Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – "The Ballad of Sal Villanueva" and "...Slowdance on the Inside"
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Chapter 3 : Sometimes We Forget How to Feel
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it's not that I don't trust you
I just know what you've been up to
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I finished off my dessert and stole a glance at Vicious, who was resting his left cheek on his palm and staring thoughtfully out at the streets below. The college was not too far away, only but a few blocks. The blossoms were blown around even here, making the air smell so sweet. So perfect.
I suddenly felt the need to ask him a question. "Vicious..." He looked back at me upon hearing his name. "Why do you look..." I struggled for a word not already cliché. ".. so miserable?" Great. How fitting, I thought sarcastically.
"Do I?" He smiled sadly, thinking it over.
I nodded and took a sip from my glass of water. "Are you thinking about someone?"
"Something of the sort." He replied, a hint of laughter in his voice. "Over the years... I've grown accustomed to love. Coming and going, so easily fleeting. Or maybe I've been around Spike too long..."
I smiled. "Maybe."
We left it at that.
"Are you ready to go?" He asked momentarily. "We shouldn't wait for Spike, he won't be returning."
"Yeah, I'm ready." I checked my watch. "I have to get back to class in about 25 minutes."
"What do you have?" he asked me.
"Gun safety. Or something like that."
We went down the staircase, our footsteps echoing off the walls. "We are also taking that class."
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Vicious and I walked down the street heading for Adelphi. He stopped on the way at a flower shop. "What are your favorite kind?" He turned to ask me.
I beamed. How kind. "Hm, I like...orchids."
He picked a dozen of the purple flowers and handed the merchant a few woolongs, and we continued on our way.
"That's not very common, you know."
He was talking about the orchids? "I know..." I pressed the flowers to my face and bathed in the smell.
"I suppose I've grown accustomed to hearing the usual 'roses.'"
I stopped suddenly.
"Is something wrong, Miss Valentine?"
"No..nothing..." We resumed our walk.
Except the fact that I've always hated roses.
"Well. Look who we've run into." Vicious suddenly said.
I looked up to see Spike leaning on the side of a building, the thin line of smoke from his cigarette floating into the air. He finally looked up at us and let a slow smile play on his lips.
"So. How did it go?" Vicious asked him.
"What? With Allison?"
Vicious lowered his eyes. "Yes."
He sighed and let his cigarette fall to the floor, crushing it with the heel of his boot. "Like always." Spike turned to me and it seemed as if he'd continue for my sake. For me to hear. "They always tell me they miss me. The way I held them. The way we'd kiss." He paused for his last line. "How they want me back." He laughed then, slow and deep, taking the time to show me he found it all very entertaining.
"Don't you... think about them at all?" I asked softly.
I saw Vicious turn his attention to me. "He doesn't." he answered for him.
I looked at Spike's eyes, several feet away from where I was standing. I tried to find out something about him. But all I could see where the shadows of the clouds overhead passing through.
Spike shifted in his trench coat and spoke. "Why does it matter?"
I shrugged. When I thought about it, I was the same way, though I didn't forget people who loved me. The truth was, I didn't let people get close to me at all. Because I knew, love could be one big mistake. "You're right. It doesn't." I responded.
He didn't answer.
Vicious broke the silence. "We should be going. After all, we're heading for the same class."
Spike perked up. "Really..."
"Faye has gun safety, as well." Vicious informed him.
"Then we should definitely continue on our way." Spike said as we followed him down the street.
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Gun safety class was so far, not very fun. In fact, it was extremely boring. Spike's snores could be clearly heard by the two instructors we had, but I guess they chose not to hear it.
It was a little funny. Every once and a while I couldn't resist looking back at Spike, who was sitting behind me, his head laid back, his legs spread slightly open, and one arm draped over his eyes. It was really comical.
After my fifth time at doing this, I rested back into my seat and let the lecture drone out. When did we get to hold the damn guns?! I tapped my foot impatiently.
"Faye, can't you be a little more patient?" Electra asked, eyeing my foot movement.
Electra had this class as well. I was surprised she was taking it. She told me "it looked interesting" and "seemed like she could put it to use in the future."
"...No. Can you?" I asked lazily, not bothering to turn my head from its comfortable position on my chair to look at her.
She let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes. Didn't you hear them say we'd get to do all the fun stuff tomorrow? Today they're showing us the anatomy of standard guns." She informed me, looking at the overhead.
"Yeah. Is that so. I know all of that shit already."
"Hah. Is that a fact?" I heard an amused deep voice ask.
Why was Spike awake? I turned around to glare at him. "Damn right it is."
He smirked. "Alright. Because I do, too."
"Well I didn't ask you." I spat back. I turned back to the front contentedly.
Moments later I felt him kick my chair.
Again. And again.
...And again.
I couldn't take it anymore. "Will you FUCKING stop that?"
"Miss...Valentine?" One of the instructors called out.
"But... he was...kicking my chair..." I mumbled. I wasn't going to take the blame for this alone, I thought greedily.
"Mr...Spiegel?" The other instructor called out in addition.
"If you two are going to act like children, please take a step outside. And as a reminder, we don't tolerate foul mouths in Adelphi."
Whatever. The class was boring as hell. I picked up my bag and walked out of the classroom. I heard Spike walk slowly behind me.
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We stood out in the empty hall.
"So I guess we both got kicked out, huh?"
He wasn't mad? No smartass remark? How unexpected.
"Yeah..."
This was getting uncomfortable.
I let my bag drop and I slowly sank down the wall and sat on the floor, my legs stretched out in front of me. I smoothed out the fabric of my knee-length skirt. I looked back up at Spike when he cleared his throat.
"Do you mind if I rest with you?" He asked me.
Even more unexpected. "Sure, why not?"
And I didn't expect him to slowly lie down and rest his head on my lap. But the worst thing I could do at the moment, I did.
I let him stay there.
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well cross my heart and hope to...
I'm lying just to keep you here
so reckless
so thoughtless
so careless
I could care less...