International House of Psycho Lunatics
By Larien
Chapter 2
Interviews, Crap Where Are My Pants?
Summary: Malik, Marik, and Bakura decide to open up their own business, and what is it? Well you'll just have to guess! Very old plot probably…but with new twists!
Genre: Humor/Humor
Rating: K+ - T (PG – PG13)
Warnings: Language, implied violence
Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh, or anything else here that is copyrighted
"Mr. Bakura? The manager will see you now, the rest of you may wait outside." The waitress said as she came back out.
Bakura followed the waitress named, Sophie, to the back of the restaurant. He was promptly led into "Mr. Snufflegon's" office and seated on a white fake leather chair that was falling apart. Bakura picked out the stuffing and waited for the manager. In the adjoining room her heard a toilet flush and soon in stepped a balding old man that had a little bit of brown hair on the sides and a blonde toupee on top. Let's say it looked very interesting. Bakura eyed the little IHOP plushie on the side of Mr. Snufflegon's desk. The plushie was French toast shaped and was very plushie. It had a little smile and the IHOP logo on the side. Bakura wanted the plushie.
"So…Mr. Bakura uhh Bakura, what job do you intend to apply for?" Mr. Snufflegon asked.
"Waiter…" Bakura said as he eyed the plushie.
"I see, and you are…5000 years old?"
"Err…that…was just a typo…see…I'm actually…20! Yes! 20!" Bakura quickly said.
"Okay…then, why do you think you would be a good waiter?"
"Because I can levitate mortal…" Bakura growled getting tired of the dumb questions.
"And would you care to demonstrate?" the manager asked.
Bakura stood up and concentrated. He concentrated on the heavy 120 pound desk. Concentrate…and soon…it went up…floating in the air…and that made Mr. Snofflegon very surprised. Surprised enough to run out of the room to dump a whole jar of Advil into his mouth, which gave Bakura the chance to seize Hoppy. Which was what Bakura had now named the fluffy French toast plushie. Bakura carefully stuffed Hoppy into his pocket and turned his attention back to the drab empty wall of the office. 15 minutes later Mr. Snofflegon came back. Bakura tried to look as innocent as possible.
"Well…it seems that you are hired as waiter. Now please! Please step out of my office and don't levitate anymore in front of me!" Mr. Snofflegon yelled.
Bakura complied and left the office with a smirk. He already had a pretty good job and a pretty good scheme forming in his mind.
Next Marik was called in. He was also quickly pushed back out…for some oddly strange reason…hmmm…anyways the Manager grabbed Malik in and talked with him for what seemed like a long time then pushed Malik back out who in turn started shouting at Marik who in turn cringed at his shouting hikari. Never had a yami heard such loud shouting and so many obscenities used in one mere sentence that had lasted five minutes and wasn't even over yet! Bakura mentally cringed but wouldn't show it in public…now let's take a look at Malik's excessively long rude speech huh?
Due to the extreme cursing here and the rating of this fic the following words will be substituted:
Fluffy – F-ck
Ack – A-s
Darn – D-mn
Snip – Sh-t
Malik – Bold
Marik – Underline
Normal – Bakura
You Ra darned YAMI! I can't fluffy believe that you fluffy tried to fluffy kick the fluffy manager! In the fluffy balls! You have more darn self control than that!
At this point Bakura noticed that Marik was about to kick Malik in the balls…
Kick
SNIP! WHAT IN THE FLUFFY HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR! You fluffy baka fluffy yami! I came here so we could fluffy beat the pharaoh for fluffy once and you have to kick me in the ack!
Actually it wasn't your ack…it was your balls…
I DON'T FLUFFY CARE!
And the rest was in Egyptian that Bakura could care less about. But all in all it was very harsh…finally after another 10 minutes of weird looks and tons more swearing and a dozen apologies…Malik was done and grabbing the nearest drink which happened to be just off the stove coffee…which was boiling hot! Malik downed a huge swig…sat for a moment…then his eyes bugged out…
"HOT! WATER!" Malik yelled running around the place…
Bakura grabbed a jug of orange juice, forced Malik's mouth open and dumped it down…
"Whew…thanks Kura." Malik sighed.
Bakura merely nodded while Marik was slowly walking back into Mr. Snofflegon's office for his second hopefully better interview.
Minutes passed…
5 minutes…
10 minutes…
Half an hour…
And he came out…ALIVE!
Marik struggled out…pulling himself across the ground…dragging his withered body across the cold metal marble tile…
"I got the job…as…sanitation…cleaning…why me?" He moaned.
Bakura looked at Marik oddly…
"Hey Bakura?"
