A/N: Chapter beta read by Forty-Two Dreams. All remaining mistakes are mine.
THE CHOICES ONE MAKES
Snape rested back in his armchair while Draco Malfoy kept pacing back and forth restlessly. The boy looked extremely nervous.
This was bad. This was very bad. Not only Malfoy bearing the Dark Mark, but also his coming to see him for counsel. Draco certainly knew about his being a Death Eater, what with his close links with Malfoy Senior. But he wasn't supposed to know about his being a spy for the Order of the Phoenix.
So why come see him, looking panicked because he bore the Dark Mark? Could the boy have been sent to him by either the Dark Lord or his father as a spy? Or could he be genuinely concerned?
In any case, Snape would have to play a double game - something he was used to doing anyway. He couldn't risk blowing his cover if the boy was indeed sent to spy on him.
"Could you please calm down and tell me what the problem is exactly?" Snape asked.
"No, I can't bloody calm down!" Malfoy almost yelled. "And what do you think the problem is?"
"You weren't forced into this, were you?" Snape said softly, and watched Malfoy shake his head pitifully. "So what is the problem, Draco? Being allowed to serve the Dark Lord should be considered an honour by his followers," Snape continued.
Always state general facts, never clearly voice one's opinion.
"But I didn't know…" the boy began. "Look, picking on mudbloods was fun, and all the side stuff like torture too. But I didn't think I would have to go that far!"
"Really?" Snape enquired on a sarcastic tone. "Did you think this was all just a game? How far are you willing to go for the Dark Lord?"
Malfoy looked down to his feet. "Crabbe and Goyle already got through the enthronement last week; they told me about it. I'll have to go through it soon too. And I can't do it," he finished, barely audible and sounding ashamed of himself.
The enthronement… So that was what was worrying Malfoy, was it? Or was he just pretending to not feel up to proving his eternal allegiance to the Dark Lord in the only way possible?
"This is how things go, Draco," Snape explained. "Kill for the Dark Lord, or be killed by the Dark Lord."
"I… I can't! I just can't!" Malfoy exclaimed.
Ah, of course… Playing the bully and tough guy was so easy to the spoilt and pampered boy as long as he had his personal bodyguards around him…
But that was not the way an enthronement to Death Eaters went. There was no one to back you up if something went wrong. There was no one to hold your wand towards your victim. There was no one to cast the Killing Curse for you. And deep down Draco Malfoy was too much of a coward to be up to it. And it seemed the boy was realising this a little too late…
"What do you expect from me exactly?" Snape asked. "Why come to me?"
"Because I need your help," Malfoy said piteously.
"Allow me to rephrase my question," Snape replied. "You know who and what I am," he said, knowing Malfoy would understand he was talking about his being a Death Eater, "so why me?"
"Who could I have gone to? My father maybe?" Draco suggested with a snort. "Right. I'm sure he'd love to learn I'm chickening out of this."
Snape nodded. Lucius might even volunteer to kill off his own son if he learnt about this.
"Or Dumbledore perhaps?" Malfoy continued. "So that this old fool would tssk me and throw his disappointment at me?"
"And you think I would be more comprehensive than either of them?" Snape asked.
"You're my Head of House, I… I don't know, I thought…" Malfoy mumbled.
"Yes Draco, what did you think?" Snape queried. "That I would be more merciful? That I wouldn't hand you over to the Dark Lord?"
Malfoy suddenly looked mildly horrified, realising that Snape might well just do that.
Snape sighed heavily. "I am very disappointed in you, Draco," he said, not specifying whether it was because the boy now bore the Dark Mark or because he wanted out. "You are an intelligent young man, I had hoped you would have better judgement."
Malfoy looked down to his feet guiltily. Could he really want to get out of this?
"But you were right, I will not hand you to the Dark Lord," Snape continued. "Because I trust you will make the right decision in the end." Again, he didn't specify which decision he considered right.
Malfoy nodded slowly. Snape had a hard time deciding whether Malfoy was being honest or deceitful. If the boy had been sent there to spy on him, he was doing a very fine job. And if he hadn't…
Whatever Malfoy's true motivations were, there was only one thing Snape could tell him.
"You came asking for my help, so I will give you this piece of advice: you will do as you will be ordered," Snape stated. "First, because you chose this path. Second, because the only way out of the path you chose is death. The only thing you can influence is whose death it will be: yours or someone else's."
