Notes: Cowritten with CCS AnGeL00. This chapter. . .speaks for itself. XDXDXD The next couple of chapters won't be up for a while since I'll be away on vacation, so enjoy what you can.

Part Five: Mutant Roosters are Normal by Comparison

Tenten snorted as the Evil Genetically Enhanced Steroid Ridden Roosters of Doom crowed. So apparently, it liked to remind people that it was sunset. Right. She took a deep breath, wincing at the number of people present. If this plan that she and Hinata had concocted wouldn't get her out of this insane engagement, she'd call it quits.

"We are here," announced Hiashi, "to witness the fight between my youngest daughter and nephew's fiancée."

The plan had so better work.

"The battle will consist of three matches. Each match will have a different set of conditions. These conditions will be revealed at the beginning of each match, as to test the contestants' mental capabilities, as well as physical." Hiashi glanced around the dojo. "Anyone have any objections?"

Here it was, the moment of truth. Tenten raised her hand. Hiashi nodded his head in her direction.

"This isn't so much of a question. . ." her voice trailed off, and she cleared her throat. "I resign." The words echoed around the shocked dojo. This, she realized, could work.

"No she doesn't." Then again. . .maybe not. Neji could be rather scary when he wanted. She almost caved until she realized that she'd have to marry him if she did.

"I resign," she repeated, this time with more force.

"No you don't, argued Neji. He was now standing in front of her, looking annoyed.

"Amazing," Hiashi observed. "They even fight like a married couple."

Oh God. His uncle just so did not say that.

Neji smirked. She glared at him, and he met her with a glare of his own, his nose almost touching hers. She felt a chill run down her spine.

"I said I resign!" she retorted.

"And I said, no you are not resigning."

Tenten held his gaze with an unwavering will. She would get out of this engagement, no matter what. "Neji, we are not married. You cannot tell me what to do!"

"Not yet."

She puffed up like the mutant rooster. "Hyuuga Neji, don't think that just because you're stronger than me, you can just boss me around. I won't put up with it!" she snapped, turning to Hiashi. "I can't fight with Hanabi. It would be impossible for me to win against someone from the Main House of the Hyuuga Clan. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Hiashi smiled. Oh damn. He was going to kill her because she rejected his nephew. "You're smart, girl. You know you're strengths and weaknesses. I like you."

Tenten nearly fell over. "Eh? B-b-but!" she stuttered.

"Neji," he faced his nephew. "You have chosen wisely. I will allow this marriage to go ahead as planned."

Tenten flailed her arms. "But I'm only marrying Neji for his money," she warned him. "Do you really want a weak, money grubbing, gold digging hussy to taint the pure Hyuuga blood?"

Hanabi pouted. "No. But I was really looking forward to kicking your a—" Hinata cleared her throat loudly, trying to drown out the sound of her sister's voice. Hanabi stuck her tongue out at her in response.

Hiashi nodded and for a moment, Tenten thought she was off the hook. "You're a very honest young woman. That'll be an important trait to pass to the children."

"CHILDREN?" Tenten echoed. "As in kids!"

Neji snorted. "Of course that's what he means, Tenten."

Hiashi looked between the two of them. "You'll have strong offspring," he said confidently.

Tenten stared at the Hyuuga patriarch. This was insane.

"Yes, we'll have cute babies," Neji agreed. Okay. Now that was insane. Did Neji just say the word cute? Oh God, this was all too much for her brain to handle. She was going to marry Hyuuga Neji. She was going to have cute little babies with Hyuuga Neji. She was going to be with Hyuuga Neji FOREVER.

Hinata was apparently thinking the same thing, because her eyes looked like they would pop out of her skull. "Father, does Tenten-san actually want to marry Neji-niisan?" she asks timidly.

"Of course she does." Hiashi looked at his daughter like she had a bright neon sign that said "MORON" over her head with an arrow pointing down. "What girl wouldn't want to marry Neji? He's one of the strongest fighters of his age!"

Tenten, Hanabi, and even Hinata looked over at the man like HE was the one ready for the nuthouse. "I. . ." Tenten closed her eyes. She gave up. She really did. "I guess I can't argue with logic like that."