"Yea?"
"Where are your pants?" Marik said loud enough for everyone to hear.
Eyes turned to Bakura…he wasn't wearing pants…no he wasn't, it happened last night at Japan Depot, he cut them off to use the damn bathroom…and he didn't have a spare pair of pants…
"Crap! Where are my pants?" Bakura yelled.
Eyes looked at him widely staring at the cute little white "kill the pharaoh" boxers…
"Heh heh…" Bakura chuckled nervously.
Immediately without anyone noticing, being the expert thief he was…stole Malik's pants…revealing Malik's lavender boxers…
Only Malik didn't notice…
Until…he went inside Mr. Snofflegon's office for an interview…then it came out…
"CRAP! WHERE ARE MY PANTS!"
Ah well…who cares about his pants? As long as our favorite tomb robber has a pair of pants…that's good right?
Unfortunately for the authoress…no
(Thousands of Malik fans come chasing Larien with Idril leading them)
Anyways back to the story, Malik went outside, threatened the nearest guy with the coolest cargos, put them on, and went back in.
Much better…don't you agree?
Yes I do too…
Malik strut back in with his new cargos and proceeded with his looong interview, trying to make himself look acceptable as possible. This was awfully hard considering the accident that just happened with his "twin" brother. Thankfully after a 45 minute long debate, many threats and swear words, Malik came out with a hat that had a little toast mascot on top that said Welcome To IHOP! In flashing blue neon lights.
Malik muttered something then showed reluctantly gave his yami a look at his new beloved hat he had named Hoppy…
"WHAT! NO! I HAVE HOPPY!" Bakura pulled out the plushie…
"Nu uh! The manager said I could name MY hat HOPPY!" Malik yelled.
Bakura and Malik proceeded to argue while Marik went off and found himself a small little banana plushie from his pocket…which he himself had named Naners…
So meanwhile Malik and Bakura had taken up their debate to Mr. Snofflegon while Marik stayed outside ordering food, putting it on Malik's Japanese Express Credit Card, and sharing with Naners.
"More Orange Juice Naners?" Marik asked.
"…"
"French Toast it is!" Marik said happily as he gnawed away on his TBone Steak.
At the managers office Malik and Bakura were arguing loudly while Mr. Snofflegon and Sophie were hiding under his desk.
"Boys boys…how about Bakura can name his plushie Hoppy and Malik can call his Hoppers?" Mr. Snofflegon finally said.
Malik and Bakura looked back and forth from themselves to the other to Mr. Snofflegon…
"Fine…" They both agreed.
At least I got to keep my name, Bakura thought. At least I got a cooler newer name, Malik thought…
They both marched back outside only to encounter Marik eating and pigging out,
"MARIK!"
Uh oh…this could be a problem…a big one…especially when your hikari and his best friend a fuming mad that you went over 200 on Japanese Express for you and your stuffed banana plushie…
Very bad…
Marik handed another waitress named Tiffany, Malik's Japanese Express card and made a mad dash for the door…forgetting Naners…
"NO! NANERS!" Marik yelled as Malik held up his beloved stuff banana plushie…
"Looking for this?" Bakura said sadistically pointing to Naners and holding a pair of scissors…pointy scissors.
Marik whimpered and nodded his head. Naners…his poor banana…plushie…how would he live? Stuffing! NO! Naners needed to be home! Naners needed to be in Marik's soft lavender shirt…not in the grimy hands of Malik and Bakura…
Marik pleaded and whimpered…withered and grasped…but no…he was still being held down because his shirt was caught on the back of a table.
Dramatic huh?
Finally Marik managed to free himself and make a grab for Naners…who in turn was dropped into a jug of syrup…which made Marik spill the syrup on Malik's hair who in turn knocked a bowl of sugar on to Bakura's face who got made and poured steaming hot coffee down Marik's pants which made him howl and try to pour water down there too…which in the end costed them 100 more dollars…and a huge hole in Marik's pants where his butt was…
But at least they all had pants…and jobs…but boy was Isis gonna have a hissy fit when she saw this.
Authoress Notes:
Good? Well I got 4 reviews…that I am happy about…yay! Anyways please go to my bio and for those of you reading Apricot Roses…read the note in my bio…I cannot continue without reader help! Please help me! (Begs)
Master-Editor – Lol…thank you…
Seto's Princess – Thievery my friend…thank you!
Morockid34 – Heh heh..isn't he? (pets Bakura)
Mattie Motou – Heh heh…now Bakura has an IHOP plushie…but will he sleep with it? Who knows…stuffed French toast coming up in a few chaps!
What will happen next? Keep reading!