Green Blackguard: My task is complete! This is it… the long-awaited chapter written by me! It's little nasty. Be warned, this chapter contains excessive violence and gore. This chapter may be rated M, I don't really know.

The fog rolled in, and Matthew was at point. He could see through it for some reason, and the new arrival Wallace was clanking along behind. We were slowed by his presence, but I decided to maintain formation. I had to keep Nils with him so Wallace could keep up. Matthew raised his hand. "Stop!" he shouted. "There are brigands in the mist! They're coming from the mountains!" We drew our weapons, and I congratulated myself for my forethought, having kept all melee units surrounding the support units in the centre. They broke upon us like water on a dam. After we'd finished with them, we continued.

General Eagler's estate began to appear in my sight, and I halted the legion. "Look, there are only two ways to the entrance. Sain and Wil, take the eastern route round the back. Wallace and I will take the western route, direct to the entrance. Nils and Lucius, I'll need you as support for Wallace. Got it?"

"Ha ha hah! A wonderful plan!"

"Errm… yes, Wallace…" Nils and Lucius were a fair way behind, and we walked more for a time, before Wallace broke the silence.

"So how long have you been with the lady Lyndis?" he boomed.

"Well, I've been travelling w-"

"No no, lad." He interrupted. "That's not what I mean. I mean how long have you been together?"

"What do you mean?"

He huffily explained, "The way you look at her. It's the same way she looks at you. You love each other, I can tell that much."

"Hold on! No, no no. She's a friend! I don't have that kind of a relationship with Lyn."

"Do you want one?"

'Wow. That's actually a more difficult question than it seems.' "There are… things she should know if I did. Things that may change her opinion of me."

"Then tell her! It does you no good to hide behind them. But you didn't answer my question. Do you want a relationship with her?"

I cast my eyes down and thought hard. 'Do I love her? I don't know… well, my troubles are somehow alleviated when I'm near her… I enjoy seeing her happy, more than anyone else. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I am overjoyed whenever she puts her arm around me-'

"Eagler!" cried Wallace. 'Damn it, not now!'

Eagler stood in the centre of a wooden courtyard, all the beams covered with ivy, and flowers surrounded each one. Eagler was outraged. "General Wallace... So you have sided with the girl, too!"

"I fight for Caelin's honour, not for Lundgren's lies!" defended the bald general.

He pondered on that. "Ah... Is that so? You are-- Enough! There's nothing more to be said. I name you traitors all! Come! Do your worst!"

"Fool..." muttered Wallace. "At the very least, let mine be the blow that finishes you!" Eagler commenced with a spear thrust at Wallace, and the weapon pierced his armour, striking flesh. Wallace grunted and released his axe. The axe flew forward until connecting with the general's chest. Forced back, Eagler pushed himself off the weapon, leaving a huge tear in his front. As Wallace's axe was pulled back by the connecting chain, Lucius let fly with a holy aura that formed around him, then flew forward, blowing Eagler back, smashing a wooden support. The framework creaked, and began to fall.

"Retreat! Nils, help Wallace!" I screamed, knowing the courtyard would soon collapse. I grabbed Lucius and sped out, then looked back. Eagler was on the move, towards us. Wallace and Nils had cleared the area, and I raised my sword, knowing fully well any attack I launched would be futile.

Eagler almost escaped, before the wood and stone came crashing down, burying him under the rubble. I rushed into it just to miss a spear thrust out from underneath, and Eagler rose up, pushing piles of debris off him. He thrust again, and the spearhead dug into my arm. Gritting my teeth, I refused to scream. I dropped my sword, and grabbed the spear. Pushing hard against Eagler, the spear moved back, out of the hole in my limb. An axe flew past my head, and I instinctively dodged out the way. Behind me I heard it hit Eagler, and I rolled away to avoid him landing on me. I needn't have worried though- he fell backward.

"Nnng... Go... Go quickly." He spluttered, his blood welling in his mouth. "The marquess... he knows nothing of this... His life is... There's no illness. Only... poison... Please... for the marquess... for all of Caelin..." He fell limp, but I didn't notice. I was thinking of Lyn, and how she would react to the news Eagler gave.