Hiashi grinned. It was scary. "It's settled; the marriage will take place. Dismissed."

"I bet you were just too scared to fight me," a familiar voice said beside her.

"Go away Demon Child," groaned Tenten. "I really can't deal with you right now."

Hanabi rolled her eyes at Tenten. "Don't be such a prude about the babies thing," she says waving her little hand. "Neji-niisan already knows what you look like undressed; he peeks through the walls of your room every night."

Tenten choked. "Demon child. . ." she started. Then she paused. He did have the power to—noooo, Neji wasn't like that. . . was he? "Uh? Neji?"

"Let's go train," he replied, turning. He was probably smirking. Bastard. She should set that mutant rooster on him. "We might as well use this time to practice."

He was avoiding the question. "Ne-jiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. . ." She looked rather pained.

"Yes?" he asked, not turning around to her.

"Is there—" she looked at Hanabi, who was eagerly leaning forward, and lowered her voice. "Is there any truth in that?"

Neji sneered. "What an asinine question."

She let out a silent gasp. "You DO, don't you!" she accused.

Of course he didn't. But he couldn't just say it with his uncle standing right there, looking oh so very proud of his manly nephew. Plus, it made him seem cooler than Uchiha Sasuke!

Tenten sighed following her fiancée. She was doomed to a life with Hyuuga Neji.

"Tenten, are you coming to train or not?" queried Neji, looking at her from the door.

"Welcome to Hell, Tenten," she muttered as she hurried to catch up. "It's going to be a bumpy ride."

-

Tenten left the Hyuuga compound, looking as if someone had killed her cat. Her face was ghost white and her eyes looked as if they belonged to the dead. She'd really like to go home, she thought. Then again, a chocolate chocolate chip sundae with chocolate syrup and whipped cream sounded good too. Yes, comfort food.

"Congratulations, future Mrs. Hyuuga!" the kimono seamstress called to her as she trudged towards the dessert shop. "Come to me when you need your wedding kimono! We already have the perfect design!"

Tenten ignored the woman. As rude as that was, she thought it would be ruder if she told the woman to piss off. Various village occupants congratulated her, from the baker, to the weapons maker, to everyone in between. Maybe she should just go home.

"Konohamaru-chan!" Tenten watched as Moegi strove to catch Sandaime's grandon's attention. "Let's play Neji-san and Tenten-san and get married!"

". . ." Tenten decided to ignore the child. After all, she didn't want to be responsible for sweeping her bloody remains off the street.

"It was only a few bones short, Akamaru," argued Kiba in front of the pet store. "Can't you let it be?"

"Ruff," the dog replied.

"Look, just because you were right about Tenten and Neji getting engaged before the week was over does not mean that you're right about them getting married next week."

"My bugs say the ceremony will take place in three days." Shino's voice floated from the confines of the dark shop.

"Ruff," said Akamaru.

"You're on," answered Kiba, shaking the dog's paw.

"How does everyone know?" she exclaimed, grabbing her head as if she had a major headache. Tears burned behind her eyelids as she fought to hold them back.

"I heard about the wonderful news," a smug voice said. There was Shikamaru in all of his lazy glory, sitting on the steps to his house, his hands laced behind his head. "I told you there would be a proposal. I saw this a million moves before."

Tenten cursed Shikamaru's intelligence. "Screw you. By the way, what are you doing? I can't believe you're off from work again. Some chuunin you are."

"Hanging around Neji has made you mean. You used to be nice," he pointed out, stretching lazily. "I'm waiting for someone."

In a fit of rage, Tenten flung a few weapons at the newly fixed fence, making it collapse on itself. "Heh. Go catch your deer, you bastard."

Shikamaru made an annoyed sound and Tenten suddenly realized that the pen was empty. "They're inside today. Pops felt like it was too much of a hassle to keep them outside when Neji was PMSing. Maybe it was you we should have been worried about." He sighed, shaking his head. "Breaking my fence. . . geez, you're getting to be just like him."

Tenten gasped. Shikamaru was right. "OH MY GOD I AM NEJI!" she shrieked, making Shikamaru wince. Next door, Ino poked her head out of the flower shop to see what the commotion was about. "Shikamaru-kun, I'll help fix the fence, I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me!"

