No, not really, Lily was mumbling something about Voldemort and Death Eaters, but that's all that either of them said." I hated feeling so helpless, these were my two of my closest friends, and yet all I could do was stand off to the side and watch.

Dumbledore gently revived them both with his wand, "Lily, James?" James groaned and Lily let out a scream of terror, tears streaming down her face. "Miss Evans?" Dumbledore asked softly; she stopped screaming. James stared listlessly at the ceiling, his right hand clinching into a fist, then relaxing.

"We need to know what happened."

I was shocked that Dumbledore would force them to talk about it so soon after it had occurred. Lily sat up abruptly, James continued to stare at the ceiling, "Professor, sir," she falteringly, "one of the Death Eaters on the Bulgarian team found out who James and I really were. Voldemort and a group of six or seven Death Eaters cornered us after one of the team's practices. We fought them off as long as we could. I was placed under the Cruciartis curse once; James I think was placed under it about two or three times." Lily was trembling by this time. I wanted to go to her at that moment and hold her in my arms again, tell her everything would be all right, but I resisted that urge.

She continued after a moment's pause, "We both were both dueling, and Voldemort just stood there laughing and watching. He thought it was entertaining. Occasionally he would send a few well-aimed curses, very powerful ones, and Dark ones. We tried to run, but the stadium began to fall down around us and that's how James got that cut on his arm. A metal beam fell and sliced his arm and broke mine. They followed us out, tormenting us and mocking us, basically "toying" with us. The last thing I remember before now is tripping, and Voldemort and three other Death Eaters beginning to advance toward me, but James got to me first and grabbed my hand, apparating at the exact moment our hands made contact." Dumbledore had been looking into her eyes as she said all this, reading her more complex thoughts with occlumency.

They were both in so much pain and I remember thinking at the time that there was no way that either could ever feel that much pain ever again. I was wrong though, as I usually am. What they would experience in the future would make this first encounter look almost enjoyable.

James and Lily stayed at my house for about three weeks until they were fully recovered, but that first day, neither moved from that couch. James held onto her hand tight and Lily kept as close to him as she could. Dumbledore had said it would be best to leave them how they were and not try to deal with any of their physical injuries yet those could be fixed when both had more strength.

I sent owls to both Peter and Sirius later that day, telling them of all that had happened and what the current situation was like. Sirius showed up at my house three days after I had sent him the owl, going against specific orders from Dumbledore to stay in France. By that time Lily and James had both moved off the couch and their injuries had been dealt with, but neither could stand to be apart from the other for very long. Sirius was there to keep my spirits up and help me take care of them, and I know that I couldn't have made it through that time without him.

Dumbledore thought it best if they not be admitted to St. Mungos, and I agreed. Sirius didn't care where they were, as long as they could both get better.

During those long three weeks Peter never came to see them, never wrote to see how they were even doing. When I confronted him about it later on, he'd said that he had been very busy. He said it in a rush though and would not look me in the eye, the traitor. He was the one that had dropped the tip of who the "spy" was on the Bulgarian Quidditch team. We didn't know that at the time though, so we all believed the fool. Lily recovered before James did. She was up and about after about only a week, her arm and nose completely healed, and a sad smile upon her face.

But James…he barely moved. He wouldn't eat much and I know that he rarely slept. He just stared at the ceiling, unblinking, barely breathing sometimes. Lily would sit next to him, holding his hand and whispering to him. He talked to only her for at least two weeks, and whenever Sirius or I were around he would not make a sound. Someone sat by his bed constantly, mainly Lily, but Sirius and I would insist upon her getting sleep and would switch with her on a regular basis. The cut on his arm began to heal, but slowly. It was deep, all the way to the bone, but it did not seem to matter to him much.

Finally on a stormy Monday morning at around five, James spoke, "Moony."

At first I thought I was dreaming, his voice was just as strong and clear as it always had been and he sounded like his old self. I looked at him and for the first time in two weeks I saw the old sparkle back in his eyes, "Yes James?" "Do you think Lily would marry me?"