'Wallace is quite a… loud person. Not that anyone minds. In fact, some of the group love hearing the quite elaborate tales of his past, including me.' We were now one day from Castle Caelin, and Lundgren. Wallace was of great help while planning my final strategy, as he had up to date information on the strength and numbers of Lundgren's followers. There was little left to do, other than tell the troops. Lundgren himself was the problem. I'd heard from Wallace that Lundgren was just as tough as he was, if not tougher. Seeing how Wallace slaughtered our enemies by the dozen, I was more than a little worried. We had no steel weapons; I just hoped some of our enemies on the field did, so Matthew could… acquire them. Little was left to chance in my plans; I had many ideas for what to do when things went wrong. Nils was crucial. As were Wallace and Lucius. I described my plan to the others, and Lyn interjected when it came to Lundgren. I had planned to let Wallace deal with him, but she said, "I'll take care of him." When I protested, she glared at me coldly, and I backed down.
For the first time in many nights, I was plagued by the dreams again. I repeatedly heard the death-rattles of those whose blood was on my hands, again and again. I couldn't stand it any longer. What would put my demons to rest? And then it came to me. 'Wallace was right. I must tell them all. But how? How could I tell them?' I lay unmoving, unable to clear my head of doubt and indecision. 'Even she wouldn't forgive me… she'd despise me… as I deserve…' I crawled out of my bedroll and tried to be as silent as possible, so as not to wake Lyn.

'The moonlight would help me work it out. It always does.' I climbed out of the tent, and saw Kent glaring down at me. "Where are you going?" he demanded.

"For a walk," I answered. 'Not now, Kent.'

"Why?" 'Not NOW, Kent!'

"I can't sleep. Okay?" I fumed, unable to keep in my frustration. He considered this for a moment, and reluctantly agreed.

I looked for a place far from the others, and sat cross-legged, waiting for inspiration to hit me. "What's this?" I heard a sharp cry from behind me. Realising who it was, I panicked. 'I don't have my cloak on! She saw the mark!'

"No…" she whispered weakly, almost stunned.

"Lyn, I didn't want you to find out like this," I began, while getting up.

"You… can't have…" She looked close to tears.

"I was going to tell you. Tell all of you. Tonight. You caught me as I was trying to gather my thoughts and-"

"Why do you have this!" she screamed, pointing to my left shoulder, to the mark of the Taliver.

"It was… a job."

"A JOB!"

I took her anger, and threw it back. "What do you think I was doing near Sacae!" I raged. "Did you ever think about it!"

She looked and sounded angrier than I've ever known her to be, and she was venting it all out at me. Beating me on the chest with her fists she cried furiously, "I can't believe I made you one of the Lorca! You worked for those monsters! They murdered my tribe! My family! Your people took away everything I'd ever known and loved! You beast! You-!"

"Lyn!" I shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Get a hold of yourself! If I was still Taliver, I'd murdered you all in your sleep by now! I'm no longer one of them! I left them as I saw what horror I'd caused in-" I stopped, realising I'd made the biggest mistake of all. The memories came flooding back.

The blood on my hands, the fires burning, the final screams of terror as blades sliced open the helpless people's bodies. The cries of triumph as the butchers had done their work.

I released her, and collapsed to the ground with my head in my hands crying in sorrow, and fell limp, spread on the floor. Lyn looked down, and lowered to my level.

"What-" she harshly said, but started again in a calmer tone. "Why were you with them?"

"I needed work. They gave me an offer. I… I didn't know what they did then! I didn't know they killed all they could find! Slaughtered all they stole from! I thought them simple bandits!" I cried remorsefully, through my uncontrollable sobbing.

"You worked as their tactician?"

"For years." I suppressed the tears and sat up, not bothering to wipe away the salt water from my cheeks. "I… made plans. Battle tactics. The Taliver… used them against their victims…" Almost breaking down again, I pushed back the memories, and composed myself. "One day I went into battle with them. Then I saw what they were doing with my skills. An entire village was destroyed in an assault I had planned. There were no survivors…"

"That's… that's…"

"… I thought there were no survivors. Until I met you."

She looked at me, shocked, and looked unable to speak, her mouth opening and closing with no sound escaping.