He rolled his eyes up to the clouds. He wanted to be a cloud. He could drift all day, not do a thing, and forget about the existence of 'women.' "Forget it. I'll let my old man deal with the fence. Way too troublesome."

Ino approached her, still wearing her apron and holding a bunch of roses. "Hey, Tenten-san! We heard that you're getting married. My family was hired to do the flower arrangements! Isn't that great?" She twirled, holding the flowers close to her and sighing. Shikamaru snorted. "I can't wait for my own wedding! I'll be Mrs. Uchiha Sasuke!" The girl paused to make a face. "My father wanted to arrange a marriage between Shikamaru and I but I was like 'Eew, Daddy! That's so wrong! Shikamaru's like my brother.' How gross is that?"

Tenten blinked. "Uh. . . very. I didn't think Shikamaru-kun was the marrying type, actually."

He rolled his eyes again. He obviously agreed with Ino. "I'm not. Marriage is too troublesome. Women, in general, are too troublesome," he revealed.

"Come on now, Shikamaru," a new voice said in a coy manner. "Some of us girls are worth the trouble, aren't we?" Tenten gaped at the new comer. It was. . . Temari of the sand village! Was she the person Shikamaru was waiting for?

"What are YOU doing here!" Tenten demanded. Oooh, it was the bleached blond bimbo of the sand or whatever! Great, this just made her mood that much better. This was all too much for her. She slid down next to the fence she destroyed and started to cry. She put her hands over her face and let herself sob away all the frustrations she faced over the past week.

"Gai-sensei, look! It's Tenten!" Lee sparkled, blinding everyone in the vicinity. "And she's crying tears of joy!"

Naruto blinked as he walked towards the group from the ramen stand. "She doesn't look very happy to me."

"It's probably just pre-wedding jitters," observed Gai. "Don't worry Tenten! You may shake now like a flower in the harsh wind, but the sun will come out again soon! You will thrive on adversity!"

". . .I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Tenten wailed, whipping out her arsenal. It felt so good to just pelt people with sharp pointy things. Wow. She really had become Neji.

She was shocked out of her frenzy by a sharp slap to her face. Tenten blinked up at Temari. "Snap out of it. You're hysterical."

Tenten stood up and without a second thought, launched herself at the blond. "EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, BITCH! YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN'T FORCE YOU TO TRAIN WITH MUTATED ROOSTERS!"

Shikamaru stood up and moved to sit closer to his door, away from the two women. This was going to be very bloody. And that was if Temari was feeling generous.

Temari smirked and managed to roll over and pin the younger girl beneath her. "That's because I have him whipped."

Naruto cocked his head in confusion. "Why is Temari here?" he asked Gai, Lee, and Ino. They shrugged. They had no idea what was going on either. "And Gai-sensei, aren't you going to stop them?" queried Naruto, watching Tenten throw a punch at Temari. Temari yanked Tenten's hair out of its buns in reply.

Gai shook his head. "Delicate flowers need their space to grow and reach for the sunlight."

"What?" Ino asked, confused. Naruto just shrugged; he didn't get it either.

A dark shadow loomed over them as the sounds of rapid scribbling were heard over the grunts and screams of the girls duking it out. "Yes, yes, girls. That's the way. Now Tenten-chan, just rip a little bit of Temari's shirt. . . oooh yeah. . ."

The girls stood up immediately, glaring at the pervert. It was none other than Tenten's savior Jiraiya-sama! He dodged an attempted attack by Temari's fan and landed gracefully in front of Tenten. "Jiraiya-sama!" she wailed. "Take me away from here!"

Jiraiya gave the thumbs up. "We'll be alone together in the mountains! Just you, me and those lace holsters!"

Lee gasped. "SENSEI, JIRAIYA-SAMA JUST DEFILED THE NICE GUY POSE!"

Tenten back away slightly, still sobbing. On second thought. . . suicide was the better option.

"I wouldn't think of it," a voice said in her ear. Tenten jumped and spun around.

"Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing here?" yelled Naruto.

The masked shinobi smiled. "I came to ask Jiraiya-sama about his next novel. He promised me an advanced copy."

It was too much for Tenten to take. She began to weep again, too tired to actually bawl anymore.