It was the strangest thing for him to ask at that moment. He had narrowly escaped death! He had not said a single word to anyone but Lily for two whole bloody weeks! And the first words out of his mouth; "Do you think Lily would marry me?"! James would continue to baffle me with the more he said.

"Well I just realized that the only thing that really matters to me right now is her. When I saw Voldemort appear, my first thoughts were to her. And I was so afraid that she was dead when she tripped, she didn't move for at least a minute. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to be the one to protect her. I want…" I looked away from him, knowing what was coming, " I want her to be mine forever." He looked at me imploringly. "She would marry you James, she loves you. The only person she has cared about this whole time is you. It does not matter to her at all how she is doing, just how you are."

I had always known that this day would come, it was to be expected, but yet I had somehow convinced myself that it would never come. I should have known better.

Later that day, James got out of bed for the first time in at least two weeks. He was wobbly on his legs, but with help from Sirius and me he was able to stumble into the kitchen where Lily was sitting with a cup of strong tea. She shrieked happily at the sight of him out of bed, but withstood the urge to run up and hug him, which I know James was very thankful for.

Oh, to see the joy in both their eyes…to them they were alone, wrapped up in each other and temporarily lost to us. As soon as James became more stable on his legs it was off to London. Sirius went with him and I stayed behind with Lily. I was torn between happiness and joy. The girl that I loved more than life itself was going to be married to one of my best friends, as there was no doubt in my mind that she would tell him yes. In a way, that was my last day with her…

Lily never expected a thing. What can I say? We made sure that the surprise actually stayed a surprise, a very rare thing I will have you know. He took her to the Leaky Cauldron, hardly the most romantic spot in the world, but familiar and comforting. They sat down at the table that the Marauders always used to sit at, tucked back in a corner far enough away from all the hustle and bustle to talk secretly, but close enough to pull pranks on the unsuspecting customers.

Sirius and I were there, but unbenounced to Lily, as James told us that this was going to be a "romantic dinner for two, not a gorge session". "Then why are you taking her to the bloody Cauldron?" Sirius asked in disgust, James just rolled his eyes and a playful banter followed Sirius's sarcastic remark.

So that night, Sirius and I observed the scenario from a table out of their sight, but that allowed us to see them. It was in reality somewhat boring for a while, watching the two flirt and laugh and smile at each other; it took all myself control not to fall asleep, but then it happened. Without warning he pulled out his chair and dropped to his knees in front of her.

"Lily, I love you more than life itself and I can not bear to be without you any longer. Will you please marry me?" "Yes," Lily whispered, tears streaming down her pale cheeks, "yes." The relief that showed on James' face in that moment was laughable. He had no reason to be worried. Lily felt the exact way about him that he felt about her; they were destined to be together.

I remember thinking in that moment about how now they would settle down and just focus on starting a family and life as a married couple. I should have known them better than that.

With all the threats starting to appear with the continual rising of the Dark Lord, Lily barely had time to plan her own wedding since she continued to still work full time for the Order.

They were married about a year later on April second. It was rainy and somewhat dreary, but nothing could demolish the joy of that day. Lily was so beautiful…so beautiful and so happy. And James, well he was up in the sky somewhere, completely preoccupied with his thoughts about Lily.

I don't remember much about the wedding, except for Sirius starting to drift off to sleep and bump into me, earning him a sharp jab in the ribs, and Peter on my other side watching in rapt attention.

The reception afterwards was humorous and enjoyable, how could it not have been, the Marauders were there. After that night though, everything was different, but the difference was a good one and I'm glad that it came into being.

Lily and James encountered Voldemort two more times and escaped from him both times, but they were forever haunted by the encounters. Harry came about a year after they were married and he was the pride and joy of everyone that knew the Potters closely.

Then everyone blinked…and Lily and James were gone forever. Harry was without parents. Sirius was in Azkaban. Peter was supposedly dead. I was heart broken and alone…like I am now in fact.

Except this time the pain is even more intense because I know that almost all hope is gone. So this is the end of my past, at least the part that causes me the most pain and wears upon my mind the most heavily at this moment. This has helped me though in a way, and maybe it will continue to help in the trying days ahead. Good-bye…

Remus J. Lupin

The End