+ Mind + Games +
Part Third
It was then Shinji noticed that he now had legs. And arms. He'd miraculously acquired a body.
"What the hell's going on? These weren't here before..."
No sooner had Shinji spoken than the Void shuddered and exploded in a frenzy of light and color.
* M * I * N * D *
"...And now the real fun begins!" laughed the young man as he continued typing.
*G * A * M * E * S *
The extravaganza of light and color eventually began to take on a more definite shape. Mean while, Shinji was learning that you didn't need a corporeal body to get dizzy or nauseated. At last, the world of the Void settled into a final form.
Shinji now found himself in some sort of long, lonely corridor. Though the lighting was adequate (despite there being no source for it from what Shinji could discern)it somehow gave the area an out-of-focus sort of look. The whole place felt... sterile... or antiseptic, even. It smelled familiar somehow... moments later Shinji recognized the smell. It was the smell of a Hospital.
"This is... strange." Shinji muttered as he looked around.
...and she sounded like she was in trouble.
Shinji started to run.
He wasn't running away, though. He was determined to find Asuka as quick as he possibly could. Nothing else mattered until he'd done that.
He wasn't sure how long he had been running, only that he had heard Asuka cry out something unintelligible twice more before he at last had gotten close enough to make out some of the words.
"No!" Asuka shouted. "Stop it! It's not true!"
Finally, he could see her. She was collapsed in a kneeling position, desperately clutching her hands over her ears, as if she were trying to keep from hearing something.
"But it is true, Asuka." said a voice he did not recognize. "You know that it is."
A couple yards away from Asuka towered what seemed to be a giant rag doll. Its long hair was made of yarn nearly matching the shade of red that Asuka's hair was, and its eyes were formed by two large blue buttons. Though it did strongly resemble a harmless child's toy, Shinji felt some sort malicious ambience emanating from it.
"You are unwanted, unnecessary." the doll continued. "Your mother neglected you because you would not be the daughter she wanted you to be. Your father alienated you because of the daughter you had become. Kaji ignores and avoids you because you are not desirable."
"Stop it!" Asuka shouted as she seemingly attempted sink through the floor. "Leave me alone!"
"You are alone, Asuka." the doll replied. "Don't you see that? You'll always be alone. No one wants you, Asuka."
"But I'm an EVA pilot!" Asuka cried out in defiance. "I'm someone important! I'm the defense of Humanity against the Angels."
"They don't need you." the rag doll told her, coming closer to where Asuka lay on the floor. "You and they both know that Shinji is capable of defeating the Angels by himself. No one needs a foolish child like you."
"I am not a child..." Asuka protested weakly. "I'm all grown up! I became an adult a long time ago! Leave me alone!"
"Such a pathetic little girl." the doll sighed, coming closer still. "Such a weak, frightened, pathetic little girl."
The sense of malice emanating became significantly stronger as the doll approached her. It felt as if the doll intended to harm Asuka in some way. "Come to heaven with me, Asuka!" called another woman's disembodied voice from off in the distance. "Come, let's die together!"
Shinji wasn't sure why he had done it. He wasn't even aware of himself doing it until after the act was complete. In a matter of a couple quick strides, he'd placed himself directly between Asuka and the doll.
The blue button-eyes flickered with what might have been an annoyance. "This is not your place, boy." the doll said to Shinji. "Get out of my way."
"No." he replied rather forcefully. "I won't allow you to hurt her anymore."
The rag doll threw back its head and let out a laugh. "You won't allow?" the doll sneered. "And just how do you intend to stop me, you pathetic weakling? 'Apologize' me away?"
"I'll do whatever I have to." Shinji stated calmly. He felt something burning in his chest, right behind his breastbone. As the sensation spread throughout his body like a wildfire, he felt any fears and doubts he might have had rapidly evaporating. He looked at the doll and saw that its blue button eyes seemed to be flashing with what could have been nothing else but anger. Shinji felt something harden within him, and he met the doll's heated glare with an icy stare of his own.
"I'll repeat it only once, boy." the Doll hissed menacingly. "Get out of my way... or else."
" 'Or else' what?" Shinji asked, his voice calm and serious. "What could you possibly do to me?"
The doll seemed to be taken aback by the sudden question. As it struggled to find an answer, Shinji hazarded a quick glance at Asuka to make sure she was alright. She was still on the ground, with eyes shut tight and her hands were still covering her ears. He suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to rush over immediately and try to comfort her any way he could, but he knew that he had to take care of the bigger problem before any comfort might be found for either of them.
Having turned back to face the doll, Shinji missed Asuka opening her eyes. "Shinji...?" she said upon seeing him, her voice less than a whisper. Several emotions began stirring within her. She identified one as relief on account that she was not alone, as the doll had said. At the same time she also identified that she felt ashamed that she was being protected by Shinji of all people. The others she either didn't care to put a name to, or couldn't.