"There, there," Kakashi soothed, patting the girl on the shoulder. "It's only pre-wedding jitters. Besides," he handed her a tissue, "you have to look pretty so you can pose for Jiraiya-sama's next novel. Right, Jiraiya-sama?"

But Jiraiya's attention was riveted almost entirely on the sand girl. Grrrrowl. She was quite a looker. "Temari-chan, your. . . face is so lovely, it should grace the cover of my next book. I was thinking a beach motif. Picture this: you, on the beach, wearing nothing but sand." Shikamaru choked on a laugh from his safe place. That old man had no idea who he was messing with.

"PICTURE MY FAN UP YOUR ASS YOU PERVERT!" Temari launched a series of attacks at Jiraiya, as Ino tried to comfort the sobbing heap once known as Tenten.

"It's not that bad, right? Neji is cute and rich," she said firmly, as if it made up for his defective personality. "So he has a few. . . anger management problems. Those are easily fixed!"

Sakura approached the group, confused as to why Shikamaru's fence was broken, why Temari was in the village and chasing Jiraiya with her fan, why Tenten was sobbing—what had she missed? She had only gone grocery shopping and look what happened! Could these people not function without her? "Hi everyone!" Perky Haruno Sakura, yes, that was her!

Much to Sakura's surprise, Lee grabbed Ino's hands. "You are right, Ino-san! Neji is a good guy! Much like you—except you're a girl. A wonderfully beautiful angel of a girl!"

Sakura's jaw dropped. "What!" Had everyone gone insane! This was the part when Lee was supposed to sparkle over HER, not INO!

Recoiling a little, Ino still managed a smirk. "It's obvious Lee wanted an upgrade from you, Sakura."

Shikamaru yawned from his spot, trying to ignore all the screaming and crying.

"Shikamaru!" Temari snapped. "Aren't you going to threaten him a little?"

He gave her a lazy smile. "But, Temari. You're mad enough for the both of us. I have confidence you can handle this."

Naruto looked back and forth between Temari and Shikamaru. It hit him like a ton of bricks. "SHIKAMARU AND TEMARI ARE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND?" As usual, Naruto was the master of the obvious. "Hehe," he giggled, jumping to stand next to Shikamaru. "I didn't know you liked older girls."

"Me neither," he put his pinky finger in his ear. He really hoped his hearing came out of this intact. "I didn't really have a choice. Temari just decided one day; it was too troublesome to argue with her."

Tenten crawled. She really wanted to get away from it all. Go home, have a long soak in the bath and sleep for the rest of the day. No one would notice she was missing; after all, Sakura and Ino were indulging in replay of her catfight with Temari while Lee shamelessly bragged to Gai about being the cause of it. Temari was alternating between shrieking at the dozing Shikamaru and whacking Jiraiya-sama with the fan, and Kakashi was reading that perverted novel. God. Her head really hurt. All Tenten wanted to do was go home to her nice, warm bed an—

She stopped in her tracks. Was this her room? Had she gotten lost? But her mother was in the kitchen downstairs! She looked around the space frantically, seeing that all of things were gone. Tenten ripped open drawers to find them empty. Her closet was bare. Her bed was stripped and all of her posters were torn off the walls. Her weapons were missing. SOMEONE HAD TO AUDACTIY TO SNATCH HER PRECIOUS TEDDY BEAR! "MOM!" she wailed, running into the kitchen. "WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!"

Her mom blinked at her. "Tenten, what happened to your hair! And your shirt is ripped and—have you been crying?"

Tenten wiped her face. "You'd cry to if you had to marry Neji," she explained. "But Mom! My room. Why is it EMPTY?"

Her mother smiled. The poor dear; she was obviously overcome with pre-wedding jitters. "Nothing was stolen, dear. Just. . . relocated."

"Come again?"

"That handsome Neji-kun came over and told me all about your engagement! He and a few of his servants gathered your things to take over to his house. You'll be living there from now on," her mother said cheerily. "Isn't that wonderful?"

". . ." Her world was crumbling before her very eyes. She wasn't even seeing red anymore; it was all black.

"Honey, are you okay? You look a little pale."

Tenten fainted.