I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?-Evanescence Tourniquet

Deacon's Pov (subconscious)

Man am I dead. Please don't let me be I realize now I have so much to live for. I want to graduate and get married and have children. Sara, I need to see Sara. She is the reason for all this I tried to impress her but all I did was push her away the one person who truly understands me.

"You know you really suck as a names sake" I heard someone say

I looked around to see a man standing before me.

"Oh god I know who you are and I don't wanna be dead" I said

"Relax you're not dead I just thought I'd come and beat the shit out of you" he said

"Go ahead it can't be much worse then what I'm going to get when I wake up" I retorted

"You know for a kid you are a smart ass but I shouldn't say that about all kids just you, now do you want to tell me what is the matter with you" he said

"It hurts" I answered

'What hurts?" he asked

"Life" I said

"Well let me tell you it doesn't get any better in death because you miss everyone you love" he said

"So it never gets any easier?" I asked

"I didn't say that look at me I died in a car accident and my fiancée married my best friend" he said

"Wait you were engaged to my mom?" I asked

"Yeah she never told you that" he said

"No but that explains my youngest brother Davey" I said to myself

"You wanna know something I would have killed for a big family like yours but it was just me and my sister but we were really close" he said

"So what are you telling me I should be nice to Destiny?" I asked

"If you die how do you think Destiny is going to feel?" he asked bluntly "I could tell you how my sister felt she was devastated"

"Me and Destiny don't get along" I said

"You don't get along with anybody" he said

"That isn't true" I defended

"So enlighten me your parents sent you away because you were causing your whole family misery and your mother prays to me every night to try to find a way to help you so here I am" he said "she was so depressed after Adam but then you and your sister entered her life"

"You think I don't know that" I spat

"No I think you know it you just don't care" he replied

"Why should I care they don't?" I asked

"Deacon look down" he told me.

I saw myself lying in a bed and my mother was holding my hand. My father was standing behind her and there were tears in his eyes.

"He feels like he failed you, maybe if he was around more he could have helped you" Dave said

"It isn't his fault" I said

"Don't tell me tell him" he said

"Thank you Dave I know now that they do love me" I said

"Oh and before I go don't worry about that thing with Sara I see something big happening from that but in the end everything is going to turn out ok" he said

"How can I ever thank you?" I asked

"Two things don't make your mother cry anymore and be a good kid" he said

"I'll try" I told him

"I know you will and the crack about you being a sucky namesake that was a lie" he said

"Wait how am I your namesake what about David?" I asked

"Ask your mother she'll explain and if you could tell her that I love her"

"I will" and then he was gone. Then I woke up.

"Momma" I said

"I'm right here baby all you have to do it open your eyes" she replied

I opened them and she smiled and at that moment I knew things would get better I just had to know that my family loved me and that is bigger than any drug dependency.