Since the doll could not seem to come up with an answer to his question, Shinji provided his own. "You can't do anything to me." he said, his voice still calm and clear. "You have no power but those of a lie, and I choose not to believe it. I know better than that."
The doll stumbled backwards, as if it had been struck by some invisible force. Its form shuddered and wavered, then disappeared into nothingness as the corridor began to do the same.
Shinji spun around to see Asuka back in a kneeling position, looking at him in a thoughtful manner. Shinji opened his mouth to say something to her, but found he could not think of anything appropriate. The world had begun its return to the Void, and Asuka slowly faded from his sight.
* M * I * N * D *
Apache let out a tired yawn, breaking the near-silence of the room.
The young turned back to face his companion, a hurt expression on his face.
"Hey, it wasn't that bad, was it?" he asked, innocently.
Apache wasn't very forthcoming with a response.
"You could help, you know." the young man said, turning back to his computer screen. "That last part wasn't easy. I'm open to any input you might..." He was interrupted by the sound of Apache's snoring.
"Err... Right..." the young man replied, feeling more than a bit sheepish. "I get the message. Back to work."
+ G + A + M + E + S +
Asuka yawned as she sat up on her futon. She felt well-rested, a feeling she rarely experienced. 'Was last night just a strange dream?' she wondered as she stretched and climbed to her feet. She remembered talking to Shinji, but after that it was kind of fuzzy... something about him protecting her... or was it? She just couldn't remember clearly.
"Shinji?" she said aloud, feeling a little ridiculous. "Are you there?" No answer came.
"What was I thinking?" she asked, letting out a sigh. A person couldn't have their awareness removed from their body and put in another, it was impossible. She must have dreamt everything because of her guilt over Shinji getting hurt. At that thought, the image of Shinji laying in the med-tank with all the tubes and wires flashed through her mind. The depression she had felt last night returned with a vengeance.
She headed for the bathroom, hoping a shower might cleanse her of at least some of her troubles.
+ M + I + N + D +
The silence was once again disturbed by the sound of a yawn. The young man paused his work to look over at his friend.
"Did you have a nice nap?" he asked sarcastically. Apache merely grinned in response, causing the young man to roll his eyes in disgust as he returned his attention to the monitor in front of him.
* G * A * M * E * S *
To say Shinji was disoriented would be an understatement. The sudden implosion of everything back to the Void left him reeling and incapable of thinking anything but 'I'm gonna be sick.'
At last things settled down enough for him to recover and get his bearings."What was all that about?" he wondered aloud. "Could...could it have been Asuka's dream?"
The thought seemed plausible enough, given his current situation. What else could explain it? He certainly couldn't come up with anything better at the moment. He felt a little guilty over invading something so private to Asuka, but he'd had very little say in the matter. In afterthought, perhaps he shouldn't have interfered with what had happened... but he still didn't feel that he could simply stand by and do nothing while Asuka was suffering, though he couldn't fully explain as to why he felt that way.
Discarding that train of thought for a more serious one, Shinji began to ponder on what could possibly be done to get him back in his own brain. He quickly came to the conclusion that nothing could be done without Asuka's aid, which meant he had to try talking to her again. It was not a task he really relished the thought of. She had gotten upset the last time he'd done it, after they began feeling each others emotions.
'Maybe there's a way around that?' Shinji wondered. Maybe... but until he found one he had to try and keep his own emotions under control and hope for the best.
Willing the "door" to open, he stepped across the threshold...
* M * I * N * D *
The young man sighed heavily. "Initiating second confrontation." he commented, not looking away from the monitor. "Subject of mental/emotional contamination introduced. Further explanation pending."
The young man knuckles his eyes and yawns, as if fighting to keep awake. "Proceeding with second encounter."
- G - A - M - E - S -
Asuka turned off the water with a sigh. The warm shower had felt quite soothing, and let her forget her problems, for a few moments anyway. She wrapped a towel around herself, and was in the process of putting one around her head when something happened to startle her immensely.
"Er, Asuka?" Shinji's voice called out to her. "I think we need to talk..."
Asuka leapt a full foot into the air. When she landed, she looked around to see where the peeping Shinji might be hiding.
"Asuka?" Shinji called out again, worried that something might be wrong.
Not finding a Shinji to clobber, Asuka came to the conclusion that either (a) she was really hearing voices and should check herself into a room with padded walls or (b) the part about Shinji talking to her from inside her head wasn't really a dream, in which case she had no idea what to do about it.
It took a few minutes, but she managed to calm down enough to answer. "Shinji?" she whispered, not wanting for Misato to overhear her again.
"The one and only." Shinji answered. "Everything alright?"
"No, you pervert, everything is not alright!" Asuka hissed angrily.
"Er...What's wrong?" Shinji asked, surprised at her vehemence.