Malfoy shivered. He was a Slytherin; he would save his own neck. "I had hoped…"
"There's nothing I can do for you," Snape stated again. "If you want pity or warm comfort, you should try Dumbledore."
"I don't want anyone's pity!" Malfoy exclaimed irately.
"Then what are you still doing here?" Snape asked.
"I thought you were…" Malfoy began, and stopped abruptly when Snape raised his eyebrows questioningly. "I mean, after… After what you did…"
"And what did I do exactly?" Snape enquired.
"Well you… You warned everyone about that poison. And then you worked on the cure…" Malfoy explained.
So Malfoy believed him to be on the Order's side… He had better put him right before the boy told his father anything - if it wasn't already too late.
"Do you think Dumbledore wouldn't have been suspicious if I hadn't warned everyone, considering my skills? And do you think I had any choice about working on a cure?" Snape asked truthfully.
"I… I guess not…" Malfoy agreed. "I didn't tell anything to my father… I guess I was wrong anyway."
The look of disappointment on the boy's face surprised Snape. If Malfoy's intentions of quitting the Death Eaters were genuine, Snape had just led him to believe he had no ally… But he had no other choice. Keeping his cover was his first priority. Advising Malfoy to the best of his abilities came second. Not to mention there was nothing else he could advise him - if there was indeed a way out of this situation he would have used it himself long ago.
"Do you have any other request?" he asked softly.
"No," Malfoy replied under his breath. "I guess I'd better go."
Snape nodded and watched the boy walk away.
He was worried. He should go warn Dumbledore. Not only because of Draco - if only it was the only problem at hand - but rather because having several junior Death Eaters at Hogwarts wasn't exactly a very entertaining idea.
Crabbe and Goyle already, soon Malfoy… How many others? How many had already joined the Dark Lord's ranks? And how many would in the months or years to come? Nott maybe? Nott was a bright kid though. Even his Death Eater father knew better than to get too close to the Dark Lord.
He would have to warn Dumbledore about this - assuming the Headmaster didn't already know about it. Maybe the old wizard would be able to do something to help Draco as well, much like he had helped Snape himself many years before.
Draco Malfoy, ready to persecute and torture Muggle-borns, but failing to do the one thing his Master would ask from him…
Snape remembered very vividly his own enthronement to Death Eaters, some twenty years before. He had killed twice that day. He hadn't cared much about the first. But the second… It was this second kill that triggered his will to leave the Dark Lord's side - and his decision to never use the Killing Curse again.
In any case, he would have to wait before going to see the Headmaster. He had an Occlumency lesson to give in a few moments and Potter would be there soon. Had it been up to him Snape wouldn't have minded skipping that lesson. But he knew Dumbledore would think the news he would bring him could have waited a little longer, while he deemed the Occlumency lessons indispensable.
He would go after the Occlumency lesson.
Guessing he only had a few minutes left before Potter arrived, Snape stood up and headed for the cupboard where the Pensieve was still stored. Now that Potter managed to access his memories every once in a while, it had become an obligation to conscientiously put his most dangerous memories in the Pensieve.
While putting his usual set of memories in the magic container, Snape wondered if he should add some more, like his Death Eater enthronement for instance. He had never considered this specific memory to be harmful. Potter certainly expected him, a Death Eater, to have done things like this some time in his past, and stumbling upon that particular memory wouldn't come as a big revelation.
However, he decided he should definitely add all the scattered memories he had from the previous evening and night. He certainly didn't want Potter to find out about that, be it the getting drunk part or the one right after that - especially the latter actually.
As he was doing so, Snape heard a knock, then the sound of the door being open and of someone stepping in silently.
"Close the door, Potter," he said absentmindedly while putting another thought in the shimmering bowl.
Snape kept going, putting memory after memory in the Pensieve. Meanwhile, he heard Potter walk up to him - the insolent boy had obviously disregarded his directive to close the door. Now done with the Pensieve, Snape sighed heavily and turned to face his student.
"Mister Potter, I thought I told you to – " He stopped dead in his tracks.
It wasn't Potter.
It was Ursaglow, standing a few steps from him with an unreadable expression on his face, and above all pointing a wand straight at his chest.
"STUPEFY!"
Coming Next: In the Dark