"I'm sorry, Lyn!" I wailed, with hurt in my every word. "I destroyed the Lorca! I did! When I heard your story, I knew it!"

She looked either as though she was about to run away, or run me through with her sword. Carefully I extended my hand, and she smacked it away shouting, "Leave me alone! LEAVE!"

I ran in the opposite direction from the camp.

The rain had come, and I ran. I had no choice. This time not from murderers, but from myself. I ran from my past. The tears flowed freely, and scattered a trail of dampness behind me, but was quickly erased by the water falling from the sky. For hours I ran, away from a girl, one who in an instant would curse me, and all I was. She couldn't stand my presence, and neither could I.

I… hate me.

I hate what I've become. A coward, running from his obligations and duties as though they were nothing. A man so deep in his sorrow he can't even bear to look upon the face of the one he hurt the most. A man so afraid he would run from the woman… he loves.

Yes… Yes, I do. I do love her.

I think on it, and I always come to the same conclusion. I do love her. Her face… warms my heart, her every smile makes my burdens seem as nothing. I feel at peace when she is near. Her voice in its symphonic purity soothes my soul. She's the only one who… can make me feel… carefree.

But… I don't deserve to! I don't deserve my guilt to be extinguished! I don't deserve a pleasant life! My choices in life have forever damned me!

As I ran further the screams of the dead returned. They tormented me, blamed me, imprecated me, and I knew they were right to do so. They were right to hate me, despise me, to spit on my very soul. The night grew darker, and the rain harder. My legs tired, but I kept running. Soon I collapsed, and fell headfirst into the dirt. Tasting the bitter soil, I tried to get up. Failing miserably, I collapsed, and let my exhaustion overcome me as the anguished cacophony drowned out all else.

"You failed her…" The dream returned. Fires raged on the wooden houses, and people were running out with their children in their arms, only to be cut down by the marauders. The land was filled with blood, and more followed it. Waves of it rushed from over the mountainside, and swept across the town. It affected no one. No one fell to it, none were distracted. It rolled over me, and my sight was tinted crimson. I saw a middle-aged woman with a somehow familiar face leave a hut, and a man followed. A girl came out too, but the man called for her to run away. Brandishing a short blade, the man swiped at the town's attackers. He fought bravely, cutting down many a skilled warrior. But there were too many, and he was overwhelmed. From the pile of bandits that covered him, bloody chunks of meat flew from it. One landed near me, and it was the man's head. His eyes… they stared into my soul and found no light there. A horrific scream turned me from this grim sight, and I saw the woman's arms being pulled at by other men, and I saw a deeper red start seeping from under her clothing. I tried to get to her, but my legs couldn't move. I screamed for them to stop, to kill me instead, but no sound came from my mouth. With a great ripping sound, the arms tore off. I tried to look away, but the sight of this woman's torment followed my eyes. The monsters moved to her legs, and pulled again. The hideous carnage continued, as more were killed around me, the poor woman's ravaged corpse fell in pieces to the gore-covered plains. The girl was hiding in the shadows, and I looked closer at her. Those eyes… it was her! Her face showed not fear, but anger. Boiling hate, and she acted upon it. Running out of the shadows, she ran toward a figure in the distance. I found I could move so I ran with her, and the scene changed to that day on the plains, with Batta as her target. My sight was still tinted blood red. She'd grown older as the scene warped and contorted to its new form, to the age she was then. Her sword shined in the sunlight, and she brought it down. Striking nothing but air, she frantically looked around for her enemy. I saw Batta behind her, and I shouted a warning. Again, my voice had gone, and I could do nothing as Batta buried his axe into her spine. Blood poured out as water from a breached dam, enough to turn the translucent sea opaque, and I saw Batta grab the now limp body, and tear. I tried to move, to stop this, but again couldn't. I never could. Lyn's voice permeated the air as the blood tide washed over me, blotting out all else, "Your fault! Yours! You killed us! Killed me!"
I woke up in the middle of the road. The morning sun shone brightly, and I saw a shadowed figure in front of me. It bent down, and was revealed to be… Lyn?

"I thought… you wanted me… to leave…" I croaked in sadness.