"I just got out of the shower, you idiot!" Asuka replied, further annoyed by his seeming ignorance.
"Sorry..." Shinji said, though he managed to maintain control over his feelings of guilt. "But, Asuka, you realize I can't see anything, don't you?"
"You can't?" Asuka asked after a few moments of silence, her curiosity overruling her apparently unjustified anger.
"I left my eyes in my other body." Shinji replied as way of explanation.
Again there was a moment of silence before either "said" anything more. "You can't use mine?" Asuka finally asked.
Asuka smiled as she felt Shinji's surprise at the suggestion. "I... I never thought of trying that." he said. "I'd have to figure out how to do that first, but ... would you... er... mind if I did?"
After yet another brief period of silence, Asuka answered. "As long as you asked me first, I guess there wouldn't be any harm in it."
"Gee, thanks Asuka." Shinji said, somewhat... cheerfully? Asuka thought that she must have been imagining things. "That's awful nice of you. But... uh... That's not really what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Lemme guess..." Asuka said, "What are we going to do to get you out of my head and back into your own brain, right?"
"Er... yes, that about covers it..." Shinji replied, feeling slightly at a loss. "How'd you guess?"
"You really think I want to be stuck with you in my head for the rest of my life?" Asuka asked sarcastically.
She felt Shinji... smile?! "Do you really think I want to be stuck in your head for the rest of your life?" he asked, sounding just as sarcastic as Asuka had.
There was a pause as Asuka gathered her wits about her. "Well, what have you come up with so far?" she finally asked.
"Excuse me?" came Shinji's puzzled reply. He became aware of feelings of frustration and an intense urge to hit something or someone. He recognized that it was coming from Asuka and realized that, if he hadn't been sharing her body, she'd be giving him a rather thorough beating right now.
'Is that why she hits me?' he wondered, 'Because she simply can't resist this violent 'impulse' she feels? Not that I blame her, it feels pretty powerful to me... but I never realized she felt like this.'
"What have you come up with to get you back in your own body?" Asuka growled from between clenched teeth.
Snapping his attention to the matter being discussed, Shinji realized he hadn't really thought of any ways to fix the problem, only that he needed to discuss it with Asuka. "Er... well... you see, Asuka..."
"You haven't come up with anything?!" Asuka stated in disbelief. "What the hell did you do all last night?"
"Er... uh... well.... you see..." Shinji faltered, not wanting to reveal the fact he had been an inadvertent participant in her dream if she didn't remember it.
"You mean you still have to sleep even when you don't have a body?" Asuka asked, before he could stutter out an answer.
"Er... something like that." Shinji replied. It wasn't a lie, he had been in her dream. It had been her dream, hadn't it? Could he possibly have created it? The thought only just occurred to him now. Dreaming is what the mind did while the body rested... in a way, dreaming was the mind's way of resting. Since Shinji wasn't much more than a mind at the moment, was it possible for him to still dream?
He stopped that line of pondering immediately, as it was likely that the emotions surrounding it would leak through to Asuka, giving him away.
"Oh..." Asuka said, "So you don't have any ideas as to how to get out?"
"Well... we could try asking Ritsuko or Misato for help..." Shinji suggested.
"One problem though," Asuka replied, "How do we prove that you're really inside my head? I can't just walk up to them and say 'Shinji's mind got ripped from his body, took up residence in my brain and has been talking to me' without some way of proving it."
"I see your point." Shinji conceded.
They lapsed into a thoughtful silence for a while before either spoke again. Shinji was the one that spoke up first. "We might not need to tell anyone... maybe we can solve this on our own."
"What do you mean?" Asuka asked, intrigued.
Again, she thought she felt Shinji smile, though it was less pronounced this time. "I've got an idea." he replied.
* WARNING! *
The following message has little to do with the rest of the story...
It is just the ranting of the author. Please excuse this interruption.
Author Notes:
Before you review and say how Asuka was way off character in the dream, remember, it wasn't the Asuka we all know and
love, it was her subconscious mind. During synchronization, remember the point when Shinji starts leaning in to kiss her?
A tear rolls down her cheek and she says "Momma." I took it to mean that she isn't able to hide from her fears and her
memories while she dreams. We really can't run from ourselves while we dream, as Asuka probably has to deal with her
demons on a nightly basis, though most likely she doesn't remember things by the time morning comes around.
Shinji's characterization in the dream seems to be way off as well, but if you remember, he recently determined he would
try to stop being spineless without outside(inside?) help. Also, its always much easier to face someone else's fear rather
than facing your own.
Sorry this part was so short, but I'll be leaving for the weekend, and wanted to post chapter three before I left. Next part should be as long as the first two were.
If you liked it, I'm glad and sincerely hope you feel that its worthy of leaving a review behind. If you didn't... flame me, call me names, insult my parentage, prank call me in the middle of the nigh...but at least let me know!!!!!