She looked to the ground for a moment, and then extended her hand. I grasped it, and she pulled me to my feet. "I thought about it. I know you." I stared at her, unable to believe what she was saying. "You told me something once. No matter what is revealed about you, you are still you. I hate Andur of the Taliver, but you are not he. You are Andur, but no longer Andur of the Taliver. You're you, regardless of your past. You are as I've known you to be."

I anticipated her next words. "But you cannot forgive me."

"Can you forgive yourself?"

I looked at the dirt and stammered, "I… I can't."

"Then that means I can. I forgive you, Andur."

"You shouldn't!" I snapped. "I don't deserve forgiveness!" The mask I'd kept the last year fell away, and my perturbed soul was bared before her.

"Andur, I searched my heart and I found the courage to forgive the murderer of my kin. Surely you can find the courage to accept it?"

"Courage!" I exclaimed. "Courage to say, 'Oh, I killed thousands of people. One person forgives me, oh, now it's all fine!' That's not courage! It's immorality!"

"But surely-"

I cared nothing of what she said, I was too furious. "You want to know why I stayed with you? I wanted atone for my sins by helping you, a victim of my mere existence!"

"What do you mean?" she asked anxiously.

"My life only causes death! As I walk through life the blood of innocents spill on the ground behind me! I'm good for nothing else!"

"I don't believe that! You are a good man at heart!"

"No, you were right before! I am a beast! A monster! A monster capable of slaughtering the populations of entire cities! Capable of coldly planning the deaths of the defenceless! Capable of killing the family of the woman they love!" Suddenly my breathing stilled and I stopped shouting, terrified.

She stared wide-eyed and almost inaudibly whispered, "… the woman you love?"

My rage turned to grief and I howled, "I'm sorry!"

"Why?"

"It's not fair! I shouldn't be doing this to you! I can't ask you to both forgive and love me! I can't do it!" I turned away swiftly and broke into a sprint, before a pull on my cloak made me tumble backwards. "No! I can't stay with you! I don't deserve to feel happiness!" I struggled desperately to escape, but she pinned me down.

She scrutinized my tearful features with her deep, emerald eyes. I saw fear and worry in them, and I realised my mistake. I immediately stopped struggling against her, and she let go. Her hands curled around the back of my neck, and brought my lips to meet hers. In total surprise, I pulled away. She frowned, disappointed. I stared intensely at her, and then kissed her back. She let my inquisitive tongue in, and hers connected with mine. The pleasing sensations overwhelmed me, and I could think of nothing else but her. We continued our graceful entwining before our need for air overcame our desire. We pulled apart suddenly, and breathed deeply.

"I guess this means… you love me…" I gasped, still recovering.

"…Yes…" After Lyn had regained her breath she asked, "I thought you couldn't let yourself feel happiness."

I smiled as I gleefully answered, "Yes, I don't deserve it. But I remembered… that you do. If I feel happy making you happy, then so be it." Her frown turned to a joyous smile, and she grabbed my arm, and pulled me back to my feet.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. You're right. I can't dwell on the past any longer. I'm who I am now." I laughed softly and added, "How ironic. I said that about you six months ago."

"I'm glad I could help you," she beamed.

"I never wanted forgiveness. But now that I have it from one I've hurt… I feel better. Like a great weight has been lifted from me. But I've misled you, and I'm sorry. There was one other reason I remained with you, one far more important to me."

"What was that?"

"I've already said it. You deserve a happy life. I thought I could give it to you."

She gazed lovingly upon me and concluded, "You've succeeded."

We walked back towards the encampment, hand in hand. I said no more, as no more words were needed.

'I still feel my guilt, but… now I can bear it. No longer will the past haunt me. Maybe I can forgive myself one day… but not today. I will face my new life, hand in hand with her.'

Green Paladin: Before you say anything, I did think about the length of the story when I revealed this now rather than later. But if you squint, you'll see more mysteries. Thoughts are welcome in the form of reviews! Please! I really want to know your opinions of this chapter! (Especially those who haven't said anything yet... I know you're there!)

Green Blackguard: (Speaking though far too many Jaffa Cakes to humanly fit in a mouth) Mmmphhhmmph! Mmmphhhmmphh! Mphh mph mmmphh!